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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Another sleepless weekend.....

This weekend we went to AC with the wife's coworkers on one of those bus trips. You know the one that gives you coupons and money back to use at the casino type of buses. It was a late trip so we got on the bus around 3:30 and left from Union, NJ. They had games and give aways on the bus, which was cool and lame all in the same breath. It did make the time go by a little faster but so did playing in the bathroom:

They had to put handles in there for good reason, but at least the opening was huge!

And of course I had to do the mirror shot lol!

But then I noticed I was a wanted man!


On arrival we ran to the bar like kids in an amusement park and started assaulting our livers like we where mad at them. And in usual tourist fashion we took pictures of the hired geeks there to entertain us. Here we have the wife and her boss, I am not going to make any comments about where their eye level is or the fact they are the perfect height.....ok never mind!

Here we are at the bar, I cannt remember how many I had at this point be it was already one too many!

From here we just wander around joking about the locals and drinking. We really are not big gamblers so we only really played a few games here or there. I did ok at a video poker game for a second but ended up losing my $20. Damn that could have been 2 mixed drinks and a beer! Screw that! I was then off to take some more pictures of the people. I was not trying to get this lady in my picture but it came out a lot funnier than I had planed ha!

And there was this guy, and it was about here that the nice security guard informed me I could not take pictures in the casino playing area. I understood why and did not make a huge fuss about it. But at least I got a few before the man brought me down.

Red Bull and Vodka anyone? I had about 4.....I think....along with Gin and Tonic, Drambuie and Sprite, and some stuff I brought from home in my pocket flask. Yes i am that classy!

They had the coolest looking fake stained glass lighting all over the place.

Random head, nothing beats walking around and getting some random head!

Last picture of the forbidden floor area.....never know I might use this to beat the house!

And finally we have the wife all tired out from wandering about having fun. No one got really hammer or did anything really stupid. Which is a shame but then again I am just glad I did not do anything regrettable, well if I did I would not be typing this out right now lol.

In all we had a great time, got home really late for a Saturday or early for Sunday. And we had to be up early, children never sleep in! But luckily I spent most of Saturday morning cleaning so that meant Sunday was mostly resting lol.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Epic Failure....

That is what I am calling the momments that lead up to our bar hopping 80's party down at the Jersey shore. I will start off on Saturday morning.......

We started the day with taking the kids to the park for about 2 hours of jumping, running, climbing and screeching. I followed right along with them too. I always find it sad to see the parents of the other children just sitting there (usually eating and drinking stuff they realllly dont need) watching. I mean I know its hard when your gutt prevents you from even getting on the jungle gym but come on! You have to try a little, just a little might help you lose some of that Man-Keg you got going there.

But I was all over this thing like a 6 foot hairless ape! I see some of the parents look at me like I am nuts but I dont care, I want my children to see that I want to play with them and not just watch them. But I did make one epic mistake....I forgot to stretch.

From there we took the kids to eat and had only a few mionr child induced problems. Spilled water, dropped food and whine with no cheese.

Then we took off to the In-laws house where we go to drive her dad's BMW that he bought dead, had it shipped from FL, put in a new engine and now finally has it running. But.....along the lines of Epic Failure, none of the electrical components work. And with almost all of the cars accessories being controled by that element very few things worked. Nothing on the dash that was digital worked, outside temp, that thingie that tells you what gear you are in, the clock, the radio, the power steering wheel adjuster, power locks, power seat adjusters but the windows did work even though they too were electrical. I found the steering stiff and since you could not adjust the wheels height it was uncomfortable. All in all he should have saved his money and just bought a certified pre-owned, but that is just me. He loves it and that is all that matters!

Then after that I spent some time showing Alan the art of the dive roll. Jumping over bushes and garbage cans I was quickly reminded about how I am not 15 anymore. I hurt myself over and over again but never gave in. Until.....I went for the dive roll over the 30 gallon trash can. I made the jump but kind of screwed up the landing. I hurt my back pretty bad and ended up as that being my last jump. It felt like a pulled a muscle in my ass! I was limping pretty bad for a while and just too it easy for the rest of the day.

