Ever wonder why so many people get drunk? I have, and I can not really come up with any good reason. But yet every weekend we do it and we do it with pleasure. It happens all over the place; in the homes, malls, stores, resturants and even in the woods-
Here are a few good reasons I have come up with for getting soo fuckin cruncked tommorrow has no meaning....
1) When one drinks sleep comes so easily and even a patch of grass full of piss and geese poop becomes the most comfortable bed ever.
2) Freinds become real friends in the quest to drown ones self in booze. It is a sport everyone can play and there is no need to train or take steriods to be the best. It is not the amount you drink, just as long as you are drinking.
3) If it were not for drunks what would the cops have to do. More than 85% of all crimes are the direct result of drinking. If no one was out there parting like it was 1999 what would the boys in blue do all night? My tax payer money is not there for them to be sleeping, I want some good Reno 911 fotage here!
4)If people did not get drunk what would those who remained sober laugh at. If you ever have to stay sober while everone else drink keep a camera handy. You are sure to get plenty of photos like this to show their parents later.
5) The Tidy Bowl Man would be so lonley if people did not drink their fill then some on the weekends. It would be such a sad place if there were no under age college kid vomiting his semester way on the bowl. What else would this strange unit be for if not for catching bile and half digested food along with high grain alcohol.
6) And who can forget the all well known fact---Alcohol was made so ugly people could get laid--
Becareful who you party with, never know who you might wake up with!
So keep up the drinking and never listen to that little voice that says you might have a problem. Remeber that beer you bout was made by someone who has a job, a family and a life. It is becuase you bought that beer her/she can provide for their families and hold their heads up high as an American. And never quit, quiters never win and winners die healthy sober and at 100 years old, but they are still dead. And they had no cool stories starting with, " hey remeber back in the day when we drank all that booze and......."
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About Me
- honkeie
- I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Funny for the night owls
This is the design for my new tat. I hope to get it done for next summer so I can tell all those annoying ppl at the beach just how I feel about them without even lifting the finger.
But the wife may not approve of that so I might just put it on a tee shirt and go walking through Virgina where they have a no swearing policy. No swearing, no obsenities, sagging jeans and a whole bunch of other ass backward rules that have popped up over the years in bible country. And since its a common wealth and not a state they can give you a ticket you for it. You only have to pay if you plan on staying or ever coming back. Me personaly, I never plan on going there ever again, I perfer place full of sin and swearing. And since we are not in Virgina this is for anyone in politics out in bumpkin land- Eat Shit and die chocking on the chunky parts.
But the wife may not approve of that so I might just put it on a tee shirt and go walking through Virgina where they have a no swearing policy. No swearing, no obsenities, sagging jeans and a whole bunch of other ass backward rules that have popped up over the years in bible country. And since its a common wealth and not a state they can give you a ticket you for it. You only have to pay if you plan on staying or ever coming back. Me personaly, I never plan on going there ever again, I perfer place full of sin and swearing. And since we are not in Virgina this is for anyone in politics out in bumpkin land- Eat Shit and die chocking on the chunky parts.
Urinal Ments
I would like to take this momment to complain about the person who invented the design for the urinal ment, not the actual ment itself but the holding unit. By itself it is a wonderful thing. It keeps the public bathrooms of the world smelling like fresh mountain air with a hint of musk. Its an odor we men can all relate to and drums up all kinds of memories, nights at the bar holding onto the clip-on ment while we vomit, the funky truck stops we have used as we drive down the coast, and those of you who go there loving for love...... Geroge Michael! Why, why, oh why did you have to go there? I might have wanted your sex once apon a time but now you are just tainted meat :-D.
Back to the evil ment: The problem I have with Mr. Toliet ment is that men, being the creatures that we are, like to aim at things. Paper targets with bad guys on them, small wood-land creatures, and the belly button. You put something in our bowl and we will try to hit it. A toilet ment, an old smoke butt, chewing gum or even to occasional floater. They are not usualy a problem but when faced with the ment in the urinal the target here has the last laugh. It does not always happen but when it does we are usually wearing our good kaki's (sp) and there is no hiding what the ment just did to us. It even looks like a fucking target, come on, who wouldnt try to hit that!
The problem, if you have not guessed, is splash back. It is made worse when 12 beers now have to evacuate and the stream looks like something the Ghostbusters might have blasted out of thier packs. When a man power washes the urinal cake in a drunkin stooper splash back is a given. They need to invite one that will allow Niagra falls kinda power to pass by it and not have the problem that was mentioned. But I think that will never happen, I feel it is the women who clean the bathroom that put this things there on purpose, they know what will happen. It is revenge for making such a mess and leaving short and curlys all over the place. And how do some men leave so many pubes on the rim and still have some left over? The world may never know.
Now, for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about here is a picture of the firing range I go to every day.
(click here to see the pic Blog Gold is angry again!)
