About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Post Holiday Review, Step One:

The Wife's Holiday Work Party



The day of her annual Christmas party fell on the same day I had to give an oral presentation in my international business class, and I could not skip class.....it was 40% of my grade! But the professor said I could leave as soon as I done.

So, soon as I clicked on the last slide of my PowerPoint presentation I was out the door! Flying up the Parkway at speeds I will not mention and doing some maneuvers that would have given any NASCAR fan a woody. I made it in record time, I even made it in before they took all the awesome food away. I only had one shot, no seconds so that plate was loaded! We all had a blast and as usual the holiday party was great.....but one side effect of all this holiday greatness is that I have gained major weight. And starting last night I am going to war with my gutt, my lack of will power and my missing motivation. I have only 5 months to get back into shape....I am not going into the summer of the last year the earth has out of shape. You know the world is coming to an end in 2012 right?

I am back to where I started....AGAIN....but hey at least I have something to bitch about now hahaha. But looking back I sure had a blast putting on the weight, and now its time to pay the piper lol. Now lets get on with those pictures I took that day:

1) Here we have the wife unit getting ready, hot as usual. Side note: Her boobies where the talk of the night. She does have wonderful assets and huge......tracks of land!


2) Here we have her old boss Marta and the big boss...whose name I cannot remember, I think it's John. He is a great guy, he came to Atlantic City with all of us with a drink in his hand. Now that is a boss. Side note: She has wonderful posture doesn't she?


3) Who doesn't love some girl on girl love? I know I do lol. That is Monica dancing with the wife, another person from the cool kids at the job.


4) Here is another boss, Joe I think....he is her direct boss at the location she works at, another great guy. He just had a new baby...well his wife had the baby but he did help get it started lol


5) The wife and Jill, they have been working side by side for the past month or so trying to clean up a location that needs.....some help. I cannot go into detail but let me just say we are all adults and know what has to get done in the grown up world. So just do it, no one should have to tell you what your job is these days.


6) And sure enough that is me being me. Side note: She let me do this so I did not get smacked for this one lol


7) I had just sat down with my food when we had this one taken, notice the fork is all set to start the shoveling! Does anyone else think I look like Tom Green here?


8) Forgive me but I cannot remember her name, I am sooo bad with names and I always feel bad when they call me by mine and I cannot return with theirs. But she is another part of the cool kids that sit at the back of the bus....because we all know only the cool kids get to sit there lol.


I will be doing a Christmas post soon, probably tomorrow. I do not want to do all my blogging in one day, since school is out I have had to do actual work at work! I now have to time to goof off on a massive scale.....I mean hell I got to work at 0600hrs and took a nap until 0930! How awesome is that?

Up Coming post:
1) Xmass in Review
2) The 2010 Snow Blast (NJ got nailed with a shit-load of snow yesterday and I am sooo going to bitch and blog about it lol)

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

My Trip To The Sex Museum

Last semester I had to go into the city to do a paper on a statue, very classy stuff. But this time I had to do another paper along the same lines, but this one was more of the 'Titties and Beer' kind of paper.

Well, me and some of my classmates got together and went to the Sex Museum in NYC. And yes it is real, here is a link to some information on it.....Museum of Sex.....I would have put the actual web site but at work it keeps coming up as 'Porn' lol

The museum started off with the gift shop with all kinds of toys and devices anyone....or anything could ever want. And I say 'anything' because they had a sex doll for dogs, and just for $650 you can cure your dog of ever wanting to hump your leg. And cure you ever showing your face in public after your friends FaceBook pictures of this thing in your house!



They also had way over priced tee shirts with funny saying and pictures. Because who doesn't find the topic of sex funny? If it was not for the fact sex felt good it would be laughable!



There where lots of exhibits on everything from fetishes, to the history STD's and prevention. I personally loved the old condom ads from way back in the day. Who knew people where having sex back then?!?!

This one display of the living sex dolls is one for the books.....'For just $6,000 you can have a life size sex doll that is as close to the real thing as one can get without the fear of pimps, jail, marriage or crabs!'



And how could they possibly have a museum of sex without a section on the porn industry? I mean hell that is why the Internet is so vast and powerful after all!




