About Me

My photo
I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Friday, December 30, 2005

TGIF

Its friday and the day before one of the greatest designated drinking days. There are several on the calander: Fourth of July, Mardi Gras, Easter, Good Friday, Mothers & Fathers day, April Fools day, Groundhog day, St. Patricks day, Christipher Columbus day, Valentines day, and let us not forget Flag day. All the great holidays to get shit faced on, but then again all I need is a day that ends in Y and some good friends.(Johnny Walker and his friends Blackie and Red) VX could probably say the same, she is such a lush, got to love her! I am planning to be very drunk, why you ask? If you have to ask then you are not my friend and I wont share my booze with you soo go away. I have no plans this year but to stay home with the family and drink. I was thinking of going to some party somewhere but if I stay home I can save a shit load of money and keep all the liquor to myself lol.
Have a safe and happy new year and dont feel bad if you are not in the spirit. Another holiday where people exspect too much. Its just another day no more.

Now lets see if i can find some funnies for the last of the FF (friday funniess for 05) :

1) So close, sooo close.











2)Why does the truth hurt? Because anal sex from anyone, priest or not, hurts( until you get used to Father Mccpackin's loving touch)

































3) Each time I see this I yell " DUCK" but each and everytime he hits it. What an idiot.











4) This may offend some ppl. And for those ppl, have only this to say: It was a fucking theory, get over yourself! And if you are unsure to what 'theory' means I will help those who have bible scene mouse pads and only understand point and click~~~>THEORY









5) I am not sure what it is or where it came form but I want one as a pet.











6) This applies to sooo many people!










7) I think I will print this out and hang it at douche bag central : The Gap




















8) Yeah you know who you are, looking at beastiality porn when the wife is sleeping. You know god kills a kitten everytime you masterbate,right?










Happy New Years friends, this is my first year in blogger land and its been a Blast. Thank you , evey one of the ppl that have commented on my blog. I was going to name each one of you but its Friday and I have to get back to work sorry. But you all know who you are, And Thank you!

See yall next year!


























The Rev will speak later.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Common sense isnt so common

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong:

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage.

I saw this on Sher's blog and had to share it. I am all for the pursuit of life and liberty, but so many bible thumpers feel it is there job to protect us from the evils of gay people, booze, Howard Stern and anything "they" deem to be evil. Now, by the way gays have never started over a war of who is gay or not, booze has been around since man(jesus was drunk on that faithfull night) and Howard has never done anything but told fart joke.
And if this offened someone .......fuck you and die of cancer of the sexual organ!

Happy HNT

Its that time again and a few ppl (Jennay and Blondie) have asked to see some back. I will gladly give it up! Now you may ask what I would like in return, and if you dont know what guy wants to see please punch yourself in the face for being stoopid. Come on now, men want to see it all.....a woman naked ironing his cloths, cooking his food and cleaning his house! :-D
God, I soo want to be able to see the face of a fema-nazi when she reads that muahahahhaahahah. Hell, I very rarely need anything ironed, I can cook my own food and I am more of a clean freak than most women. Even though I have been lazy about cleaning lately, and there is nothing sexier than a women cooking dinner in nothing but an apron.(got to protect the good from hot plashing grease). Men are visual creatures, end of story. We like to see it, how do you think go-go bars stay open with thier strick "NO HANDS" policy. But there are some sleazy places that let you touch, not that I have any idea where these places might be(hott22 on route22 in union nj).
Any whooooo on with HNT.....



Its kinda light now but if you look closely on the left shoulder you can see two things:

1) A scare I got when I was in Uruaguay, beer bottle. -----&

2) A branding of my ex wives name. 'AMY' it was done with a lighter and a paper clip. And yes she did it, it hurt like hell and yes the current wife wants it gone. I was planning on getting the new wives name on me but it seems like bad luck to do this. The only names that should be put on you are your childrens and your own. I do not have any plans to leave my wife or ever getting married again if she leaves me, but look what happened to the AMY I had. But I might change my mind, I am still thinking of getting the "Phil&Lil" tat on me, you know : The Rugrats. We are Phil&Lil.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Desperate measures:

Over the past holiday I put some food in the community frig in hopes to eat it later. But some greedy asshole took it apon themselves to eat it for me. I hate it when ppl take food that is clearly not ment for them, but then again I am a guilty of doing just that as well. But when I do it its on Friday, and everyone knows on Friday they clean them out. Anything left there after that day is up for grabs haha! Now not having anywhere else to put my stuff I have resorted to visual aides to try and keep the frig troll at bay. Here let me show u...............

My milk damn it!










Visual aide # 1, maybe I should have tried different languages ass well. Like 'fatbastard' or 'fuck tart'!










Visual aide #2, if the first one didnt do it maybe this one would.











Lesson for the day: Dont mess with my food! Nothing gets my panties in a bunch more than someone fucking with my nummy num numes!

But anywhoooo, this little pic below is how I feel every Thursday for HNT. I will try for a better one myself but I find nothing to whoohooo about the male body. Any suggestions on what I could post? And sorry but no penis shoots, I have some family that read this and I am sure none of them would like to see my man hood staring them right in the eye.
Until tommorrow....................

