- I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.
Friday, December 21, 2007
I have never been big on this holiday because of this issue. I am not religous in any sense so that does not come into play. But all of the hussle, bussle and stress of it always makes me feel over-whelmed. Its like forced joy, and I am not feeling it. My wife always says I am a scrooge because of it. I had a few good xmasses as a child but most of them were times of stress and family fighting. Again the push to get all the years happiness into one single day that is always over in a flash. I think the Jews have the right idea and spread it out through 7 days. So it can defuse slowly.
But as this time draws closer the feelings come back and I dont like them. But I have to deal with them, I have found ignoring them makes them worse. I dont even know how to put it down in words. I just dont feel like myself. I hide my disconnect with fake smiles and warm greating. You can see my eyes and feel that I am warm to the touch, but to be honest I am not really here. (and yes I stole that line from a movie because it is about the only thing I can find that fits)
I hate it when people at work give me gifts, I feel that I have to give them something, but in the end I dont. I hate the candies, cookies and food people give us, but I eat it any way because I feel better when I eat. I cannt stand the holiday music, but I find myself singing them. I want to be happy and I want joy but I cannt seem to find it. I want my kids to have the happiness and joy associtated with the holiday. It is my problem not their's. It comes from wanting to please everyone and always feeling like I never measure up.
I am not myself so I am trying to use humor to rise my spirits. It has worked somewhat, thank you youtube and the word 'bloopers'. Today I am in better spirits and I am just taking slow steps with it. The build up to the holiday makes so many of us cranky and irritable, please people just take it slower and show some stranger a smile. The malls are already too full of hate and gumpiness.
Today is the last working day for everyone but my crew for the next 5 days. I dont mind working the holidays, its always deserted. Nothing to do but blog and surf the net. But what is also cool I am off skool for the next 2 weeks. A much needed break from this break neck speed of on line skooling.
I am also sorry for the rambling and the lack of structure here, i am blogging from home and I have 2 drunken midgets driving me to drink.....not really they are to short to drive me to the bar yet.
And since it is Firday and i am in the need of much need release I am going for the " TiTs FrIdAy!" And my cure for my holiay deprssion is coming in the form of BOOBIES!
1) See, joy!
2) Oh my Oh my Oh my!
3) Proof that god is a man or a lesbian!
4) Joe dirt is just about as manly as Chuck Norris....but in a hillbilly kind of way.
5) I am not sure but I would put money she is a he....but you know what I dont care
6) She isnt as young as she once was but never say no to the old, ugly or fat....becasue someday you will be there too....and I am not say she is any of those but she isnt a sring chicken anymore.
7) And finally.......I will let them do all the talking.....
Happy Holidays people, smile more I know I am going to try. Forget what you have to do, what you should do and just let everything go........Just imagaine everyone naked it makes me smile and often laugh out loud in public.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
If anyone in any yahoo group that is for 'lesbians only and by invite only' think that the host is that hot lipstick lesbian....I news for you, this is the 'woman' you seek. Notice his moobies:
More water less food, if only he knew about that secret years ago:
Extreme cases are rare, well I thought they were until I went to the beach this summer:
And as embarassing as they are there are some ppl that reval in the fact they have moobies. God bless you little over worked heart. Now go home to you chat room where you are known the world over as HotterDanHell69.
I know I used to do a TITS FRIDAY post with nothing but hott tig ol' bitties and I might again but this is what is running through my mind at the moment. Not to mention the fucked up dreams I have been having lately. Insomnia induced dreams have to be the worst. You go to sleep and wake up more tired. The one I just had was about me trying my best to get somewhere, I dont know where I was going I just knew I had to get there. I woke up feeling like I had been running for the past 5 hours, instead of trying to get some sleep to help me with this midnight shift. Man, I woke up feeling really weird and yes at several points in the dream I found myself naked looking for cloths. And as with all other naked dreams I have no one else noticed I was nude. Werid werid!
Now, sleep or not I have to get my shit in a row tommorow. The limo picks me up at 1000hrs on Sunday, and yes I said L I M O. Because I am that hot! Dont you wish you boyfriend was hot like me!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
But I have been busy...same old song and dance but this time with a little twist. I will get to the twist in a minute. Lets start from thanksgiving and work our way up.
