Happy HNT and wild monkeys

My little man has a book he loves, its called 'Bobby the Bold'. It is a great book for kids and I like reading it to him, it has some funny charaters. One of them is a male hairstylist, who thanks to me has a gay lisp. In my mind that is how I hear this guy when he is talking, and I mean come on- A man who does his own hair and works in a womans hair salon has got to be gay haha. I also like it because it is written in a manner that flows very nicely, some kids books really do not have that flow. Kids at this age like large pictures, fun stories and monkeys. Some kids books we have are like freakin novels and what kid with the attention span of a gnat will sit still for a 'War and Peace' book. Pictures and monkeys thats all!
We were at Babies R US last week and our little drunken midget sees this monkey and he says'Bobby!' And yes, it does in some monkey way look like Bobby. So we end up buying it for him and now it is his favorite bed time toy. He sleeps with Bobby, he is sooo cuite, and that is how and why we have not eatin him yet. Evil twos, three,s fours and all the rest of the years.



If you have little kids who like monkeys I would really suggest for u to get this book.



Now on to something that started on Tuesday and is still here. As I mentioned yesterday my legs were not yet killing me..........well today they are on fire. I love this feeling, lets me know what I did is working. Walking, sitting, standing and even breathing hurts my legs. I got on top of my protien and creatine to help the healing process but nothing will ever get rid of the pain. But a werid problem has come from Tuesday fun, bruises. I was using this toe raise machine, like 300+ pounds and it cause these werid bruises on my shoulders. I dont use certain leg machines because of this very problem. I dont mind getting bruises, its just looks werid lol. I tried to get a picture of them but no setting really was working for me, so here is a crappy pic of one side. I have them on both sides, matching bruises haha. And sorry GutterGirl I will have the boxer nic next week ;-)

Happy HNT!



And due to all the waiting I dedicate this funny pic to my wife unit. She is going to the doctor today so with a little hope they will be sending her off to the hospital to give up this stubborn little man. I joked that if this baby is born on Labor Day he will turn out to a freakin comedian. I will put money of that haha.

New boxers and the magical lock.

On Monday the wife unit went out shopping and bought me a whole bunch of new boxers. I have not bought new boxers in a long while and the ones I have are rather raggity. Wholes in all the wrong areas and missing buttons that cause all kinds of unwanted cyclospe apperrances. So I had to do the new boxer dance, it kinda goes like this:



I dont know about the rest of you but I always wash my cloths before I wear them, exspecally undeies! I once saw this show that had a lab woman go around to different stores and test the crotch area of womens underoo's. And 90% of all of the crotch huggers had female residue in them, which is nasty and interesting all in one. Nasty is the obvious part, the interesting covers all kinds of areas. Do all women try on underwear free bottom as to leave a little 'Scent of a Woman'? Or is that just for the nasty skanks out there that like to leave their mark every bathroom stall in the mens room. I have never tried on a pair of mens underwear before buying them, and yes I do have some fun tighty spandex like whiteies(not all of them are white though). Never in my history of buying cloths for myself did I take a pair of underoos off the rack and try them on in the buff. I mean that is just nasty, who knows who might have done that right before me.I like crabs but the kind one finds in the ocean, not hidding in the crotch of some freshly worn off the rack man panties. But for all of you guys that like that sniff worn panty stuff here is your place to get your fix. Just pop into Victoria Secrets and sniff away.

Now onto the magical locker story. Yesterday I went to the gym with the intent to work out my legs heavy. I usually use the same locker, it is towards the back and has this sticker of the white Jesus in it. And yes I say the 'White Jesus' because he wasnt white nor black ppl, he was a jew of the time and probably look very much like arabs we see on the TV. But anyway, I got to my special locker and start to change into my gym attire. Old holy teeshirt, dingy sneakers and shorts that I would never wear outside the gym or home and then I see it: A lock hanging unlocked on MY locker. It looks alot like mine but there is no way it could be mine because mine is in my bag. I take it off the locker and notice it has the same making as mine, so I try my combo and what do you know IT IS MINE! Now this is werid as hell because it was Tuesday and the last day I was here at this gym was Friday. It survied 5 days and 4 nights in a gym that usually swallows everything you leave alone for more than a second. So this has to magical to have survived so long.
I did do a very heavy leg workout, but since I have been at it for a while I am not as sore as I was hoping for. So next week I think I will go just as heavy but do more reps. I started it off with one of my fav leg workouts, the sled or leg press machine. If you dont know what that is here is a little visual:



And by the way that is not me, just some random pic I found on the net. I started my work out with 270 lbs which is 3-45lbs plates on each side. After each set I added one 45lbs plate to each side, and after each set I also did a set of toe rases. Men with no calves look funny, like chicken legs lol. By the time I was at my last set I was up to my top weight as of today 540lbs! That is 6 45lbs plates on each side. That is an all time best for me, but mind you I could only get 7 reps up unlike my usual 10. I did 7 other exercises before hitting the tredmill and was asses out by the time I left. Did I mention I hate running haha. I have upped my protien and creatine so maybe that is why I am not as sore as I thought I would be but the second day is where it really gets you. We shall see.

