Ever since I got married at 19 I have suffered/loved insomnia. It worked to my advanatage in those days because I was working some screwed up shifts and 2 jobs. My main job I worked in a hospital cafeteria 10am to 7pm and a night job as a vallet 11pm to 7am. I was the only one working, stay home mom never had any real desire to do much of anything (12 years later and she still does but that is another story for another blog entry lol). My day job had to be the best slacker job ever, I used to drink on the job all the time. I used to think that was messed up until i caught just about everyone else doing the same thing. We were all a buch of rejects, and I swear some of the peopel there could not read, sad sad place. The night job wasnt any better, nothing better than learning how to drive manual on rich old ppls cars drunk out of your mind. I never crashed any cars but I did pass out behind the wheel the moment I got a car parked once, I am soo lucky I worked the devils hours lol. I was the only one on the vallet shift so it was me and 7 under ground levels of high priced cars and a box full of the keys! I learned what a power-slide is, that down shifting is, and how to do a doughnut......never never give you car to a vallet, I might be the asshole getting your car! And dont leave pot in your car, because when I steal it you cannt call the cops and tell them someone stole your drugs....hahahahah(true story)
This was a very bad time for me, I kept a journal during those days. I wrote in it after a really bad fights with the wife, which ment I wrote in this thing often. I was depressed, I was angry and I felt I was losing myself. It was because of that last thought that made me leave, well actually made her leave we were living in the upstair apartment at my moms house-she had to leave muahahahhaah! My theme song for my life at that time was the song Hurt by NIN, I still get emotional everytime I hear that song. Not as much as I did back then but it still gets me. I was literally going insane in those days, I was drinking and smoking more than I have ever in my life. And what makes that fact funny is that she had no idea that I was such a lush, shows how close we were!
It was not unitl I saw the movie Fight Club that I realized what was happening to me, without sleep humans become retarded and dangerous. I was not the same person back then I am now, I was always pissed and emtional. I felt like woman in that asspect ha! I am alot calmer now and not in the least depressed. New wife, new life, dont smoke, drink for the fun of it and a new outlook on things. The insomnia is still there but its different and does not affect me all the time. I can go months without an episode but then work will help that one out.
We are not down by 2 full timers and one part timer, and 2 of the shifts are the over night shift. I have been pulling doubles 3 times a week and then some for almost 3 weeks now. the sleep I do get is not the good kind and is currently being fucked with by my cough I have.
One of the side effects of no sleep is that my brian goes into overdrive in the sex and imagination department. I can do no armed push up these days and have crazy movies running through my head. And what I tend to notice is that you dont need drugs to get high, try not sleeping for 2 days and tell me if you dont feel high. I know its a high you have to work for, kind of like a runners high. You cannt get these highes from a needle or a bong, these natural highs have to worked on. I once went 3 days with no sleep and I swore I was not human for a while. Paranoid, manic, dazed and just a general werido. And then add booze to this animal and you will have one hell of a beast to tame.
And what is funny is that once you finally get sleep it like a recharge. And it only takes one good night of sleep to get me back to planet earth. One would think after 72 hours of no sleep you would need more than an 8 hour nap but that is about all you need. My insomnia has always been a hate/love kind of a thing, it can really work for me like right now but other times it sucks....like today when I was trying to get some emergency sleep. I got about 2 hours of sleep after doing 16 hours and going into another 16 hour shift. As of 3pm today I will have my 40 hours for the week and everything after that is overtime. Whooohooo!
You would be amazed at what I have been able to get done these past few weeks because of my lack of sleeping. I have kicked up my blogging almost back to my old levels, my skool is about as up to date as it has ever been, my work is so up to date I am starting to think my ADD is gone.....no way my ADD will be my freind to the very end! I have even started my writting for fun up again, I have started so many writing for fun projects, but never finished any of them. I have started a new one, but this time I am going to try and keep it small maybe just a short story. I would love to write a novel but then again I would also love to eat fast food and still have abs lol.
I am now off to skool to do a powerpoint presentation, write my short story, beat off, do paper work, probably blog some more and drink lots of coffee. And you are probably going to sleep and wake up with nothing done since last night. I am ahead of everyone!
Favorite tee shirt from those days:
I WILL SLEEP WHEN I AM DEAD
Did I mention that lack of sleep makes me feel....a little....evil......