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About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Friday, April 28, 2006


Well its friday yo and I am soooo glad. I need some sleep and some much needed R&R. The weather man is showing us some good things on the idiot box so there is hope. I am caring around my camera everywhere I go and I cannt believe some of the crap I find. But what is annoying is that everytime I forget it I find something totaly hallrious or something from the list that is hard to find. The best place to find some great photo oppurtunittes is the mall. I went today but forget my camera and missed out on several would be blogged about ppl and cars. Humans are some of the craziest creatures under the sun.
I saw about 4 obvious lesbians working at Old Navy, ghetto rats in full force, ugly as sin ppl and ppl hotter than holloywood. Well at least one I know , I saw him everytime I passed a looking glass...werid, I think he is stalking me haha. We were there looking for maternaty close for the little woman....who isnt so little anymore. That bun in the oven is slowly becoming a full fledge loaf of bread! But I think pregnant looks wonderfull on her ....even though I do joke with her and call her 'Wobbles'. She is so cute and she knows I love her round so she doesnt get made at that joke. I will see if she will let me post a pic of her belly, I dought it but I will ask :-D

Now lets see what funniess I found, I am doing this post from home and have a little more time. Blogging from work is becoming next to impossible these days and maybe a thing of the past if it doesnt get better. But oh well, I will still blog damn it! But my commenting may suffer though. So I am sorry if it takes me a while to get back to you......

1) Could not have said it better myself!

2) How dirty is your mind?

3) I know this monkey pic is kinda korny but I just thought it was sooo funny I found it when I was looking for pictures of sluts.

4) I am soo printing this out and giving it to my bro in law!

5) Because Stewie is the man!

6) I dont care if it is Halloween, you my friend ....are gay!

7) Last but not as she says.....have a good one...or two!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Happy HNT

I hope everyone has been having a good week. All is hectic here in my world but its good. Speaking of hectic I have started this sentence 5 times and each time something at work has interupted me, damn them hahaha. So I will try to do this as fast as I can and maybe when I get home tonight I will make it better. But then again I have skool tonight and wont have anytime then either. So I am doing this one on the fly in hyper drive, no re reading to spell checking for me. Once it is put down I am publishing this bithch and heading out.
My HNT pic is of another scar that I have, it is located under my chin. No hair grows there, I wish I had this problem all over haha. I got it when I was 5, I was doing the one thing our parents always tell us not to do......NO runnning in the house! I was running and busted my ass, I hit my chin on the kitchen floor and 3 stiches later all was better. i remeber not being able to chew for a few days and only being able to eat rice chrispies. Only after they had gotten a little soggy too. So here is my fast drive threw verson of HNT..........................

Tuesday, April 25, 2006


Well its here, go click on the picture above and lets see how many ppl want to play with me!

Sometimes I am soo sexy at times I even scar myself. I figured out to make one of those button thingines all by myself today. Check on my side bar and go look. It is very primative but I made it myself and I feel like a kid giving his mom the ugliest painting ever and she hung it on the frig anyway. Go look and happy hunting yall.....remeber May 30th is the due date, so lets all play with Honkeie!

And for those of u wanting a button too...copy and past this just like the other buttons

{a href=""}{img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="" border="0" /}{/a}

but change the { to <> and all should be well.

I am not sure if I should copy right this but if anyone asks this is mine damn tit!

Friday, April 21, 2006

AAHHH Friday is here

It has been a busy week for me, so this week has flown by fast as hell! Not much to report so far, but there is hope for this weekend. No real plans due to bad weather on the horizon. I hope to get to 6 flags this summer many many times. I have even been laying outside trying to get some tan before the summer hits us full force. I have thought about going to a tanning place but I am cheap. And if I am going to get skin cancer I dont want to pay for it :-P
All is normal and I am still trying to figure out how to make a button for my scavanger hunt thingie I will be posting about on Tuesday. I have the post ready for Tuesday's Photo Scavanger Hunt, what to look for and the points you get for each one. I am not sure if it will catch on but I will play along and if all else fails I will just end up doing what I do any way.....playing with myself and having a ball or two haha.
Now since I am boring the life out of anyone reading this I will move on with some friday Firday Funnies once again:

1) I find this so disturbing I am lost for words!