Well have a Happy Hump day, and just to let yall know.....still no baby. It's inchs away but it just wont come out damn it. Have a good day and remeber a day without some exercise and booze just isnt a day worth bothering with.

Another Monday-

Yeah it is another Monday and still no baby. I was not a bad weekend it consisted of sitting in our room staring at her belly waiting for it to pop or something. I swear when she gives birth it will be a damn toddler haha. She is not sleeping to well but I think it has alot to do with the waiting that is killing us. I bet it is pure torture, it isnt the end that gets us; its the waiting.

We have been a bit light in the pocket as far as money is concerned so we have not be going out as much as we used to and since she is about to drop a lung any moment we try to stay close to home. But last night we went out to eat just the 2 of us(well 3 but the other one is still in hidding). We still have the luxury of having my inlaws watch our little man. That was the highlight of the weekend which was cool.

I have not touched a drop of booze in a while, I dont want to be toasted out of my mind when her water finally decides to break. Then we will have to take a cab to the hospital with me reaking of rum. And then the odds I will need medical attention as well, but at least we can share a room haha. I have been sober for about a month now and the urge to crack one open is there but it isnt killing me. But let me tell you , the moment I am in the clear and she is home and happy I am going to get lit up worse than a freak fire at a fireworks factory. Bam, boom and barf! And on that note I soo want to see that beer movie that is coming out. I dont know the name of it but I saw the preview the other day and I forsee it being a drinking classic. I might even have to go see it with a case of beer hidden in my pants.

And one last random entry because it is Monday and I cannt seem to get my mind to work right so I have diarrea of the blog today. Last week I did something that was really out of character, I gave a random man 20$ for gas. Here let me tell you the story:
I was driving to work and I see this guy on the side of the road waving to me. I think my man might be in need of help so I pull over, all windows up but the passenger side window and doors locked-I am want to be a good guy not the guy who got taken for a ride. He says he ran out of gas and did not have his wallet on him. At this point I was thinking,"Riiiight and I just got head from the Pope" But as he goes on I can see this man is to the point of tears. He is about 35-40 years old, a little chubby and wearing attire one might see an auto mechanic wearing. His story is that he was on his way to Newark airport to pick up his wife and kids, he ran out of gas, did not have his wallet, the gas station said they could not do a sale with his credit card company over the phone, he IS an auto mechanic, he is from Toms River and he is in a pickle here. He even offered me his watch in trade for 15$, and I must say it was a very nice Mavodo watch. In hind sight I should have taken it but I could not bring myself to take it. He offered to pay back the money but I did not feel all that comfortable giving out my address to some strange man asking for money. I did not have 15$ but I did have a 20 on me. I really needed that money, no joking, but I really felt this guy needed it more. I am not much of a Christian but I am more of a humanitarian, so I coughed up the money and wished him well. I just hope I did not get suckered, I am a real sucker for a sob story but that usually will only get about 1$ out of me. So it was very out of character for me to let go so much money at once for a sob story. I did not get his name and I did not ask to see some ID, I just felt that if a grown man who did not look like some crack head was out at 0630 in the morning trying to wave down strangers to get some gas money. I also felt that maybe someday this act will come back to me and some stranger will help me out when I am down and out. So here is a little note to all of those people out there that are not willing to help out a fell man/woman when they are down. There are alot of evil people out there who will fuck you faster than GW will declair war on some country but keep in mind there are some angles among demons out there in need of a hand. Next time you drive by someone in need just think about it as if that was you. Play it safe and keep one foot on the break and the other on the gas just in case you get the asshole, and you can run his ass over for trying some bullshit. Hell that person might be rich and/or famous, just think what might come of pulling over and helping Opera out. I am no fan of her but I would change my tune realllll quick and suddenly become a life long fan of her if I helped her out and she made me her new Dr.Phil hahahahahaha(and yes my name is Phil too lol)

Have a good Monday and just remeber no matter how bad it might be there is someone out there willing to suck dick for a dollar just to get by.

Happy HNT and still waiting.....

As one can see from the title we are all still waiting for the big day, it should be any day now. I want to share a picture of our little visit to the hospital but I had to fix it a little. The little woman is a little shy about having her picture on here so I did a little Honkeie doctoring to save her a little face. So this HNT comes from the wife unit and maybe she will let me posted a real pic I have of her, she looks so cutie knocked up ;-).



She will probably get pissed about this pic but I think it is a very nice picture and even a little funny now that I got ahold of it haha. We were there most of the morning, we got there around 0700. I am not sure what time we left but it felt like we had been there all day, i guess hospitals do that to people. And I must say I hate the way hospitals smell, I have worked in a few and they all have the same smell. Whatever it is I think they need to change thier glade pulg ins.

Now I did not get to post the pictures I took last weekend so I will share them now. Here I have a picture of a car I have see in the past end even did a post on it once, when I found it in the parking lot of Target.*Update* I found the post from 2005---StickerHell---



On Sunday we went over to my moms house and she had a friend of hers over who is a bit of a car nut. I am not sure what year this is but it is a Ford something or rather and has "QQ" plates. Its really old but runs like a dream, go figure lol.



