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About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Epic Failure....

That is what I am calling the momments that lead up to our bar hopping 80's party down at the Jersey shore. I will start off on Saturday morning.......

We started the day with taking the kids to the park for about 2 hours of jumping, running, climbing and screeching. I followed right along with them too. I always find it sad to see the parents of the other children just sitting there (usually eating and drinking stuff they realllly dont need) watching. I mean I know its hard when your gutt prevents you from even getting on the jungle gym but come on! You have to try a little, just a little might help you lose some of that Man-Keg you got going there.

But I was all over this thing like a 6 foot hairless ape! I see some of the parents look at me like I am nuts but I dont care, I want my children to see that I want to play with them and not just watch them. But I did make one epic mistake....I forgot to stretch.

From there we took the kids to eat and had only a few mionr child induced problems. Spilled water, dropped food and whine with no cheese.

Then we took off to the In-laws house where we go to drive her dad's BMW that he bought dead, had it shipped from FL, put in a new engine and now finally has it running. But.....along the lines of Epic Failure, none of the electrical components work. And with almost all of the cars accessories being controled by that element very few things worked. Nothing on the dash that was digital worked, outside temp, that thingie that tells you what gear you are in, the clock, the radio, the power steering wheel adjuster, power locks, power seat adjusters but the windows did work even though they too were electrical. I found the steering stiff and since you could not adjust the wheels height it was uncomfortable. All in all he should have saved his money and just bought a certified pre-owned, but that is just me. He loves it and that is all that matters!

Then after that I spent some time showing Alan the art of the dive roll. Jumping over bushes and garbage cans I was quickly reminded about how I am not 15 anymore. I hurt myself over and over again but never gave in. Until.....I went for the dive roll over the 30 gallon trash can. I made the jump but kind of screwed up the landing. I hurt my back pretty bad and ended up as that being my last jump. It felt like a pulled a muscle in my ass! I was limping pretty bad for a while and just too it easy for the rest of the day.

As the night rolled on I start to self medicate to ease my pain. As the wife laughed at me, my pain and the fact that trying to do the things I could do 10 years ago caused this; I was sent to licking my wounds in my corner. But the drinks were coming and I was feeling fine. It was getting late and we figured we were not going to go out because the people we were going with had not called us yet. Well.....10:11 rolles up and guess who still wants to go out?!?! We got dressed in record time, the wife really did not want to go, with her being old and all, but we got her out of the house.

And in the rush of things I forgot a few key things needed when going to the bar.......My camera and my ID! It was not until we were half way there that I noticed this fact.....another Epic Failure! I could deal with the no camera but many bars around here are super anal about the ID thing! I shank in my seat to sulk like a kid who did not get the candy bar at the food store. But we get there and I put up the act of "Shit it was there this morning!" The cop at the door looked as me and asked "How old are you?" And I said "32", he looked at me and said "Ok, dont cause in trouble." And I was on my way....Yes!!!! Oh wait.....does that mean I look....32! Oh well I could careless, I got in and I wasnt going to spend the next 4 hours sitting in the car!

The bar was cool, and there were a lot of people dressed up for the night. Mostly women, I cannt say they guys where 'dressed up' because it seemed that they were wearing their everyday cloths. The 80's party never ended for them, acid wash jeans are still in style, the mullet and high top sneakers are just part of them as their legs are. The place had a good crowd, lots of really really drunk people. No one vomited, that I saw. From the smoking area you could watch the waves crashing on the beach and the music.....well the music was a bit off. I would say most of the songs they played did not come from the 80's! I mean come on, it would only take 2 seconds to look up House of Pain to know that it came out in the mid-90's for fuck sakes! I am not going to rag too much about that, music is music the sound was good and it wasnt to loud. But to be a reall 80's bar party one would have to be allowed to smoke in the bar anyway.

The Benjamin's played as well but they were not on their game, they sounded like shit. I have seen them on numerous occassions and when they are good they are good but when they suck.....well lets just say they hit Glory Hole level of sucking!

After that we drove down for some after hours munchies at our favorite diner-The Tropicana, in Elizabeth. And it was full of after hours drunk club hopper rejects. I mean it was full of these guys~~~~>Douche! And club girls that reminded me of this:

I mean I do not treat women with disrespect, whistle at them, say things out loud to them.....but you come in looking like a slut, acting like a drunkin lush and talking all kinds of crap I sure as hell am not going to think you are a virgin......

But I did manage to get one picture of my hair, it was the topic of many conversations that mind you this was taken at 0400 Sunday morning:

The kids woke up at the crack of freakin dawn to remind us of the price we had to pay for our night out. But in all it wasnt to bad, we even stayed up late that night as well. But minus the booze and loud music.
And along the lines of Epic Failure today is Wednesday and I started this post on Monday! When you fail, make sure its big!

On another note we are getting all ready to go to VA to get the Navy Boy. The wife, Allan and Sharon will be flying down to FL to take a boat ride with the crew up to VA. I am not sure how they are going to survive a boat full of horny sailors, and yes I am advising Allan as well about those navy men. They have been on that boat a longggg time and you never know what might be brewing there muahahahahahah. Oh and Doug let me know if anyone has a problem with me stealing this, if its a big deal I will take it down.....

That is navy man in action on Oct. 1, 2009. I know that because of the site I jacked it from said so......always have to check your nuts before going out, dont want to fly off half cocked now......

I am now off to try and do stuff I have been putting off to get Mondays post out of my edit box.


~Sheila~ said...

Well at least you finally got it up!
What's up with the no pics? You need to chain your camera to you. Don't you have a cell phone??

Don't let it happen again!!

Nice hair.
And for know who you look like...

Anonymous said...


camera = esential!

and its funny that you used that picture of me on top of the plane. that pic madeit on to a magazine. i got 2 copies of it with me. hahah

if you go to the 09 folder of the site, click on feb, the picture # is 090223-N-7571S-005. thats me too all the way on the left.

and its fine if you use that pic. there isnt anything confidential there.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I never play on the playground with the kids. I'm old. Usually the people I see playing with the kids are either

A.) controlling and think the kids can't slide down the slide correctly

B.) have really small kids that might get hurt

C.) you ;o)