As the night rolled on I start to self medicate to ease my pain. As the wife laughed at me, my pain and the fact that trying to do the things I could do 10 years ago caused this; I was sent to licking my wounds in my corner. But the drinks were coming and I was feeling fine. It was getting late and we figured we were not going to go out because the people we were going with had not called us yet. Well.....10:11 rolles up and guess who still wants to go out?!?! We got dressed in record time, the wife really did not want to go, with her being old and all, but we got her out of the house.

And in the rush of things I forgot a few key things needed when going to the bar.......My camera and my ID! It was not until we were half way there that I noticed this fact.....another Epic Failure! I could deal with the no camera but many bars around here are super anal about the ID thing! I shank in my seat to sulk like a kid who did not get the candy bar at the food store. But we get there and I put up the act of "Shit it was there this morning!" The cop at the door looked as me and asked "How old are you?" And I said "32", he looked at me and said "Ok, dont cause in trouble." And I was on my way....Yes!!!! Oh wait.....does that mean I look....32! Oh well I could careless, I got in and I wasnt going to spend the next 4 hours sitting in the car!

The bar was cool, and there were a lot of people dressed up for the night. Mostly women, I cannt say they guys where 'dressed up' because it seemed that they were wearing their everyday cloths. The 80's party never ended for them, acid wash jeans are still in style, the mullet and high top sneakers are just part of them as their legs are. The place had a good crowd, lots of really really drunk people. No one vomited, that I saw. From the smoking area you could watch the waves crashing on the beach and the music.....well the music was a bit off. I would say most of the songs they played did not come from the 80's! I mean come on, it would only take 2 seconds to look up House of Pain to know that it came out in the mid-90's for fuck sakes! I am not going to rag too much about that, music is music the sound was good and it wasnt to loud. But to be a reall 80's bar party one would have to be allowed to smoke in the bar anyway.

The Benjamin's played as well but they were not on their game, they sounded like shit. I have seen them on numerous occassions and when they are good they are good but when they suck.....well lets just say they hit Glory Hole level of sucking!

After that we drove down for some after hours munchies at our favorite diner-The Tropicana, in Elizabeth. And it was full of after hours drunk club hopper rejects. I mean it was full of these guys~~~~>Douche! And club girls that reminded me of this:

I mean I do not treat women with disrespect, whistle at them, say things out loud to them.....but you come in looking like a slut, acting like a drunkin lush and talking all kinds of crap I sure as hell am not going to think you are a virgin......

But I did manage to get one picture of my hair, it was the topic of many conversations that mind you this was taken at 0400 Sunday morning:

The kids woke up at the crack of freakin dawn to remind us of the price we had to pay for our night out. But in all it wasnt to bad, we even stayed up late that night as well. But minus the booze and loud music.
And along the lines of Epic Failure today is Wednesday and I started this post on Monday! When you fail, make sure its big!

On another note we are getting all ready to go to VA to get the Navy Boy. The wife, Allan and Sharon will be flying down to FL to take a boat ride with the crew up to VA. I am not sure how they are going to survive a boat full of horny sailors, and yes I am advising Allan as well about those navy men. They have been on that boat a longggg time and you never know what might be brewing there muahahahahahah. Oh and Doug let me know if anyone has a problem with me stealing this, if its a big deal I will take it down.....

That is navy man in action on Oct. 1, 2009. I know that because of the site I jacked it from said so......always have to check your nuts before going out, dont want to fly off half cocked now......

I am now off to try and do stuff I have been putting off to get Mondays post out of my edit box.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Happy....amateur drinking day.....

-And yes St. Patty's day is the day of the Amateur Drinking Day ADD for short; right along with New Years eve, Sinko-da-Mayo, Memorial Day, Fourth of July and Easter. Yes Easter is a day to be drunk to, if you are cath-oholic! It's the day the Easter bunny crucified Jesus, any sad day needs a drink! I am part Irish, a very small part so I must do my part and do at least a little liver damage today. Not much though, I am still watching my girlish figure for the up coming summer fest of shirtless days!

