- I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
I am sure all guys can relate to saying something that they thought was harmless but ended them in the dog house :
Wife : Does this dress make my ass look big?
( man thinking hard on this one because he likes wives big ass)
Man: *licking his lips* Oh yeah!
Instant dog house material there. But that wasnt a made up story either, it has happened to me. I have this werid ability to do this, maybe I have to many inside jokes with myself and no one else gets me.
This is a blogger world appology to D and all of the friends of the D unit. It was not to be taken as it was-nuff said. Now I am off to play with myself in Honkeie fashion to forget this bad day in Blogger-Toria.
--When you move beyond your fear, you then can feel free--
I fear nothing but the scorn of a woman..........
Chicago- Fatter rear ends are causing many drug injections to miss their mark, requiring long needles to reach the buttock muscle, researchers said.
Standard sized needles failed to reach the butt muscle in 23 out of 25 women whose rears were exmained after what was supposed to be an injection of a drug.
Two-thirds of the 50 patients in the study did not receive the full dose of the drug, which instead lodged in the fat tissue of their asses, researchers from the Adelaide and Meath Hospital in Dublin.
Besides patients receiving less than correct doses the medications that remained lodged in the fat can cause an infection.
-Newark Star-ledger Nov. 29, 2005-
What I took from this: Sometimes too much of a good thing can be bad. This goes for men too, on my most recent vacation I think I was one of the only guys out there that did not have dicky-do.....
Dicky-Do : It is a condition where your gutt sticks out farther than your dicky do.
Ronald MacDonald Arrested For Wendy's Burglary-
MANCHESTER, N.H. -- He works at a Wendy's, and his name is Ronald MacDonald -- but now he may be known as the Hamburglar.
Two workers at a Wendy's in Manchester have been charged with taking money from the safe. One of the suspects is Ronald MacDonald.
Police said the restaurant's manager called them early Monday morning after he saw MacDonald and the other man taking cash out of the restaurant's safe.
What I took from this: You just cannt trust anyone anymore!
And yes life has been a bit slow so I am reduced to getting my jollies off in a newspaper and online news lol. Its glommy and rainy but its warm here in NJ, it rained a bit but temps have been 40-50's. I can totally handle these temps, and who really minds getting a little wet now and again lol.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
-The little man is well into his terrible 2's and did not go to sleep until 1230 last night. It is almost like he cannt go to sleep unitl he has had his little booty tanned a few times.
" But daddieeee I didnt get my nightly whoopin, how am I supposed to sleep?"
And now that the diapers are getting fewer and fewer hand to ass is making alot more contact, but the funny thing is that it doesnt seem to phase him in any way. He breaks a christmass bulb on the tree, mommy paddles his little biscuts and stands him in the corner. As soon as we kiss him and tell him what he did wrong, he even agrees with us it was wrong, what does he do??? What does he do??!! He does it again!!!!
-But I do have hope for him, Bill Cosby told us all children have brain damage and not to fret over it. It will get better, but not until about the age of 25. That age will only apply to those children that have been treated like we were as kids......remeber....." Well , that'll learnem!" Remeber those words? Those were the kinds things I heard as a kid when I did something stupid and got hurt, and sometimes it even followed with a beating. Tough love does work, try to protect them from everything (including themselves) and they wont be out of the " Brain Damage" years until they hit 40 or so. I fear my ex is doing this to my oldest, but I do have hope for him. He is just as destructive and violent as I was when I was his age. So the apron strings might be there but this killem all attitude might be his saving grace lol. He loves killing bugs and playing army man, thats my boy! hehehehe. The youngest is on his way to be about the same to, he uses the wives toe nail clippers as his gun, not sure where he got that from. He hasnt seen anything violent, unless Nemo is considered violent lol. But if this trend keeps up we might end up with this:
Happy Tuesday, I hope someone got as much as a giggle out of that as I did. And for those of us out there tryin to raise kids just remeber in the end its up to you to be the best you can be. No book or orginiaztion can tell you how to raise your kids. And if they think there 2 cents is worth anymore than that I will sic my 2 year old on them with a wiffle ball bat. Its call " Bleeding Heart Baseball" and you get a home run for every unwashed, over the hill, tree hugging, save all the animals but the humans hippie you hit in the balls!
Monday, November 28, 2005
Its Monday again and it is back to buisness as usual here at work. The holiday is over so everyone is back to work so the insanity begins, just one more reason to save for my next vacation!
This weekend was a busiy one and my recap in pictures will have to wait until tommorrow. But I will put in down in words, it will have to hold you over till then.