Thanksgiving was held at our new apartment, which isnt all that new anymore but it was our first on our own. I have pics but I just relaized they are on the wife's camera, we have the exact same camera and I grabbed mine this morning. Sorry the mind is too fuzzy these days. But all went well, no burnt food or any big problems. Too much food, too much drink.....does anyone else still need a nap?
The next night was a continuation of celerbrations. Navy man came up with his 'friend' and we all went out to the club-QXT's. The funny thing about that night was the fact that I did not drink much; but still ened up dancing like a spaztic white guy with some neurological disorder. But then again if anyone were to look around they would have seen that maybe one person there had any rythm! It was weird, i was on my 3rd beer and all of a sudden i felt like throwing up.....I know all the signs of the 'I have had 3 too many and I am about to blow' feelings and they were all there. But what I could not figure was WHY? I guess it was my body revolting agaist anything else going in.
Well, I took the cue and stopped drinking. But Navy-man and his friend did not seem to share my probelm. Lets just say she ended up on the floor several times and did not remeber much the next day.....I love drunk chicks! I am waiting for some pics of that night from the Navy-man...Doug if you are reading this email the tooo me. I promise to keep the ones of you getting tea bagged off the internet ;-P
And just incase you are one of the few who have no idea what getting 'TeaBagged' means, here is a visual.......your welcumed!
But one thing of interest happened while we were about to leave. And we actually staid to 0200, I feel I had to mention that lol. But what happened was this. I am a huge troll when it come to finding things that ppl leave behind; Scarves, hats, wallets, tips on the bar left untaken, lighters and any other random items. And it gets worse as I drink. I have stolen soooo many things from ppl's houses it isnt even funny. But this night I did not steal, vandalize or molest anything/one but I did find something. At first I just thought it was a cool little bag with the Toyota sign on it, but upon inspection I found this inside:
Yes it is what it looks like. It was a freak big old bud, ripe for the smokin, or so I thought. I was torn on smoking it/telling the wife. I really wanted to but because of the stigma of our society about it I did not. I was just going to throw it out but I had to open it and have a little smell. It was just as I remebered, but what I found out about this wonderous little baggie was that who ever bought this got burned. It was nothing but stems and seeds. There was hardly any bud on this thing, it sure looked good from the outside but taking a closer look anyone could see this was some yardie ass shit.
Yardie: (n) Any type of MJ that is more sticks and seeds than smokable fun. Crappy Tobaccy that has more grass clippings than herb.
-And for the record I have been clean for some time now, still drinking but that is still legal-
The rest of the weekend was pretty calm and normal. The wife unit put up our tree, and yes it isnt real. But then again neither is Santa or Christianity.
Ohhhhh I bet that pissed someone off....I was just joking about that last part, I just wanted to see if anyone was really reading this. I am not agaist christianity or any religion, if it makes you happy and I dont find some wacko knocking on my door in a white shirt and a blue tie trying to sell me on their ideas of fantasy island and the world of make-believe I am ok with it.
I am all for xmass and all the wonderous things it stands for. Peace on earth, good will towards men/women and all that jazz. But this doe remind me of a sign I saw on this uber christian house on Halloween. It read: We are Christians and do not celebrate Halloween. Please respect our believes.
I was soooo tempted to put a little stick-it note that said: I am not Christian but I celebrate Christmass, Easter and any ohter day set aside for the christian faith. Please respect my belief in egging your house for not giving out candy you tight ass.
But enough of the negative stuff, here are some festive pics of our fake little twee:
During the dressing:
After the dress:
Now the tree is a few balls short of what it started with. We have a toddler who loves shiney objects and thinks everything can bounce. I told the wife unit that the bottom of the tree will be bare by the time Santa comes around to doing his usual breaking and entering routine.
Now to put into why my busy life has a bit of a twist: i am leaving this Sunday to go for training for my job in Dallas, Texsas. I could have sworn I had another week but as I found out on Monday, I am leaving this weekend! I have done more work in these past few days than I have done all month. I did a weeks worth of skool work in 2 days, I printed out over 100 pages of reports, I have set the scheduel up for the next week and I have done almost all of the laundry. I have been busy as a beaver.......what they hell does that mean? The last beaver I saw just sat there looking at me from the couch, it really never looks all that busy?!?! I am currently looking up internet cafes in the area I will be staying at just in case they do not have an internet connection at my hotel. I hope they do I will have to look up on that as well.