I loved the safe sex posters and advertisements they had up, I wonder where they got them from? Because I never saw this ad in any magazine at the check out counter:






In all it was a fun trip, the entertainment value was much higher than when I had to do a paper on that Greek statue. But in all honesty the $16 was not worth it, yeah sex is great but I have seen better and more informative things on HBO. If you are bored and got some cash to burn go in and have a laugh, this is not something I would take a special trip just to see. This like all other attraction in NYC, it is a one shot kind of deal just to say you have been there.
Places I have been to in NYC that I will most likely never go again:

  • Empire State building....its a tall building....and.........
  • Madame Tussuad's Wax Museum.......it was fun but a little pricey and once you have seen it once you have seen it a million times.
  • Statue of Liberty......every American has to see it at least once!
  • Trade Towers.....no disrespect to anything related to 9-11 and I am glad I can say I was there, but they once were just buildings.
  • Time Square on New Years Eve.......I would go again if the temps go above, lets say 70! But been there, done that, and froze my ass off!

The Natural History Museum and Art Museum, I have been to as well but I love going there and will go back again and again. I love history and I love art and the fact they are always changing stuff around; one never knows what they might have next time around.

I love NYC and once upon a time wanted to live there, but that is a want I no longer have. I love taking little day trips here and there but that is a lifestyle I do not want, I want to de-stress these days. And NYC is all about the fast paced life of run here, run there and curse at anyone that gets in your way. Now, I am not saying I want to move the the country, I would not fit in there either. I just need a nice medium, and Jersey was once that medium but I fear I am becoming to 'Jersey Shore' for my taste.

To sum it up I would love to find a place that has some city, some country and some place to call home that allows my inner idiot to shine. I recently had a conversation about my inner idiot and found this clip that shows what he sounds like. I loved this movie when I was a kid and I think I adopted his laugh as my own.....but only during those times I am truly 'Feeling Stoopid'

Monday, December 06, 2010

This weekend:

This weekend was a very productive one, I shoe shopping with the wife to help her pick out shoes for her party dress. Yes I like going to the mall, no matter what the reason is. The wife is going to her company Xmass party without me this year, damn school and my need to pass :(

But what can one do, I have to go to class that night the teacher made that very very clear. So I might shot up there afterwards just to see her in all her glory. And to parade around the room and show her off.....'You see that hot piece of ass....yeah I hit that!'

And after only three hours of searching she found what she was looking for, and even got a nice necklace and earrings to match as well. I know most men hate the mall and all the walking around but for me its just a fun day out with the wife. I take whatever alone time I get with her :)





I mean with legs like that what red blooded straight man wouldn't right?
She even tried on another dress but she noticed it showed off the girls jussst a little too much lol:



On Sunday we had a birthday party to go to, our neighbors kid turn 5 and they had the party at the skating rink. I am not sure why but Seth and Lucas ate like there was no tomorrow. One would have thought I never gave them food the way they were putting it away, it was just too funny!



Seth spent all his token on this game, he loved being Homer. I remember playing this game back in 1994 with an old girlfriend at Seaside Heights! We spent I dont know how much but we beat the game, Jersey Fist pumping the whole time!



Just a friendly reminder to those who go out in public, I have a camera and I know where to point it lol



This is a picture of the card I got for the little girl.....I could not find any good kiddie ones so I got this one. The inside read:
'We ran into a little snag with the party entertainment on the way to the party'



And after we were all loaded on high fatty food and sugar we headed home for some cleaning, Chinese food and Xmass lights. I have to get a picture of the lights, but we are not done yet so I will probably get one later on tonight.

Friday, December 03, 2010

Backyard camping

We have been trying to get out to the great outdoors for sometime but this that and everything has stopped us. But last week we put our foot down...until the weather man called for below freezing temps and snow. And not being all that well equipped for that kind of camping we took it to the backyard:



This was more of a spring cleaning of all the stuff we have accumulated in the past 12 years. Taking stock in what we have and what we need. I now know I need a new sleeping bag, blankets and sheets are just not the same lol.
I was able to get rid of a bunch of stuff that was old, broken or missing parts. We have three tens, two of which we put up and the other has never been used. So it is safe to say that one is still good lol. The two tents worked perfectly, no rips, holes or issues with any of them. Tent test 100%

Now when camping in the backyard in urban areas you have to be careful with where you put the camp fire.....you cannt have a camp site without a camp fire...duh! So we borrowed this homemade fire pit made from an old beer keg. And it worked like a charm!



And as you can see one of most entertaining things one can do while camping is finding random stuff to burn! Luckily Devon brought some old homework that had to go down in flames haha!



