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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Monday, December 22, 2008

First snow 2008

Well it has finally hit New Jersey, yes snow. It started on Friday and kept going all through the weekend. There were many periods of rain so we did not get all that much on the ground. But with the rain came the other fun thing, Ice and assholes. Whenever bad weather hits people become instant idiots, their ability to reason just seem to fly off like a huge chunk of ice off a speeding car's roof top that an inconsiderate driver did not feel like cleaning off before hitting the highway. FYI asshole, that large chuck of ice can and does cause accidents from other idiots that freak when it hits their car.

Here is a picture I took from the front steps of my job. Doesn't everything look so clean when covered in snow......notice I said 'looks'

As the snow and ice kept piling up so did the fun. This was the last weekend before the holiday so we braved the weather and went shopping. My ex was concerned that I was going to get our son an air soft gun, don't worry about that dear....I did. A nice one too, it shots .12 bb's at 315 fps (feet per second)! It will be staying at our house so it really is both of ours lol. I wonder if she will ever find my blog and if she does I wonder if she will ever say anything about it?

On Saturday we went to the Woodbridge mall, no biggie had fun people watching and eating at Charlie Browns.

On Sunday I went to Trash Gardens Elizabeth mall with mini-me. The wife took the other one so it was just me and the baby. I had the double stroller so I had no problems. He was strapped in at the front and all my bags were in the back. Anyone with kids should get a double stroller, even if you only have one! We wandered around and did our thing and had lunch at Chile's (Sp). He did not screech too much and was over all a good boy. But every time I went into a store he would start up his bitching. He was find while we were walking around but the moment I started toward a store he would start up, no one can say he is gay...but....he does seem to have a thing for shoes....hmmmmm

Now during all of this running around and bad weather I did have a minor car issue. While trying to park my low riding Matrix in front of my house I had to ride up on a small snow embankment. And in doing so I hit a huge ball of ice. It cracked the bottom part of my bumper and knocked almost all of the plastic screws holding the bottom engine shield off. I am not sure what this thing is really for but if Toyota put it there, it has a purpose, so I had to jack up the car and lay down in freezing weather to fix it. Now I do not have the proper tools to fix it so I did my best with a bunch of zip-ties and you know what? It worked! I am not saying I was able to fix the cracked bumper, that can wait because fiber glass wont rust, or that there isn't a chance or it just falling off but for now at least it wont make that horrible scarping noise!

Also on Sunday I found this tent we have had since last summer that my mom gave the kids. I thought it would be fun to let them play in it for a moment, but now I am curious as to where I am going to keep it? Our apartment is slowly filling up to the brim with STUFF!

Today is Monday and guess what was here to greet me? More FOOD! I swear I am going to look like Dom Deluise by the time the summer hits!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

God Damn Mother Fucking Peice of Shit....

Ok now that I have that out this is take two of a post I was 2 sentences away from being done with. And you know what killed it....Twilight! I was looking up some information about the characters in the movie when the site I was on froze. So I just left it alone and went about my blogging. Little did I know that since the site crashed it took out my connection with my blog. And for some reason nothing I did on my blog was saved, even the stuff i did before I went to that site. On more reason the hate that fuck-tart of a movie! I am so pissed I even forgot what sent me to that site in the first place!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok I am over it so let me see if I can post my original blog about my evening out with just myself and the wife.

Last Friday night we went to a fancy restaurant in Rosselle Park, NJ called Solar Do Minho. Some high class Portuguese restaurant that my wife had been to with some co-workers a few months back. It was a little fancier than the places I am used to, what the fuck do you need so many spoons and forks for? Does your salad know you are stabbing it with the wrong utensil or something? But any way, I can have class when I want to; so I put on my best 'I am rich so serve me you bitch' face on and went out.

The decor in the place was very nice, and if I ever win the lottery I am going to have my house done up like this. But with a little bit more of a Tim Burton flare I think.

At the table we were at they had the wall to the kitchen done in a manner so one could watch the little people at work. I am sorry, but when I am out playing Mr. Monopoly I do not want to see the workers sweating on my meal! I know it happens but I don't want to see how the good salt is added to spice things up!

The wife wanted me to smile like a normal person for the camera, I was somewhat successful with this one:

But then again I was not completely successful!