Back to the evil ment: The problem I have with Mr. Toliet ment is that men, being the creatures that we are, like to aim at things. Paper targets with bad guys on them, small wood-land creatures, and the belly button. You put something in our bowl and we will try to hit it. A toilet ment, an old smoke butt, chewing gum or even to occasional floater. They are not usualy a problem but when faced with the ment in the urinal the target here has the last laugh. It does not always happen but when it does we are usually wearing our good kaki's (sp) and there is no hiding what the ment just did to us. It even looks like a fucking target, come on, who wouldnt try to hit that!
The problem, if you have not guessed, is splash back. It is made worse when 12 beers now have to evacuate and the stream looks like something the Ghostbusters might have blasted out of thier packs. When a man power washes the urinal cake in a drunkin stooper splash back is a given. They need to invite one that will allow Niagra falls kinda power to pass by it and not have the problem that was mentioned. But I think that will never happen, I feel it is the women who clean the bathroom that put this things there on purpose, they know what will happen. It is revenge for making such a mess and leaving short and curlys all over the place. And how do some men leave so many pubes on the rim and still have some left over? The world may never know.
Now, for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about here is a picture of the firing range I go to every day.
(click here to see the pic Blog Gold is angry again!)
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
I am having a problem with phantom wood today, everytime I get up and start walking around old faith pops up. I have counted 8 times since 8 this morning, that doesnt count morning wood though. That is a given and as Rodney Carrington shows it isnt just me. I have no idea who he is but I found this pic when I typed in "morning wood" to yahoo and looked in the images.
1) All natural woodies:
2) When wood goes all wrong:
3) When morning wood goes camping.
But on a side note, I just got it again walking over to do something. I was interupted to go do some work and on the way , here comes the giggle stick. I think it senses something and tries to go after it. Yet each times I am no where near anyone so it must be like a radar lol.
If this keeps up I am going to have to pull into one of those self service places and get the full release. AKA the nice bathroom stale lol.
1) All natural woodies:
2) When wood goes all wrong:
3) When morning wood goes camping.
But on a side note, I just got it again walking over to do something. I was interupted to go do some work and on the way , here comes the giggle stick. I think it senses something and tries to go after it. Yet each times I am no where near anyone so it must be like a radar lol.
If this keeps up I am going to have to pull into one of those self service places and get the full release. AKA the nice bathroom stale lol.
Town fair
The day after my liver attack me and the misses had to get up early to work at a local town fair. Her job had a booth and they were short on volunteers so I said I would help. I was probably still leagally drunk while we were doing this but I felt fine. The wife on the other hand was not doing so well. She cannt hang with the real night ghetto owls anymore lol.
This little stand you see here was right in front of us and it was making me a little uneasy. Just the thought of eating fried oreos and twinkies was enuff to make me hurrl sober let alone a little buzzed. Who had this bright idea?
During the day I got to watch all the people doing community service clean up after us. Here in NJ they wear these bright orange vest with the letters S.L.A.P.S. on it. I am sure it stands for something but I have yet to meet anyone who had to do any community service as of yet. Hell, I am all for chain gangs doing all the dirty work of the world, make them earn thier keep lol.
And here we have the POOPOO keepin the peace in this town. Its a big difference here than in the other parts of the state we visit. But I did get to see some chick barfing on the side walk. No clue to why maybe she was still drunk too and she actually ate a fried oreo, morning sickness, bad meth, or the odor of bengay and Aquaspray over came her. There were alot of old people lol.
This little peice of art work was down some back alley. Now in this town going down the back alley is still safe. Most of the places we visit are not places you go exsploring the alley ways even in the day time.
But it is still nice to see signs of civil disobedience in this white wonder bread world.
And what picture perfect honkeie town would not be complete with out one of these clubs? All we are missing is the WASP private club with no windows and only one door in the back. I thought it was called Ping-Pong, who knew?
This little stand you see here was right in front of us and it was making me a little uneasy. Just the thought of eating fried oreos and twinkies was enuff to make me hurrl sober let alone a little buzzed. Who had this bright idea?
During the day I got to watch all the people doing community service clean up after us. Here in NJ they wear these bright orange vest with the letters S.L.A.P.S. on it. I am sure it stands for something but I have yet to meet anyone who had to do any community service as of yet. Hell, I am all for chain gangs doing all the dirty work of the world, make them earn thier keep lol.
And here we have the POOPOO keepin the peace in this town. Its a big difference here than in the other parts of the state we visit. But I did get to see some chick barfing on the side walk. No clue to why maybe she was still drunk too and she actually ate a fried oreo, morning sickness, bad meth, or the odor of bengay and Aquaspray over came her. There were alot of old people lol.
This little peice of art work was down some back alley. Now in this town going down the back alley is still safe. Most of the places we visit are not places you go exsploring the alley ways even in the day time.
But it is still nice to see signs of civil disobedience in this white wonder bread world.
And what picture perfect honkeie town would not be complete with out one of these clubs? All we are missing is the WASP private club with no windows and only one door in the back. I thought it was called Ping-Pong, who knew?