And as the weather man stated, it was cold even far away from the mountains it was cold. Lucas did come out for a few moments to see what we were up to. But it was just too cold for him to stay out too long.



As the night wore on we started to wonder what could we do for fun.....so we came up with the idea to run a power cord and hook up the Xbox for some COD in the great outdoors. Nothing says camping in the backyard like fresh air video games!



We all slept outside in the cold, like real men. And the wife kept saying "If you catch a cold I dont want to hear it!" Well it has been 6 days since we survived the long cold night and no one has gotten sick. Just remember kids....take you vitamins, drink your milk and masturbate everyday to keep the bad germs away.

After breaking camp we organized everything and moved all the camping gear to our place. It is now packed away all set to go if we should ever have the urge to just pick up and pretend to be homeless again. We also took this time to get all of our Xmass stuff organized as well. Now that we have a place to store stuff we are getting everything organized, once everything has its place it will be easier to find.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Back from the dead....somewhat

It seems I am always playing catch-up here, I really need to come back to my place of therapy more often. Soo much has happened I dont even know how or where to begin. So lets just do a hit on a few points and go from there: (and yes the odds are they are out of order)

  • Went to California with the wife for a kid free week vacation. Had a blast, I have tons of pictures I will put up at some point. Just the thought of going through them all gets my procrastination running at full steam lol.


  • Had my car towed because I let my registration run out. The cop also added insult to injury by giving me a ticket for unclear plates! I paid for the towing and the registration ticket but fought the unclear plates....and fucking won. I got that ticket thrown out...I will have to do a blog on that whole ordeal someday lol.


  • Halloween came and went, the kids all had fun. And the wife had to hide their candy from me....bad me.


  • Speaking of eating....I have gained all the weight I lost so its back to square one. I know the winter has not even started but I had better get cracking before all the holiday food pushes me over the gut wall.


  • We went up to PA for Devon's birthday for a day of paintball and had a blast. I only took one picture, of the spot on my neck where a paintball nailed me:

  • And yes it looked like a hickey for about a week lol

  • I am still plugging away at the college thing. I have about 3 more weeks left in this semester so the big push is on. This weekend some of my classmates and myself are going to the Sex Museum in NYC. It is part of the class, we have to write a paper on the trip so it wont be all fun and games. And yes i will be taking pictures lol.

  • Me and the wife unit are doing much better, we have weathered the storm and come out in a much better place. It was a bit scary for a time but it has been laid to rest.

    • I am probably leaving out some other things I can not think about right now but that is what happens when I let things get to far gone. I miss coming and bitching on my blog and also commenting on other people's bitching. I wont make any promises but I am going to try to at least do this once a week instead once every 3 months lol.

      But let me get back to 'trying' to get my school work done...and I stress the trying part lol. I will leave with one picture we took while out in Cali of our new found friends we made while out in west. And yes they were all Mexicans and no they did not speak Spanish lol:


      Friday, September 17, 2010

      Long time no Blog!

      It has been a while since I have put pen to paper....er...fingered my keyboard....ummmm....blogged! Yeah that's it! But it is what it is and I swear I will try to start back up again. I am just being a lazy shit and I hate that I have not been blogging more. There have been soo many things I wished I had blogged about and now I feel like I have to back track a bit. So let me start off my blogging resolution with our most recent adventure that went down this weekend:

      TRIP TO ATLANTIC CITY 2010!



      We took a little bus trip with the wife's co-workers. It is not a work sponsored trip so some of the controls that would go along with a work function were turned off.....so that means no nasty emails from HR come Monday morning if you were the designated lush for the night lol.

      We had made plans with our friends Pete and Monica to stay the night so we did not have to rush or worry about catching the bus back. Monica ended up getting her room for free due to her frequent loser miles she had on her casino card.



      We started at the Showboat but only stayed there for a second, then we went on our way to the Trump Plaza where our room was waiting. It was a bit of a walk from the Show Boat to the Trump Plaza, and the wife wore heels which was to be her down fall later.



      We started gambling once we got all situated in the Plaza, Pete took me to the craps table to learn me some new ways to loose my money; Monica and Lilian went to collect a free food processor they had won and then off to the slots. The wife unit ended up loosing all her money but I did pretty good on the three card poker table. I started with $100 ended up winning that back and then some. I wanted to play so I put the 100 in my pocket and played with my winnings. Once my winnings were all gone I got up and left the table. We played for about an hour and had fun. I did not blow my load all at once and even walked away with what I started with haha! Don't let the house beat you on all levels, yes I did not walk away with anything extra but I also did not spend anymore than what I came down with.