This picture took 3 takes, the first one was of just the girls which lead to the next shot of her giving me the look of death then when I told her to smile I got this one. She doesn't care that I do the boobie shots be she didn't want a whole night of our 7 year wedding anniversary diner of her knockers. What? They love the camera!

The food here was so-so in my book. Way over priced for something I could have gotten better at a Red Lobster, and they have buffalo wings at Red Lobster!
We got shrimp in garlic suace (11.00) as an appitizer, which was very good but the main course fell well below par.
I ordered lobster tails, stuffed with crab meat (39.50)and the wife a steak dish(29.00). My lobster was rubbery and not all that, but the stuffing was good. The wife's steak was....well a steak. We did get a pitcher of white sangria, which I later found out cost $22! And to add insult to injury it had more ice than fruit!!!! Who the hell started this trend with ice and booze? I ordered a red bull and vodka once at this bar and asked for no ice. The bartender said I would be charged double. I shit you not, the same drink with no ice was going to cost me twice the amount. I now refuse to go to bars sober, if there is an outing that requires a stop at the bar I refuse to go in sober. I will take my $10 for one drink and walk a block to the liquor store and get me a whole fucking bottle!
Then after that we got dessert, the wife had a chocolate mouse that was more like death by mouse(6.50):

I had a chocolate and raspberry mouse served in a chocolate bowl with some artsy fartsy design on it. It took all of my power not to pick up the plate and lick it, hell if I am paying for it I am eating it!(7.50)

In the end we spent a whooping $153 in all! Our waiter, Lurch was not the best we have ever had. We had to flag him down half the time because most of his attention was on the large party that came in after us. But I cant really blame him there, that tip for that table was going to make his night!
But in all the night out alone with just the 2 of us was well worth the cost of the meal and we had a wonderful night. I do not recommend this place and will never go back....unless I am invited and eating on someone else's bill.
Other thing that happened this weekend is that we gave our 5 year old his first laptop....did you hear me our 5 year old has a laptop! It was my old Gateway that went to shit about 2 years ago. It has been in our closet ever since but last Monday the wife gave it to one of her IT gods at her job. He was able to breath life into it and even add a few new toys to it. It now has a wireless Internet connector thingie in it. So he can now play online in his room at cartoon network and surf for hot girls his age. Wait.....that did not sound forget about that part, we need to get us some blockers on it now lol.

He took to this thing faster than a blind politician bitching about 'seeing' an SNL skit about him. I mean he knew how to work the mouse, how to get to games and everything. I am not sure but I think kinds now can learn by osmosis!

This is part of the reason I keep up with what goes on around us, so I can keep in the know with what my kids know. I am not saying I am going to be the dad trying to speak to my son in his slang of the day but I also don't want to be like my ex. And not know about some of the simple things that make up her sons world. Like not knowing what Emo is, she really did not know but our 12 year old son sure knows. He is not emo but it is part of his little world.
Here is a little test for parents of teens out there to see how 'with it' you are. I know I am not the hippest thing since adults learned about kids using banana peels to get high but I think I keep some what up to date.
Do you know what these are or how they pertain to you teens world:
  1. Emo
  2. Text Language: LOL, STFU, BFF, WTF, ROTFL
  3. The Shocker, The Rocker or even The Spocker
  4. Twilight
  5. Tweaking
  6. Shoes, as having to deal with cars
  7. Youtube
  8. Parkour
  9. Myspace,Facebook,Tweeter,Stickam or even Friendster
  10. WoW, as in the game.....

For each one you know give yourself 2 points, for everyone you dont know take away one point.

If you scored a 20 the odds are you know a few more than me so please dont make fun of me for using old fads or words.

If you got at lest 17 points not bad but I think you need to spend more time at the mall listing to young girls talk. But dont be to obvious about it, you might end up on a soon-to-be-sex-offenders watch list.

And anything less that that you might need to got to and look up some of these. Because the odds are you son has given you the shocker in just about every photo you have taken of him. One more thing.......if you dont know what myspace is go stand infront of a slow moving train and just die. Because you are so far behind the curve we are about to lap you!

Not happy....

Lost a whole post......will be back after i am done hunting down someone to stomp on!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Friday and pictures......

