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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Absent and Broken

Times are hard all around so I just thought I would get my ass on here and bitch about my hard times. I know everyone is taking a huge bite of this shit sandwich, but I am here to describe what my mouthful taste like.
Like most people I have been spending on a borrowed dime. I cannot even call it the 'Wimpy Effect'. You know the old, "I will pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.' Yeah I am a little old school like that.
Well, we have been living like this and it has finally come down to this fact: We are working full time jobs just so that we can drown slowly. I am telling all this with sincere shame in my eyes. It is to the point that if we cannot get someone to co-sign a loan we will be moving back in with her parents.
And that isn't as bad as it seems but once you get a taste of having your own place it is hard to move back in with someone. Hell, I have had to do it......three times in my life! And it isn't because we have top of line cars or cloths, it comes down to the little things that have put us here. Our want to build credit and the lack of control to keep our spending under control. Ha, I feel like a government official except I don't have a scapegoat or a huge bail out.
But I think I have it all wrong, and in comparison to the rest of the world our debt is pennies. I mean last I checked the US owes soo much money I am not even sure where to put the commas in the number!
But yet that does not help me with the fact we are down to the last straw, and I don't want to file for bankruptcy again......yes I filed about 11 years ago. Its a long story filed with an ex wife, a lack of control and me not helping out with the finances in my world. And it sucks to know I am back in the same hole now just that this time I am not going through a divorce on top of it. I came here to clear my head and all I seem to be doing is making it worse.
I am in the last year of my college, which by the way sucks but whatever. I am trying to get this degree to help me get a job that pays I can owe even more down the road. I mean if you are going to sin......sin big! No one cares if you owe tens of thousands of dollars. But get in over your head for a million and you could probably work out a talk show deal and maybe even a book. Getting into debt is easy but getting into a financial hole that would rival the problems in Greece, well that is a full time job!
I am to the point of even looking for a weekend job, which I really do not want to do. The weekend is the only thing I have let to keep me from losing my mind. It is my only time to let loose. I drink cheap beer and watch movies on Netflix. It is not much but its all I have the energy for. Once upon a time I worked out and I even try to start it up now and again, but I find I have noting pushing me for it. I have never been this tired and this stressed in my life. No where to go and no way to fix it. I know in time I will look back at this and shake my head, and I am soo looking forward to that day. Because the here and now is not where I want to be.

In closing I will say I just came here for some blogging therapy, I read the paper and see how bad other people have it. In the last big storm in Jersey, I got to read just how bad things can get. So I wont cry into my beer for myself, I will hold my head up and hope for a better tomorrow. For us all, for everyone that needs a hand because sometimes the things that we want are not the things that we need nor are they the things that we get. My life is stressful, its a whirl wind of unknowns, its uncertain, it brings me to tears when I know no one can see me but its my life. In a few years I will be able to stand a little taller knowing I made it through, and maybe with a little luck I will be little lighter too......because all this stress is killing my waist line!

I cannot end this with such a bummer. I will share with all a music video that has infected my brain and has helped me smile when I seemed to have lost my ability to smile. I must thank the members of the band LMFAO for this: I am Sexy and I Know it