-I know I totally missed Monday's weekend round up but work was busy and I was not feeling so hot when I got home. So the blog took a back seat until today. This past weekend was rather mundane and quiet. Washed, cooked, cleaned and played CoD4. But we do have some fun plans for this weekend! We are going out with some friends to a 80's party at Jenkinson's Boardwalk in Point Pleasant NJ. Here got take a look~~~~(click on the picture retard)

I have a pair of ripped jeans I can wear as the dirty hair band want to be....or I could do the suit in a pink tee shirt look...I am going to dress up somewhat. I now have to go goggle men's fashion in the 80's. Yes I was alive in the 80's but I was just a kid so I kind of missed most of the cooler parts of the era. Look at what I found~~~~~How to Create an 80's Costume!

There are a lot more styles for women than there are for men, but that is almost always the case lol. Hey maybe I could do the whole androgynous thing and dress like Boy-George!

This one:

Not this one:

I mean come on, if you grew up back then you knew what he was(is) but liked him any way! And hell I still do! I plan on taking may pictures so be ready for next Mondays weekend round up. I hope to have something fun to share. Hopefully it will be at the expense of others and not me! But since I am not big on beer anymore I might actually be one of the few still standing by the end of the night lol!

On another note, I might be deleting my Myspace. I never use it, most of the profiles i look at take a day and a half to load because of the bullshit they have loaded on it, only a few of my friends are on it and facebook has taken its place. That is right, I jumped on that band wagon too.....right along with the myspace, blog, flickr, sparkepoeple and a few others I wont mention X-D
But Myspace has out lived its entertainment value. I hardly ever go there and when I do I have a ton of people looking to be my friend and when I look at their profile they have been spam! I have found so many of my old friends on facebook its kind of scary and cool all at the same time. It is cool to see where they are now and what they have been up to in the past 19 YEARS!!!!! Damn I feel old now.....but going to an 80's party will sure make that feeling go away, or at least if it gets really bad I can always drown it in booze. Me On facebook!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


(If anyone call tell me what movie this is from I will buy u a drink)

I came here to just post a few pictures and babble about nothing. Work is slow so I need something to do. But I did work a little on this short story I have been trying to get out of me for sometime.
Ever since I could read I wanted to write a novel. I even wrote a little picture book when I was in the 5th grade about a kid and his addiciton to video games. I even had it added to the collection of books at the school library, i wonder if they still have it. I was put into a hard cover format and it was my first....and last publication lol.
I have tooled around for years and years on writing something. I wanted it to be a novel but I know that is a far cry for what I am capable of right yet. I have looked into how others have done it and what I have concluded is that I have to stop trying to write for other people. I am no great writer, so so at best. But I have read some shitty books in the past and I KNOW I can write better than that! And then again i have read books that left such an impression on me I had to read it more than once: 1984, A Clock Work Orange, The Rum Diaries, The Shining and Fight Club....yes it was a book first and if you like the movie read the book they are both amazing. I am not sure i could ever pull something like that out of me but I am going to start trying. I have 2 stories i am trying to develop, one is more involved that the other but I know I can at least make a short story out of them.
I love reading and like to write, and to quote the movie 'Mermaids' : "I said I liked to paint, I did not say i was any good at it." And that is how i feel about my writing, i like to do it but I am not saying I am any good at it. I have little movies running through my head all the time, like my own little entertainment theater going on at all times. And at times I thought 'Hey why not write them down?' But that is a close as i come to actually doing it, just the thought. I am not sure why i cannt stay focused, too many distraction, too many desires, too much life but what ever it is i am going to try my best to put at least a few minutes a day into it. I have done some already today so today has been a small step in the right direction. I just need to keep it up from here on out.
See, I start with nothing and look at that! i succeeded in boring the internet with my problems lol. Any way, here are the pictures i mentioned. I am waisting time I could be putting in a book soon to be a movie that Hollywood completely destroys but makes me millions!

1) This is my life saver, it is the very reason i am able to function sometimes. And also the reason i dont fall asleep when i start drinking haha!