-Me and a co-worker got a free lunch at Charlie Browns, I put my buisness card in this bowl for a chance to win it. And holly crap I won! ( and yess I know its spelled -Holy- I just thought -holly- sounded funnier!) I had the shrimp fest and he had the prime rib and both came with the salad bar. I love this resturant and we left stuffed on someone else's bill :-)........again, third day this week I ate myself retarded. I sooo need to go on a diet soon! lol. I then picked up my oldest from the ex and headed home.
The wife loves this time of the year and also is very much into putting lights on the house. I am a lazy mofo and all this work goes agaist the grain for me hehe. But the wife loves doing this soo much, so I put on my best game face and did it with little complaining as possible. The only thing I really hate doing is going on the roof to put the clips on the highest pitch of the house. Now mind you I am not affraid of hights, but I do have really bad vertigo. I get dizzy and fell a bit sick to my stomache but it is doesnt stop me from climbing. I love rock climbing, even though it has been a while since I have been, and love roller coasters but I always feel werid when I get a little over the 8 foot mark. But it doesnt stop me from being stoopid or making the little woman happy. I will have pictures of this later so hold on and come back tommorrow!
-I took the oldest and my brother in law to Chuckie Cheese to play some games and win some useless crappy toys. I loved this place as a kid and they seem to really like it too. Now, I love video games; old ones, new ones and pinball games. Does anyone here remeber this one:
Now in comparison to the other games out there this was rather primative, but you have to know your roots! I also love the fact that this place has the " One token for all games" 10 bucks went very far, like 2.5 hours long lol. I even got to play the only pinball game they had there, The Simpson's. I was a little pissed one of the flippers was busted but it did not effect the play too much, I still managed to get the high score muahahahahahah. If I was a rich man I would have a bunch of these things in my house :-)
We put the finishing touchs up on the holiday scene we have at our house and stood back and admired our work. Did the laundry and got my gym back ready for the 'Start Over'. I have to!!!!!!! My wife's holiday party is this friday, another day I will go home hardley breathing from the food over load. If I dont get back to the gym now I will look like Fat Bastard by the end of this winter season!
Friday, November 25, 2005
-But enough of reality and on with the newist FF- Fridays Funnies. It isnt much of a TGIF because it has been such an easy week for most of us. I did have to work but atleast I am the only one here, look out corpt bathroom here I come!
1) I am all for TWAT....show your motto!
2) God I love a lush!
3) You have to do this when you are drunk, I am sure the above girl may have tried now look at her!
4) All grandmothers around the world show what they think about AARP!
5) I have seen this many time before but I laugh my ass of everytime if find it again..lol!
6) I think he has found Monicas leftovers! (or sloppy seconds)
7) Miss Piggy wont be happy when she see this!
8) I think my brother-in-law is rather safe on his boat made of metal and gun powder!
9) Sorry ladies I couldnt help it, its funny, laugh damn it and try not to kick me in the balls too hard!
10) Sorry guys, its funny, laugh damn it, and stop undressing me with your eyes!
To tie things up this friday I found a quote from a famous man that was said over a hundred years ago but rings too true to this day-
" Be carefull about reading health books. You might die from a misprint."
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
- The wild crazy anticts of a Philly hoodlum(D)
- Lesbian/gay chat
- Super ultra conserative religous bible beaters
- Men who are hell bent on showing the world just how low and dog like we can be.
- Rednecks, and yes you can hook up the internet to a trailer.
- Self-rightous people with a God complex
- Spam LOTSSS of spam!
- Politican mummboo jumbo
- MILF....if you dont know what that is go google it and see what pops up :-D
- And my all time fav.....the everyday person pouring their heart out into the cyber world!
I love the everyday personal blog, exspecally the ones with pictures. I like reading about how other people live their day to day, its better than any soap opera on TV. Sometimes after reading some of them you soooo want to reach out and hugg these people. But no matter how bad you think your life sucks, just push the 'next blog' button and I am 100% sure you can find someone worse off than you lol.
----What strange blogs have you found?----
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Me, that is my favorite charity! No one gives me money to help support me, my problems and addictions. Maybe I will make a cheesey braclet too, get all the celeberties to buy them and laugh as they all get rashs form the cheap rubber I used in making them. Charity starts at home and when I am home I am king,,,,,unitl the wife comes home then I am just the jesture lmao.
-Do you feel you give your time and money to charity often enough?
Hell no...I soo need more me time lol!
2. Have you ever had sex on a beach? Thoughts?
Nope and never will probably. I have no desire to exfoliate my willy!
3. On a scale of 1-10, how good a person do you think you are? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest)
Depends on what do you mean by good? In my world I would give me a 12 damn it. In my world I am da man lol.
4. How often do you drink alcohol? Smoke?
Drink, as often as I can, and smoke....very rarely. I quit some time ago but I still enjoy a good cigar.
5. What do you do for a living? What is your dream job?
I work in upper management, I am your boss! Now kiss my ass or else!