Well as I mentioned eariler I did loose one pound, I was a little affraid that our little trip to my wife's company party would add one instead. But I must say the only bad thing I did at the party, food wise, was the booze. Here is a picture of one of my many plates of food. Sushi, clams, oysters and some Sakie.....Sock it to me!

I did hit the ground running before I got to the food. I had 3 gin and tonics and a green apple martini before we even got to our tables. I was on a misson damn it. I knew that was going to be my last booze fest so I took full advanatge of it! But with all the liquid happiness come the need to break the seal. I lasted a good 40 minutes before running to the potty. About 5 more tonics and 2 shots of Johnny Walker Black, no Blue wtf!
But it wasnt all the booze, it was mainly from the water I drink at work. I drink about a gallon of water at work. It helps keep the food moster in me at bay, and when I say I have a food monster in me I mean I have a MONSTER!

Here we have a picture of what one would see if they were to look up while on the john. One sure fire way to tell you are in a high end place is by the bathrooms. The stales werent stales, they were little rooms with real doors and music playing. There was no worring about making noise or hoping no one sees you doing lines of coke off the toliet seat. Not that I have any inside knowledge of that......

You could even peek out of the slitts in the door to see if there was anyone around to hear you light the crack pipe or the gurgle of the bong. But the down side is that it would be really hard to get the attention of the dude in the next stale to let him know that you are a politician who wants a BJ.

Now, one of the side effects of booze is that people suddenly think they can dance. And even I will admit to that one, but this was my wife's work party so I kept my ass at my table! But I did wander around and take random pictures of what I saw. Here is a dance floor pic, nothing to really note here just people having fun.

Here is a random chow line picture. If the floor was a little more polished this might have been a really interesting picture haha!

Here we have the happy couple. More proof of why I am off the junk, look at my face! I am starting to look like John Travolta! And not the sexy Grease Travolta, more like the bloated crazy looking Pulp Fiction Travolta!

This is the wife unit and her boss. My wife says I have a crush on her, dude she's hot what can I say. My wife even used to joke about me going to see my 'girlfriend' whenever I would go to her old branch. They work in banking....ssshhhh......I cannt say which one because I dont want this info to get out there! But as far as saying I have a crush on her is a bit much, Hell I have a crush on any milf that comes in eye shot of me for crying out loud! And that includes women in blogspher ;)

And speaking of that I did get a picture of some random womans legs while wandering around in a drunkin haze. No clue who she was or is but she has a great set of legs! The kind that go all the way up too.

Now today me and the wife have reservation to this nice resturant, its our anniversay dinner. So I know how I am so today I am abusing myself. The last time I ate was at 10:30 last night, so far today all I have injested was 3 coffes, one tea and a shit load of water. I am testing my will power, I know I used to have it but as of late I cann't seem to find it. I know not eating is bad and wont be doing this on a regular basis but I need to fast a bit to do some cleaning of the gut.
And just so I dont end this post with me talking about food I will post this picture of something i found in the Bank of America's parking lot. It reminds me of this really old joke that I have passed on to my brother in law and oldest son. I hope they keep it going, I learned it when I was in the 5th grade, yes I have been nasty and vulgar for a very long time.
Joke of the day:
This guy and his girlfriend were bumping uglies like they were trying to light a fire in his 3 floor apartment. He was a little backed up so at the momment of truth the condom he was using shot off his junk. To his dismay it flew out the window and landed right out side the front door of his building. He did not want his junk out on the side and asked the kid that was standing on the corner to bring it to him.
"Hey kid I will pay you 5$ to bring that up to my room."
"what is it?"
In his hast all he could think of was,
"Its a twinkie, yeah I dropped my twinkie. Bring it back and I will pay you."
The little boy was thrilled at the thought of getting five bucks for doing much of nothing. So he did it and ran to tell his friends.
As he approached them he started laughing waving the bill in the air. His friends asked,
"whats so funny?"
And to that he replied,
"This guy just gave me 5 dollars to bring his twinkie back up to his place but I got him, I sucked out the cream before I gave it back!"
Now that I have ruined you day here is the picture that brought this little peice of childhood back to the surface:

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Just a fast funny:

I will be posting pictures up soon, work has been busy and home life crazy so I have had little pc time. But to let everyone know I did lose ONE POUND! Whooooohoooo! I am so stoked I did not gain, exspecially after that Xmass party! It was awesome, too much booze too much food! I will be back probably Firday to do that post. So until then take a look at this funny my wife sent me:

your educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for or which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a rapist waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day.....
Sorry I could not leave without post at least one picture I took. I think it came out pretty damn good considering I was about 12 sheets in the wind when I took it....did I mention they had an OPEN BAR!?!