2) Man oh man I wish I could see where the other kisses landed.

3) Calvin telling it like it is!

4) Ok kids lets play "Connect the Dots".... I got dibs on the brown one haha

6) Happy New year.....hey lady nice hair

7) I know wrestling way a little gay but come on......I wonder if he slipped him the tonge?

Well dat it folks, I hope yall have a good weekend.....get those cameras ready....tuesday is closer than u think.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Happy HNT

Happy HNT. I have a half a day today at work so I am in a GOOD mode haha. I thought I would share another pic my wife took of me last weekend while I was getting free water. Just for the record I did not pee in the jug!
Not much going on these days, my the big bosses were cuming to my site today but they canceled last minute so that is cool for us. They never do much more than stop by the front window and say hi. Never a biggie but we do have to put on the happy face haha.
My workout is going good, I have not be keeping up my workout blog I am just lazy haha. But I have been meaning to get it back up to par. By no means am I slipping on the excersie I just got tired of carring around pen and paper everytime I went to the gym. I have been following the Abs Diet Book and I must say it works and its easy. I am on the road to beach abs, it is allot slower than one thinks but you have to keep at it. Exercise is 30% physcial, 20% diet and 50% mental. Anyone who has ever worked out and quit and started and quit knows the pains of the mental excersie. I buy body builder mags all the time, not because I am going to get any where that big but for inspiration. I read about working out I want to workout. I read about reps, sets, pyramid training, cardio, and protien and I get all psyched up! It is like the pre warm up to the warm up to the actual workout. It is kinda like looking at your fav nudie mag before you get on the job. Inspiration ppl, that is all men need to get things going haha.

Well I am off to the races.....rat race but just a little note to Shannon.....Photobucket go check it out. Never know wat u will find when you search words like: suck, bj, oral, anal or nude. I have spent hours there looking through ppls pics. I feel like the perv at photo mat sometimes haha.
Happy HNT Yall!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Happy Hump Day

It is that time of the week where we look to the weekend for some much needed time off. It seems since I can remeber the weekend has been my refuge to restart my sanity. Even if I had dead lines on Monday I would waist my weekend away doing much of nothing looking for freedom at the bottom of a bottle. Is that sad? Or is that just another person living the American in a job that allows us to afford the things in life that really make us happy. Some ppl love shopping, vacations, cars, drugs, food, hookers, or what ever but it is all about the same in the happines circle. And yes some are more damaging than others but just as we cannt understand those ppl that waist their lives in the throughs of a gambaling hit they cannt understand how u dont shoot yourself from the hum drum of the drudgery of the day to day rat race. What one calles happiness another calls hell. Even if your thoughts of happiness is the most wholesome thing in the world such as family someone out there might find that disgustingly annoying. To each his own and it is so sad that ppl cannt not let that be, but then again I dont get how ppl think that their imaginary friend gives them the right to put other ppl down....that is just me.

Any whoooo before this become a preachy post lets change gear a bit and think about something totaly random and pointless...

So true so true, I wonder where I can find this on a shirt haha.

