About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Monday, November 19, 2007

One for the service men and women:

Oaths of Enlistment:

All persons, upon entering the Military Service and upon reenlistment are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time the Oath of Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both society and the differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone marked change and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the Military and their specific function. Here are the latest versions of the Oath of Enlistment as recently released by the Joint Chief's of Staff:

US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me and I am afraid of water over waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training" I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!
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Signature Date


US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hours because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!
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Signature Date


US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Top Gun (Doug), in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 hours every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!
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Signature Date

US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (have someone recite your name for you), swear.. uhhhh.... high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....ugh... Air Force women.... HOORAH! So Help Me CORPS.!
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Thumb Print X Date

COAST GUARD OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Gilligan , swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the COAST GUARD, because I want to hang out with Merchant Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, I didn't want to have to cut my hair for the Marines, and the US Navy leaves the United States and has big ships, and because I thought, "Hey, I don't want to leave home anyway?" I promise to wear clothes that look like the Air Force because the Coast Guard couldn't come up with their own uniform. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Coast Guard acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0930 hours every morning at the local doughnut shop and talk about how great it is not to be a real service and fight any wars. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a dinging being tossed around in a thunder strom, and still not spill a drop. I consent to not being promoted like the real military. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Department of Transportation!
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Signature Date

Now with all of there differences everyone will come away with the same notion which will help them survive in this world we call home:

We the unknowing,
Led by the uncaring,
Have done so much with so little for so long,
That we are now qualified to do it all with absolutely
NOTHING!

And what post would be complete with out some mindless man eye candy!
1) Navy women do it better, they are alway wet to the gills and ready for some diving(muff)




2) I Support women in the military!


3) Nothings completes her outfit like a really big gun that can kill people 900 yards away even without trainning!

12 comments:

Nikky said...

I hope you found this somewhere else, and didn't make it up yourself... well, even if you didn't create it, I find it tasteless that you would think to post it.
I realize that it may be considered "humorous" by some and perhaps you posted it very tongue-in-cheek, but I'm not laughing.
But the reality is that, thanks to my husband, and men like him, you have the right and the freedom to post these things.

honkeie2 said...

That is one of the joys of this frededom we all take for granted. You have your opinions and I have mine. I have family that has fought and died in almost every major battle known to the United States (thank you luo-tanent dan). And I come from probably one of the more American loving families of the country and they all thought this was funny. I was born In Texas damn tit! heheheheeh. But thats ok, I never exspect everyone here posting to agree with me, hell the ones that disagree make it all worth the trouble of posting. But to be honest I never thought I would have heard any noise about this one....and no I did not make this piece of wonderous literature up. I got it from an ex-army man pre and post vietnam. So if a man from the green got a giggle out of it so who am I not to do the same. lol.

cher said...

well, my husband is in the army and i thought it was really funny. especially living on a navy base here. there are major differences in the different military services.

i was actually just say, that man that was a lot of reading. funny as hell, and worth it, but now i have to go do something productive to make up for my lost time.

denotsip said...

hell im in the NAVY and i thought it was funny... and believe me when i say that there is alot of truth in it ( though not completly). so shut up and lighten up. its bitter people like you that makes civilians hate the military... somehow those who associate themselves with the military see to set themselves above a higher pedistal than all those around them. yes, you (ok maybe not you but defenitely your husband) deserves some incetives for the sacrifice he makes but he (and I) are defenetly not too good for ridicule and comic relief. so sit back relax have a drink and an extacy pill. calm down. and thats coming from a vet and still active duty. and i love what i do so its not like i have a grudge against the military. its good to find humor in all things even those from a serious nature. it leads to a life less bitter. copy?.. over and out

Nikky said...

I think I AM pretty light, all I said was that it wasn't funny to me. Oh, and yeah, I said it was tasteless... but thats my opinion... and as you know, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one! I don't see that as bitter.
And again, I said he has the right to say whatever he wants, as do you. There ya go.

honkeie2 said...

Ah finally a post that got ppl hot and bothered....maybe I will post next time about something to really get ppls goat....but it seems to me the more I try to bother ppl the less attention it gets. And yes opinions are like assholes everyone has one and they all smell like shit. And that is all find and dandy in my book, the more shit the merrier. But I am off to clubbing some babys seals, use the N word on national radio and drive my SUV that gets 5 miles to the gallon. Maybe I can get someone else all hot and bothered now :-P

cher said...

SUV driving, seal clubbing, n-bomb laying asshole.

honkeie2 said...

cher: yeah you know how to get me all hot and bothered now! Call me names and say what a dirty bitch I am and I am all yours lol

cher said...

that's cool because i was actually just thinking what a dirty bitch you are.

Travis Erwin said...

So this is where Cher goes to have fun and cheat on the Shifester.

ADW said...

Meh.... Who cares?

My dad is a retired CMC (Command Master Chief) and my brother-in-law just went through his Chief initiate ceremony - which is in no way even close to illegal these days.

I cackle at the Navy words since I don't even understand half of them. I think part of Basic is learning how to speak English without anyone else understanding you. (=

honkeie2 said...

cher: thats right keep it up and I will have you barefoot, knocked up and cooking my my pot-pies!

travis: But i love the abuse

adw: what I always foun amusing about basic is that is was where they basiclly pushed all of your buttons to see how far they could get you to your snapping point. I mean its not like they are trying to really kill you ;-) simulated murder is always better