New Camera

As I mentioned before I got a new camera for Christmass, an Olympus sp-350. It is a major up grade from my other one , which is an Olympus as well. But the old one only have 1.3 megapixels and this one has a wooping 8! Now mind you I have noooooooo idea what the fuck a megapixel is but the higher the number means something good, I think.
So while at work yesterday(which I did not get to leave until 9pm :X ) I was messing around with it getting used to all the newer bells and whistles. Luckily this one has very similar features as my old one, just upgraded and alot smaller. I took all kind of stupid pictures just to see how certain things worked.

1) This one was taken with the "avaiable light" setting. This is my sister in law sharon, say high Sharon! As you can see she got a camera ass well. Her's is a bit more on the professional end, which means it has features that most of us will never have any clue on what it does.
















2) This was on the "Macro" setting. This one is used for up close pictures, the subject here is a wine bottle. As if you didn't know lol!
















3) This is the "portrait" mode. Of course it had to be me as the subject heheehehh. Notice the facial hair, boss is away so I can play with myself a little :-X
















4) This was taken using the "indoor" setting. I altered it a bit, never know who might be checking up on me lol. This was the place that had me until 9 fucking pm last night, last minute call out and I volunteered for some much needed over time.















5) This was a combonation of the "indoor" and "macro" setting. Getting fancy now hehe. Just in case you are wondering what this sex doll is doing here: she is a hair test dummy. Not a crash test dummy( by the way was the name of the band that sang the humming song.) but in a since they do similar jobs. They teach ppl how "not" to dye your hair. While crash test dummies teach ppl on how 'not' to drive. Not sure which one makes our world a better place but I think most women and metro men every where would agree the hair test dummy does make the world a prettier place.















*disclaimer- This is Rev speaking here*
And helps all the blondies look smarter............ooooooooooo I am just kidding! Thats mean I know but I had to say it lol. You know I love you Blondie!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Its alive!

This is kinda corny but I am so proud of myself for this. I wish I had a picture of what this thing looked like 2 weeks ago when I first got it. My boss gave me his poinsetta that he got from someone(he has no idea who, he just found it on his desk one day) that was in much need of some care. It looked like it was ready for the garbage, but I thought I would try to bring it back from the brink. We all need second chances, hell some of us need more than seconds!
But any-who, after a week of watering it and putting it in the sun I am glad to share with you......'The plant that should not have been'......






Purdy!















New camera doings its thang!








Normally I have a black thumb but this time I have won the battle. I wonder how long this can go on before death comes and claims my plant. I have never had an office plant, so lets see how this one goes, who know maybe I could start up a collection of living things on my desk, other than bacteria , germs and parasites.

Tuesday ugggg me no like days that end in sobber thinking.


It is another day in hell(work). It is a little of a bitch today because its only 7:30am and I already have bullshit to shovel away. One of my employees just called out, mind you this person is supposed to start in one hour. I dont know about you but I would be rather affraid to call out like this out of fear of getting in trouble. But the company I work for is so hard up for ppl they will take the abuse because they know there isnt someone to take their place. Hell, we currently have one slot open (a real no brainer) and its been almost a month and still no takers. The lesson I have learned here, do not make promises that you know you can not keep just to make a sale. It is a common salesman tactic that I have seen time and time again fail, the client calls you on your sales pitch and all you have to offer is exscuses.
This post will end for now, due to the fact it has taken me an hour to get this little out. Work is being a total bitch today, I am being punished for all the easy days I had lol.

Peace out motherfuckers......like thats a bad word......soccer moms at Target need love too-giggity giggity alllll right!

Monday, December 26, 2005

Its OVER!

The mad rush is over and all is normal. We stayed up till almost 3 in the freaking morning rapping presents, next year I am going to wrap them as I buy them. I have yet to make this bottomless promise to myself so lets see how things pan out next year lol. I drank and ate too much and now I feel permanately bloated. Here is a picture of why I think I am bloated....


Just add beer!












The kids made out like bandits with the freakin gifts! Thank god for santa clause huh, if it were not for him we would be broke. And the funny thing we did not even leave out cookies for him this year, but that hooker that was staying out our house wassssss passed out on the couch by the fire place. We belong to this program that helps out-of-work strippers and street walkers for the holidays. She did party kinda hard xmass eve so santa must have used her as only the fat man could see fit. I guess he just figured we druged her for him, he did leave me some great presents though. She was complaining of a sore butt when she left in the morning, but hey we all have to pay the price for a good xmass right?
I got a great blender form my mom(which I totaly needed), a bunch of movies from the little woman(now all I need is some time to watch them all) and a camera from the mother in law. The best present was the one I gave to my wife. I made a scrap book with all kinds of pictures and keep sakes that we have collected since we meet almsot 7 years ago. I worked on this thing for almost a month, it was a totaly labor of love for my woman. It isnt complete and with a little bit of luck it wont be for years to come.
So here is to next year*raises beer in air and downs it all in one shot*
**BURRRRPPPPPP*
Now go out and buy those gift for next xmass, there are some awesome sales at Target!

