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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Monday, August 14, 2006

I hang my head in shame.....

Because I have no pictures of one of the strangest parties I have been to. But let me try and paint a picture with my journalist skillz.....but since I am not a journalist in any sense of the word it might go from a master piece to a paint by number painted by a color blind man with numbs for arms. But I will try my best......

-Firday night I walk up to this house that had all the signs of 'party over here'. The music can be heard down the street, a nice air to it, very good beat but definatley not my cup of tea. It was a nice clear and cool summer night with just a few clouds in the sky. I was dressed in all out Honkeie fashion, black button down shirt with a white skull pattern mirrored on both sides. Green, knee lenght skater style shorts and sneakers. They say the shoes make the man but this was not the case here, they were running shoes....justtttt in case you never know. These shoes said 'Nervous white guy ready to hit the ground running the moment I see anthing funny' I also had on a think rope silver necklace, which can double as a weapon if need be. This accessory is great in bar figths, its long enough to be used as a chain whip but short enough not to draw attention. And to top off the weapons as jewlery I had my biker skull spiked ring on the right hand. I had my silver DKNY watch on, I had to soo a little class ;-). I also had my little flip knife but I never plan on using that, it is just something I carry almost everywhere I go. So with my weapons and survial gear incognito I was ready to be the only hommie there(and yes that is what they call 'us' haha)
-Now for those of you , like me, who have never been to a house party of this nature you will have to pay to get in and you will have to have someone to vouch for you. My coworker was cool with the host so we got in for free, yeah I am VIP like that!
-The party had all the things someone would exspect to see: A DJ, party lights (mostly old xmass lights), a pool, food and drinks. But when it came to drinks this is where things got a little different. The moment I met up with my buddy he gave me glass of 'ThugPassion' Hennessy and Alize and then a glass of rum and sprite as a chaser.
Which is cool but at the party the only thing one could drink was this stuff they were calling 'Jungle Juice': Everclear and cranbury juice. Now this is cool and all but there was no beer and no keg! So the only thing these people were drinking was a drink that could start car engine. I forsaw alot of rough morings in their near future.
-I had my camera ready to take some pics of what was before me, but what was before me was a scene that could get ugly and fast. I was the only 'hommie' there and stood out like a Republican at a house party, all i was missing was the 3 piece suit lol. So I was not about to bust out the camera with the night flash and make me stand out even more. Exspecally after I saw gang signs being thrown up. I felt like I was watching a Dateline special come to life right before me. Here let me help all of u ungang sign experts see what I saw:

After I saw all the hand jiving going on the camera never came out. But as I sat like a wallflower I started to see some similarities to the usuall parties I go to.
Let me list the similarities and the differences:

The similarites:
1) There is always a group of girls that show up togther, usually about 6 or 7 of them. There is the slut, the drunk girl, the shy but slutty after a few drinks, the two that are attached at the hip and giggle to each other the whole night, the nondrinker/smoker/drug user and the mother hin aka 'the cock blocker'.
2) The guy that hits the dance floor before the women. Seems a little tooo good at dancing to be all man.
3) The girl that shows up drunk out of her mind and spends the whole party on the verge of throwing up on someone.
4) DJ/Music which here was very forigen to me. Everytime the DJ said,"Here is a blast from the past!" I felt a little funny, I had never heard it and it was new to me lol.
5) The macho guy who looks mad at the world but the first to duck out when the gun smoke hits the scene.
6) and the last similarity is that there is always some asshole looking to fight.

The Differences:
1) NO BEER OR KEG, this one blew my mind and probably the reason I did not get totally shit faced.
2) People openly smoking weed like it was a cigaret, at white parties u will find it too but its usually a little more hidden. I thik white ppl are more paranoid that the other half lol.
3) There was a nice pool but no one swimming, if there is a pool at a redneck party you will jump or be thrown into it.
4) More men than women, most of the parties I have been to has had a more equal number of the sexes.
5) The number of songs played by the DJ that have to do with sex or straight out fucking. I mean rock has it fair number of booty songs but hip hop is like audio porn, and I loved it.