2) It was empty on Wednesday but we went out last night and bought more!

3) I am now a green fairy might cost more but for me it is well worth the buzz!

4) Wednesday night Seth had his first T-ball practise. He did not do to bad, I am just glad there wasnt the usual little shit All-Star that made everyone else look bad. They were all equally spaztic!

5) It only took a little encouragement to get them all to run in the right direction. But no matter what we told them they all called home plate ...4th base. It was hysterical! I got to 4th base with a hot T-ball mom last night ;-)

6) I did not notice the kid in the red sweats until I uploaded the picture. I just about spit on myself when I saw that! But that just about sums up how these little guys and girl were acting. But I want to keep this fun for them and not act some of those psycho baseball parents.

7) Practise was in this really old school in Elizabeth that reminded me of something out of an 80's horror flick. If a politician tells you taxes raised from smokes, booze, lottery or what ever are going to the schools kick him in the balls. Its going into someones pocket, almost all the schools around here have not been updated since the 1970's.

8) I was in charge of diner last night so I made waffles, bacon and eggs. We bought a waffle maker the other day and I have been dieing to try it out!

9) It is the waffle maker! I love it!

10) The wife came home with a surprise for me, an Ihome for the kitchen! I am the cleaner of the kitchen and love having my music on while doing it. But having ear buds on can be a little dangerous when cleaning and having a couple of ankle bitters on the lose.

Its Friday and I hope to have some fun this weekend, I do have to work on Saturday but no biggie. Its over time and there will be plenty of time to write whoohooo! But even as we celebrate the up coming weekend I would like to take this time to mention the passing of a good friend, 92.3 Krock.

On Monday I turn on the radio to listen to Opey and Anthony on my drive to work and i hear music???? No biggie I figured, but then the announcer kept mentioning something about how they can now play more music than any other radio station......because now they can AFFORD to.....Oh boy, that sounds bad. I surf the net and find nothing about this big change over, not even on the OandA website. And then to make matters worse, on Wednesday I turn on kRock to hear......shitty club music! I mean we have so many freakin club/rap/hiphop/r&b shit stations as it is and now we have another. They are now calling themselves 92.3 Now, and I guess that is a good name. As in Now you suck even more, Now you too are gay and Now you will never get rating from me again.

And it is sad, I was pissed when Stern went away, but I still kept them on the number one slot on my radio. And when OandA were canned I still listened but the moment I heard the new format.....well 101.9 with Matt Penfield has taken their spot. But it isnt the same, there are no rock station out there anymore. 89.5 WSOU plays METAL and I love them for it but sometime its even too much for me. 101.9 does have rock but they also dip into the moldy oldy over played stuff. Dont get me wrong I love the classics but how many times can one hear 'Bad to the Bone'? It is a true loss in my book, 92.3 has been with me since I first turned on a radio in my first car. I have won countless tickets from them and even won a free nights stay in Alantic city to see Korn some years back. They have been with me to guide on the newest rock band and who is playing where in concert. I am lost now, I dont want to shell out the money to put Sirius in my car, they might go belly up at any moment and I dont want to be stuck with a useless radio in my car. The radio that came with it has a 6 cd changer damn it!

So for now I guess i will just have to use my Ipod and drive a little bit dirty.....head phones are still considered illegal ;-)

So in closing I wish 92.3 well and maybe they will like the new fan base that they are building better than the dirty grungey bike types from the years past. And hey who knows the club/rap/hiphop/r&b might help them build a new empire of suck ass air. But for me I now bury them along with Q104.3, which went country and The Birch Hill night club, which was torn down to make condos. All three of those where were rock.....lived......

Monday, March 09, 2009

Weekend round up....

We went out to eat at one of our favorite places: AppleBees. I am a real sucker for the all American chain restaurant. And hell the food is always at least good and the service is usually fast and friendly. We had the usual stuff, I got the sampler.....5 million calories of happiness with a diet water. and the kids had....I cannot remember but it probably was chicken fingers or mac and cheese ha! But in all the kids were somewhat behaved and I did not leave with the hat of shame. You know, that hat you see the dad's wearing after an outing of screaming, death threats and flung food.
Here we have the wife unit beating the pants off of Seth in a war of Tic-Tac-Toe....he never had a chance!