Momment of reflection:







They abuse it!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Its the eve of Christmas eve.....

Happy holidays and Merry Xmass people. I hope everyone is doing something fun for the holidays (that involves alcohol and nakedness). Work is dead today, I am the only one here so I have to entertain myself by myself ;-). It is shut down and only the lonley are left to guard the hen house lol.
So in the spirit of the up coming day of forced joy and holly jolly fucking cheer, I bring you funnies for the holiday:
**WARNING PG-13**

1) I knew it, he is a hoe hoe hoe!












2) snow blower has a new meaning this year!










3) Hey, old ppl fuck too yah know.












4) Frosty gets fresh.















5) Lets not forget the morning after.....









5) And for those of you that have to work on the holiday........
















Its friday enough said, I hope you get more than hot wings this weekend Doug and your packages are on there way. Show some support to my navy bro in law and go and say hi....he is over seas for the holiday and would love to hear from hot bitchs state side~~>NAVYMAN

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Happy HNT

This is an altered pic from some fun in the sun. How many things can you find that have been altered?

The church and the gym


-Some ppl go to church on a regular basis and feel guilty whenever they miss a day, I am the same way with the gym. I used to be alot better with keeping the faith, and after looking at the scale and the amount of junk food around I am going to become a regular again. I have been somewhat repentant in the past few weeks but I am not up to Rev. Honk's standers. I must rebuild the temple that is my body, if god mad us out of his own image then we are all minor gods by proxy. And if our bodies are our temples it is up to us to keep it clean and in working order. One can bring down their home of whorship by to much glutiny and excess. I am all for having a good time but I am also about looking like a chizzeled greek statue. I have yet to achieve this but I plan on working on that from here o out. I have promised myself this in the past and I am tired of lieing to myself.
-Just to clear things up a little, I am only joking about thinking I am anything close to a god, I am god, just kidding, nope, yeah its all in fun, no really I am, haha got you!
-We all should take our health seriously not just for vanity reasons, like me. Some say: Be healthy and die anyway. Yes that is true but when your fat ass has to be CUT out of your house and it makes the local news I am sure your family would have wished they set your ass on fire instead. Like in that movie, Gilbert Grape I think. But the problem their is that grease fires are so hard to put out and you fat filled rump alone could set the western hemisphere on fire for a week.
-So do everything in moderation and workout some. A little can go a lone way and allot can go all the way.
-Join me in monday-friday services at your local gym, you have to be the one to rebuild the temple. Jump on that stair-master, pick up that weigth, and take a cardio class. You cannt beat death but you can sure make getting older a whole lot better.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Welcum to the Church of Honkeie!

It is where everyone depraved and full of unrepented sins are excepted as equally fucked up. Cursing is incouraged but no manditory, we are all friends here. It is a home to anyone who has ever felt like all other religons have turned there backs on you.

I will sit and dine with the whores, strippers, degenerates, addicts, and any and all who are not generally excepted. Bloggers, chat room bullies, and people who post pictures on Flickr on a daily bases are welcomed as well. We all need a place to feel wanted and have a place to spew out random thoughts and feelings. A place where no one will judge you because you are in love with your goat or you still live with mommy and masterbate 10-12 times a day to internet porn. We all know your pain and hell some of us have been there , its all ok in The Church of Honkeie!

The rules are simple and the fees are always waved if you are a sick bastard. I anoint those with the filth of our society and bless them with the sludge of depravity. Too many religons now preach open hearted love but show closed minded hate towards thier fellow man/woman. Religion has become the scapegoat to why people do evil deeds, when the truth of the matter is that they just wanted to do but could not come up with an exscuse that would look good in the eyes of the public.

I open my doors to all that wish to abandon all hope for this world. To start over sometimes means we have to slash and burn the old. Old thinking does not lead to new cheese and nor does it lead to new happiness.

There are no Commandments, I do not command anyone to do anything but be groovey and except your fellow man/woman as an equal. The 'book' has been used to justify every injustice to man from slavery to genocide. But they never metion the other rules that show how it was really intended, out of contexted information can be a real bitch and interpretation is a window to hell. I have seen a line in the 'book' that CLEARLY says not to EAT meat with blood in it but a religion, that will remain left out of here, says they INTERPRETED that as " Not to take blood into ones body or to give it." Wow, fuck me sideways and dont even buy me dinner, how did they get that out of not eating raw meat? I have had this talk with one of their cult leaders on this, I asked him, " If their son was about to die and it was their blood, and only their blood, that could save him. What would they do?" He told me they would pray for him and hope for a miricale from HIM. He only saves those who are willing and able to save themselves. In my eyes that is called murder and in the Church of Honkeie such narrow minded thinking is not preached. If you want to be like that, well that is up to you but I would never ask that of anyone.

What you see is what you get here. No confusing poems with unclear messages and mis-interpreted translations of a book written with 'mans' best interest in it. No man is above another man or woman, we are all on the same plan here. And if you want a man above you I can gladly help you out on that end, I know a few lonley men that need some love. And they are willing to pay for it as well ;-).