      After that it was off to eat myself stupid and walk the boardwalk. Now as I mentioned the wife wore heels.....but changed to flats when we got to the room. And after all the walking we did that night she ended up hurting her left foot. But we still had fun.



      1) Gee Walley do you think that is a casino?


      2) Taking a break in the room before going back out for more fun.


      3) Once you have been there once you have been there a thousand times.


      4) Wife texting and taking touristy pictures. I love being a tourist!


      5) Man....I mean woman down.....



      As I mentioned before this was not a 'work function' so some people took the liberty to just let it all hang out, of which some ended up all over the floor of a night club in one of the casinos. And if you saw what they were drinking on the bus it would have come to no surprise the light weights would be down for the count by the end of the night.

      I dont know her name but she will never live down this night as long as she works with these people. And thanks to some emailed photos they have proof lol.



      6) 'Dear God, if you make the room stop spinning I swear i will never drink that much again.....and one more thing can you please tell me why my pillow smells funny?'


      I took this picture of the Madison Hotel because it reminded me of something out of a horror movie. As it turns out it has been closed for sometime and there is little hope it will open again. I now have the urge to get in there and rome around. It must be eerie at night with no lights on. Hell turn it into a haunted house ride! 14 stories of terror, only at Alantic City!



      7) The Madison House Hotel



      8) And here I was trying to get a shot of the carpet but some floozies got my my shot!



      Over all we had a great trip, ate toooo much did not spend a whole lot of money and even had some fun alone time.....did I mention it was a kid free weekend?!?!

      Thursday, September 09, 2010

      Back to Skool

      Yep it is that time again, for myself and the kids. I actually started last Thursday but it was only one class. The kids started yesterday but have off today and tomorrow for the Jewish holiday of.......I have no idea but they have off school.

      My first day back was nothing to even blog about, Human Sexuality, just some bs class I took because I registered late. I have class Monday-Thursday nights, again no biggie. I am just going into this semester and all following with a new mind set. I am not going to let this stress me out, it isnt a do or die situation its just skool. And to try and help me along with my new sense of being I started the first day off trying to let everyone know where I stand with my new out look on things:



      I was in NYC a few weeks back and saw this tee shirt and I had to have it. It just screamed my name as I walked by it!

      Now the kids school year has started off with the usual cluster fuck of chaos that is the Elizabeth Board of Education. I am sorry but they had months to plan for this day so there really isnt any excuse for the shit storm we walked into when we got to Seth's school.



      There was absolutely nothing planned, nothing posted and any answer you got was usually contradicted two seconds after you got it. Normally I would not say I could have done better, but in this case I could have way better. Hell a drunken monkey with no arms could have done better.

      No one knew what was going on, no one could tell us anything useful and the people receiving the beating was the teachers, that had no say in how it was handled. May people like to blame someone, anyone just so they can point the finger at some person responsible. But here I am not even sure whom to blame. I know the teachers are not to blame because they were handed the same information we got......yesterday. Which was much of nothing. I am not sure if I can blame the principle because he does not have as much control over the school as one would think, and I sure as hell cannt blame the politicians that do not even have a clue to where the schools are because all their kids go to private schools.

      But whom ever is to blame for this really needs to be taken out and beaten in the public square. It is disgraceful and it happens every year. So we were not all that surprised but it is still a dilemma that could have been easily avoid by some simple, simple planning.

      But it is over and the ball is now rolling, it is a new school year with new hope that a rocky start can end with an over all good year. It is now time for me to get my ball rolling on my school work so let me end this with some pictures of their first day:









      Monday, August 16, 2010

      'The Bathroom Pirate'

      Say hello to the Bathroom Pirate:



      He is a typical tourist keep sake my mom got when she went to the Bahamas; that she keeps on the back of the toilet in her bathroom. But for my youngest it is nightmare worthy. He is terrified of this thing, he wont go into the bathroom at my mom's if it is in there. We even threaten him with it whenever he is misbehaving. So what does a parent do with information like this? That is right, we use it as entertainment at his expense. If there is a hell I will see you there hahahaha!

      We went to my mom's on Sunday and as usual I had to assure him it was not there, just so he would not peep his pants out of fear of the Bathroom Pirate. So I snuck it out and put in the car for a little fun. Here you see him getting into the car unaware of what is in his seat:



      And here are some pictures of his reaction to his nemesis:

      1) 'Good god he is following me!'