Monday, December 08, 2008

Weekend Round Up....

Ahhhh it is finally Monday so now I can get some rest. I have taken about 3 naps today at my desk, I am so happy I work by myself sometimes. But even though I am tired and sore it was well worth it all!

We had a birthday party to go to at the same roller skating rink we went to last time. Roller Rink Take One. The kids had a ball, just this time I did not put on skates. I wanted to but our little monster was acting up more than usual. And then we got skates on the little monster and he was off. I was suprised at how well he did on them!

He did need a little help but for the most part he was on his own.

Later that night was the MSI (Mindless Self Indulgnence) concert @ the Starland Ballroom. We left a little late and missed the opening act TubRing, no biggie. We did get to see Leathermouth play, I have never heard of them but they did a pretty good set. The sound at the Starland is amazing. Most places like this have the shittest sound, loud and louder. But some how here they were able to keep it loud but still keep the quality clear.

I had the plan to drink a few on the way but being that we were running late I just left it alone. I do regret that decision first two drinks were redbull and vodka, guess how much they were?!?!

$10 each!!!!!!!!! I almost sent them back....almost. So from then on out it was Bud Light, which was still a bit much but at $5 a glass sure beat 10!!!!!!! That killed my buzz a little but I kind of knew that was going to happen so it wasnt to bad. The second down side was that I left my camera in the car thinking that they would not allow them in, and upon entering I saw tons of people with cameras. I was bummed about that but then I thought about the idea of it getting smashed in what was to be the 'Punk Press for the Front'

You see there were no seats, only an open floor from the back of the room to the stage. And if anyone has ever been to a concert like that you will know the joy of having the shit pressed out of you by some dude behind you and some dude in front of you. But with a little bit of luck you might get a chick or two, to squish you instead.

As the second act came on we went to the 'Parents Play Pen' aka, the bar. To drink you had to show ID and they gave you a green braclet. This braclet got you into the drinking area, which to my mirth was full of old people. I knew that MSI has a large fan base but I never imagined they would have been this old. But after hanging around there while getting my drink on; I started to notice that they were not even looking at the stage. They seemed to be looking over the crowd all the time. Then it hit me! I am surrounded by moms and dads that brought their kids to the show. And from the looks of them jr. will be driving home with his learners permit.

After Leathermouth did there thing and the set up for MSI started I dove head first into the Sea of Sweat and Human Flesh.

Please for the love of all that is not stinky, if you are going to a concert put on deodorant; two layers thick!

I am 6'1 and as most of you know now, I weigh in at 221 lbs. And as much as I dislike the idea of weighing that much it sure comes in handy when parting the sea of young punks and posers alike. And the fact my beer muscles were in full tilt, no one was safe. The funniest part was the moment I stepped onto the floor I knew where I was going and I had my 18 hole miliarty shit kickers on to get me there. And as I made my way through I over heard some guys say, 'How the hell are we going to get through this? Oh wait never mind follow that guy!' Meaning me, I am not sure where they ended up but I got one body away from the stage.

The moment they stepped out on the stage until the lights came on, it wasnt about dancing or moshing, it was about survival! I was hoping to a black eye but all I got was a foot to the back of the head, numerous elbow shots to the ribs and some skinny blonde chick landing right on my head. Being this close to the stage one must be a little resonsible for those who are smaller and weaker than oneself. There were numerous times when we had to lift people out that could no longer hack it. There were a few moments that I thought I was going to give in as well but I wanted to see them up close so I fought on.

As the show worn on the pressing got tighter and the bouncing got faster. One would think having chicks bodies pressed onto would have been a huge turn on....but when you are fighting to stay on your feet, military pressing crowd surfers to the security and trying to inch that much closer to the stage the sexual aspect of it all kind of takes a back seat. Now I am not saying I didnt enjoy having some strange girls boobs pressed into my back or the one blonde crowd surfer's rear on my head enjoyable, it would have been more appriciated if I wasnt using every muscle to keep my space clear.