Here we have have Lucas giving us his big cheese face. But the flash might have shocked him a bit too much:

We had our servants come out and sing Happy Birthday to Seth the only way restaurants like this know how to....Loud and Fast. It scared the crap out of Lucas and had Seth hiding behind mommy. While we were there we heard about 4 or 5 other people having birthdays. And every time Lucas would spin around in his seat to see where they were going with his spoon tightly clutched in his fist. I swear I heard the voice of Stewie Griffin come out of him....."Come a little close so that I may kill you with my utensils!"

The wife unit has now been inked! We went to Tattoville in Linden to see Rev. James, my future tattoo artist to see about getting her one as well. He showed us the drawing and gave us a price, moments later she is being inked. She was terrified about the whole thing but once he got going she was doing fine with it. And it came out freaking awesome, after he did the first part he said he wanted to add a little bit of character to it so she said ok. And the shading he did really brought it to life. I am so glad I found this guy to do my future double sleeves!
I will have more pictures of the actual even later, i have to get them off her phone first.

Saturday night:
It was such a nice night we went out with the kids over to the neighbors back yard to burned some stuff, drink booze, eat pizza and let the kids burn off some of those winter blues. I hope the next few days are nice, the kids really need to get out of the house, this being stuck inside stuff is driving me to do this:

And this:
I really like the color of this stuff.

HA HA not really, I do that because I like to no real NEED for it. But I did run out and decided to go get some more. I decided to try a different brand, this one is a Swiss Absinthe Kubler. It isnt green and has a different taste. Not bad but I think I like the other one better.

And no I did not smoke at all, and usually when I drink I do. Just as of late I really have not wanted to smoke, which is odd for me. I think I might finally have gotten it out of my system....only 10 years later haha.

We cleaned the house, cleaned out her van, played video games and had a cook out. Fired up the old grill and cooked some chicken, hamburgers and hot dogs. MEAT! Nothing all that earth shattering....well except for the fact I laid like 3 times this weekend....once Sunday morning! Top that! That tattoo really has me turned on big time....sorry Doug she isn't my sister hahahaha!

-Oh and on that idea, Sharon the other sister has lost he job at Zumies. It's a store in the mall that sells skater/snow boarder type stuff. She has been there for a while and doing pretty good with it. She even won a trip with the company because of sales, to going skiing just recently. But.....the inventory to the store has been rather poor and they were told to shape up for the next audit or else. Well to make a short story long....they did not and EVERYONE got fired. It seems their inabilities to keep sticky fingers at bay cost everyone their job. Now, i don't agree with that 100% but it sure is a sure fire way to clean house. The fault of this falls in many areas not, just with the employees. The way the store is set up, lack of security and the slacker mentality that seems to rule the store itself. Every time I have been in that store everyone seems to either stoned or stupid. No one really paying too much attention to the floor itself and I am sure a seasoned shoplifter could see that.
Now I asked her if she was going to look for a new job and she said no, she was going to concentrate on school and not worry about getting a job. Hmmmmmmm now mind you this is someone who likes to go out, drive her car, buy stuff and just a general normal consumer. She said her mom will help her out and her boyfriend as well. I am all for putting school above all things, but she has already preset herself to be a scrub. I hope things do work out for her but this wont last, either her or the mother will soon tire of asking or being asked for money. The car will soon become an issues and when she wants more money than she is given she will find being a scrub isnt all that its cracked up to be.
She was over the house this weekend and I made a mental note not to mention it or even ask about it, I know whats coming and all i am going to do is watch. I said my peice about it now I am not going to beat a dead horse over it. And hell I might be proven wrong, and if I keep up the noise about her being a scrub I will look more like an ass than I usually do. So I have dropped it like a used up hooker and wont bother with it again. I do not see good things coming out of this, she does not want to get a job unless it is her 'career' job. Which is in the nursing field, that is all fine and dandy but in this market you sometimes take what you can get. That perfect job does not exists, and i think she thinks it does. Yes finding a career in nursing can be a good way to make money but it has some real fucked up issues as well.......I have heard my mom's stories and i have read some fun ones in blogsphere. All jobs have their ups and downs, I just feel she has her hopes set on Magical Ponies and Rainbows in the job department lol.
( all joking aside I dont really think that, I just put that there to see if she reads my blog, because I know it would turn her purple to read this....)
Sharon good luck with school, I hope you find candy mountain and they dont steal your kidneys:

Friday, March 06, 2009


Last night we opened a puzzle we got for the kids at my favorite store in the world: Target! It was a small kids puzzle of the movie 'Cars' Surprisingly Seth set to the task fast and was done in no time. He even took it apart several times and put it back together. Now Lucas only being 5 had no real interest in it but did have an interest in the box:

He had a blast with the bottom part of the box. I am not sure why he thought it was a hat but he was happy with it.

It is amazing how something so simple can keep the entertained for hours lol.
Now, changing gears a bit I want to address something that happened at work on Tuesday. At my job I am the 'Senior Supervisor' to my site, this place is my baby and I have control over many parts of it. One of the things that I have to deal with is phone calls at any given time about anything from burglar alarms to employee problems. On Tuesday I get a call around 1700hrs from on of my guys asking if i knew what happened to the head of HR? I had not, and even had several conversations with this person earlier in the day and I did not get any indication something was up.
WELL! As it turns out this person was not conducting themselves that was becoming of someone in their position. I wont go into what, who, why, or even when; mainly because I dont know; but what I got from the grapevine is that they were messing around with some low level employee and they got pissed about something and went running to upper management about it. At my job you have to sign a ' without cause' contract that states they can fire you with no give reason, I am not sure if the same applies to their job but I am sure they do.
No company wants bad press so any wind of anything a little funny that might make them look bad; they take action. What makes this a little funny is that this is not the first time I have seen something like this go down. Hell I see at least 2 of these a year, and it always makes me laugh! Dont you know never ever shit where you eat? I mean I did meet my wife at my job but we were both low level employees and if the shit hit the fan i would not really been out a whole lot. But people like this with 6 figure jobs and titles throw it away for just a little fun always make me laugh. This person of question was a jerk and just on Monday he did someone a little is a perfect example of their jerky nature:
A temp worker locked her keys in her car and asked us (sukuritie) if we could help. Company policy states we help NO-ONE with their cars on any level. Just because people have tried to sue in the past for damages that occurred during the rendering of help. So now we just shrug our shoulders and laugh at you. The cops wont help for the same reason and it would seem neither will anyone in maintenance. She went to the HR person, same person that got fired, and asked if there was anything anyone could do to help. In the end the only advise she was given was to call a locksmith. I have had to do this once, a pretty penny it was but I got my door opened and i was on my way. Now, another note here: this was the second time she had done this in 2 were are not dealing with the sharpest bowling ball here. Any way, after she spoke with the HR director she leaves to make a call and he tells us not to let her back in the building. Now we say ok because he is the director and all but WTF kind of dirty move is that? She needed help and the director kicks her out???!!! I felt this was a real dirty move, if they did not want her back in they should have addressed it with her and not tell sukurity to keep her out like she was a bum looking to bath in our restrooms!
I am not sure what came of her but I do know a day later he was told to leave, we deactivated his card and everyone give notice that this person is not to be allowed back on the property. Karma can be a real bitch HA! I do not feel sorry for them, we are all adults here and know what we have to do. Like i know I should not be blogging from work.....sssshhhh dont tell on me or i will hunt you down.....

Sometimes work can be fun! It is also the place i get all my free water. I drink almost a gallon a day now, and if I had to buy my water all the time I would be out about $10 a week! And the water is really helping me with my weight loss. It is a slow process but at least it is going in the direction I want. Remember this picture back in December:

Well here we are now in March and here is what I see today: (ps....that is my new awesome scale i also bought at Target!)