The knobs on this thing are wild. I am not sure what half of them do and I was not about to ask to touch this thing. I dont know about my moms friend but lots of guys would cut off your fingers just for asking to touch their hard on lol. He is cool but I would never ask to touch this beautiful peice of FoundOnRoadDead.



I must say this thing was cleaner than new. I mean this thing probably wasnt this clean the day it rolled of the line back in 19-whatever.



I have a few more pictures but blogger is doing its usual thing and letting me post them. I will try to post them later if I can.
I have a few reports to do and I will be off to the gym then back to work, I have to work a different site later. No biggie, its all overtime whoohooo!
And a big thanks to Lisa I won the picture of her wacko stalker signed by the band Buckcherry. Its a long story and it is too funny. Lisa sent me a video once of this psycho bitch getting arrested. If anyone wants to know the story go to Lisa's blog and look around for the name'Psycho'. It is the name of her husband's ex girlfriend who happens to be mentaly unstable and a bit of a drug addict. I must say I love those kinds of people, that make for such fun daytime TV trash shows and comic relief when going into the city. I mean nothing says welcome to NYC than a bum tweaking on crack/meth doing a song and a dance for change on the sidewalk in front of Rockefeller center. Never a dull moment there haha.

Happy Thursday people, one more day until the weekend. No biggie!

False alarm Tuesday.

-This Monday was a bit tooo hectic to post and today is even worse so this will be a short post. This weekend was a stay at home kinda weekend. Mainly due to the fact we are very broke at the moment. To the point we had to go into our savings to make sure the repo man did not pay us a visit. This is just a sucky week because of all that is due this week, I think we need to try and get some due dates change to help us out a little.

-But the reason for such a short and crappy entry is the little woman started having strong contractions all last night and we ended up going to the hospital this morning. Turns out it was false labor, so since she was up all last night she is now sleeping like a log and I am at home playing referee with a drunken midget. But we are doing ok all solo, I made us a 3 egg omlete with cheese and hot dogs. We did not have any sauage and hell hotdogs are kinda like sauage any way lol. He loved it regardless lol. Now we are trying to keep quiet while the one called mommy slumbers.

-I think I want to take a nap too, getting to sleep in the middle of the day is a wonderous thing. I have a few pics but blogger does not want me to post them. So I will try again later.

Friday Quickie.....

Work is a bit much today but I wont leave with out saying something. I got an invite to The All Blog Star and did an introduction post. Good take a look and comment on who I am, and hell while you are there ask for an invite as well.------All *Blog* Star-----
And thanks Kilroy for introducing me to it.

Its Firday so dont take anything to serious and just remeber:

Happy HNT

This is a double HNT post for me, one cutie one a little nasty. But nasty in the sense of gross so get your mind out of the gutter, that is my place haha.
Last night we let the little man go to town with his new washable nontoxic markers. By the time we put them away he was covered in multi-colored markings. It did not help when daddy start to use weeman as a human canvas. But when they say washable they meant it. The moment he hit the bathwater the artwork was all gone. So much better than the lead laced and uranium filled permanent markers we used as kids.

Our little man is growing up soo fast and we are about to embark on the baby adventure all over again. It is a little scary because we do not have the baby in hand as of yet so we still have a big hurtle to over come. But once that's done we have to start all over again, the nightly feedings, never ending diaper changes(there has to be an easier way) and all the 'first'. Real magical times I think, but then they learn to talk back and their true nature comes to the surface. I am not saying my son is evil I am saying all children are evil by default. They get there morals from us, no one is born knowing right from wrong. All they know at birth is "MINE" and " I WANT IT TO BE MINE AND I WILL KILL TO GE IT " And with all this I would still do it all over, seeing that little smiling face running to me screaming "DADDY!" is worth all the pain and sleepless nights in the world.




Now the second picture is of my arm and what happens when I shave them. In the beginning of the summer I shaved my arms because I hate the whole hair and sun tan lotion problem, it just looks so nasty. But then I have the problem of ingrown hairs, and sometimes they become very angry and hurt like hell. I use a real rough body scrubber to try and stop these things and even tried special soaps and lotions but they kept coming in. This here is what happens when they come in angry!-Does anyone have a cure for these things?-


It was much worse the other day now it is just red and hurts like hell. When I bump it into something it hurts like hell and even looking at it sends pain running down my arm.

It happens I guess, all in the name of vanity haha. But something funny did happen last night that got the little woman giving me the evil eye. She doesn't like religious jokes so this one did not fly to well with her.
She totally got me in the junk last night, and it hurt like hell. It took all my energy not to beat her with the magazine I was looking at the moment it happened. Beat her like a bad dog for peeing on the carpet! I resisted and even thought it was a little funny after a few minutes. It became funny when this funny visual of Jesus doing something absolutely human, nutting himself on the edge of a table. I mean he was human and did human things right? And from that visual came a revelation to end all revelations! Where did we get saying 'Jesus' as an exclamation?
Here let me show u how I think:

Jesus is walking down a dusty cobblestone street with his followers in tow, all of them caring little note pads to write down anything He might say. Then all of a sudden his sandal is caught on a stone and he does a full face plant into the dirt. Everyone suddenly shouts,"Jesus Christ!" and run over to Him to help him up. Nothing bad just a human thing that happens, nobody hurt and life goes on. Now a few bystanders see this and found it pretty funny but dismissed it as well as another day in the life of a human man.
A couple of day later Jesus is at a little sidewalk cafe and as he walks by he winks and throughs up his peace sign to Judas. As he does this he catches his crotch on the edge of a table and doubles over and falls. Everyone (but Judas) runs over, only after shouting 'Jesus!' Some of the people that witness this were at the first falling and made a little subcontous connection with busting your ass and shouting 'Jesus'. Seconds later a waiter pours hot tea on a patron of the cafe because he was to busy checking out a hottie that just walked by, he totally got a peak at her nose and he nearly fell over. The man who received the scalding baptism jumps up and screams 'Jesus Christ thats hot'. Everyone there is a bit taken by this but they to make the connection with his and Jesus's actions and response.
So, here on out, anytime anyone pulled a "Jesus" the would just say his name. Because shouting Jehovah, Buddha, Mohammad or any other religious figure. I mean can you imagine this:
Cracking your shine on a chair and shouting," David Koresh!" It just doesn't have the same feel to me. And shouting "Jim Jones!" doesn't work for me either but it is growing on me. Next time u hurt yourself try using Jim Jones name instead, not only will you not be taking your lords name in vain it will invoke ppl to think about who the hell is Jim Jones. And if you are one of the many people under the age of 40 who have not learned anything that was not put on MTV or iTunes check this out.JIMJONES Real life if more fucked up than you think!

Happy Hump Day

Last night I felt like going for a walk with the missus to try and jolt that baby out of the oven with a little physical activity. The wife unit has be having contractions for a while and we believe our next bundle of pooh and pee will be early. I must say I am totaly on edge here, I cannt wait! It also doesnt help that she keeps watching these baby shows on the health channel. All those little people coming out of other womens vagina's sure gets the soon to be daddy emotions going.

Anyway....we went out to the mall and took a stroll around. The whole time we were there she was having contractions, none of them all that close togheter but contractions none the less. We stopped in one of her favorite stores, DSW warehouse and I ended up getting a new pair of sneakers. And yes they were on sale, brand new and whiter than WhiskeyTango(WT or better known as White Trash). I always forget how white my sneakers used to be when I first bought them. They are soo comfortable as well, and I am sure my old ones were that comfy once too but it has been such a long time since my last new pair of name brand althletic shoes, I forgot the feel. If I had the money I would pay someone to make a shoe molded to my foot, but lucky for the rest of the world I am just as broke as the rest of my blue collar nation. But I live among the Red states so I am not really part of the Blue Collar/State life ;-)

After that we all went about the mall:
-The Gap, she has a gift certificate there but said she wont buy anything until she drops her load. Cannt blame her, there is no need to buy any more maternity cloths she is 3 weeks to the end (maybe less :-D )
-The Chocolate Factory, she bought this evil candy apple that had very little apple in it and some candy to bribe the drunken midget we had in the stroller to keep him in it-which came to $9.80! I can drown myself in chocolate at RiteAide for under 3 bucks, what the hell!
-HotTopic, I was eyeing a few items that will be mine soon as the little woman and me can go clubing again. And yes I will be the old guy at the club, but at least I can still pull it off haha. 6 ft 1 and 225lbs, I am looking good ;-) and she will be the 4ft 10 and 110lbs. But she has some work ahead of her to get there but she wants me to help her and I will be her personal trainer. And hell maybe she can be my poster project, "Look what I did for her, I can do the same for you!" I still have the dream of being a personal trainer ........
We left after about a hour of walking about. It was time to eat and she wanted to make chicken soup. Which I have with me today for lunch, damn I am hungry haha.

It is a nice and sunny over here and I think I will take a walk and get me some coffe. Have a Happy Hump Day. The weekend is only 2 more days away, anyone have anything fun planned. I hope to get to the water park Sunday: weather permitting. And yes if I do go I will have my camera with me this time!

Today I am leaving work a little early today, she had a doctors appointment. We have a feeling that this one will be a little early so we will find out later. We have all her and the babies bags ready just in case we have to shoot on over the the Placebo Institute of Sin and Sanction (P.I.S.S.) aka- the hospital. And the little woman has already given me a shoplifting list of things she wants me to 'borrow' from this great and affordable organization. Bed pads, bathrobs, and anything I feel we might need or anything we can sell on ebay. Ever since I took those finger condoms from the doctors office when I was a weeman I have always been compelled to steal from these places lol. I still take finger condoms whenever I see them in the doctors offices. Now I have never taken anything like a prescription pad or anything all the exspensive but I think over the years I have lifted enough medical supplies to start my own supply company lol.

I hang my head in shame.....

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Friday.......

