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About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Random Day

I dont have much to really talk about today so I will just start blogging and see what falls out. I am making today a random day, I am going to randomly look through my computer and share what I find. I dont think I will make this an every week thing but I will do it whenever I feel I am out of things to bitch about. When you are having a good day ones blogs seems to suffer. One of my blogging buddies did say I could be in her book that she is putting toghter. I am not going to go into to much detail because of several hurdles she has to get over before she gets published, but when it does I will be a cop. HaHaHa officer Phil....I like the way that sounds.....Get on your kness, Put your hands behind your back, Tilt your head back, And do whatever the nice officer tells you :-D If I was a cop I would so screw with ppl, pull over ppl make them all nervous take their documents and then tell them they need to fix their tail lights lol. I dont think I would write too many tickets thought, I feel that allot of tickets are not give out because they truely needed but because if the officer whats a good review on his performance he needs some numbers.
Most of the tickets I have gotten have been bullshit tickets, one for a broken tail light another for a seat belt that was ON. I even showed him as he handed me the ticket, and all he could say was take it to the court to contest it. And boy did I ever! I have nothing agaist cops, they make me nervous but besides that no big deal. But when you run into an asshole cop it just ruins your day. It took me a year to get a court date, after many trips to the nastiest town hall(Newark NJ) and may fights with the usless ppl that work at the front desk in the traffic dept. It was kinda comical going there, I would go first thing in the morning so A) I could get a good parking spot and B) so I could get in and out in under 10 minutes. Now if you have never delt with a county employee you will not know what kinda of person I was dealing with. It was about 0800 and they were always buisy eating and never doing anything I would call office work. I am not joking when I say this: They were eating left over KFC from the night before, and the only reason I say that is because KFC doesnt open that early. These women should not have been eating this crap, hell the woman that finally licked her fingers clean to come over and type my info into her Texas Instriment PC so I could be on my way had Jimmy Dean sauages for fingers with long red finger nails protruding from the tip of the fat. Her hands were so fat they no longer resembled hands but they had morphed into paws. It was like being in a SNL skit, she used her obsesity like I would use a lazy boy recliner. She would rest her arms on her gut(which I actually think it was her tits) the way I would the arms of the car, the fat on her back engulfed the back rest of the car making it possible for her to recline back, I could not see her legs but I bet they were pulled back into her pudge so that only the tops of her toes would have been visible. This person has become a human lounge chair, there is a person inside this sea of gurth but they have amassed into this moutain of a person and now they use it as a comfort blanket.
After Shamu was done with me she goes right on chewing the cud as the numerous ppl behind me come up to do their buisness. It took about 3 or 4 of these visits to get a court date. 2 of these visits were just to get an answer to a simple question which could have been taken care of on the phone but because Team Portliness doesnt touch the phone unless it involves ordering more gravy with their cheese fries I had to make another trip.
I finally got my day in court and the cop never showed up. It took 2 seconds, $100 in court fees and a moment in history--It was the firt time I uttered the words,"It is the principal of the matter." And it was, he was a prick and the ticket would have cost a little less than the court fee and if I had just mailed in the fee I would have missed out on meeting one of the 7 wonders of corpulence. I knew that they were going to get my money one way or another but I was not going to let this cop get this ticket. Score one for the little man hahahaha. But dont get me wrong I have gotten a few other tickets in my life and I did desreve them so I just paid them. I do not have many to my name, illigeal U turns, parking, broken tail light ( he was a pecker head too, all he had to do was give me a warning but at least he was very nice about it so I just paid that one). But cops can be fun too, they have the best stories exspecally ones who work in the ghetto. I get to meet a few ghetto warriors because of the bank my wife works in. They can tell tails that should be in print. I dont think I could deal with the crap these guys go through on a daily bases, I would just shoot them and be done with them. Try to keep these stoopid ppl from reproducing any more.
Now see what happens when I have nothing to say haha! But lets see what random things I have found on my computer this morning:

I have had this on my pc for sometime, I have yet to find a good time to use it but now is good as any time haha. Here we have the Gottie want-to-be or better known as "The Douche Bag" I have found out that the hair style that you have been seeing on all the 'I think I am Hot Shit' guys is called 'The Brooklyn'. The hair, the spray on tan, fake bling, useless sweat bands and a very limited vocabulary they got off 'The Saprano's' equals DOUCHE BAG.




In the celebration of the rising gas prices i thougth this would go nicely.



Random creepy picture I have had for a while



I borrowed this from Tom...I hope he does not mind. I just had to share. What a way to get ppl to love their commute day in and day out.



I have used this picture numerous times in the past for a post but until it stops being funny I will continue using it. I have been thinking of printing this out and putting it on all the bathroom stalles at work.




Lets see what else can I find that is random.....oh yeah, last night I was watching this show about movies, well mainly cult classics. We all know about the old black and white 'Night of the Livinig Dead' and 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' but I was introduced to a new one-'El Topo'. It was a low budget cowboy gunslinger movie made back in 1970. It is very violent, with breif nudity, lude conduct, and full of circus freaks . My kinda movie, so what does a honkeie like me do? I went to ebay and bought a copy hahahaahaha. I will let you know if it lives up to the hype when I get it. If you too are curious about this film do what I did and goggle it and then go hunting.

6 comments:

AM said...

Lol here how it goes. I start reading your post 'I dont have much to really talk about today ...' and then directly scroll down to see how long it is! hahahahahahaha dude, you have got to read back before pressing the 'publish post' button lol ... ok now back to reading you ;)

Ranger Tom said...

Thanks for the plug!

And speaking of plugs... I've pinched the sphincter pic for later use...

I hope that don't wreck em?

"Wrecked em, hell! Damn near killed em!

honkeie2 said...

am_pm: why would I do that....mistakes are just part of the fun that is me hahaha.

ranger: Welcome, and dont pinch it too soon. You want the whole log hahahaha.
Rectum....:-P

Becky said...

It seems like you found plenty to write about, even though you said you didn't really have anything to write about....

You should be rambling honkeie! lol

the_mrs said...

I thought your description of the fat office lady was great---you have no idea how many of these women are out there in office positions :P lol

As for the Gotti pic---did you notice how groomed his eyebrows are? How gay. ;)

steph said...

That alien... robot.. thing.. picture is really cool.