I know its only 5.2 lbs lost but hell at least its a loss and not a gain! And as we speak I and going for my 1.5L of water, water helps to keep that evil monster I have living in me. Its like a tapeworm that never seems to be full, I often wonder if there is something wrong with me. Why am I always hungry? It never seems to go away, I want to eat all the time. One of the things that seems to help me is I stop eating after dinner. As soon as dinner is done I am done eating until the next day, lately we have been done around 1900hrs. So that is almost 14 hours of no food, I get up around 0500hrs but dont usually get to eat until 0700 hrs.
This week:
1) Seth turns 6, which means avoiding that wondrous gift......CAKE!
2) We have an appointment to see my tattoo artist to talk about my up coming work of art and the wife's first TATTOO!
3) I plan on drinking more absinthe and might even try for an absinthe party...who wants in?
4) Working out is on the menu but lets see what happens.
5) This will be my wife's 3 weekend on her shake diet. She doesnt eat anything but shakes and milk all weekend, I give her credit I might even try it as well but I am not sure I can do it. It has helped her lose weight, not sure how much but it enough to keep her doing it.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Potty time!

Well it's that time again where we must pass along the tradition of teaching the little one on how to properly feed the evil consumer in the bathroom. We where going to try the old 'Everybody Poops' but I went for the 'That is Concentrated Evil Sliding out of You.'
And in all he has been rather excepting of the hole idea of not pissing on himself and the diaper. We recently went up a size in diapers because his fat ass wasnt fitting in the old ones anymore. And now that his bladder is getting bigger we needed something to hold back his flood of yellow happiness.
This morning I get him up and place him on the thrown of deliverance and tell him to go 'KaKa'. Now in any family that speaks Spanish and English this is one of many key words that children with learn in their bi-lingual up bringing. Along with 'aqua' (water) 'come' (eat) and 'Sit the fuck downo'. Adding an 'o' at the end of any word automatically makes it Spanish all ignorant Americans know that!
He sits down to do his thing and his man instincts take over and is compelled to play with his junk. Now mind you I am all for man-handling ones self but not while trying to get as much pee in the potty as possible!

(and yes that picture was altered a bit do to content, and crap on the floor I did not wish to share)
Then I asked him how he felt about soon being free from the wrath of the diaper he said this:
I am not sure what it means but I am sure there is no greater feeling than having the urge to go and just going! Then having your parental slave clean you. Instead of going to the bathroom and having to do it yourself. But in the end he finally gave in and left his deposit and went about his day. I sure hope this doesnt take long, those damn things are $$$$$!
Then, as I make my way back I see the other monkey fast asleep. I swung the camera around and got one of many sleeping pictures of him. He looks so calm, and at peace and quiet here; that is sooo unlike him! But how could he be so calm when Spiderman is in need of help!?!
Then I turned my attention to myself and took on the task of getting ready for my day. I was not sure which suite I wanted to wear so i went with my weekend jump-suite. My good body The Tick gave me this idea. I took on the job as The Sporked Spatula to make some extra money in the morning before work. I go about the town and check ever so closely that every dog and cat has been fixed and de-wormed. It was a task that the local Chinese restaurant sponsors for some reason...I dont care just as long as I get my check and all the Generals Tso's chicken I can eat!
Here is my get-up:

And here is where you can get one too:

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

There's gold in dem gums!!!!!

Well yesterday I went to the dentist and got my gold toof! He has to be one of the best dentist I have ever had and of all the work he has done for me, this one hurt the most. And all he used was an air gun! He took off the temporary cap, cleaned it off and then blasted it with an air gun, and I swear I saw stars! But after that he cemented it in place and he was done with it, I was on my way and one toof close to being a pirate!
You cannt really see it unless I really open wide but I am damn proud of it! The wife thinks its ugly but I like it, I feel valuable now haha. I told her when i die make sure the morgue doesnt get it!
After that ordeal we went to Target to get a few things, one of them a new scale. I swear ours is busted. And sure enough I get on this morning and what do i see......216! Not bad, but this will be my starting point, so next week on Wednesday morning I will weigh myself again and lets see what damage I can do! My food intake has been not so good today, I got a free breakfast sandwich from the cafe guy, bacon egg and cheese on a roll. I could not help it, i gulped that down in like 3 bites lol! So now its up with the water......1.5L so far and no more food until later tonight.
One good part about today is that work has be running around like crazy so I really dont have time to eat too much. I even have to work to love the over time, so that will help in the not eating crap department. Unless, they have a ton of meeting left overs like last time......I am a vulture when it comes to meeting left overs!
Hope everyone is having a great hump day.....I hope to get some humpings this weekend, I got some on Monday which shocked the hell out of me! I love suprise sex, and hell half of the time it's planned some shit gets in the way and it does not happen anyway! So unplanned suprise sex only makes things that much more enjoyable.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Le Tourment Vert

