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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Shopping in Woodbridge and what I saw

- I went to the woodbridge center mall last night to pick up some holiday presents for different people. It was not as bad as I thought it was going to be, I got there about 3:40pm and left around 6:30. I forgot my camera so I did not get any photos of what I saw.
-While walking around Macy's I saw the ugliest cross dresser I have ever seen in person. He was a very thing black male about 6'5 in heels and in female clothing. I think he was working in the ladies make up section. He had his walk down pat! You would think he was on the cat walk showing of the latest fashions with this strut he had. It took all my will power not to laugh right in his face, hell he thought he was hot shit so more power to him.
-Now as I was still trying to compose myself I jumped on the moving stairs that to this day fascinate me to no end. They are stairs that move to help you move faster on your way, its not a fucking ride! I was not in a hurry nor was I an ass about trying to get by buffalo butt, but if you see someone on the escalator trying to get by move your fat ass over and let them go. This also goes for those conveyer belts in the air ports. It was not put there for fat people to take a break from walking, it is to help people in a hurt to get were they are going faster. I am a pro at running on these things and not busting my ass when I hop off. You are moving fast as hell on it and most ppl do not realize that once they hit the non moving ground you will have to slow down. I always get a giggle out of watching people busting their asses when they figure this out at full throttle.
On to my shopping, I got a gift certificate for someone at my wife's job and a jewelry box for my brother from Fortunoffs, I was out of my element in that store lol. I am surprised security was not following me around the store night sticks in hand. I hopped around the whole mall looking and poking about, I found a million and one things for me but nothing for anyone else. If I was rich I would so need a lackey to follow me around to hold my stuff. I am such a mall rat lol.
-One store I went into just to avoid those ppl in the carts. They harassed the shit out of me from the time I got there until I left. Trying in vain to sell the newest modern convince to suburbia life. The store I went in to hide was some kind of kitchen store that had every culinary tool known to man, but they also had a hot sauce section. This had my attention, hottest of the hottest to liquid lava to add to your food. They had this stuff called 'Blair' with a disclaimer you had to sign before you could buy it.

This shit is hot, it even says not to use it as a sauce but as an ingredient! One tsp will heat up a GALLON of sauce! One fucking teaspoon will put a gallon of sauce into over drive, now that is some hot stuff. If you want to look into buying some go to and buy some for the hot sauce lover in your life. They will never forget this one, get them drunk and dare them to eat one drop. Fun times fun times lol!

I wandered about without much of a purpose other than steaming up the windows in Victoria Secret and pushing all the buttons on the dancing santa's in the Hallmark store. The employees hate when you do that, especially if its the ones near the registers. I stopped in Spencers gift and novelty store. Now there is some funny, kinky, sick, nasty and down right wrong things in this store. I wanted to get the beer belt, a belt that holds six beer around your waist. They had tons of drinking board games and sex board games. Candy underwear..........I so want to eat these off someone(guess whose) starting as the ass ;-). No breath ment needed after this snack!

There was too much more stuff to list from that store and I have no desire to list them all, just go to the site or store in your local mall and check them out.

I left the mall with my treasures in tow and my credit card laughing at me. But I was feeling good, I so love buying stuff. I have so many addictions I will spend the next life time in so many different support groups I will have no time to do anything bad lol.


the_mrs said...

It's always easier to shop for yourself---it's because you've always got the right size and color in mind!

I've already given the Mr. his gift....he still hasn't bought mine (punk) LOL

Becky said...

I just tagged you! But it's a different tag.

Cherry said...

Honkeie - I am all hyper today and I feel like slapping your ass as hard as I can. haha

You should have got that beer thing at Spencers. Good for watching football!

honkeie2 said...

-I am working on the mrs gifts as we speak the_mrs.
-Backy-I see and I am done lol.
-Cherry I am thinking about asking satan for the beer belt lol. You wish you could get your hands on these biscuts haha.