Last night I was watching this movie about one of the uglies lesbians in hollywood......can you guess which one....that is right ...Rosie O'Donnel. She rented a cruise ship for her and all of her gay/lesbian friends and family. Now I have nothing agaist gay/lesbians nor am I agaist them rasing kids, because gay parents dont equal gay kids. And if you are a narrow minded person that says you become gay because of enviroment think about this......If gay parnets raise gay children then straight parents should only be raising straight children. But what I thought was a little werid was that there werent any straight ppl on her cruise. So that makes me believe that she does not have any straight friends, is she predjudice(sp) agaist hetrosexulas? It seems to me that on many of the bias things that we know it is just as bad on the other side of the coin. Gays dont like hetros, jews dont like christians, blacks dont like hispanics and illigeal immagrants dont like anyone. But you know what I dont really care on any of these topics, if Rosie is affraid of straight ppl that is fine by me and if she wants to jump on any ban wagon soap box let her. No one listens to her anymore so her and her less-be-friends can have a gay old time .....but dont make a fucking movie about it. I feel that I came away from watching this with no new insight to anything other than that in the Bahamas the religous right hates gay ppl, nothing new there. That no matter where you go narrow minded ppl are everywhere, nothing new there; gay men wish they were women, nothing new there and last but not least if you act in a bunch of crappy movies then start your own talk show that instantly makes u an expert on anything that comes out of your mouth....again nothing new there...Tom Cruise, Woody Harlison, Steven Sigal, John Travolta, and on and on. We need to stop looking up to to these self rightous shit bags and get opions of our own. Put down the rag mags at the grociery store and go to the library damn it.

I found this pic on photobucket.....what do u or not?

A bit meaty but hey when I go out for steak I want meat on my plate haha.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

High hoe

It just another day in sunny NJ and that is about tit. Me and the wife unit have rearranged our living quaters just for the fun of it. Well actually we did it to try and give the kids more room and with another on the way space is getting smaller and smaller. I forsee us moving just for the mire fact that we need the freakin room. Our current living area is shrinking but we are growing, time to abandon the shell for a bigger one.
Besides that is has been just another Hoe-Hum kinda day. We have a new guy at work that we are training, which has taken up most of my time so blogging is not as easy as usual. He is a good guy and picks up things rather fast so I forsee him being good to go on his own soon.
I have even be trolling through the net for anything of interest, it is almost frucking 3 in the afternoon and nothing so far. So I went to photobucket and searched the word slut and found a few fun things. If yah want go there and search any topic and I am sure you can find something fun haha.
I have been reading Cherry's blog for a while and thought I would just send her a Bloggers Hug out to her((((((((((((((((((((((((cherry)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
She has had a bit of a rough patch of life thrown at her and just glad she came back to let us know all is still good. From relationships to work we all hear yah cherry and if ya ever need a place to vent come one over here and let it all hang out. Just keep that gay sex stuff on the DL. I can handle some gay shit but you love it allot more than most ppl lol. And hell I am all for lesbian love and nothing better than 2 hot chics going at it. But we all know the hot ones are only 'gay for pay' but its all good. HAHA
But hope all is well out there in everyones world , this is a quickie for me....dont even have time to speell chex hahah

Monday, April 17, 2006

It Monday----Thank God I Need the Rest

Well I had a very busy weekend but very productive. Me and the little woman had a doctors appointment to have an ultra-sound done. Since I dont have Tom Cruise's money or insight to the world we had to go to the doctor to get it done. And as it looks everything is going to plan, she is due in early August and ITS GOING TO BE A BOY! That is right ppl, another boy! This John Wayne pistol of love has nothing but man juice in these bullets. That will be boy number three for me haha. The wife unit was a little disappointed it wasnt a girl but she is very happy that everything looks healthy and normal. The picture below is the blob of whatever that the tech told us was our baby boy. Only a few times was I able to tell I was looking something human. Like when she showed us his spine, profile, and hand. Other than that it was as if I was looking through the eyes of that creature from the movie Predetor.


The rest of that day consisted of me clearing out the area that will be the spot for our pool this summer. Last summer you could feel all the little stones and acorns that we missed and boy did they hurt. Luckily they did not peirce the flooring, it was a Target bought pool ppl nothing special. But it is good enough for our needs. So here I am with this dirty hoe pulling up dead grass, acorns, rocks and dirty. It was one hell of a work out, but the sun was out so I was able to go shirtless for a few.

