About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Tagged by am_pm

I have been tagged so lets get it on!
Am_Pm has tagged me with "Name 8 attributes for my perfect partner"
Now being married and happily so I will be writing this as a spoof from a typical man point of view. Now I like being married and not having to sleep with one eye open so I will try not to anger the woman person I call my wife with this but it probably wont work.

1) She has to be all woman. No women with "Something Extra", "Chix with Dix" or"Magic Wand Mistress" allowed. If I perform the crocodile Dundee test on you and you are packing you will probably be packin my foot in your freak ass!

2) She has to be able to cook! And in cooking I am talking no microwave, hot plate, add hot water or George foreman Grill. She has to be able to look in a frig of random nothingness and be able to whip up a meal that would floor the Iron Chief! ( Cheif Chief I have no idea so leave it alone!)

3) No holes barred. And if you need any more of an explanation on this u need not apply!

4) Love my gas. I fart and still find it funny and will probably still be laughing at it when I am an old fart. She has to also be able to admit she farts too and prove it. People that don't fart and burp make me nervous, where does it go if it doesn't come out?

5) She must like low brow cartoon humor, like: The Simpson's, Family Guy, Drawn Together, Adult Swim, and last but not least Beavis and Butthead!

6) Not hung up on her weight. I like my women meaty and can't stand women who are hung up on their weight. I do like a woman who cares about her looks but not one who single obsession in life is "Does this make my ass look big?" Sorry to break it to you but if you have to ask that question the odds are its your ass doing that and in my book there is nothing wrong with that :D!
7) She has to like kids. I want kids and have always wanted kids. I am not saying I would leave someone who could not have their own, you can always adopt a child from some other country give him a wild name, give him a Mohawk and turn him into the next Jackie Chan. If you don't want kids then I really don't think u were the one form me. Not saying that I wouldn't like to cover you in whip cream and beat your ass with a Barbie doll, video tape it and sell it on Ebay for a shit load of money now!

8) She has to be affectionate. I love public displays of affection( and yes sex in public places is always good to), holding hands, hugging, kissing and playing. If you are some tight ass that gets pissed when I slap your ass in public u can go fuck your self(and let me watch)! Some people say it should only be for the home but I am not part of that religious oppressed movement. I am no big fan of the French but when it comes to affection, sex and love I think we could learn a thing or two from them.

Now there are a number of other things I could put here but I think '8 is enough'- I hated that TV show-
Now I am not going to tag anyone but if anyone out there feels they can out do me here knock yourself out. I think some of the guys out there have some expectations that even their own mothers could not live up to. Lower the bar a little, because we all know you were not their first pick either.

And what would a post from me be with out a moment of ZEN: ( thanks steph for this it really made me throw up in my mouth a little)
Now since the blogger Gods are out to lunch I can't seem to up load the photo so please click on the big words for your morning surprise

MOMENT OF ZEN

30 comments:

the_mrs said...

Question: Why is fat naked guy wearing shoes? Seems a bit unnecessary...

Well, I 'scored' a 5 out of 8 on your little 'requirements' in a woman. Guess we just weren't meant to be :)

normiekins said...

i am glad you found your special someone honk.......those qualities aren't too demanding of you......okay that ZEN picture really really makes me ahhhhh, sick.

AM said...

OMG now that's a really bad pic!!!

No, I don't think anybody can out do on that one *bows* very well done lol and in a real funny way *as usual* lol.

Affectionate including in public, now that is sthg I missed even though I suffered from it terribly, thanks for the reminder, I'll just add it to my personal list :D

Cherry said...

awww, honkeie, those are good qualities you listed!! :)

And that pic is just wrong!!! Why would that dude go out in public? He looked crotchless.

honkeie2 said...

the_mrs: I guess the thought they made the outfit lol. Now which of the 8 didnt you fit in? No holes barred I bet hehe ;)
Normie:thanks and I didnt think they were to bad either lol. I hope you feel better haha.
am_pm:Thank you and I to will add you ass well ;)

honkeie2 said...

cherry: I thought it looked like an extra belly button.

Video X said...

gosh damn you are perfect!!!

honkeie2 said...

U are ok with # 3???????

Video X said...

i've only been able to once....but i figured out that once that if i'm into it enough...i can do anything. i'm okay with any hole. in fact, i quite enjoy the mouthhole. strange.

honkeie2 said...

You will make someone a very happy man someday lol. Just stay away from the men with woman mentalities, like that Vday guy lol.
And I have added you to my happy list :-D

Video X said...

haha...hey that's what i think! but i guess nobody believes it or something. we'll see! someday! and yes, i try to stay away from those guys...i attract some weird ones. well actually i try to stay open minded about dating...one never knows! but yes, he was weird. sweet! cool! i'm on the list.

honkeie2 said...

Stay away from the "I have Mommy Issue" clubs and I think you will do fine.
And slow down a little when you are running, you are probably better than most men and they are always to winded to ask you out once they finnaly catch up to u.

Becky said...

OMG! That was shockingly disgusting! Ewww... Did you ever see tubgirl.com It isn't up anymore but that is what it reminded me of, the image has permanently been burned in my brain!

7 of 8, as one of my holes is barred! lol

honkeie2 said...

awwww Becky, and which hole would that be LoL!

Becky said...

Ass hole is off limits! EXIT ONLY!

That's not natural at all, just fucking gross! I don't mean to be a prude but that shit is just disgusting!

The mouth is a different story, apparently Video-X and I have something else in common, I totally agree with you, there is just something so enjoyable about having one in your mouth! You're not alone girl!

honkeie2 said...

It must be my day lol. One day and found two women with the love of giving oral. LOL. I think I will play the lottery to day because finding two in one day are some fucked up odds haha.

Video X said...

haha! no kidding! you ought to buy a ticket.

phsymom said...

Ooowwwww! My EYES!

LOL!

Love your list, ALL of them!

honkeie2 said...

Phsymom-thanks :D

K said...

As I started to read your post, I thought 'god, Chris Hatley would love this guy'. Then I looked over to the right - and you already have his blog listed.

Crazy minds think alike.

And I'll chime in there with the 'whole mouth' issue. Pretty enjoyable for me. I'm also a 'back door'kind of girl as well.

So now the whole world knows. Throw confetti!

Shannon said...

I have suddenly gone BLIND!!!!..OMG, That pic is gross!! Anyways, nice list.. I hope you find this woman...if you do let me know!! LOL..

Kat_womanx2 said...

OMG !!! A man with TWO belly buttons!!!!

Ceri said...

well, it seems as as though I would be your perfect lady...I have all of those qualifications, Alas you're in NJ!

Mike said...

I got it too! Tagged that is!

Hammy said...

The Crocodile Dundee test made me laugh. Some bloke bashed his date recently in Oz when he took the date home and found out that he had been canoodling all evening with another bloke. That'll be an interesting one before the courts.

Your other points aren't too far off the mark either.

joey♥ said...

nice well rounded list of attributes, but does she have to LIKE your gas or just tolerate it?

wow i wasn't expecting that when i clicked on the 'moment of zen.' more like 'lifetime of therapy.'

Steph said...

Glad you liked the pic! It's actually my dad, don't be so mean.

As for the holes thing. You can rim me but you can not stick anything in there! that hole is an exit only zone!!

honkeie2 said...

Steph is that really your dad...for real????? Please tell me it isnt so. And if it is why oh why do you have it on your blog????

Just Some Gal said...

Omg...wow...

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