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
STFU
I changed my pic just because. I was going to use a pic of me but I could not find one small enough. I am to big even for the Blog Gods, damn I am sexy lol! I plan on changing my pic from time to time, I love change and what was funny once will become stale later. I love this pic and even used it in a blog once. It just speaks volumes with such a simple sentence and it even has a clever little............ STFU......lol :-D
meoldnavy
Just screwin around at work playin with flickr. This was me a few months ago summer shoppin at old navy :-D.
I feel soo much better that I can post my pics, thank you Gods of the Blog. So here are the photos of my weekend.....
I went to the old goth club me and my wife used to haunt. And they did not let us down in the least with the werid, the strange and good music. They repainted the front door since we were Children of the Night. I am still in love with the night life and love staying up late, but the wife loves going to bed early. I still remeber when we would stay here until they turned the lights on us. Good times, good times!
QXT's
They have 2dollar drinks until 11:00 and I took advantage of this like a fein. I was drink gin and tonic for like 30 minutes before the shooters came out. I hate black lights, all of your imperfections and spots of dust bunnies glow in the fucking dark. But it sure makes somethings look cool.
Cool black light #1
Cool black light pic #2- Flyer from the bar.
Not soo cool black light photo...I have no words to describe what they hell this looks like. Anyone have any good suggestions on how one would desrcibe this? By the way, thats me :-D
I could not leave the bathroom without leaving my mark on the walls. If anyone that works/owns QXT's --It was there when I got there ;-)
I soo love snaky bar bathrooms, it has such character it is almost palatable!
From left to right-Katherine(friend of Rayman), Rayman(our friend), and then wife. I was thinkin of dressing up but I forgot how to put on eye-liner. Not really, I can still make a perfectly straight line, real men wear eye liner lol. I just wasnt in the mood, maybe next time :-D. I really have to get a scanner and show how I looked back in the leather pants days .
This is Dave(our friend), Rayman again :-D and the other guy with the glow in the dark hair is Katherine's b/f. They are totaly perfect toghter, today was an anniversary of some sort. I think it was thier one year since they hooked up here at the club. Con grats !
This is the dance floor, as you can tell I am not in there. Being white I am rythemless and was not about to try--again. I have been known to hoop in the middle of the mix(after a countless number of drinks) but tonight was not one of them. But I was tempted after I saw Ray and Dave in there, I was not daring that night lol. It was really dark and this was the best pic out of like 10 using all the different setting on my digital camera. I wish I could have gotten a better pic, there were some really cool outfits out there. I was soo tempted to ask them to pose but I did not want to be the usual rude tourist I am most of the time :-D. And even though people think goth is a white thang there were a few ppl of color there as well. Hell, you need someone to teach these whities how to dance with the music lmao :-). And I am sorry to any white guy with dreads, but dreads only look cool on a black guys. The white guy with dreads just looks nasty lol.
I have bought countless number of smokes form one of the last smoke machines in NJ. But I am soo glad I dont NEED to smoke anymore. They are fucking $7 a pack, thats like 3 big mac meals, 3.5 gallons of gas, 7 items form the dollar store, a 12 pack of Natural Ice beer with change for a scratch off and 3 energy drinks. Now if I want one I just bum them off ppl, mind you that is like once maybe twice a year lol. Each time I am reminded why I quit but that NEED is a driving force not to be reconded with sometimes lol!
I totaly suck at pool but I love to play. I want one of these bar tables for my house, I cannt handel a full size table at all! And besides I would not feel so bad if it gets a little dirty, it will just add to the feel of the table. This table has alot of "feel" to it lol. I wonder how many ppl have had sex on this thing? Knowing some of these ppl I would put my money on alot. I wonder what that black light would show over here?
This is the stairway to HELL!! Just kidding it is the stairs to the area called the Dungeon...spoooky! Its a small area with a DJ and bar, totaly cool! Makes it a bit more personal, everyone sooo close, makes for copping a feel easier lol. I was going to take some pics down there but it was even darker down there.
For a little side note, the Dungeon is the first place I threw up here at Q's. All I know was that I started getting that water taste in my mouth , short fast breathing, room spinning, and then RALPHHHHH. Luck for me I was sitting next to a garbage can and the saw dust trolls were near by.
If QXT's were to have a mascot this would be it. I have be coming here for about 7 years and the wife for about 10 back in the day when it was called the "Edge" and this this has been there. I am not sure when Puff first came on the scene but everytime I see it I think its the funniest thing. I wonder what the story behind him and his rider is?
So to some up my trip down memory lane---Fucking Riot! I spent more money than I should have but oh well, there are always worst things to spend it on-college! We left a little earlier than I had wanted but we both had to get up early to work at a local fair( which I will post soon). It was for her job and I told her I would help out, no biggie. To continue down the memory lane we stopped at the diner we used to go to at 3 in the morning for the are booze munchies. It was a bit dead because it does not get busy there until the ghetto clubs let out. We missed all da faux bling, hair extensions, and the Dodge Neons with body kits and giant mufflers. I used to love walking into there dressed like a character from an Anne Rice novel, these ppl were totaly werided out. They might have taught we looked werid but I found them even werider, when I went home I took off my club clothes and put them away. These were thier day to day cloths, they always dress like that lol. And oh yeah, I am so envious of your life sized 24 karrot diamon incrusted Jesus head...lol...too funny.