Suday, the great day of the egg was a good day. After I picked up the oldest from the ex we went over to my moms house for breakfast. My mom gave them more chocolate and sugar and sent us on our way. On the way back we stopped by the spring they have out by her way for some free water. I wonder how long it will remain free?

Now as the day wore on I went out and finished the dirty hoe job I had started the day before. And also in an attempt to keep the little dirt monsters out of piles of soon to be mud haha. We later did the whole egg hunt with the kids, it was primarily for the little one. The kids would have been happy with just the bags with the candy in it but it is always fun to make them work for it a little :-D. Am I evil or what!

Here is the little one showing us how he feels about finding chocolate growing in the backyard.

The oldest and bro in law showing their egg pride! Can I get ah WOOT WOOT!

Here we have me showing everyone how I feel about video taping the monsters picking all of my egg of the plants that I put so much effort into growing. I am Egg-static!

It was a great weekend with lots of sun and fun and work. I wish all weekends were this good lol. I even got a little sun, I got a free tanning bed in the back yard....its called my blanket and an Ipod haha.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Its Thursday :-(

It is another Thursday and I have been caught without my pants down...that is right no HNT for me. Work is hell and home life has my full attention, I am not complaining about home life but work can really suck dirty ass at the moment. I took the little man to get his hair cut and I forgot the camera, I really need to have one implanted in my head haha. He was such a good boy while all the salon girls flocked over him(me) lol. You know women find men attractive that spend time with their kids. Justttt kidding, no one was was checking me out, I think.... But I did see someone I thought I knew. She looked allot like this girl I knew in high school but younger and allot skinner. Then it hit me, she was the little sister of my old friend. I could not get over how much she looked like her sister, well except the fact she was modle thin and had bigger bonkers. The last time I saw her she was this little bean pole, that was back in 94. Time has been good to her. I cannt imagiane what this is doing to the older sisters self esteeem. She was one of those slightly over wieght drama queens that always had some sob story about how the weight of the world was on her shoulders. It also didnt help her father was very ill and her mother was always hardest on her. And of course I ended up friends with her for a time but the drama got a bit think and I ended up leaving it all behind. From what I have heard she still runs in the same circle of friends and still has all kinds of drama issues. I always end up friends like her, maybe its because I actually listen and that I am a sucker for a good story.
If you have drama I am there, why you ask? Because real life beats made up soap operas any day. We all have life stories and I love sharing mine and I love hearing other ppls. And hell sometimes all someone wants is someone to listen to them and I am always willing to. I think this is why I am such a Blogger freak and I have stuck around longer than I thought I was going to. I have read stories of heart ache, joy, pleasure and pain. It is what makes us human and alive. If you dont have a story to tell you are either not old enough or lead a very boring life. People that are affraid of life's pains never live.
I love without fear of losing and live as if I will be young forever. I have been hurt and I have caused hurt, I am sorry for the pains I have caused but I cannt un-do it. And some of it I would not want to undo, hell some ppl need a good kick in the ass to wake them up to reality once in a while. There is one person I can never say that I am sorry enuogh for being an ass and that is my wife. Back when we were just dating I broke off our relationship and our engagment. It was fucked up beyond fuck ups. I still to this day dont know why I did it but it steemed from me not wanting to end up married again then divorced. And I think if I had just opened up more it would have never happened. But being a closed person when it comes to my own emotions I tried to cut off my nose to spit my face. But luckily when I came to my senses she was willing to give me another try to make it right. I didnt really want to leave her but at the moment I could not get away fast enuogh. Funny thing, the whole time we were appart she was the one I compaired every woman to. I am one emtionally mess at time but that is what all men are but few ever come to terms with it. I have break downs from time to time and I will probably post about one of my more recent ones that beer and the movie Crash brought about. When I drink my walls come down and the emtions come to the surface, my therapy can be found in a bottle. How sad is that?
But that is enuff of my ramblings, if anyone has noticed I am all over the place when it comes to my blogging. And just in case you are wondering, this is how my mind works. One minute I am thinking about breast, then I am thinking about food, off thinking about what I am doing at that moment, vagina, pop rocks, work, ghetto botties, my left nutt needs a scratch, blog, midget sex, beer....and sooo on. And this is usually in a span of 60 seconds. I really think those ppl nailed it when they said I have ADD. My mind is all over the place, and my blogging reflects this perfectly. I will start on one topic and end up with something like this:

But the way this is hot as hell! There is nothing sexier than a woman in high heels and thigh highs...well at least in my book! Thanks Leg Show for my addiction.

Now for something completly different:

I found this song the other day and I have to share-

The Penis Song-Monty Python

Isnt it awfully nice to have a penis.
Isnt it frightfully good to have a dong.
Its swell to have a stiffy,
Its divine to own a dick.
From the tiniest little tadger,
To the worlds biggest prick.
So three cheers fot your willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one eyed trouser snake.
Your piece of pork,
Your wives best friend,
Your Percy or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
You can slip it in your sock.
But dont take it out in public
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you wont come back.

Now go forth and sing this song out loud to all and have a great day. If that song doesnt help you smile or that pic didnt make your ding-a-ling twitch a little you need professional help, so if you have an issue here is a tissue haha!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Happy Hump Day

Hump day

It has been a long week so far for me. Allot of changes at work that have interupted my usual pointless wanderings and time waisting on the internet. I have been rather unplugged for the past few days and I think I am going through with-drawl haha.

But all this off time has given me time to think about my "Photo Scavanger Hunt" I am still tooling around with the idea. The button thing I still have to figure out how to do it though. If work goes smoothly today I might be able to get something working. And I believe Lisa said she knew someone that could help me. I have also be thinking about how to set up the actual hunt, I have been thinking about putting out the list and the points and then give everyone a month to find the things on the list. For example I would put out the list on the first Tuesday of the month and then on the last Tuesday of the month everyone will share what they found. I have an idea on how I want to do it, so once I get it all working I will put it out the last week of this month. Because I dont want to wait until the start of the next month haha.

Life, work and school has been going on its usual path and all is good. The little woman is doing well with our bunn in the oven and even strated walking for exersice on Monday. So far so good yesterday was day 2 on her walking plan. I dont think we will be able to walk tonight because of work and school but you need to take a break once in a while. I am week 5 on my circut training plan and it is going good but damn slow haha. We all want it instantly and I am no exception, all I really have left to do is to get my eating habits up to par. I am a little bit too oral for my own good. I think I need to by some gum just to keep my mouth busiy and the food out. I know what to eat and what not to eat but you put a pizza pie in front of me and its all out the window; bath water, baby and all!

But something picture worthy did find its way into my life. At work this morning I found a little present that mother nature left for me to find. And here is what I found by the front door of my office area:

Now what makes this suprising to me is that we do not live in wild aminal territory so to see something like this gets me excited :-D. As a kid I used to see snakes and frogs all the time but since I moved to NJ when I was in the 5th grade I have seen 2 frogs and 2 snakes. That was about 20 years ago, I live in the concret jungle so to see wild America at my front door I start getting all Crocidile Hunter-ish--------Crickey! Luk aut dat! Aint see au beauut!

And yes i picked it up and brought it into my office. It isnt nasty or slimey it just dead skin, just like when stoopid white ppl go to the beach for the first time in 6 months and think they will not burn on the first day and then they are in pain for a week and peel for another week. We shed too just not so much all at once.

Would you like to pet my trouser snake?

Monday, April 10, 2006

Monday sux big ass this week

I am going to have to post my Monday nonsense later on today because work is hell. But I am really thinking about this photo scavager hunt, send me any ideas. We can even assign points to different photos depending on the level of difficulty. Lets get this idea into the think tank and lets see what we can come up with. Does anyone know how to create a banner for a photo scavanger hunt day, kinda like the HNT banner that you see on ppls blogs?