Bonus! What do you consider the biggest turn on out of the following? a) lingere b) movies c) toys d) role playing e) leather f) none of this does anything for me.
Lingere, toys and leather I will go for. Lingere are my fav !
Just a fun post thanks to Jenn-nnay Get them butt hands over here and give us a hug (((((JENNAY))))
-So anyone who wants to share what they do to make themselves ready to face the world please share.....
-I usually start my routine with and appricot exfoliante scrub, then I use a facial wash made by Elemis ( has to one of the best products out there..sorry L'oreal lol) , I never use any kind of soap. It dries you out and also removes all of your natural oils. If I am shaving that day I apply a shave oil by Elemis, again another prop to this wonderful product lol. I then turn on the shower to get it hot as hell, as I am waiting for it to warm up I scrub my body from head to toe with a rough brush to get all the dead skin off my body. It helps with ingrown hairs and get rid of all kind of other built up crap on you.
-In the shower I wash with a moisturized soap, regular soap makes me ichty. Now, with the shampoo I usually just use what ever the little woman bought which is usually Pantine. Wash rinse and repeat, let us not forget the conditioner now. The shaving oil is still on the face and the steam helps to get the hairs ready for the abuse it is about to recieve.
-Out of the shower I put my razor in cold water for a few minutes, cold water helps the blade retain its edge, and then I apply my shaving gel. After I am done shaving I use an after shave moisterizer with little to no alchohol, alchohol dries out you face making you look older. I always brush my teeth with a baking soda with whiting tooth paste. I flosh three times a week but sometimes more depending on what I have been eating.
- Throughout the day I use L'oreal Hydrafresh to keep the skin smooth and a face wash to keep it shin free.
-Every eveing before I go to bed I apply an anti aging cream, nothing to greasy though. I also put lotion on my feet to try and get these nasty man feet look a little better. I use this stuff that is for the feet and has all kind of werid stuff that tingles after you put it on. It is working but it sure is taking a long time to get through all that rough skin.
- On the weekends I used a peel away mask or clay mask to get a deep clean.
-Now anyone else wish to share? I have a few other things I do but they are not routine and not really worth taking the time to mention, like I used chapstick like it is going out of style. Women love men with soft lips, even though its only for one woman she is worth it :-D !
-And go to http://elemis.com/ and look around, they have to have some of the best god damn metro sexual products out there, and a shit load of stuff women love.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Add 2 oz. of gin
3 oz. of mix
And 2 oz of club soda
-Mix and enjoy a nice smooth drink, I would advise all those who hate the taste of hard booze to try this drink, it taste like sprite with a little kick.
-I also got to smoke one of the cigars I bought on the island. I smoked My cuban Cohiba while I was on the boat because we all know how the government feels about smuggling in things from that evil commi counrty.
-The ones I brought back with me were vanilla flavored Sello De Garantia's. I went out back, cigar in one hand and a Tom Collins in the other hand. Now mind you I did not want to be shunned by eveyone in the house from the smell so I had on a jacket, leather gloves, and a skully to ward off the smell. But it was a smooth and very enjoyable smoke, I soo want one now lol. I have become a total cigar junkie over the years and I have even thought about getting a real tobacco pipe, and using it for tobacco ;-) only lol. I must be becoming one of the soon to be middle agers hangin out at the cigar bars , too kewl lol.
-Now on Sunday me and the missus went to a play at her college so she could write a paper on it. That sounds like extortion to me, she HAD to see this play to get a grade in her class. And in seeing the play that ment we had to pay for it, again my believe college is a self perpetuating machine. I hate college, fuckem all to hell I say but I still go and do my best at cheating off the guy next to me. Got to beat the system some how lol. The play was Servant of Two Masters a comedy about a servant that play two masters for sucks by working for both of them at the same time. It was a comedy and was done very well and I left laughing my ass off. I was totaly shocked by how well this lowwwwww budget show with total amuater actors was pulled of. But I still hate college!
Post all done before midnight hahahahahaahhaahahahahahahahahaha
He is da man!
Saturday, November 19, 2005
And speaking of me, if you are looking at pic you will notice the rather long goatie I have there. It got to about 6-7 inchs in lenght before I cut it off. My job started looking down apon it and besides it was time for a change.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend...........laters!
Friday, November 18, 2005
-But here are the funnies for this Friday-
1) Honesty in advertising has gone to far here, but I would still eat one.
2) My sentiments to a "T"
3) God, I sooo miss this comic :-D
4) No comment lol
5) And lastly a holiday funny....
Thursday, November 17, 2005
I will have another post later probably about not much of anything but me rambling. Just got to work and have a few things to do.....' I'll be back'
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
We took a cruise on the Carnaval cruise liner to the Carrabeain, the same islands we went to on our honeymoon just in reverse. Our boat was the Valor which is pictured below.