I went to the old goth club me and my wife used to haunt. And they did not let us down in the least with the werid, the strange and good music. They repainted the front door since we were Children of the Night. I am still in love with the night life and love staying up late, but the wife loves going to bed early. I still remeber when we would stay here until they turned the lights on us. Good times, good times!
QXT's
They have 2dollar drinks until 11:00 and I took advantage of this like a fein. I was drink gin and tonic for like 30 minutes before the shooters came out. I hate black lights, all of your imperfections and spots of dust bunnies glow in the fucking dark. But it sure makes somethings look cool.
Cool black light #1
Cool black light pic #2- Flyer from the bar.
Not soo cool black light photo...I have no words to describe what they hell this looks like. Anyone have any good suggestions on how one would desrcibe this? By the way, thats me :-D
I could not leave the bathroom without leaving my mark on the walls. If anyone that works/owns QXT's --It was there when I got there ;-)
I soo love snaky bar bathrooms, it has such character it is almost palatable!
From left to right-Katherine(friend of Rayman), Rayman(our friend), and then wife. I was thinkin of dressing up but I forgot how to put on eye-liner. Not really, I can still make a perfectly straight line, real men wear eye liner lol. I just wasnt in the mood, maybe next time :-D. I really have to get a scanner and show how I looked back in the leather pants days .
This is Dave(our friend), Rayman again :-D and the other guy with the glow in the dark hair is Katherine's b/f. They are totaly perfect toghter, today was an anniversary of some sort. I think it was thier one year since they hooked up here at the club. Con grats !
This is the dance floor, as you can tell I am not in there. Being white I am rythemless and was not about to try--again. I have been known to hoop in the middle of the mix(after a countless number of drinks) but tonight was not one of them. But I was tempted after I saw Ray and Dave in there, I was not daring that night lol. It was really dark and this was the best pic out of like 10 using all the different setting on my digital camera. I wish I could have gotten a better pic, there were some really cool outfits out there. I was soo tempted to ask them to pose but I did not want to be the usual rude tourist I am most of the time :-D. And even though people think goth is a white thang there were a few ppl of color there as well. Hell, you need someone to teach these whities how to dance with the music lmao :-). And I am sorry to any white guy with dreads, but dreads only look cool on a black guys. The white guy with dreads just looks nasty lol.
I have bought countless number of smokes form one of the last smoke machines in NJ. But I am soo glad I dont NEED to smoke anymore. They are fucking $7 a pack, thats like 3 big mac meals, 3.5 gallons of gas, 7 items form the dollar store, a 12 pack of Natural Ice beer with change for a scratch off and 3 energy drinks. Now if I want one I just bum them off ppl, mind you that is like once maybe twice a year lol. Each time I am reminded why I quit but that NEED is a driving force not to be reconded with sometimes lol!
I totaly suck at pool but I love to play. I want one of these bar tables for my house, I cannt handel a full size table at all! And besides I would not feel so bad if it gets a little dirty, it will just add to the feel of the table. This table has alot of "feel" to it lol. I wonder how many ppl have had sex on this thing? Knowing some of these ppl I would put my money on alot. I wonder what that black light would show over here?
This is the stairway to HELL!! Just kidding it is the stairs to the area called the Dungeon...spoooky! Its a small area with a DJ and bar, totaly cool! Makes it a bit more personal, everyone sooo close, makes for copping a feel easier lol. I was going to take some pics down there but it was even darker down there.
For a little side note, the Dungeon is the first place I threw up here at Q's. All I know was that I started getting that water taste in my mouth , short fast breathing, room spinning, and then RALPHHHHH. Luck for me I was sitting next to a garbage can and the saw dust trolls were near by.
If QXT's were to have a mascot this would be it. I have be coming here for about 7 years and the wife for about 10 back in the day when it was called the "Edge" and this this has been there. I am not sure when Puff first came on the scene but everytime I see it I think its the funniest thing. I wonder what the story behind him and his rider is?
So to some up my trip down memory lane---Fucking Riot! I spent more money than I should have but oh well, there are always worst things to spend it on-college! We left a little earlier than I had wanted but we both had to get up early to work at a local fair( which I will post soon). It was for her job and I told her I would help out, no biggie. To continue down the memory lane we stopped at the diner we used to go to at 3 in the morning for the are booze munchies. It was a bit dead because it does not get busy there until the ghetto clubs let out. We missed all da faux bling, hair extensions, and the Dodge Neons with body kits and giant mufflers. I used to love walking into there dressed like a character from an Anne Rice novel, these ppl were totaly werided out. They might have taught we looked werid but I found them even werider, when I went home I took off my club clothes and put them away. These were thier day to day cloths, they always dress like that lol. And oh yeah, I am so envious of your life sized 24 karrot diamon incrusted Jesus head...lol...too funny.