I know most people reading this think I am some dirty pervet with no principles but you are wrong.....well not on the dirty pervet part but on the principles part you are! As I jumped and grinded along with the crowd I noticed a tuft of hair poking out from about nipple hieght. The show was about 2 songs away from the end when I noticed this, so put my right fist in my left palm and locked my elbows out and gave a huge shove. And to my amazement there was this little girl right in front of me! I have no idea how long she had been there and in honesty I never even looked down until then. But even though she was being crushed to almost death she showed no signs of distress, so I did my best at keeping her from the cluster fuck of humans we were facing. I did the same thing with my arms but this time left the middle open for her, now she could see the show and even take some pictures without having someones crotch or knee in her face. I kind of wish I gave her my email addrress for some pictures. I am still pissed about not having my camera but I know if I had my camera it would have probably gotten fucked up some how.

After the show was over she did thank me, and I swear she was about 14!!!!!And she could not have weighed more the 100lbs soaking wet. I tip my hat to her for fighting her way up there and never asking to be lifted out! And even with all the pushing and the shoving I saw no fights, no one was arrested, hell I did not seen see any cops there. No one pulled a gun, no weeves got pulled out and fighting that did happen was done with a smile; and this is why I love punks. You have to love a person that can take a boot to the face and be happy about it!
I took this pictur of me at the end of the night. I was sore all over, I wish there was an exercise itmachine called the 'Mosh Pit' It works every single muscle in shot!

These are my punk/goth pants that I got at Hot Topic at Trash Gardens mall, aka Jersey gardens. The pink hankie was something I beat a bunch of skinny, limp wristed want to Emo punks for. I am not sure if it belonged to the singer but he did through it out to the crowd.

Sunday: Was our day of rest. We bought our 24' family pie from Big Apple Pizza in Kenilworth, NJ. They also feature world famous Cluck-U Chicken! They used to have Fire Atomic Nuclear sauce that to get you had to sign a waver! I always wanted to try it but now its too late, they no longer offer it.

We also tried to get the kids in a Xmass themed picture but as you can see these were the best, we got.

Try #1:

Try # 2:

This is not the end of that battle. I think next time we will tie candy to a string and dangle it over the camera. Candy always makes children smile!

Friday, December 05, 2008

What do you watch.....

I have to watch something when I exercise at home. The other night while on the sex ball....thanks Savanna now that is all I am going to call it....I was watching Full Metal Jacket. I worked out up to the point Private Pile blows a hole in Lee Earmy's chest.

'Whats the matter with you numb nuts didnt mommy and daddy give you enough attention as a child!'

That movie is full of awesome one liners!

'I bet if there was some pussy up there you could get up there!'

'You climb like old people fuck!'

'This is my rifle this is my gun (insert crotch grab), this one is for shooting this one is for fun (insert another crotch grab)'

'Before I gouge out your eyes and skull fuck you'

I could go on but those who have seen this movie know all to well that the only part of the movie really worth watching is the first half. I almost makes me want to join the Marines....almost.

But last night I got on the other tourture device I am going to call Mr. Pain, I put on the best motivator for guys...300!

I even went 15 minutes and, according to the screen, burned 230 calories. I am not sure how accurate that is but when I got off my legs were all rubbery. Now, the funny part about last night exercise is the cramp I got in my abs! I have had cramps all over my body before in just about every place a muscle exisist, but my abs has to be a first. After I hoped off of Mr. Pain I layed down and did 20 crunches, and then after a short rest I tried to do some more. But something went wrong, the upper part of my abs suddenly spazed and locked up! I could not breath or make a sound any louder than a low grunt. The pain sent stars and tears to my eyes. It must have been a site to see if anyone was watching, because I was scooting on my back across the floor. I could even breath for about 30 seconds, and if you dont think that is long try it now. And no taking a deep breath before starting the could either!

I hope to continue this during this week......side note: I started this post on Friday and it is now Monday. I will have another post coming up about my weekend at the roller skating rink and the awsomeness that is MSI @ the Starland Ballroom.