There will many of Rev. Honkeie's phil-osophies through honkeie's blog. I know him well and he is truely a real back up kinda guy, just dont back up to fast he might pinch your ass. I will make may apperance here just look for me and listen when I preach, or not its up to you to figure things out on your own in the end.

Phil-osophy for the day:

It is safer to seardch through life for happiness than to live in a loveless situation.

Its Tuesday and I want to rant a little.


-I want to bitch about the people that have caused such a mess in the city. Now, I know not all of them are like the people I am about to mention and I am all for the little guy. But if you have been in a job for 20 years doing the same god damn thing you were doing when you started and making a great salary why rock the boat. I am all for people getting raises and having better health care and if the company is doing well they should give a little to the little guy, but they dont have to. To me that is more of an insintive to go and better myself so I could be on top with the big dogs. I am currently going to school to so just this, I do not want to be a disposable worker doing something a trained monkey could do. And yes any job that these grab ass retards do can be done by anyone with little training. These people think they are not replacable and that they are the only ones who can do their job. A little wake up call is in thier near future. Their strike will go on deaf ears and these uneducated and ungratfull people will be without jobs. I have worked with people like them, they are not motivated to better themselves in there current position. They get complacent and bitchy, they are only qualified to do a few things and they think their company owes them the world. You want the world, you had better be ready for a blood sacrifice. They want what the people in upper management have but are not willing to do what they did for it, and hell alot of companies give tuition reimbursment. Mine does, it is not much but its something and seeing how the other half lives is more than a motivator for me to try and get my degree. I cannt go to school as much as I would like or take as many classes as I would like but I am plugging away slowly to better myself. I do not want to be doing the same thing in the next 10 years, I am always on the move and aware of what is going on around me. People should always be read to lose there job and know what to do if it does happen. A back up plan should be part of your Y2K survival pack, along with a strong bottle of scotch. And even with one you can still fail, but have the insight to know this and willing to give a little more to come back.
How do you think people come back form the edge to tell the story.....in thier new million dollar home, while others fall over once and are lost forever. Willingness to crawl through glass and ask for more, these are the people who will never admit defeat. I am willing to bleed and not willing to admit that I am broken, I will make it hell or high water. Waiting around and exspecting any company I work for to just give me my due because they have a surplus of money is never an option. You only get what you desirve when you go out and take it! Just because you have been somewhere for any amount of time does not garuntee anything. Other than that, the pink slip you get at 20 years will hurt more than ever.
So this is to all those ppl who think they desirve anything just becasue.......fuck off. You want a better job, go to school and demand it. And dont give me the exscuses, my mom did it with two kids working shit jobs in the the deep south(Go Alabama!). She went from working at the local car wash in redneck bumpkin land to being a LPN in government facility. Now she owns her home and she alone has bought it. So I dont feel for you and your exscuses because that all they are, a scape goat to why the world owes you everything. And yes I have my own exscuses to why I am not where I should be by now, but at least I am working at it and trying to keep my excuses from becoming my legacy.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Its Monday and boy does my wallet hate me....

It is Monday but not too much of a middle finger one though. As you can clearly see, from my last Friday post, I had some early holiday cheer. My brother in law reminded me of a story in his comment to it that I will post about soon. He too is fond of the bottle but tends to do very bizarre things after he gets a little too tipsy. I have posted one that I actually got on film, I try not use his name or too much information about him. I dont want one of his superiors coming across this some how and getting him in trouble. But he is funny as hell when you catch him in one of his momments, he told me one story that I am not sure of the details but end with him wearing a sweat shirt as a pair of pants. Maybe I can get him to tell that one again or even have him post it on his blog. God loves and protects drunks and fools, we are a well protected pair :-D!















Now in other news, on Saturday we went to see that Narnia movie with the missus, my oldest and her little brother. Who is actually a year older than my oldest who she still calls 'Boo'. The movie was very entertaining but I think I was rated wrong. It was a little to violent for a PG rating, there was not any blood, nudity, sex or drug reference but still....the simulated fighting and the creatures would have sent little man into a screaming fit. Give some little ppl nightmares lol.

Sunday we went out and scratched the hell out of our credit and debit cards in the name of Santa Clause. The little man got his picture take at Fortunoffs with the jolly fat man. He did not have a real beard but the one he had was a proffesionally make-uped one. He looked like the way I would imagine him, rosey cheeks and all. Like a holly jolly nightmare coming to give you coal to burn your pire as you rost in the fires of hell. Ever think about why he gave you coal when you are bad? Back in the day ppl would have loved free coal so why was coal looked apon as a bad thing? It keeps you warm, you can cook food on it and if you ever bump into superman he can put it between his ass cheeks and squezze out some diamons for you. Coal is bad because in the eyes of children santa is god and when god sends you to hell for being bad it is a river of fire you will be tossed. And what burns hot as hell for long periods of time????-COAL- Coal is the representation of hell and what will happen if god/santa sees you doing naughty things. Because we all know that song rightttttt?