Monday, September 26, 2005
This weekend was a busy one but a fun one. The Blogging God has seen it in his power not to let me post any pics of it for some reason, so this is a total "MIDDLE FINGER MONDAY"
I just cannt post the picture I wanted to use do to the "error" on the site. If the internet were to ever go down I dont know what I will do with myself...do my work or maybe read a book.....A Book? Good Gravey!
"Angry oh so angry!" Attempt 6 at getting a pic to load but no luck. I guess I will try later.
I just cannt post the picture I wanted to use do to the "error" on the site. If the internet were to ever go down I dont know what I will do with myself...do my work or maybe read a book.....A Book? Good Gravey!
"Angry oh so angry!" Attempt 6 at getting a pic to load but no luck. I guess I will try later.
Friday, September 23, 2005
TGIF
I have alot of work to do today because I kept putting it off and now its ALL due. Just wanted to drop a Happy Friday and hope you all get crunked, funked and/or humped! I know I have it in my plans to all of the above several times before monday .....And here is a little pic I found on Yahoo on how I am going to look/feel soon as 3:00 hitssss....
(I am going to hell for this , but man is he werid lookin)
Thursday, September 22, 2005
True Friends are not sissies :D
Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good,but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series ofpromises that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bitch or bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.Don't give it to me!8. When you fall! - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why? You may ask. Because you are my friend. Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
I got this off of Desi's blog and had to share...its sooo me lol. Thanks Desi! Hope all went well with the Dr.
Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good,but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series ofpromises that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bitch or bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.Don't give it to me!8. When you fall! - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why? You may ask. Because you are my friend. Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
I got this off of Desi's blog and had to share...its sooo me lol. Thanks Desi! Hope all went well with the Dr.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Dare not to care...
We in the world of cubicals and post-it's know all to well these posters I have grown to hate. Those posters that are supposted it encourage people and to impower them to do better. To be a better person and become a "Do-er" instead of a "Do-ee". But what about people like me who just dont give a flyin fuck about other people's feelings around the office and feel nothing when faced with pictures of eagles and mountains. They make me want to jump out the window, go camping, wild endanger game hunting and cut the paracute cords of every corpurt jack ass that wants to jump out of a plane as a character building stunt. Here are a few posters I hope to hang in my office as soon as I take over....Stewy Griffin style...hmmmmm yesssss....
And to the man who invented cubicals, I hope you have an evil wife that stares over your shoulder all day long saying this, "What are you doing? That sure does not look like work to me, stop screw off before I give something real to do! And stop emailing your co-workers every damn funny you see on the net. Now get back to work or I wont let you have your balls for the weekend!" Well something like that, that sounds about right on my end :-D
And to the man who invented cubicals, I hope you have an evil wife that stares over your shoulder all day long saying this, "What are you doing? That sure does not look like work to me, stop screw off before I give something real to do! And stop emailing your co-workers every damn funny you see on the net. Now get back to work or I wont let you have your balls for the weekend!" Well something like that, that sounds about right on my end :-D
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Wee-Todd-Did
My company has made me retarded. And how can I blame my job for this problem in my life, as well you ask? Very simple, two words-Automatic Bathrooms. It is a wondrous place, where modern day thinkers have put their noodles to the test all in the name of sanitation. Step one, Auto flush urinals/toilets; Step two, Auto on/off sinks; Step three Auto Air drier/paper dispenser. You do not have to touch anything that is not on your person, unless you want to(George Michael). These inventors have given us such a complex about germs and sanitary things. In many ways this is good, food service workers HAVE to wash their hands before returning to work and state laws mandates that there be soap there to do so. But it is also a bad thing, people are afraid to use the potty when that are not up to par as they are used to. For example, I know ppl that will not sit on a foreign bowl unless it is propely covered in a bowel condom. They can be found in place like this:
Now it is a proven fact there are more germs on the salt shaker at your local eatery than on the lid of a toilet in the nastiest bar in NYC. And yet they do not offer a cover for that when we dine out. People are more concered with the outer rim of their ass than the part of the body that regularly goes in your mouth. Counter tops, public phones, door knobs and even your pen has more germs on it but we do not seem to notice this. So our company spend big buck to protect our cheeks when that money could easily be spent else where...my salary could be a good place to start ;-). So much time and money is spent on the notion of cleanliness but little thought is put into the reality of it all.
Let me paint a picture of the perfect bathroom....