But I am now off to do more shit in the short days I have left before I head off to the land I was born to. And the funny thing, I have not been back since lol.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
All persons, upon entering the Military Service and upon reenlistment are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time the Oath of Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both society and the differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone marked change and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the Military and their specific function. Here are the latest versions of the Oath of Enlistment as recently released by the Joint Chief's of Staff:
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me and I am afraid of water over waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training" I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hours because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Top Gun (Doug), in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 hours every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (have someone recite your name for you), swear.. uhhhh.... high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....ugh... Air Force women.... HOORAH! So Help Me CORPS.!
Thumb Print X Date
COAST GUARD OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Gilligan , swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the COAST GUARD, because I want to hang out with Merchant Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, I didn't want to have to cut my hair for the Marines, and the US Navy leaves the United States and has big ships, and because I thought, "Hey, I don't want to leave home anyway?" I promise to wear clothes that look like the Air Force because the Coast Guard couldn't come up with their own uniform. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Coast Guard acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0930 hours every morning at the local doughnut shop and talk about how great it is not to be a real service and fight any wars. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a dinging being tossed around in a thunder strom, and still not spill a drop. I consent to not being promoted like the real military. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Department of Transportation!
Now with all of there differences everyone will come away with the same notion which will help them survive in this world we call home:
We the unknowing,
Led by the uncaring,
Have done so much with so little for so long,
That we are now qualified to do it all with absolutely
And what post would be complete with out some mindless man eye candy!
1) Navy women do it better, they are alway wet to the gills and ready for some diving(muff)
2) I Support women in the military!
3) Nothings completes her outfit like a really big gun that can kill people 900 yards away even without trainning!
Friday, November 16, 2007
Friday, November 02, 2007
The party was great, I ate and drank way too much. I did not vomit nor did i molest anyone....that I remeber or was accused of. There was a nun, a killer bee (the hostesst) an accountant (the host), underdog, a pirate (me), a boat rat aka winch aka -the wife, a slutty Marie Antonette (host's daughter heheh), s slutty BooPee, Cinerella and random assorment of others. The only draw back was that is was way out in the fucking boonies of NJ. Allamoochie I think the name was, in fucking cow and corn country nj, no Tony Sapranoes out there! Here are some fast fire pics I took. I have more but time is not on my side here, no speell check or proof weeding!
1) Beer pong with slutty BooPee and Maria Antoinett(sp). I was shocked they werent naked by the time we left.
2) the nun, I bet I could break her out of that habit muahahahahahha*evil laugh*
2) Clean up that beer now woman.....man thats haut!
4) Darth, you saber looks a little limp.....
5) Yoda was not fazed by the evil witchs.
6) The killer bee and the food!
7) Even yoda needs to be pacified from time to time.
8) Arrrgghh Wheres me bootie, i need to shiver me timber in yar vessel of hot loven treasure!
9) Here she be......!
10) Food and severed body parts!
As I said life sucks some times......this new class International Business is killing me, by the way I got an A- in algrebra and the biggest news is at my job 2 ppl got fired and 1 retired all in a 2 week period. If i cannt get the man power I am stuck covering the post. Work is a little sucky at the moment, no time to even beat off in the corporut bathroom even....dman!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
1) I am not sure what he is but I love original ideas.....I think he is the purple teetubie.
2) This is actually a pretty cool idea, now all that is missing is a guy dressed as a cat trippin on shrooms.
3) i am not a huge Insane clown fan but I love it when children wear their make up. Makes the evil in me smile a little each time.
4) Like with the rest of this pics I found this one on photobucket.....and I am not going to touch it with a ten foot pole, but it is funny! ANd if you dont think so, eat shit and die muahahahah.
5) Almost all of the adult costumes were of the 'Adult' material. I felt like I away at the Video eXtra store but with alot more children running around. I wanted the wife to buy a few outfits for a little trick or treatin in the bedroom. "Trick or Treat put me in heat, give me some muff to eat, if you dont I dont care I just fuk u until I start a fire down there!"
But I am out of time again....but here is the little woman an me in our halloween costumes. This was our dry run, I have more accessories and a beard. I have been growing my facial hair since last week. My facial hair is red so it will match nicely lol.