Radom thought for the day-
Is this Irony:

Jesus was a jewish carpanter who died being nailed to a wooden cross?

Thursday, December 04, 2008

This means WAR......

I actually got my ass in gear last night and started exercising. I knew that my body was telling me that I have been very abusive to it and I had better do something and fast. I got on the scale this morning so I can track my progress and I almost passed out! I am 6'1 and weigh 221! I have never been this heavy....ever! I almost shit when I saw what the scale was showing me. And I know what I have to do and now I that my motivation came screaming back to life I will do it. I have cut my gaming down to 2 rounds a night of CD4, I play 2 games then turn it off. Last night I did just that, popped in the movie Full Metal Jacket and brought out my Core ball. I did 3 rounds of exercising...
Push ups 12 reps
Tricep extentions 15 rep with 25 lbs dumbell
Seated back row 12 reps with 25 lbs dumbell
Seat curl 12 reps with 25 lbs dumbell
Seat should press 12 reps with 25 lbs dumbell
Deep bend squats, no extra weight
I did that 3 times and called it quits. I know I could have done more but this is my first day back in almost 3 months. Tonight I am going to hop on my eliptical machine, not sure for how long I will aim for at least 10 minutes but will press for more. I do not want to become a fat body, but with the way i have been treating myself I am on the road to doughboy!
It is frustration to know that if I never stopped I would be well beyond my goal but the fact is I did. And now I have to start over....again. I have started over so many time it makes me want to punch myself in the nuts. But I guess starting over is better than just giving up and never trying. I have read many come back stories at this site I used to use to help me keep in shape this past summer. I think my profile might still be there, I plan on going there later to night and taking a look. If it is or even if it isnt I am going to start that up again. Another distraction from work but at least it is for a good vanity and health. I mean I am glad it is getting cold and that wearing big cloths is the style. I would not take my shirt off outside my house at this time. I am going hardcore here, all the junk food is gone. No more beer, if I do drink it will be straight hard liquor. Even though that really should be cut out as well, we'll see on that one lol.
I have all the tools to build an awesome body now all I have to do is dust them off and get back on. Because we all know summer is only 5 months away. That is enough time to get into shape or to become one!

On a different note here are some facts that I have learned in the past 24 hours:
  1. My blog has suddenly been deemed 'adult' by my work filters....ha I rule!
  2. That back in my great gradmother's day they used bacon grease to cure lice....ewww!
  3. Companys make inferior products that are sold only to Walmart so they can sell them for cheap. While the same item sold at another store is made better. Another reason not to shop there.
  4. The car chase that flew by my house the other night started when 2 guys tried to rob some teens at gun point but failed when the clip feel out of the gun and the kids ran and told a cop. WTF stupid is as stupid does! Here is the full article~~>Elizabeth Car Chase<~~~I drive by the crash site almost everyday on my way home. It actually ened a block from where our babysitter lives.
  5. We told our 5 year old not to feed the fish because the last time he did he dumped way too much in the tank. And we told him that could kill them. This morning he asked to me to feed them just enough so they wont die and get X's on their eyes! I tried not to laugh because he was dead serious but that is some funny shit right there!
  6. And lastley I learned that it is humanly possible to get 2 potatoes and a jar of jelly up your ass....dont ask but I did see the xrays and hospital pictures. I love the internet!
  7. I have started it up again~~~~> My workout Blog!

Wednesday, December 03, 2008


These past few moths I have been such a shit when it has come to eating right and exercising. But this past month I have gone way past anything I have ever done, I am on the road to becoming a fatty! Last night I took out our last apple pie, a big one we got from BlowJobs....oh I mean BJ's. The wife had one peice, the kids had a few bites but I ate the rest of the damn thing! I feel like such a shit today, and it wasnt like I sat down with a fork and went to town on it. No, I just picked on it as I did my Mr. Mom thing as the wife was at school.

(side note, she just finished all of her paper work and it is offical she will be graduating this...March, May?)

As I cleaned, did dishes and such I would walk by this lovely pie of death and take a nibble. Little here, little there and before I knew it I was bloated and unhappy. I have gained about 15 lbs since the summer and I feel like crap. I want to workout but my dirve is just about gone. I was doing the bike thing in the morning but that did not last. I am trying to formulate a plan, step one was to get ride of all the bad food in the house. CHECK, I ate it all. Step two; exercise more, I will have to get back to you on that one......