I walk up to the door of my local depository and the door automatic opens for me. I walk into the Ionoc Breezed air of the while marble tiled bank of waste and make my selection of stalls. As I approach the place of much needed relief the stall of my choosing opens for me, the door opens out so that I do not have to do a little dance to keep my leg from touching the bowl of nastiness when it closes. The automatic seat santy cover rolles on a new cover for my royal ass before I even unzipp the man of the hour. I sit down and commence firing, then apon my command the electronic eye flushes and then goes to town on the next job at hand. A small brush like device comes out from the side of the porcelain doodie catcher and washes my privates in to gleaming happiness. Then my cheeks are dried with jets of warm slowly blown air, as not to splash the nasty ass water on to my person. I stand up and re-enclose my beast of burden and approach the door. Which once again opens for me, now mind you this stall is the kind that goes floor to ceiling and has music playing at full volume so that, god forbid, you make any noise no one will hear. I strut over to the sink where the soap comes out when I place my hand under the dispenser and the luke warm water is already running at a fast yet manageable speed. So that no water splashes up at me and make it look as if I pissed myself. As I finish washing paper towels that are aloe soft eject out of a slot that is near chest level in the mirror. I dry my hands and put my waste in the trash that has a wide opening as to keep me from missing and having to bend over and pick up the , now, fouled paper. I now leave with the knowledge that I never once had to touch anything that might have had germs on it and that my ass is as clean as its ever going to get. Unless I bump inot Peewee Herman and he is offering free rim to the first taker.
That is a bathroom I would love to see but till then the usual ones I see (outside of work) are the Hess and Exxon gas station bathrooms. The ones that look a little better after you piss on the floor because the bowl is usually over flowing with the last occupants stuff and if you were to add any it might jump out at you.
Now my work bathroom is not nearly that modern nor are they gas station quality. But they do spoil me too much. So next time you are standing at the sink waiting for it to turn on by itself and then you realize you don't have one in your crappy apartment. Don't feel bad, I do it all the time. And hell, half the time I forget to flush because I expect it to do it for me. Damn cheap ass land lords! I even gave them pamphlets on where to buy them..................................
Now it is a proven fact there are more germs on the salt shaker at your local eatery than on the lid of a toilet in the nastiest bar in NYC. And yet they do not offer a cover for that when we dine out. People are more concered with the outer rim of their ass than the part of the body that regularly goes in your mouth. Counter tops, public phones, door knobs and even your pen has more germs on it but we do not seem to notice this. So our company spend big buck to protect our cheeks when that money could easily be spent else where...my salary could be a good place to start ;-). So much time and money is spent on the notion of cleanliness but little thought is put into the reality of it all.
Let me paint a picture of the perfect bathroom....
I walk up to the door of my local depository and the door automatic opens for me. I walk into the Ionoc Breezed air of the while marble tiled bank of waste and make my selection of stalls. As I approach the place of much needed relief the stall of my choosing opens for me, the door opens out so that I do not have to do a little dance to keep my leg from touching the bowl of nastiness when it closes. The automatic seat santy cover rolles on a new cover for my royal ass before I even unzipp the man of the hour. I sit down and commence firing, then apon my command the electronic eye flushes and then goes to town on the next job at hand. A small brush like device comes out from the side of the porcelain doodie catcher and washes my privates in to gleaming happiness. Then my cheeks are dried with jets of warm slowly blown air, as not to splash the nasty ass water on to my person. I stand up and re-enclose my beast of burden and approach the door. Which once again opens for me, now mind you this stall is the kind that goes floor to ceiling and has music playing at full volume so that, god forbid, you make any noise no one will hear. I strut over to the sink where the soap comes out when I place my hand under the dispenser and the luke warm water is already running at a fast yet manageable speed. So that no water splashes up at me and make it look as if I pissed myself. As I finish washing paper towels that are aloe soft eject out of a slot that is near chest level in the mirror. I dry my hands and put my waste in the trash that has a wide opening as to keep me from missing and having to bend over and pick up the , now, fouled paper. I now leave with the knowledge that I never once had to touch anything that might have had germs on it and that my ass is as clean as its ever going to get. Unless I bump inot Peewee Herman and he is offering free rim to the first taker.
That is a bathroom I would love to see but till then the usual ones I see (outside of work) are the Hess and Exxon gas station bathrooms. The ones that look a little better after you piss on the floor because the bowl is usually over flowing with the last occupants stuff and if you were to add any it might jump out at you.
Now my work bathroom is not nearly that modern nor are they gas station quality. But they do spoil me too much. So next time you are standing at the sink waiting for it to turn on by itself and then you realize you don't have one in your crappy apartment. Don't feel bad, I do it all the time. And hell, half the time I forget to flush because I expect it to do it for me. Damn cheap ass land lords! I even gave them pamphlets on where to buy them..................................
Monday, September 19, 2005
Post cards from the endge....
I found this blog on Cherry's blog and I am totally addicted. It is funny, sad and inlighting, it can make you feel better about your life, because there is always someone out there more fucked up than you....POSTCARDS...go check it out and send one in...I know I am.
Monday ..nasty
Well good ,fucking middle finger, Monday to one and all. Another start to a week that I hope goes reallly fast. It isn't that I hate my job its just I hate having to get up soo early. I used to work 2nd shift and I loved it but with family one must make a few changes. Working from 2:30 to 10:30 was such a wonderful shift, I can stay awake all night with no problem. But dont ask me to get up early, even if I went to sleep at 9 then woke up at 5. I hate, loath, despise and any and all bad words that are escaping me right now at 8:30.