My wife got me a new wedding band for xmass on Sunday. She was going to try and suprise me but the guy at the counter was a little slow on the up take so I ended up with it a little early lol.
















We are going to have the old one made bigger and have something engraved on it. I am not sure what I am going to put on it but I am going to wear it on my index finger. It was the original ring and I cannt just abandon it :-D! I will probably put our wedding date on it to make sure I never forget the day hehehe.

We spent most of the day wandering around Jersey Gardens in Elizabeth NJ and the Woodbrige Mall. I must say I love watching people scurry about on their merry little way. If some people could look at themselves from other peoples eyes they would probably never go outside. What a zoo; camel toe, clevage all over, douch bags with popped collars, life size jesus head bling bling, want to be gangsters, and the occasional goth. It is soo refresing to see the kids keep the punk/goth life alive. I know they are trying to be non-conformist conformist but at least it is something different than the usual mtv generated trendy trash. Even though mtv is making being punk trendy too, thanks Green Day lol.
The weekend was great and it was not to cold either. The wife has finally got to see and hear the little man use the 'FFFF' word. I wish I could have been there when she heard him say it. He was playing his favorite video game, Burnout3 its a racing game that has very simple controls and is allot of fun. He knows how to excelerate and crash and on one of those moments he totalled his car he blurts out a 'Fuccccc'. It wasnt quiet a 'fuck' but close enough to know what he ment. Both the wife and myself are guilty for this one. During those tense momments of game play two secinds to first place and BOOM CRASH you lost, FUCK! It happens lol. We just have to ween him off that habit a little, those words are not tolerated in schools and other up tight establishments. I personally dont care if he curses, its the redneck trucker in me, but the rest of the world with have a problem with it. We all have to conform somewhat to the norm, unless you want to join a commune somewhere and run nude with John Treebark Shitter.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Friday night and drunk!

I am typing extra slow here.....5 beers and a fodity o f colt 45 adn all is feeling copicestic and by the way that isnt me but close enuff. I have been playing some driving game while drinking so I can get all the fun of driving while intoxicated without all the jail time and fines.






















Yah got to love amlt liquor! Old E, Steel Reseve, Mad DOg, The Bull and of course Colt 45! I am about 2 head down for some hig grain scotch and other booze, i for see some fuzzy memories of even doing tis muauhahahahahahahhh. remeber kids Do as Nancy says and Just say NO!

Back, damn work God!

-Well that picture is from the Silver Hall in the Waldorf Austoria in NYC. It probably has been in movies in the past and I would totaly use it in one if I ever make one. (I so want to do a porn, make not act lol)It was beyond words in its old time feel. You could even feel the the difference in the air when you graced these halls. I am not a big believed in ghost but when I was there I always had a creepy feeling around me. So me being me I went looking in every dark whole I could find lol. The third level balcony was the worst. Dark, isolated, musky and full of old furniture really brought out the goose bumps. It was chillingly fun.
-The hall has near mirror polished marble floors, floor to ceiling tiled mirrors with silver linings, a grand piano(which they hired a real person to play, no cd's here!) and the cieling has a victorian style painting one it. Full of chubby topless women and angles, I had a HARD time tearing my eyes off the art work at times lol. Hey it's art damn it!
-Now while in the bathroom I had to make it feel a little like home so I added a few honkeie touchs. I had to alter my face a little in hopes no one might figure out who I am lol.


















But fun was had by all and by the end of the night my feet were killing me. I walk form the Penn station to 49th and Park. Saved my Benjamins and hoofed it hehe! And then spent from 4pm until 915pm walking all over in this place. My feet were hurtin up sumfin feirce!

Party time....


I worlked a comapny party last night in NYC and all went well. I did get some pictures but I will only post a few, it was a big to to with all the big dogs. I do not want to chance anyone from it seeing what I thought about there spaztic attempts on the dance floor after their 15th vodka tonic. There was ALLOT of alcohol consumed and quiet a bit of eating. There were close to 2 thousand people there but nothing to note worthy happened. I was a guard and got to see how the other half lives, story of my life lol. Always the caddy and valet watching and listening, carefull what you say around the help they do listen and watch. And always tip the little, we are the ones that watch your cars while you party, we serve you your liver pattie, and we wash your silver-ware. Being on the outside does erik me sometimes but I take it in stride and I know that if I ever make up there I will never fit in. I will always feel more comfortable with the everyday blue collar guy than with the people that exspect everything but the lacky to double shake his slong after he takes a leak.
But I have to end this here, I will be back later for more, work is callin.....how dare they disturb me slacking off!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

It is Thursday and I dont have a picture...fuknut!

-So I took an old photo and cropped it hehehehehehehe. I can seeeeee youuuuuuu! And for all of those out there that blog in the nude please put a towel down. No one want to sit in your sweaty left overs and besides sweat and bodily fluids will ruin that leather office chair.