'For two hundred years absinthe has inspired some of the world's greatest creative minds, from Van Gogh to Hemingway. In search of inspiration we scoured France for an authentic absinthe that could not only be enjoyed in the traditional way (with sugar and water) but was smooth and versatile enough to inspire the creation of a whole new generation of cocktails.

Hand crafted in small batches by Bruno Delannoy of Distillerie Vincet Ege, Le Tourment Vert is unique. A delicate blend of fourteen herbs including Grande Wormwood, Star Anise, Eucalyptus, Sage and Fennel give Le Tourment Vert its unusually palatable flavor and distinctive color. We hope it will inspire you as it has inspired us.'

-Disteillerie Vinet Geg SA, San Francisco , California-

Le Tourment Vert translates to mean 'The Green Torment' which was the name given to it by the powers that be, back in the day when it was banned. It was given a bad rap in hopes people would drink more wine and give up the absinthe.
You see way back some 200 years ago there was a bad drought in Europe and the wine production took a terrible dive. During this time the people of Europe could not do without some form of booze so they turned to absinthe. In that time the people fell in love with this devilish drink and it soon took the place of wine as the drink of choice.
Well, the wine production came back but the level of want did not. The people of power got together and made the plan to demonise this green drink of happiness to help bring people back to wine. Soooooo they being all powerful, they started all kinds of rumors about the dangers of absinthe and how it will make you go mad, blind, and see shit. And as we all know how that works, thank you Reefer Madness, it was all bullshit. I was soon banned and wine came back to the table as number one.
A few years back the 200 year band was finally lifted and it became legal to make, own and drink. But the sigma of its maddening effects still lingered, it also did not help that those who have been known as absinthe drinkers were crazy! I mean why else would Van Gogh cut off his ear....he was drinking absinthe! Or why would Hemingway blow off the top of his skull...he was drinking absinthe and why else would Marilyn Mason kill his career with an emo crap album....he was on absinthe!?! See where I am going with this?
But all in all it is just another form of one of humanities favorite past times....Drinking fermented stuff that gets you high.

Now, as I mentioned in my last post I walked into the Happy Store just to get me some beer and I found this:

The bottle itself was freak cool as hell to boot! This one happens to be only 100 proof, there was another one there that was 138 but it was also 20$ smackers more! And for $50, I was willing to try it. And you know what? I will be back for more! Here are the instructions on how to do the 'Traditional Drip'
1oz. Absinthe
3oz Ice water
1 sugar cube
Place an absinthe spoon (which I don't own as of yet so I used a fork) with the sugar cube on it on top of the glass. Slowly drip the water onto the sugar cube so it melts into the absinthe.
If you use this method it is much easier to drink and does not taste all that bad. But I am lazy and really do not want to wait for my to THE HEAD I go!

It has a really cool color to it as well, it looks, smells and taste like.....mouthwash?!?! But then again most hard liquors smell and taste like gasoline so mouthwash really doesn't seem all that bad in comparison lol.

This is a really cool drawing in the back of the little booklet that comes with it.

So, in my humble opion Le Tourment Vert (pronounced LUH TORMON VEHR) is well worth a try. And the buzz is very different that any other buzz you might get from other liquors. I am not sure if it is offered in bars as of yet but I am sure when they do it is going to a kick in the wallet. Anything exotic atomaticlly has 8$ added to the price!