So hope we all have a good one and give the finger to as many people possible. Share the love, its the only way.
So hope we all have a good one and give the finger to as many people possible. Share the love, its the only way.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Friday fun
After work we all went out to our local TGIF's and got some of the best burgers known to man. We both got the mushroom, onion, swiss burger but the wife did not want the onions or mushrooms. The look on the barely 18 waiter is always priceless, she always does this to them and it always takes them a few seconds to realize all she wanted was a cheese burger with swiss cheese. One must think outside the box when dealing with us. I took a little visit to the potty and this is what happened.....
There is me after I washed my hands :-D
This is for the drunk alpha male and semi comatoast beta male...love the pink urinal ments.
After we ate we took a ride to Target and were attacked by the orange stickers. You see them on things you dont really NEED but its only 2 DOLLARS! So, we bought a few things and still remembered what we came in the store for...a birthday card for her coworker. I was destracted by the strange things that sang at you when you pushed their buttons...
I had the whole shelf singing kung foo fighting and born to be wild at about 10 different starting points.
I am suprised that the people there have not tried to kill me yet.
There is me after I washed my hands :-D
This is for the drunk alpha male and semi comatoast beta male...love the pink urinal ments.
After we ate we took a ride to Target and were attacked by the orange stickers. You see them on things you dont really NEED but its only 2 DOLLARS! So, we bought a few things and still remembered what we came in the store for...a birthday card for her coworker. I was destracted by the strange things that sang at you when you pushed their buttons...
I had the whole shelf singing kung foo fighting and born to be wild at about 10 different starting points.
I am suprised that the people there have not tried to kill me yet.
Friday, September 16, 2005
I am sure most ppl out there rember Speak & Spell. It was a great learning tool for those children with problems with phonics and those that wanted to sound like a mentally handicaped robot. But it was also the source of much entertainment once a young child realized they could get Mr. Speak&Spell to say naughty words. Then a whole new can of worms opened for them on how to shock the prude family members that thought words as innocent as "freakin" were nasty. I myself played with this thing until it just broke and by then I was onto much better naughty joys. But I still get a kick out of using the dictionary to look up nasty things, but now I use modern tools.....Dictionary....and look up words like anus, rectum(it nearly killedem), vagina, jack ass and soo on. I am sure many ppl can relate to this, what else is there to do when you are drunk and you are tired of the porn, myspace and too drunk to blog. Even though I have blogged bombed out of my mind and would not recommend it. You will delete it soon as you sober up a tad.
As I have mentioned in the past , I have a little one at home and started buying him things to keep him entertained. We got him a learning tool, some kinda green worm with letters on its feet. It says the letters, sings, and even gives a pronuciation to the letters. Now if you are on the same page as I am you know where I am going with this. For those of you who have no clue to the dept of my nasty side.....When you put certain sounds together you get bad words. The "S" and the "T" when pushed one after the other sounds like "SSSTT" or..shit! But---the makers of this toy had ppl like me in mind when they made this thing. It will not let you do this no matter what combonation you use. Pressing the letter "F" and the letter "U" in alphabet mode should say f u, but instead when you press the "F" key and then the"U" key it says, " F heheheheheehehehe" then you have to wait a few seconds before it say "U". It wont say f u! Nor will it say "SSTT", everytime you try to use a combonation of letters or sounds to say something nasty the little fuck laughs at you.
That is such a shame that they took that joy from us perverted parents who's maturity levels are lower than their own children's. But what is even funnier is that some corpurit big wig had to ok the programing of this block on bad words. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall in that think tan lol. Seeing a bunch of tech geeks trying to figure out what combonations of words on this baby toy would produce a sound that would result in a fine for someone like Howard Stern. What ever happened to the days when children got dangerous and evil toys as presents, anyone remeber LAWN DARTS... ?
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Closed pool
As some of you know(probably only me lol) we put a pool up for the summer. It was one of those pools that you buy at Target and have up in an hour or more. That is true, but they did not factor in the time it takes to get the beast out of the box. So total time was really about an hour and 45 minutes, not bad.
But it is now time to take it down, I did not take any pics of the comming down due to the fact I was soaked, cursing at it and fighting with the pool the whole time. It was messy, wet and a little stinky; and lets us not forget all the fuking bugs that were attacking me the whole time. But here are some of the pool pics from me cleaning the bitch earlier this summer.
Now dont get me wrong I totaly loved the pool and so did the whole family, but it was a job in its self. Even with all the pain and exspense I would love to have a "real" pool next year. It would have to be an above ground one because of the baby. He loves the water and I know he would be the first one doing a head dive into it if it was an in ground pool. At least with the above ground ones you can remove the ladder to keep the shorties out and save. That does include my wife who is rather short. When I hug her and she is not wearing heels I am a good head and a half taller. She hates it when I call her an Umpalumpa LOL she is too cutie though, she is my little Umpalumpa :-D.