Welcome Friday! This has been a long week but not a bad one. Buisy ones go by fast but they also make us really petition for our weekends. It has also been an extra long week for the little woman because this is her last week before she goes on her baby leave. I wish dads could do the the same but oh well, maybe someday.
This weekend shall be a rather interesting one. The little funny that you see at the top of this post is a little insight into what I am about to do this Friday. Now, if it has nothing to do with smoking weed what do you think it has to do with?......I will not leave you hanging:
I am going to a friends house party tonight and the odds are I am going to be the only white guy there. I will most definately have my camera with me for this one, I just hope no one thinks I am a Fed trying to collect evidence or someone from the IRS looking for someone. At most parties I do not stand out but at this one I dont think anyone will any probelm to eke out the one Honkeie. It will be a trip and a half, I was thinking of trying to get this on a teeshirt (see above)but I will not be able to get it by tonight. So instead I will go out and by a hip-hop mag and see what would be acceptable for the white guy to wear. Or better yet I will try and call up Negro-damus and tell him I have a question for him: " What does a white guy where to an party that will be 99% people of color?" I dont want to conflict any colors here and start throwing up some flags that get some peoples panties all in a bunck. This is my first party like this and my wife is very nervous for me, its sooo cutielol. But I think I will just sit back, have a few drinks and take a shit load of pics. I cannt say how much I will drink but if it gets really bad I think I will bring my work cloths and sleep wherever I fall. I try not to plan on what the night will bring and just let everything just unroll as it will. People that try to plan out things too much never have fun, you cannt plan fun it just happens.
Now as I mentioned I will be working Saturday morning so I wont be out to late or drinking too much(lol). Its only 5.5 hours but its all over time pay so I am not whoring out my weekend cheaply. After that I am not sure what is going on, again let the chips fall as they may. Evilution of fun just happens :-).
Sunday I hope to go to Hurricane Harbor. I soooo want to go, I love the water parks. I will have my camera with me as usual. So stop by next week to catch up on Honkeie to see it he got hit by a drive by, over slept, and got slapped my some milf for taking a picture of her with her top off. That wave pool is strong people.

Wave pool Hurricane Harbor SixFlags NJ Summer 2006------First visit------

Celeberty HNT

Todays HNT will be dedicated to a celeberty I have found sexy even to this day. And yes she is totally damaged goods but arent we all someone elses left overs. Well my wife wasnt when I first meet her but then i fucked it up but got it back.......go me :-D.
Now lots of ppl out there are saying all kinds of things about about her but I would still hit that 2 times. I am not some werido sick sexual pervert(yes i am) but there is something about pergnant women that I find sexy. Now I dont go out and get movies like 'Lactating Momas' or 'Prego Pumpers' but I do find pregnant women sexy. My wife is due in about 5 weeks(give or take) and I think she is one sexy woman(knocked up or not lol) . Her boobies are freakin huge, I know she would never let me take pics of them but I am in titty heaven. I didnt really notice how big they have gotten until I saw a pic of us back in 2000. Man oh man have they grown, pretty soon we will have to name them, they are about as big as a small person haha. I know she will probably smack me in the back of the head for that one but oh well......I had to share my love of my two bestfriends. hahahahahaha.

But now on to HNT....and if U have not guessed what peice of trail-trash ass I was talking about eariler......here is a visual---->

She is giving me that 'Cum get me baby one more time' look!


I think she is Toxic!


This is how so many men like me viewed this mag on the bathroom floor moment before they entered fantasy nirvana. 'Opps I did it again' on the same page.


Now that I have gotten myself all worked up with no place to go lets get into a little more personal and close to home HNT. I said it on Mondays post about my car that was donated and the radio that I took from it. It was hot as donkey piss that day and the humidity was probably near 100%. I was trying to get the sweat that was all over me. When I came out of this car I looked like someone had hit me with a freakin firehose. I was dripping with sweat, nasty nasty nasty. In the past few years my sweat glads have gone in overdrive, if I was a woman I would swear I was going through menapause or something!



Happy HNT people. I hope to see some skin on other ppls blogs, its all about sharing what u got. And even if u dont think someone wants to see it believe me I do--well in the female sense that is. I am not homophobic or anything but nasty hairy man butt just doesnt nothing for me and pics of the one eyed serpant doesnt NOTHING AT ALL for me. But I will tell u this, if yah got it show it. And if I was hung like a donkey this whole blog would be full of my monster cyclopse lol.

Tits Hump Day

Happy Hump Day people! 410 yards of humping, my kinda road haha.
All is well in the land of Honkeie, to continue the rant from yesterday I did wash the car. It was dirtier than a 5 dollar whore in Elizabeth with no teeth. Did some laundry and cleaning, not too much on the cleaning though lol. I helped the little woman with dinner, we had these potato thingies. I dont know how to spell it...progues, some polish thing I think. My wife loves these things, but she only likes the ones I make hehe. I can cook a few things but this is the one thing I intoduced her to that she really likes.(Other than grilled chesse lol) I bought them one day with the intent to suprise her with me cooking, not knowing if she would like them, just the fact I cooked was going to floor her. But to my suprise she loved it. And still ask for me to cook them now and again. We always have some in the frig, they are quick, easy and good. The way all food and women should be hahahahahahahaha. But the draw back here is that the better I get in the kitchen the more I have to do it; Like I now know how to make chiken soup from scratch. Which means I will get the doodie of making it from time to time. And there is no playing stoopid here to get out of it. But I have made a few funny mistakes in the land of the kitchen, like the time I melted a jug that had about 2 cups of oil in it or the time I turned on the wrong burner and burnt a whole pot of soup. I tend to turn on the wrong burner alot, even though I checked it twice before doing it. I am just that retarded sometimes. I am handy in the kitchen but by no means am i a cheif wonder man. I am getting better at it and will someday be much better but till then I will be the one cutting, pealing, getting and washing in the background.
I am trying to finish this post before 4pm because that is when blogger is going down for a scheduled outage....whatever. But I will be here until 11pm tonight sooooo I will be trolling blogs late into the night. I hope this outage wont last long. I have another 8 hours to get through damn it. But before I go I want to share something I found on the internet that I thought was funny:

Which one are U? All I am going to say here is I feel pot is as dangerous as beer, if not less. How many ppl do u know that drank themselves to death or end up in the ER with alcohol poising? Verse: How many ppl have u ever heard of going to the ER because they smoked too much? And from an under 21 year old point of view, which one is easier to get ..weed or beer?

But that is another whole rant in itself and I dont have the time to get into it. I also know lots of ppl dont feel me on this one. (But as of now it is still illegal so hands off it, just remeber beer was once in the same boat)This is a topic like guns, religion and the war where everyone has hard set opions. And as I have said it before...........assholes are like opions everyone has one. I feel very strongly on somethings and wishy washy on others, here I feel very opionated! It goes into a government control rant and since I am not much of a revolutionary person or an anti-istablishment punk rocker I wont go there just yet. But if we ever have a tax revolt I will be in the front line with my 10-40 in one hand and a lighter in the other lol.

Have a good and Happy Hump Day yall, dont take it to seriously and if u are feeling a little to stressed go out and masterbate. You will feel better !

Today

Not alot going on today in the white collar world in which I live, I mean work. Ever wonder how much time u spend in hell(work) vs. home? I did once and never thought about it again it was to depressing. What I think I am doing wrong is how I have my mind set to the word work.....I work Monday-Friday any normal week about 40 hours, sometimes more to get a little OT. Then for 2 days I am off from work right.....noooooooo you are so wrong. Life outside of the office is work, ever heard of the Hunny-Do list? People with families, kids, wives and such have learned this. The weekends are fun and I love spending time with my family with all my heart but, I do love my alone time as well. So why do I cry about going to 'work' when I do the least amout of activity at any give moment at 'work' vs. when I go home. For example: Tonight when I go home I want to wash my car, laundry, clean the room(which is a never ending fight lol), get ready for the next day and anything the little woman can ask of me. And since I knocked her up I cannt complain too much about when she calles me. But the way i am thinking of changing my name and not telling anyone haha.
So when has work even been work for me. It is like a mini holiday really, at work when I get a phone call I can handle it personaly and in no time falt. At home I have to do the remote supervising thing and I am no IT guy and I have to really try to visualize what these guys are doing on the work pc's to walk them through something. It might take me 5-10 minutes to do it over the phone but in person 5 seconds. Mainly because it is hard to tell someone to click on the next tab to someone who has no idea what a 'tab' is or better yet how to maximize the screen. My company has sent a few reall winners to my post for training. This post we have requires alot of computer work so why in the hell would they send me someone to train that cannt even use a mouse and has no clue what it means to right click something????? I know not everyone is computer literate but they need to be in a place where they are walking a patrol or riding the want-to-be cop mobile. To be in the HR dept it seems common sense aint so common.
While at work I can teach(visually) and manage everything in seconds but at home I have to do it over my company nextel. I can sometimes get my point across in minutes flat and be on my way but my phone can go off at any given time of the day or night and I have to answer it. So work now follows me when I am home. But I dont get paid to do home supervising which sucks I do get a nice hourly wage though.
So to conclude this Tuesday rant work, for me anyway, is not really work. It is quiet time where I bullshit my my pc, push paper, do some pc work, do emails and reports from time to time. And even on my toughest days( Monday, Thursday and Firday morning) it is still clam and smooth. So why is this work called work, it should be called me time on someones dime. I dont get paid to mow the lawn, wash the cars, clean the garage, do laundry, food shopping or be the mule for all shopping outting. But you know what? I would take those day at home working for nothing anyday.
PS-Dont pay any mind to my errors I am typing on the fly...

Weekend in pictures

This was a long weekend for me, well at least it seemed that way. But by no means am I complaining, I wish all weekends we like this .

Friday night:

We all went out to Fake Italina Food Garden for diner. Nothing to eventfull happened other than I left rather full. Here we have a few pics of me, the wife and Captin Destructo!



Arent they tooo cutie. I should have taken a pic of the table behind the wife unit. It was girls night out there and looking at this group of women a small prayer I heard once came to mind ," Please God if u cannt make me skinny make all my friends fat so I look better in comparison." Because this was the prayer come to life. There were about 9 women and they were all kinda homely and round, now I like round women but they were round in weird ways. Like all ass and no tits, all hips and no tits or all tits and hips but no ass. Then there was the one that was round but in the good way....well in my book anyway lol. She was good from afar but far from good but if I had to pick one out of the 9 she would be it hahahahahaha. But lucky for me I dont have that problem as one can see here..........