-I have never really posted to why I do the Half-Naked Thursday. I found this wonderful site that give all the rules to this marvelous game, click on the icon to the left to read more. But I would like to thank this person for starting this, I have enjoyed all pics of the ppl I know and dont know. It puts a face and sometimes a body (whoohoo Jenn-nay is one hot momma! and same goes for all the other women who share) to the blogging world. So let everyone join in and share a part of yourself with us all. And to why I do it, I just want to! Nothing more, and if I ever get them abs I have always wanted for christmass I will be on har Monday thru Friday. I will become that guy that will find a reason to take off his shirt even in the coldest of wintery days lol.


-Today I am off to NYC for a work related funk-tion. No party for me :-( . I am not looking forward to it for several resons.
-One: There is going to be some kind of strike going on and I hope it does not effect me too much. Damn MTA causing problems again because the people in upper managment are greedy bastards.
-Two: It is going to be cold as fucking hell! And for those of you who have been in the city during the winter you know what wind-chill factor is and what it means. I think I will be stopping by the bar on the way home :-D
But besides that I hope it goes well and nothing to eventfull happens. I will try to take my camera but it takes crappy pictures in the dark. But either way there will be a post on my newest adventure in NYC.
-Now I am off to look for Tom Green's blog. Someone told me ( Howard Stern) that Tom Green has a blog and I am off to find it. I dont care what ppl think, I love Tom Green....."I say coffe....you say 'marker'......coffee.....maker....coffee...maker!"

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Tagged again....................

If I could get laid as many times as I get tagged I would be a happy and sore man lol.
But thanks to Becky I got tagged again, not that I mind but I do hate tagging other. Its like sloppy seconds no one wants some elses sloppy seconds, unless that person happens to be me :-D. I will take all lesbian sloppy seconds, bring them on! HeHeHe

On with the show:
The object of this game is to list "Five weird habits of yourself", then tag five people.
The people tagged need to make a blog entry with their "five weird habits" and tag five others.

  1. I sleep nude no matter the weather, but not the place. If I am a guest at someones house I will put on boxers. Better buy some new ones with buttons though lol.
  2. I find the smell of Sunflowers perfume dizzing.
  3. I can not grow anything that requires maintaining. Sorry to bosai trees everywhere, I tried I really do. I can even kill a cactus.
  4. I am an in the closet Agua lover....you remeber the Barbie song?????
  5. I always grow out my pinkie nail so I can scratch myself and pick my nose. And no I have never done coke lol.......Want to shake my hand?

Lest see who can I tag..........

  1. Cherry
  2. Muffinass ;-)
  3. Lilith
  4. Awaterpixie
  5. MsPeculiar

Now that it is done lets see if anyone else likes sloppy seconds as much as I do, please pass the gravey!

Shopping in Woodbridge and what I saw

- I went to the woodbridge center mall last night to pick up some holiday presents for different people. It was not as bad as I thought it was going to be, I got there about 3:40pm and left around 6:30. I forgot my camera so I did not get any photos of what I saw.
-While walking around Macy's I saw the ugliest cross dresser I have ever seen in person. He was a very thing black male about 6'5 in heels and in female clothing. I think he was working in the ladies make up section. He had his walk down pat! You would think he was on the cat walk showing of the latest fashions with this strut he had. It took all my will power not to laugh right in his face, hell he thought he was hot shit so more power to him.
-Now as I was still trying to compose myself I jumped on the moving stairs that to this day fascinate me to no end. They are stairs that move to help you move faster on your way, its not a fucking ride! I was not in a hurry nor was I an ass about trying to get by buffalo butt, but if you see someone on the escalator trying to get by move your fat ass over and let them go. This also goes for those conveyer belts in the air ports. It was not put there for fat people to take a break from walking, it is to help people in a hurt to get were they are going faster. I am a pro at running on these things and not busting my ass when I hop off. You are moving fast as hell on it and most ppl do not realize that once they hit the non moving ground you will have to slow down. I always get a giggle out of watching people busting their asses when they figure this out at full throttle.
On to my shopping, I got a gift certificate for someone at my wife's job and a jewelry box for my brother from Fortunoffs, I was out of my element in that store lol. I am surprised security was not following me around the store night sticks in hand. I hopped around the whole mall looking and poking about, I found a million and one things for me but nothing for anyone else. If I was rich I would so need a lackey to follow me around to hold my stuff. I am such a mall rat lol.
-One store I went into just to avoid those ppl in the carts. They harassed the shit out of me from the time I got there until I left. Trying in vain to sell the newest modern convince to suburbia life. The store I went in to hide was some kind of kitchen store that had every culinary tool known to man, but they also had a hot sauce section. This had my attention, hottest of the hottest to liquid lava to add to your food. They had this stuff called 'Blair' with a disclaimer you had to sign before you could buy it.


This shit is hot, it even says not to use it as a sauce but as an ingredient! One tsp will heat up a GALLON of sauce! One fucking teaspoon will put a gallon of sauce into over drive, now that is some hot stuff. If you want to look into buying some go to hotsauce.com and buy some for the hot sauce lover in your life. They will never forget this one, get them drunk and dare them to eat one drop. Fun times fun times lol!

