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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

I am certified....

I am again certified to give mouth to mouth to passed out strangers. I think the best way to find out if someone is really concious is to stick a finger in their ass but the red cross seems to think other wise. I mean hell, no one can fake it when someone stickers something up your baloon knot. And it can also double as a place to check the pulse. Not that I know anything about being able to find a pulse in someones brown eye.
Now thanks to Little Oral Anne I can proudly say I am certified to breath life into unsuspecting coeds. What a life , I will tell you haha. I can also put electro shock thingies on their nipples and shock the shit out of them if they come to. Man, I should be a parametic.

Here we have some of the ppl in my class showing the proper way to use a face condom when trying to breath life into one of the ugliest sex dolls I have ever seen. I, personally, blow until there was nothing left in me to blow but I could not get any satisfaction. And the mouth hole, in my opion, was a bit small to really have any fun with anyway.

Our instructor was trying to get us in time with each other in our counting, titty compressions and mouth to mouth. This is a bad place for someone who is has 2 left hands. I am still curious as to how to do cpr on really fat ppl like the one ton man. I think at that point jumping on his chest might be in order.

After about 5 hours I took this test they could have given me the moment I got there and passed. I was so simple it made me think a little, any jack ass could pass this. And this is what says you are or are not qualified to save a life, very sad. But then again it was allot of common sense stuff and if you have common sense you could probably figure out what to do anyway.


the_mrs said...

I took that test when I was in 10th grade. You can bet your booty there were dozens of sexual jokes made that day ;)

normiekins said...

it's nice to know you can save a life.....!

honkeie2 said...

the_mrs: u are soo right there and in the 10th grade I was 10000000000 times worse than I am today haha. I might have tea bagged little anne then instead of just thinking it lol.

normie: One can save someone in more than one way ;-P

morbid misanthrope said...

My brother -- currently training to be a chef -- thought the food handler and safety test was easy as well. I think he said, "Only a complete moron with no common sense would fail this shit."

He passed easily, of course, while a handful of baffled and indignant morons stood around muttering, "I failed? What the fuck? Why the hell can't you cut raw vegetables for a salad and raw chicken on the same cutting board?"

Lesson Learned: Common sense isn't so common anymore.