So until later here is a littel Moment of Zen:

Friday, April 07, 2006

Happy Firday

Well I broke the seal on my dry spell. Last night I had about 5 or 6 beers and one long draw from a bottle of tequila. It was more like this: open bottle, put lips to bottle and drink, one mississppi two mississppi, free missittiy.......lower head and put bottle back in frig. I spent the night watching movies and going to one of the best websites on the net...WIMP go there when you get a chance, you will laugh, cringe, stare in disbelieve and maybe even throw up a little in your mouth. It is that good haha.
Nothing really came of my little dip into the alcohol kiddie pool of happiness other than I had a great nights sleep haha. I would not advise ppl to use this as a sleep aide but once in a while it can be fun. I really dont plan on drinking again for probably another few weeks, it keeps the thrill of the bottle new if you keep it down to once a month. Instead of every freakin weekend or day. No matter how much you like something if you do it too much it can become boring really fast....well except masterbation. That has never gotten old, and if it does just switch hands and its a whole different woman haha.
Here are some future myspace angle pics I took during my party of one:

Same shot different angle, this one will almost defanitley end up on myspace lol:

Drunk white guy in a white tank top.....Why do I foresee this guy on "COPS" in the near future?

In the theme of slapping the dirty pony I went on a quest for interesting pics for this Friday Funnies:

1) So true soooo true.

2) You have been warned! Switch it up.

3) But if you like you can try will all your might.

4) When the hand just isnt enuff do what the rednecks do.....and turn to thier best friends haha.

5) So that is where porn stars come from......

I hope everyone has a great weekend and I want more ppl to take pictures damn it. I love to look at pictures, exspecally real life action kind. Go out an invest in a digital camera and show the world things through your eyes. I wonder of anyone would be interested in starting a weekly scavange hunt for random life stuff? Like road kill, cashiers at your local food store or a hot bartender. Let me know if anyone would like to play and if I get enough I will make up a list of things to hunt for. Hell..........if no one wants to do it I will just do what I have always done in the past, and just play with myself. But it is always a little more interesting when you get others involved ;-).

Thursday, April 06, 2006


It is Thursday and I am bored out of my mind. I do not have a HNT picture for today sorry, its been one of those weeks I guess. I just didnt feel like getting out the camera I guess. Not much going on at all today, the boss is out of the office and everytime he goes out this place dies. It is the werdiest thing, all kinds of shit will be going on when he is here but the moment he goes everything just dies. So here I am spend most of my day studing for a a test I have later tonight and looking on the internet for something to kill time with. I am tried of reading about Chuck Berry and I have beening eating all kinds of shit just out of sheer bordem. Lets see what I have eaten at work so far 1) A large bowl of Coco Peebles 2) A mini bagle with butter 3) About 10 crackers 4) A little over 36 oz. of water and counting 5) A bowl of apple and cinnamo oatmeal and I am not done yet. I still have some soup I brought from home and I am craving TacoBell! Hmmmm I like TacoHell. I am bored cannt you tell.....

I am soo searching for things to blog about at this point. I have even thought about trolling around the news rooms for a funny story to post about.
I have been chatting with Lisa about her progress with her book and so far so good. But I think she needs to add some dialouge to let me show u what I think it will look like....

I pick up my cell phone knowing that this text message is from psycho chic and the urge to strangle myself with my cordless phone is over powering.
"What the hell does this chic think? That she can get this man to take her back just by being a pain the ass and asking over and over again?"

"Yeah I hit your punk ass! I punched that bitch and if she come over here I will do it again!" I yell at her as she stands in the street with blood trickling from her busted lip.
" You bust my lip, you stuid bitch I will get you for this!" Half screaming and half crying, psycho chic sputters from the street being held back but another trail park reject.