One of my escapes used to be working out but now it seems that Call of Duty4 has taken that over. So, with that I have to set aside my addiction before it gives me a bad case of 'Dickie-Do' That is a serious disorder that affects men only, it is where your gut becomes so large that it sticks out farther than your 'Dickie Do'.

And with that addiciton I can say I do understand those that are trapped by WoW, and I am here to offer some help with people that know someone or are dealing with the effects of WoW addictions. Here is a little commercial I found that might help.....WorldofHomoCraft.......I might even help me with my CoD4 addicitons.
I know I might sound a bit rude when I talk about WoW and its because of several things, one: I have known a few people to get sucked into its dirty clutches and two: I have watched someone play it and I have never wanted to leave a room so fast in my life. Not even a room full of beer filled frat boys eating white castle's could make me run that fast.
Normally when I am watching someone play a game I am anxious to play too. But after sitting behind a guy playing WoW for about 2 hours asking questions I had no desire to go anywhere near it. It was slow, meticulous, the fighting was childish and the game play was so overly drawn out. I swear if real life was like this we would grow old and die trying to get to work. We would stop ever 20 steps to find some creature that I cannt even pronounce, carry a trunk full of our weapons in the inventory and for the rest of the time standing in the same spot waiting for our friends to get back online. Because they had to talk to their mom, take a piss, eat dinner, do homework or whatever else might be going on at the time.
One guy I know was a real party monster that became a WoW whore. He now has about 40 cats, took out all of his pericings and only comes out of his house if we drag him out. This is a guy that used to drop E while working at Target just for fun! I am affarid someone might find him face down on his keyboard one day with his cats eating him.
Now I am not saying all that play WoW are like this, the guy I going to this concert with this weekend likes WoW and he is still cool. But he is a rare find in that Carpal Tunnel sydrome plauged world. I do not want the internet to ever crash it has to be one of the best toys known to man but sometimes I do day dream about the day it does. We would have to start reading books again, actually doing work at our jobs, going out to meet our friends, build leg muscles and even bring back up the stock in bicycles!
This one kid that lives next to the inlaws almost never goes outside, and he has the pale skin to prove it. This generation will have the lowest cases of skin cancer since the 1920's when people were always dressed up to their eyeballs in clothing! I love the outdoors and would have gone insane if I could not have gone out, back when I was a kid. I vividly remember getting on my bike when the sun came up and not getting off of it for more the a few momments of time until the sun went down. My friends thought I was some kind of reverse vampire, I always had to be home before the sun set, my parents were weird. And I had video games then too, I played them until I had blisters on my fingers but I still went out.
All I am saying is that it is ok to play games but I think it is time we all took stock on how much time we spend on them. Hell, we regulate our son's game time and I think it is time I regulate my own. It is getting too much, and I dont want to be a fat weak gamer freak that cannt fend off a real nazi zombie attack with my uranium powered chain saw. I want some real life fun again, the playstation is now on time out.
Oh, and about blogging....I do that at work so it seems and sounds like I am busy typing up, god-knows-what but it sure looks important to those who dont know what blogging is all about.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Been getting Busy.....

Well, been busy too but for the sake of some relatives that come here from time to time I wont get into that part of my week! But I do have to go back in time for a second and do a little recap of what has happened since T-day and Black Friday.

Slow day, even got to go a little road trip to a satellite office. And while on the road I spotted the coolest drag racer:

Instead of having the big slicks in the front it had them in the back. I have heard of the front wheel drive drag racers but this was the first time I had seen on up close. So I had to bust out the camera phone while going almost 80 and driving with my knees. I am a Professional Idiot, please do not try that yourself.

I had to work but that was cool; I was alone to sleep at my desk and fight with my printer. I had the end of the month reports to do and of course when there is no one to ask; I had technical problems! But work was simple and no problems.
While I was working the wife unit finished up the side dishes that she had cooked to take to her moms. She made these awesome stuff peppers and this bacon and green bean thing that I love. You see this year we were smart about our feasting and had Boston Market cook for us. All we had to do was heat and serve, well except the turkey that had to be cooked a little. The mother in law did make a roast beef and a few other things, in all we ate too much, drank to much and vowed off food for at least 2 days. The sangria was flowing and the food was almost endless. I had to work the next day so I did not over do it with the drinking, which I had no plan on really getting hammered anyway-Way Too Much Food!