Saturday:
I had to go into work for a few minutes but no biggie.
Now I dont know if I said this but I donated my car to the MS society. They told me they were coming to get the car Saturday between 0600 to 1800hrs. Wow, what a window of time! But it gave me some time to make sure the back tire had air in it(slow leak) and I got my radio out of it. It has a new alarm and radio, I left the alarm in it but I will be damned if this brand new Kenwood radio with Sirius capability was just going to roll away from me lol. It was rather easy to take out and luckily for me I kept all the paper work they gave me. All I needed was the little keys that came with it and knife to get it out. Only problem it was hot as fuck in this car and I did not want to leave the door open due to the fact the mosiqutos were going insane on me.



Anyone want to buy a brand new slightly used radio.......that honestly is not stolen?



We had a little Barbq and went for a nice little swim. No biggie but it was nice. We had just enuff charchol to cook what we had so it was a close call on the stake, burgers and dogs. But I was able to pull it off :-)
Now as the night wore on I decided to get some cream soda and add sum rum to it. Someone at work told me it was better than rum and coke. It was ok I think I perfer my rum and coke but I did find what goes really good with the cream soda---Vanialla Liquor. I had this bottle of some liquor that I got when we were in the islands, and I think it is the only place you can get it. I probably can find something like it but it wont be the same. Here I will show u how the night went:

1) End of the bottle need someone to help it on its way.



2) Glug Glug.....ARRRGHHHH!


3) Good to the last drop beotch! It is the pirate in me I quess haha.



We also brought out the air jumper the mother-in-law bought a couple of summers ago. could not get on :-( it had a weight limit of 200lbs max at any given time. I am at 225 last time I checked. Maybe I should go on a diet............naw fuck that I love to eat to much haha. Hell if I want to jump around I will just go out and by the death by air......trampoline. I had one when I was a kid and boy are these things dangerous. But I would totaly get one if we had a bigger yard. And on these things the more one of u weigh the more air you get.



Sunday:

I picked up my oldest and went over to my moms house. On the way over I saw something soooo redneck I felt home sick. This is a boat made in the back of someones house with torch and a case of beer. But all kidding aside I bet this in one hell of a ride. I would love to go out on this for a day of fishing. I cannt catch a fish in a fish tank but I can drink like one so I could be the designated bartender for the ride haha.



After that we went to the park but there werent any other kids there so we only stayed for a few minutes. But the little man was in full throtle at all times. I had to use the 'sport' feature on my camera to get one fo him this clear.



We went back home and went for a swim and cranked up the jumper again. It was a good day, when you have an active weekend it doesnt seem to go so fast.
I hope everyone has a good week, and dont worry Friday is not only 4 days away. But dont push time to much someday u will wish it would slow down not speed up.

Realllllll Quick Friday Funny

Welcome and happy Friday! It is still as hot as a room behind Satan's nut sack but its all good, at least it isnt snowing. And we get a chance to use our pool almost everyday now. I just wish it was a little bigger. I would love to be able to swim laps, I could go to the gym that has a pool but I am not that good at it and in my pool I dont have to worry about my shorts coming off. For some reason when I start swimming, freestyle, my shorts come sliding off. I try to tie them tighter but they still seem to creep down and when you ass is as white as mine and you have a nice summer tan now it can be seen for miles and miles. And I really dont think the people at the gym will think its as funny as my 3 year old thinks it is when my shorts come down. Whenever he sees an ass he start hollering "BOOTIE BOOTIE" its the funniest thing.

And on to funny, I dont have much time today. It is almost 3 and we all know what happens when that whistles blows right........Thats right......I forgot.......but at least u know.....Now on to a few funnies I have been saving.

1) Now here is a girl u take home to mom and marry in the same day.


2) Guys here is why they say, " Hell knows no furry like the scorn of a woman" Keep this pic in mind when that young lass starts looking too good.......fantasy is always better than reality, here is a big dose of reality~~~~~>


3) I can contess that this is a lie......... :-(


4) I am not much for workout videos but I think I am about to go out and look for this one.


5) Sorry to all blondies out there but this is just tooooo funny. I have nothing agaist blondes or stoopid ppl. They keep me smiling throughout my day. I lovem all....big, fat, small, tall me lovem all.


6) Hell yes! This exsplains alot......................................



I hope everyone has a non sober weekend, I still have half of a bottle of some of the captain. I think I will try it with cream soda, someone told me to try and I love cream soda so why not. Funds are a little low this weekend so I think this will be a real ghetto, window shoppin weekend but even poo ppl can have a little fun. That is when u break out the crappy booze some asshole at work gave u at christmass, it taste like shit but it gets u where u want to be.......Drunk! Just like this~>Spaz

A HNT ...sort of...

I got my "Save Screech's House" Teeshirt in the mail the other day. I was going to put it one and do the post but I ran out of time so I did the next best thing and took some pics of it and me at work. I worked a double shift yesterday and did not get home until really late and forgot all about it until I was about to head out the door. But let me show and tell a little here.

Here we have me being an idiot showing what I got in da mail...If you cannt read it says' I paid $15.00 to help save Screechs house' Well actually I paid 20$, becasue........
