We brought one more extra piece of luggage this time: our two year old bundle of joy. For those of you with 2 year olds you know that joy and also the joy of seeing on board day care! We did not leave little man there too much, we wanted him to have fun too. Hell I had to wait until I was well in my twenties before I got to swim in crystal blue ocean water and here he is only 2 splashing about.
But like I said we did put him in the "Camp Carnaval" a few times to *cough cough* do the adult things......like drink booze till the liver said STOP! And what wonders booze can do when you have a two year old. He can go from cranky .......
To estatic in just one drink. He was a total light wieght went it came to the mixed sprits.
As we left the lovely FL we were playing follow the leader. As you can see we were not the leader but the water even here in the bay ( which was full of floating junk) was freakin blue!
Now with the boat ride ahead of us to Nassua Bahamas we started to settle into our room. The coolest part was the little safe you get. It opens and closes when you swipe a card that has a magnetic strip on it. Your room card or a credit card.
First island light house.....now I am going to just post pictures with little notes because if I try to write the whole story to each one I am going to be here all freakin night.
Marble statue of some noble queen for the days when the British ppl thought they owned everything they stuck a flag in.
We did not buy to many souveniors but I had to buy this "tobacco" pipe ;-) and that little elephant . I bought a clay pipe last time I was here and still unused as of now. He needs a friend hehe.
Blue blue blue blue water......I so want the water here to be this blue.
Monday night we had a formal dinner and his my wife in her hot red dress!
Here I am, a bit unshaved because I was schedueled for my facial and shave the next night. So I wasnt going to waist my money on a shave by doing it myself. Shave me bitch.
Here is little man dressed to the nines and flirting with the girls on the other side of the glass there.
Now here are just a few pics from St. Thomas. We sat next to a gay couple and their hetero friend. Gay men have the funniest conversations you could ever have the joy of listening to.
I love the fact they had a bar maid walking the beach taking orders. I had this drink called "Pain Killer" it wasnt too bad but I wont be ordering another lol.
Luckily he is a fast learner and knew when to crawl away.
Back to the boat and taking pics of randomness
The baby and me loved the glass elevator, it went from level 0 to level 10. It was rather dizzing to go from the top floor to the bottom. The wife hated it but went on it because little man liked it.
------End of part one----------------
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
1) This was the view we had from our balcony. I suggest to anyone that goes on a cruise to take the room with one. It is soo nice to sit out there at night with a drink and a good cuban smoke. It also makes for a fun place to get kinky, and you hope no one can see you :-D. It is also a relaxing place to stare off into the abyass and wonder how the fuck the people of old traveled these waters without a GPS and stablizers. If that boat rocked anymore than it did I would not have needed booze to get the room to spin.
2) All those that have been on a cruise of any kind know that they make huge profits off the booze they push on the weak minded ocean goers. But those of use who like to drink and still have money left over for other things do thier drinking off ship. On the last island we went to I found this little beach side bar that had one dollar beers. Now this is my kinda beach. The beach was small but the water was clear and beer was cheap, what else can a married man ask for hehehehe. I will have more to share on what we bought-booze and jewlery- later on this week.
-And by the way that guy in the blue hat was hussling something, it looked like bootleg cd's but I didnt get close enough to really see.
So I hope everyone is having a good day and planning to go on a cruise as well. And if you dont have anyone to go with you go anyway, you wont be lonely for long. I saw quiet a good number of men and women traveling single and on the hunt. And the way that the booze was flowing on that floating alcohol bomb no one stayed single long. But I wonder how many ppl woke next to some ugly mofo hung over, confused and sporting a sore ass?
Monday, November 14, 2005
But this is my middle finger monday and guess who I found giving the old one finger salute.......
Friday, November 04, 2005
Now on with some of the funny things I have found throughout the week......
1) Damn he sure was hittin that shit like that bitch owed him money!
2) Run faster bitch!
3) I sooo wanted to bone her! I love that leather dress she was in when those fuzzy woodland creatures grabbed her squeeze box.
4) I loved this game but Mike always made me feel like his prison bitch. Even after I learned all the cheats and made his brown eye blue.
5) Talk about adding insult to injury !
6) Do you get an extra side of chubby with that cheese?
7) Last but not least--another owned bitch gettin it doggie from a shortie.
Just a little music news here, I have the new GORILLAZ cd and I totaly love it. My fav tracks are FEEL GOOD INC and DARE. If you are not a fan of house, techno or rap stay away. It is not a main stream group found on top 40 radio but they have had a couple of well known songs. I believe they are from England somewhere but that is where my knowledge of them ends , I just like the music. For all I know its some fat nasty dude with a sound machine lol.
Sooooooo till Nov. 14 peace out....................feel free to feel me up while I am out, I will love the fondelings. :-*