There are a few others but that is enuff for me to go into on a Monday morning. Now as the night worn on the person who could vouch for me not being a cop or a fed was consuming alcohol like he was on a mission from god to kill as many brain cells in one night. Which got me a little nervous until I figured out a sure fire way to make friendly with the group.
There were moments when they had no more 'Jungle Juice' and there was a little bit of a lull in the flow of the nector of the ghetto kings and queens. But I have a huge bottle of rum in my back pocket, so what I did was offer my peace pipe to them. Not a pipe but a bottle but same idea. Before long I was "Allight" in their books. I got a few sideways looks from some of the guys and few come hither looks from the overly drunk chick in the gaggle of girls but I stood my ground and just plain it cool as the token hommie. By the time I left with my coworked the bottle was just about empty, but I only had one drink from it. Yet I cannt complain it was my saving grace in a few ackward moments of silence when I just could not converse with the hiphop world. Sometimes it is better to say nothing and just nod and offer the bottle.
Now I found out today that some shit did go down after I left, some ass started some beef with someone else, a bottle was thrown, and the host of the party pulled out his 9 and popped of a round to get the crowd under control. It was said that a near riot almost broke out but a little hot lead seemed to put things back to normal. Just like all the other parties I have ever been to, that was hosted by the NRA!
All in all I had fun watching the crowd. I would totally go to another but next time I will plan to sleep over and bring my own booze. Not only is it a great way to make friends but it also alot easier to just whip some out and pour your own drink. And a few ppl even offered to pay me for the huh? hahahaha.

Now Saturday I had to work so it is a good thing I did not drink too much anywho. Nothing to interesting happened there but on the way back I did see something funy. I pulled into the only gas station that was selling gas at 2.85$ and saw this man:

Now this guy is the guy that gives us all a bad name. I was trying to get a better pic of this massive man but he would not waddle in the right direction. Lets start with his attire: He was wearing white sneakers with white socks that went up a little over the knees, tan shorts that were a little too tight and a black tee shirt that was tucked in. Now the picture doesnt do show his girth here at all. When he dropped out of his truck it was very aparant that he needs a floor mirror to see his friends down there because his arms could not reach around his manly-ness. Why would anyone walk out of there house like this? I will give him some credit though, he was clean. There was no sign of food or grease spots on him anywhere.
Later that night I saw the movie 'Serenity' great movie, if you like sci-fi stuff. Great actiong good story but no nudity. All that was missing was some titty lol.
-Sunday we did end up going to the water park of Milfs and ManTitties. In the rush to get there I forgot my camera, so there I hang my head in shame for nothing taking. And boy were there alot of ppl I wish I could have gotten on film. But we are planning on going again next weekend and I promise myself I will have my camera with me to share the funny things I see at these places. But they did have something new there. They have these cabanas that u can rent.For $55 weekedays and $75 on the weekends if u want check it out just for shits and giggles

Well I have to get back to work its Monday yall. I am still beating myself up over the lack of pictures but it happens.....


guttergirl said...

I am glad you didn't get capped at the party. I do wish you had pictures though.
Have a great week

Hammy said...

No milfs or manboobs. What a pathetic post. What a pathetic effort. Hang your head in shame. Pick up your game.

You have one week to redeem yourself.

honkeie2 said...

gutter: I wish too :-(

hammy: haha I will I will I will

Becky said...

I don't know if I've ever been to a house party.... I've been to a white one before, but as far as a black one, nope.

I say you're a pussy for not taking pictures! But at least you're alive! You must have a loving understanding 8 month pregnant wife at home! While reading this I kept thinking of her at home really pregnant and worried about you! I do wonder if she laid into you when you got home?!

Becky said...

p.s. that type is too small, i had to get my reading glasses on!

KILROY_60 said...

OK; this is too much. I read and wanted to comment. And read and wanted to comment. And read and wanted to comment. But I wanted to read more so I didn't comment. Then I wanted to comment, but I found myself reading more.

Hey! A comment {of sorts}!!

Fear And Loathing In The Blogosphere...What do you think about a link exchange?

Hey Bekcy! In case you come back for a look...I'll be returning to see you soon. :-)

honkeie2 said...

Kilroy I am all for link exchange....just what exactly is that?

Becky said...

Honk, he just wants you to link him. Then he'll link you too. That's a link exchange, DURH! lol 8-P