I wandered about without much of a purpose other than steaming up the windows in Victoria Secret and pushing all the buttons on the dancing santa's in the Hallmark store. The employees hate when you do that, especially if its the ones near the registers. I stopped in Spencers gift and novelty store. Now there is some funny, kinky, sick, nasty and down right wrong things in this store. I wanted to get the beer belt, a belt that holds six beer around your waist. They had tons of drinking board games and sex board games. Candy underwear..........I so want to eat these off someone(guess whose) starting as the ass ;-). No breath ment needed after this snack!

There was too much more stuff to list from that store and I have no desire to list them all, just go to the site or store in your local mall and check them out.

I left the mall with my treasures in tow and my credit card laughing at me. But I was feeling good, I so love buying stuff. I have so many addictions I will spend the next life time in so many different support groups I will have no time to do anything bad lol.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Tagged

7's

I got tagged by The_mrs into doing this so here goes to my first:
(Vigina squirrles lol)

7 Things that attracted me to my wife:
1) Her eyes
2)Her name tag, it had her name on it so I would not forget it an it was on her boob!
3)Them full lips :-D
4) How short she was, she looks soo cutie and tiny lol.
5) She looked white but spoke spanish hmmmmmm
6) Her long hair
7) That kool-aide smile!

7 Things to do before I die:
1) Sky dive
2) Tatto my entire body
3) lazer eye surgury
4) Try to squirt Tom Cruise with my joke microphone
5) Have sex in ever car I will ever own.....
6) Atcually have abs worth showing off.
7) Drive from NJ to CA in a winabago(sp)

7 Things I can do:
1) Drink a case of beer and not get sick or hung over.
2) Put my palms flat on the ground when I bend over to touch my toes. Now u try it!
3) Mix drinks like a bitch on fire, sour apple martini anyone?
4) Sweat in the dead of winter.
5) Hold my breath for almost 4 minutes.
6) Bench my own weight.
7) Eat a peach for an hour.

7 Things I cannt do:
1) Drugs, my job does test :-P
2) Say no to my wife, she wants it she gets it lol.
3) Stay away from blogging at work.
4) Stop my over active imagination.
5) A split, my junk gets in the way.
6) Fight my ADD on my own, oh look a pretty bird out my window.............
7) Get rid of the urge to smoke ....it will always be there, damn you Philip Morris!

7 Things I say most often:
1) Gigg-itty-giggity, Ohh right! (Family Guy)
2) Yes, it was me.
3) Hot damn!
4) Well, fuck me running with a broom stick!
5) (In reference to women like Anna Nicole Smith) I would not fuck her with your dick and someone else pushing with a broom stick.
6) Can we have maritals tonight?
7) How can a man this stoopid get re-elected!- I find myself saying this alot now ah days.

7 Books I love:
1) Anne Rice's vampire chronicals
2) Most of Steven Kings books
3) Who Moved My Chesse by Spencer Johnson
4) Any and all books about body building
5) Ones with lots of pictures
6) Ones with pages and words
7) A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess- I have read this book 3 times.

7 Movies I Would Watch Over and Over
1) American Psycho
2) Egualibrium
3) Clock Work Orange
4) Full Metal Jacket
5) Sin Ciy
6) Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
7) Zoolander

7 People I Tag To Do The 7's

I am not going to tag anyone one because I just do not feel like going through the work of linking them all lol.
So if you want to D, Cherry, Blondie or anyone one else for that matter just do it. I am lazy , shoot me!

I just want to rant

- It is Tuesday and I want to bitch about something. Guess what it is? Gay marraige, nope dont care; porn killing america, nope dont care; panda bear going exstinct, nope dont care; the president, nope dont care; taxes, nope dont care. But what I am going to bitch about is the FCC. I am not much of a Stern fan but I do listen from time to time and he is the reason I bought Sirius radio. I am irritated because he is singled out from all of media and finded for indecent material. Mind you Opra, Dr. Ruth, Springer and The View say things more obscene these days but nothing ever happens to them. People on the Howard Stern show can not say the word "penis" but its ok for everyone else to say it. Hell all of the American children knew what oral sex, penis and semen ment after Clinton's little fiasco. If a rule applies to one it should apply to all. My rant is mainly aimed at all of free radio, and the spinless jack offs that run it. All it would take for the FCC to fall would be for companys like Comcast and Clearview to just say NO.
What is also funnier is that so many ppl have run to pay satellite radio because of all the bull that has clouded the dial. Once apon a time radio had so much to choose from but in the past few years the variety has dwindled to almost nothing. I have Sirius radio and soon as Stern is off Krock I will take it off my preset all toghter. Even though David Lee Roth is set to be the new talk dj I will not listen. He is nothing more than a paid monkey that will have no freedom to say anything worth saying. I was thinking of joining all the retards in the Howard Parade but it will be way to cold for my taste.
But this is a short rant for me, work has been buisy and I cannt get on as much as I would like. It must be the up coming holiday that is causing it.
-On a high note, I sent in my letter to my school to get an old grade wiped from my GPA. Back in 95 I went to college half assed and ended up droping out leaving all kinds of bad grades all over the place. So, this letter to the vice president will hopefull get rid of this one bad apple in my bunch. I had 3 "F's" in all but I repeated one and got an "A" and I am enrolled in another one starting in Jan. Just this last one does not fit in my current degree and I am hoping to get it taken off. It is amazing that the young never learn form other people telling them things, we have to learn it for ourselves. I even try to tell people younger than myself some of the few things I have learned in my travles. But in the end those who never fall and see for themselves will never know the real truth. Enlightenment is only for those who have suffered and paid the price. Knowledge and itntellegence do not go hand in hand, just because you are taught something does not mean you know. Try teaching a blind person what color is and decribe to a child what pain is, niether will know till they see and fell it.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Middle finger Moday-big time.....