After I almost feel into a food coma my neighbor asked if I was up for some adventure. And in the words of Flapp Jack- ADVENTURE! And if you have no idea who Flapp Jack is, well that just means I am that much cooler than you; now go youtube him and find out for yourself!
He asked me if I was up for getting out of bed and heading over to Walmart at 0300hrs! I was cool with that, so we went home, I took a nap and got up at 0230 and went out.
We were out in line for 2 hours waiting for Walmart to open, Rt 22 in Union NJ. The crowd was not on their best behavior to say the least and the momment the doors were unlocked, the screaming and yelling began. People were in a feeding frenzy to get to those flat screen tvs and basement bargain deals.
I wasnt really there to get anything, I was there...for... THE ADVENTURE! I got my ankles bruised by crazed women, witnessed a bitch fight between two women that were arguing over being bumped.....I had this crazed lady just about walk right through me to get into an isle, but size was on my side and she ended up being the one pushed out of the way. To me this was all amusing and never once lost my cool. Even after the 6th or 7th cart smashed into my ankle! It was madness in any direction, I could not began to understand how those news broadcasters could claim that shoppers were not buying as much. From the cluster fuck that I came out of; everyone was there to buy and almost everyone walked out with more than thier fare share of Xmass on Credit! Who needs cash when you got plastic!?!


Went to work following my ordeal at Walmart and was greeted with this-

Some asshole kids thought it would be fun to rip up a bunch of little trees that were planted in the back of one of our buildings. This was not the first time they did it but this was the worst, 6 uprooted plants. At first we thought someone was trying to steal them because apparently these things are $$$$$$$ but after a closer look it was obvious there was nothing missing. I can see spray painting the side of the building, breaking a few windows, or even stealing a few signs but why harass the damn shrubs??? Well, at least they are outside doing something and not inside play WorldofHomoCraft.

It really has not been all that cold here in the land of Jersey so this is about the most I have had to cover up as of late.

Jagger Bombs!

The weekend went pretty quietly, ate left overs and cleaned. But by Saturday night I was sick of left overs and wanted pizza. So we went to Big Apple Pizza, they have the famous 24' pie. I should have taken a picture of the this beast but I did not even think about it until it was all gone. Now when I say beast, I mean it takes 2 people to get it through the door some times big! I also got a Gyro, I love Gyros! Lamb; no beef or chicken I want mine with that cutie little bleating animal in mine! Animals, just cutie meat sticks one step away from yummies in my tummies. I feel the same way about house pets too, so if you think its funny to have your little shit machine of a dog crap on my yard dont be surprised if you see me roasting fido on a spicket this summer! Hmmmm taste of chicken with a hint of Alpo!

Other things of note-
  • We had a repo guy at our job the other day looking for someone that was fired 2 years ago, she did not live at her last known place of residency and no one knows where she is. Hmmmm maybe she drove it Mexico, she was from there after all....well at least I think she was.
  • The gold fish are still alive and growing. I swear these have to be the toughest fish I have ever seen.
  • 4 more days until I go and see Mindless Self Indulgence.
  • My wife found what porn site her little brother likes to beat off to....if you are interested are interested check out moc.nropuoy. I spelled it backwards so no one will goggle the site and get linked back here. I have enough people finding there way here from 'midget porn' searches and 'dirty Sanchez' or the best yet 'chick w/dix' I never know what I will find when I look into my web tracker these days!
  • The wife and I are strongly thinking of getting each others names tattooed on our ring fingers. I know it sounds crazy but no matter what happens in life this will be the woman that will forever be on the highest pedestal in my life.
  • And lastly, the plant my wife brought home about a month ago is still alive and growing! If you knew me at all you will note that I will kill anything plant wise.

I am now off to look up a new interest of mine. Its called hardstyle, go to youtube and look up 'Moonboy hardstyle original' and you will see what I mean. I know it is not 'new' but its new to me!
Peace out, word to your mother, whiter than mayo beeeeeeeooootcch!