Well until next summer the bald spot in the yard will have to be the only reminder of warmer times.
But it is now time to take it down, I did not take any pics of the comming down due to the fact I was soaked, cursing at it and fighting with the pool the whole time. It was messy, wet and a little stinky; and lets us not forget all the fuking bugs that were attacking me the whole time. But here are some of the pool pics from me cleaning the bitch earlier this summer.
Now dont get me wrong I totaly loved the pool and so did the whole family, but it was a job in its self. Even with all the pain and exspense I would love to have a "real" pool next year. It would have to be an above ground one because of the baby. He loves the water and I know he would be the first one doing a head dive into it if it was an in ground pool. At least with the above ground ones you can remove the ladder to keep the shorties out and save. That does include my wife who is rather short. When I hug her and she is not wearing heels I am a good head and a half taller. She hates it when I call her an Umpalumpa LOL she is too cutie though, she is my little Umpalumpa :-D.
Well until next summer the bald spot in the yard will have to be the only reminder of warmer times.
I had to do a little shoppin yesterday so here I was in the "Buy in Bulk" store. We have B.J.'s( to bad they dont sell bj's) and Costco Wholesalers, today I was at Costco's. I can not figure why someone would buy bulk in somethings. Like who the hell needs enormous amouts of hemroid cream at one time. Your ass would be in bliss for 10 years if one were to buy this. This is a wonderous place where in the inner junk food monster goes insane. I want 15lbs of cool ranch Doritos and a bucket of chesse balls, and let us not for get the case of Pepsi to chase it down. To bad they dont sell beer and booze, I might have to wheeled to drunk tank on a weekly basis. Does anyone know if they sell beer at these places in other states, I know in some sothern states you can buy food and liquor all in the same store.
FOOD LIST:
FOOD LIST:
- Bananas
- Cereal
- Cheese
- Diapers
- Toliet paper
- Meat
- Bread
- BEER
- WHISKEY
- Tonic water
- Junk Food
- KY :-D
- Hair Jell
But I dont live there so I am stuck going to 2 stores. And yes I am all for buying sex lub in bulk.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
College sux
Well yesterday was my fisrt day back into college. And again I am saddened by what these ppl do to us. It was a room with 26 desk and by the time the class started we had 32 ppl in this small flourecent lit room. More ppl means more money, they sure got there monies worth here. They did not even have to spend the money on desk for these late slobs, heres a clue-get there early.
Here is the book that was a complete rip off--$89.00
(Notice the 3 hole punch on the cover)
Now, see those hole......It was not even a fucking book! It was a bunch of loose pages that had to be put in a binder. Which it did not come with, fucked again. There is no comparison to the ass raping one gets when they go to college. Even car dealers are not this nasty about it, at least they give you kiss afterwards. So now the regular college retard would go and buy a college binder to put there book into it. But not this retatard, I took one of the many I have at work that were not being used. I will put it back when I am done so it is not stealing.
I just want to say it one more time.....college sux! It is not about higher education, its more like higher pay checks for those on top. They charge you for everything and get back sooo little. A degree that for the most part has taught you absolutely nothing about what you went in for.(with a few exceptions) My degree does not need anything, hell I am already working in the field but I need that damn rolled paper with a red ribbon to move up that ladder. It is not like I need to know how to sew up ppl or anything, my job is rather simple to someone who knows and understands the comic strip Dilbert. I am an expert at what I do and excel at everything put before me. All of what I have learned and know did not come from a $400 class with book going $100 a pop. But yet the ppl on the top have the degrees so if we want to join them we all have to join thier party--The Degree In Hand and Bankrupcy In The Other--Party.
Here is the book that was a complete rip off--$89.00
(Notice the 3 hole punch on the cover)
Now, see those hole......It was not even a fucking book! It was a bunch of loose pages that had to be put in a binder. Which it did not come with, fucked again. There is no comparison to the ass raping one gets when they go to college. Even car dealers are not this nasty about it, at least they give you kiss afterwards. So now the regular college retard would go and buy a college binder to put there book into it. But not this retatard, I took one of the many I have at work that were not being used. I will put it back when I am done so it is not stealing.
I just want to say it one more time.....college sux! It is not about higher education, its more like higher pay checks for those on top. They charge you for everything and get back sooo little. A degree that for the most part has taught you absolutely nothing about what you went in for.(with a few exceptions) My degree does not need anything, hell I am already working in the field but I need that damn rolled paper with a red ribbon to move up that ladder. It is not like I need to know how to sew up ppl or anything, my job is rather simple to someone who knows and understands the comic strip Dilbert. I am an expert at what I do and excel at everything put before me. All of what I have learned and know did not come from a $400 class with book going $100 a pop. But yet the ppl on the top have the degrees so if we want to join them we all have to join thier party--The Degree In Hand and Bankrupcy In The Other--Party.
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