-I will do a little recap for Monday then I will go into why I was in the city(NYC) on Saturday morning.
I woke up late this mornig because I did not notice that the alarm clock setting was still on "weekends" and not "Monday-Friday". Strike one.
I had to take the red beast(my car) to Goodyear to have a tire repaired. The back tire has had a slow leak in it for about 2 weeks now and it was practily flat this morning. But it got me to work without blowing out on me, so a little silver lining to this adventure. Ball one.
I got a parking ticket on Saturday in NYC. I paid for the spot but I accidently put the ticket stub upside down on my dash, my bad. But the real fucker is this morning I noticed my stub says I paid for the ticket at 0922 am and the vulture(meter maid) put this violation on my car at 0923. Here is a big middle finger to the NYPD because that was a fucking lie, I was at my car for a good 10 minutes after I paid for the ticket getting our shit toghter. I know everyone should be given a chance in the owrk force but if you can not tell time why give them a job that requires it. Hell buy them all digital watchs because we all know the ones with the arms and numbers can be really cofusing. I am so contesting this fucker! Strike two and three all in one throw! FUCK FUCK FUCK FCUK FKUC FFFFFFF!( Yes that did piss me off a little but I am ok now.)
-Even with that bump in the road my weekend was not to bad even though I got a head cold on Friday and is still a little bit with me.

-Saturday:
We drove into the city on Saturday morning which turned out to be a little adventure in its self. We got a little turned around in one of the worst areas of port Newark. We had to get gas and cash for the toll into the city. But I was not skeered, it was too early and to cold for the usualls to come out and mug us. We all know crime drops whenever it is freezing out, all that wet snow weighs down their saggy pants making it hard to walk , forget about running. Those Tims with out laces just come flyyin off in this kinda weather. And what ghetto banger wants to chance getting their shit dirty trying to rob someone dressed for the weather.

Holland Tunnel entrance---But it is called 'Tonnel" for the huliday.
















Now the reason we were in the city is because of a gift certificate I gave the little woman LAST christmass. It was for a 1/2 day at a very ritzy day spa, Elizabeth Ardean-Red Door. I probably misspelled it but oh well! It was on the 8th floor of this building, lots of rich soccer moms out for a day of pampering. Gigg-iggidy!
















While she was being pampered like a rich New York bioetch I walked around the city with camera in hand, I am such a tourist lol.

Awesome toy store!














Anyone need something to do New Years? Call TGIF and make it a party, as long as you got the funds that is. Fuck me running that is alot of money for one night of drinking and eating. It did not say but for that price it better have an open bar!
Beer: 20$
Food for 6: 35$
Being able to save a shit load of money, seeing all the festivities drunk and in my boxers, and being able to see the New Year come in at home with family priceless.
I did the New Years thing in NYC once and nearly froze my toes off. It is way over rated!
















Rockerfeller center, cool pic huh? I was trying to get his balls in the picture but he seemed to be missing them.















Its the TREE! And guess where it cam from?-NJ whooohooo! I am corny right lol.















As I walked by I saw tons of people looking onto the ice rink and of course I had to fight my way to the front to see what was going on. And this is what I saw, people are so easily entertained. This one family sat there until this show was over as if it was Disney on fucking ice! I only hung around for about 10 seconds, I was off to better and most interesting things.
















I saw this safe at some random bank. To bad there was not a robbery going on at this very momment. Might have been a little more interesting but me in the reflection should make up for it.















Time square, blah blah typical tourist picture. But see that car on the sidewalk there? It has government plates, I so wanted to pee in the air vents but there were to many people around. Probably some fuck nut diplomat anyway, what a waste of tax payers money.
















GO NAVY!!!!!!!!!!! This one is for you Doug!















To end my travels I ended up in TGIF at the bar having a beer. Which by the way cost $7.50! I was tempted to go look for a liquor store but then I realized my feet refused to listen to drinking reason. I had enough walking and wanted nothing more than to sit and be merry. I had alot of fun doing much of nothing and want to go again soon. Maybe this time I wont be going solo.






Its half full.









Sunday:
-Sick with a head cold but thanks to all kinds of uppers I pulled through. Did the laundry and got some shoppin done. I shop like this: one for someone else two for me. I am such a shop-aholic lol.
Hope everyone had a good weekend ass well.