      2) I bet he will get me back in the years to come for this.


      3) As the wife says I am awful for doing this she has no problem with having a little fun as well.


      4) And one more for the road, he loathes this thing with a passion lol


      And just a side note here, he was not crying about it even though the pictures make it look like he was having a fit. It was all in fun and on the ride home he was fine.

      This was a good weekend, nothing to really complain about really. I bougth some gin and tonic to help make cleaning the house a little more entertaining. I wanted to get Tangera (sp) but I was not willing to shell out the money for it lol. But I also did want to buy the super cheapy stuff that is just crap, so I bought one I have never tried before. And I must say it was just as good, and for the price I might be changing my favorite brand of gin lol. Nothing makes cleaning the house fun like being blitzed out of your mind at the same time :-)



      The weather was so so, so we did not go to the beach. So it was a good time to stay in and clean. It seems things are starting to cool off a bit. I hope we have a few more warm weekends before the fall hits so we can get the beach at least one more time.

      Wednesday, August 04, 2010

      Hells Kitchen Party

      There are lots of pictures here and I am pressed for time, so I will do the intro and let the pictures speak for themselves.

      Last Saturday me, the wife unit, the navy boy, the SIL and her boyfriend went to this bar in Newark, NJ called Hell's Kitchen. They were hosting their 3 year anniversary party of the Rocky Horror Picture/Burlesque Show. What it came down to was half naked women dancing.....well more like 95% naked! And some people putting on skits from the movie Rocky Horror Picture Show. Now, if you have never seen this movie go see it, rent it, buy it, pirate it...I don't care but you have to see it! Every American has to see this train wreck of an awesome movie. It is all that makes America great, someone with a simple/insane idea can become famous.

      We all had a blast, I stopped drinking like a fish sometime ago so the double shots of vodka, Jameson and the numerous beers I had really sent me rolling. Nothing bad happened and no hang over. Just woke up feeling a bit odd, and wondering where all these Coors Light hats/tee shirts and huge lip balloons got in my house. LOL

      1) You sure gots a purdy mouth there city boy!


      2) Pink Steal, the female version of 'Blue Steal'


      3) This was only the beginning.......


      4) The family


      5) The look of a man looking for some poontang.....



      6) All I can say about this guy.....is that if he joined the military they would not have to ask and telling would be a mute point....



      7) As you can see alcohol does impair judgement.....I become a huge ass grabber the more I drink. Men...women....no one is safe from the Groper!


      8) With my beer goggles on I was in lust....and even with them off.....I am still there lol


      9) Does anyone want to make a wish?



      10) The SIL said something later on about this that made me almost piss my pants. She said, and I quote, 'I was startled when the women took off their bras.' Now if you knew her at all this would come as a surprise because nothing seems to bother her when it comes to stuff like this. So for her to say it 'startled' her is freaking too funny!



      11) Now to say that this guy was/is a flamer.....is a true understatement. For some reason the Rocky Horror Picture Show attracts a lot of people that are gay.....I have no idea why.....But you got to lovem!



      12) Dont ask because I have no idea why I took this.....I was drunk at the time....



      13) And as you can see sooooo was Douglas....'Yeah yeah time to get double fisted'



      14) Again the beer goggles were in full effect, but I have learned through the years to always keep that beast in check when the alcohol starts to flow. It is better to sit back and watch than it is to try and undo something or someone lol



      15) Mr. Gold shorts over here just loved to dance, dance, dance....well at least what he thought was dancing.



      16) Ummmm yeah I cannt really say much about this one......


      17) Here she is again with he rings of fire......a funny note on the fire. The next morning I was picking my nose ( and yes I pick my nose just like everyone else ) and found that what was in my nose was BLACK. For the life of me I could not figure it out, but then it hit me.....The fire performers always use kerosene in their shows. And kerosene is known for its soot creating properties, and since we were so close to the show we go some black boogers as a keep sake.


      18) She was smokin.....man that was bad lol


      19) Did you know that Johnny Cash turned down a hemorrhoid cream company for the rights to use his song 'Ring of Fire' in one of their commercials? Somethings do not have a price tag, way to go Mr. Cash!



      20) Having no body hair is probably a good thing when spinning fire around your body for a living.



      21) Last picture in my camera from that night.....and I do not remember taking this one so I have no idea what is going on. I am curious, is she hiding her girls from me or someone in front of her trying to give her a titty twister?