I wanted him to sign it!
















And here is the front of the shirt............"Save My House"





And for those of u who wish to be cool like me and want to help go here and lend our teen idol a hand!

Help

Real quick, I am trying to change my template but eveyone I use keeps putting my shit on the bottom. I have tried all kinds of things but it always ends up on the bottom, can someone help me out here. I had this problem once before and it seemed to have fixed itself but now it wont. Oh well I will keep trying, I am working a double shift tonight so I will be here until 11 tonight. Lets see if I can figure this one out....

Holy HeyZesus it is working!

It has taken me 4 days to get these pictures up! But it is all better now I think lol. So without anymore delay here is my weekend my trip to Sesame Place in PA.

It was a short 1 hour drive, straight down Rt. One, which was not bad at all. But thanks to the portable DVD player the kids were rather entertained all the way.

Here we have the whole family posing for the family photo ablum. Say "ASS CHEESE!"



Now I am not one to publicly bad mouth ppl but here is proof to why I spend hours at the gym working out, some ppl say I am waisting my time but these are the kinda ppl that say this:



This woman was soooo out of shape that she had to sit down while her family waited in line. Mind u the wait was not long at all. She was out of breath by the time she got to the bench. This picture actually does her some justice because she was enormous. When she sat on the bench only one other person could sit there with her. I do not want to become like this when I am older......and what is a little more fucked up is that she was not all that old. And she was not the odd ball, ppl like her were the norm. In Six Flags they have had to put out mock seats of the ride you are about to get on to make sure your ass fits on the ride. I myself have seen ppl asked to leave the ride because the safety harness will not go down over their gut. Now if that is not a wake up call I dont know what is. And SixFlags beinging the nice ppl they are devised a way to try and keep that from happining to anyone.....they put a test seat at the front of the line. As if to say," Please test your gurth here before you embarass your self on the ride and we make u roll your fat ass down the exit ramp to the nearest pizza pavilon to drown your sarrow in food." Now I am not saying this without some understanding. I know the battle of the bulge is a hard one but these ppl are not even trying, I mean come on all these ppl cannt have thyroid problems. And I like women with meat on them , I like them meatier than most as well but come on now. Too much of a good thing is too much! Hell I see what they are eating from the time the get there to the time we leave. They remind me of cows, in the sense they are always chewing on something....maybe they are cows and just chewing thier cud....nasty. (sorry for that rant but it was really really bad, and it was men and women as u will soon see)

Here we have a grown man being pushed by his wife/girlfiend/babymomma in a kiddie stroller. I kid u not, there are 3 kids in there and him. I wonder if she whipes his ass when he does BM as well? Now see she is round but she has more stamina than him, that is real spanish meat dar ;-)



I know my wife will kill me for posting this pic but I think she looks so cutie all prego. And for some reason lots of the pictures I am posting have this 2 tone look to them. Strange but at least I got them on here :-D



I am not sure what I was taking a picture here but I think I was the woman in blue dress in the blue shoes. She had some tree trunk, power-lifter, watermellon squashing legs on her. Now I say that in a good way, nothing like a woman with a set of legs that look like they could sufficate a man while eating at the Y.



Its Super Dooper Gender Confused Groover! I mean cum on......a pink cape on the greatest super hero of all time honestly!



Here we have the king of the man boobies. I saw some much worse than this butterball but his were the perkiest. I mean watching him walk around was very disturbing, they bounced the way a womans bonkers would, they swaied to and fro and I am sure he would have passed the pencil test. Hell I think he could have passed th beer bottle test lol.....disturbing oh so disturbing...and erotic all in the same breath lol.....I think I will go and vomit for even typing that!



I know why they put this sign up at the batroom entrance but it is still just as nasty.



To sum up my time at Sesame Place inPa A) It was alot smaller than I imagined but as always fantasy is always better than reality B) You get a 2 day pass for the price of one, very cool C) The look on the little ones faces as they see their fav characters larger than life was priceless. I was like watching the look on an uber religous persons face as HayZesus walks by and goes into a bar(with a rabbi, a muslim and morman---good joke really). D) The Perfered parking was totaly worth the extra 4 bucks E) They had picnic tables, one thing I wish SixFlags would put in. F) The Human Zoo was worth the trip becasue there wasnt much for adults to do. G) They need something for the adults, like a bar for the men and a full spa for the women. and H) The Elmo's World show was the best, he sat still for a whole 30 minutes in awe of his red fuzzy god.

Now to help my nerves recover on Saturday I decided to go the extra distance and cough up the money for some liquid relief. I bought some Capt. Morgans rum and went to town. I even went on blog and tried to comment on a few blogs but that word verifiaction thing was killing me. Maybe I should try it after only 2 drinks and not 7. And typing is also much harder to do when they begin to blur. And yes I used diet coke, its the sugars that get u all the time lol.




Now as for Sunday me and the wife unit spent 8 hours cleaning our cars with our new toys. A shop-vac and steam cleaner. Our cars are like new damn it.....well mine is still rather new. Her car has new life to it, as much as a minivan can have but at least it is cleaner than it was on Saturday.