"Yes your honor I hit her," just as these words escape my lips I am almost powerless to keep from chuckling out loud. But I compose myself and continue with the events that led up to this battle of witts in this small court room. And since I do not battle un-armed people I feel a little bad for her. After all it was I who gave her a scar that she will see everytime she looks in the mirror.

Sorry if I am miss quoting or messing up some facts here but like I said I am at work and I need to do something.

Hey, maybe you can use this as the cover of your book! HaHa

Well lets see what else I can do to past the time.........

Maybe you can use this as psycho chics profile pic haha

But I guess that is about it, I am now off to drive around to at least have something down on my report haha.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Random Day

I dont have much to really talk about today so I will just start blogging and see what falls out. I am making today a random day, I am going to randomly look through my computer and share what I find. I dont think I will make this an every week thing but I will do it whenever I feel I am out of things to bitch about. When you are having a good day ones blogs seems to suffer. One of my blogging buddies did say I could be in her book that she is putting toghter. I am not going to go into to much detail because of several hurdles she has to get over before she gets published, but when it does I will be a cop. HaHaHa officer Phil....I like the way that sounds.....Get on your kness, Put your hands behind your back, Tilt your head back, And do whatever the nice officer tells you :-D If I was a cop I would so screw with ppl, pull over ppl make them all nervous take their documents and then tell them they need to fix their tail lights lol. I dont think I would write too many tickets thought, I feel that allot of tickets are not give out because they truely needed but because if the officer whats a good review on his performance he needs some numbers.
Most of the tickets I have gotten have been bullshit tickets, one for a broken tail light another for a seat belt that was ON. I even showed him as he handed me the ticket, and all he could say was take it to the court to contest it. And boy did I ever! I have nothing agaist cops, they make me nervous but besides that no big deal. But when you run into an asshole cop it just ruins your day. It took me a year to get a court date, after many trips to the nastiest town hall(Newark NJ) and may fights with the usless ppl that work at the front desk in the traffic dept. It was kinda comical going there, I would go first thing in the morning so A) I could get a good parking spot and B) so I could get in and out in under 10 minutes. Now if you have never delt with a county employee you will not know what kinda of person I was dealing with. It was about 0800 and they were always buisy eating and never doing anything I would call office work. I am not joking when I say this: They were eating left over KFC from the night before, and the only reason I say that is because KFC doesnt open that early. These women should not have been eating this crap, hell the woman that finally licked her fingers clean to come over and type my info into her Texas Instriment PC so I could be on my way had Jimmy Dean sauages for fingers with long red finger nails protruding from the tip of the fat. Her hands were so fat they no longer resembled hands but they had morphed into paws. It was like being in a SNL skit, she used her obsesity like I would use a lazy boy recliner. She would rest her arms on her gut(which I actually think it was her tits) the way I would the arms of the car, the fat on her back engulfed the back rest of the car making it possible for her to recline back, I could not see her legs but I bet they were pulled back into her pudge so that only the tops of her toes would have been visible. This person has become a human lounge chair, there is a person inside this sea of gurth but they have amassed into this moutain of a person and now they use it as a comfort blanket.
After Shamu was done with me she goes right on chewing the cud as the numerous ppl behind me come up to do their buisness. It took about 3 or 4 of these visits to get a court date. 2 of these visits were just to get an answer to a simple question which could have been taken care of on the phone but because Team Portliness doesnt touch the phone unless it involves ordering more gravy with their cheese fries I had to make another trip.
I finally got my day in court and the cop never showed up. It took 2 seconds, $100 in court fees and a moment in history--It was the firt time I uttered the words,"It is the principal of the matter." And it was, he was a prick and the ticket would have cost a little less than the court fee and if I had just mailed in the fee I would have missed out on meeting one of the 7 wonders of corpulence. I knew that they were going to get my money one way or another but I was not going to let this cop get this ticket. Score one for the little man hahahaha. But dont get me wrong I have gotten a few other tickets in my life and I did desreve them so I just paid them. I do not have many to my name, illigeal U turns, parking, broken tail light ( he was a pecker head too, all he had to do was give me a warning but at least he was very nice about it so I just paid that one). But cops can be fun too, they have the best stories exspecally ones who work in the ghetto. I get to meet a few ghetto warriors because of the bank my wife works in. They can tell tails that should be in print. I dont think I could deal with the crap these guys go through on a daily bases, I would just shoot them and be done with them. Try to keep these stoopid ppl from reproducing any more.
Now see what happens when I have nothing to say haha! But lets see what random things I have found on my computer this morning:

I have had this on my pc for sometime, I have yet to find a good time to use it but now is good as any time haha. Here we have the Gottie want-to-be or better known as "The Douche Bag" I have found out that the hair style that you have been seeing on all the 'I think I am Hot Shit' guys is called 'The Brooklyn'. The hair, the spray on tan, fake bling, useless sweat bands and a very limited vocabulary they got off 'The Saprano's' equals DOUCHE BAG.

In the celebration of the rising gas prices i thougth this would go nicely.

Random creepy picture I have had for a while

I borrowed this from Tom...I hope he does not mind. I just had to share. What a way to get ppl to love their commute day in and day out.

I have used this picture numerous times in the past for a post but until it stops being funny I will continue using it. I have been thinking of printing this out and putting it on all the bathroom stalles at work.

Lets see what else can I find that is random.....oh yeah, last night I was watching this show about movies, well mainly cult classics. We all know about the old black and white 'Night of the Livinig Dead' and 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' but I was introduced to a new one-'El Topo'. It was a low budget cowboy gunslinger movie made back in 1970. It is very violent, with breif nudity, lude conduct, and full of circus freaks . My kinda movie, so what does a honkeie like me do? I went to ebay and bought a copy hahahaahaha. I will let you know if it lives up to the hype when I get it. If you too are curious about this film do what I did and goggle it and then go hunting.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Monday and I am still here haha

Well well well lets see what I did and did not do this weekend. I 'did' go to my job's yearly Hazard Communication Class. It is the same exact meeting we have had every year since I began here about 5 years ago. It gets us our OSHA training for the the year and allows us to work in the building even though we never actually do any kinda of wrok in this facility that would require us know what OSHA even is. But we get 3 hours of OT for sitting and eating bagels and driniking coffe. It wasnt to bad, I got to bs with some of the guys I almsot never see becasue they work on the weekends or odd shifts so I never bump into them.

The wife unit, Captin Recking ButterBall and myself went to the doctor to get a check up on our gold fish. But it is no longer a gold fish but an Avacado, well at least it is the size of one. We still have to wait two weeks before we can know the sex of the Avacado. The wife unit wants a girl but I am hoping for puppies myself, I have always wanted a puppy.

Here we have the nurse trying to find the heart beat of the avacado.

After we heard the heart beat, which sound much like a washing machine, the little woman had to give blood. Nothing special just the usual test for this test for that prego stuff.

Captin Recking ButterBall was doing his usual, and causing havoc every turn he made.

Then again I wasnt being an angle either...... Lets see who can find the different objects in this photo: The vagina, the coat hoook and the crazy cracker.

Cousin It was the nurse that attended to the wife unit that day, I am still in shock I knew what It was saying.

Besides that not much really happened this weekend. We were going to go to Alantic City but we ended up not going. The Navy man bought himself a used VW, it needs some work but its the car he wanted. Its not a bad car, I even got to drive it to the mall, its a stick! Funny thing is I have not driven stick in a long time and it came right back, I did stall out once at a red light though haha. Driving stick is such a joy, I wish they made more cars manual.
This weekend marks some what of a mile stone for me, it is the 3rd week in a row where I have not gotten drunk. It is a very courious thing, the urge was there but the moment never presented itself and I did not press it. I was hoping to go out with Navy man drinking but maybe next week before he goes back to the base. But it aint no big Thang....