About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Bad blogger bad bad bad me!

In my last post I put a picture up of a strange device and I said anyone who figured it out would get a prize. Well since so many people know what it was I am saying this: Anyone who sends me their address I will send them an adult greeting card. And when I say 'adult' I mean it wont be card you will want to hang on your office door at work. Doing that might get yo sent to HR for a special meeting and a weeek in sensitivity trainning. And I case you are wondering who was right, it was a sleepy time winnie the pooh ligth up and sing toy.

It has been a few days since my last post due to the holidays and the fact I am not at work. Which mean I have real work to do now....and for those of you that are married know what I mean. In lay-mans terms it's known as the 'Honey-Do-List'
But it isnt to bad and who wants to hear more bitching on this festive season.

Christmas went off with out toooo many issues. We went ot my moms Xmass eve and then sent Xmass day with the inlaws. And as usual we had the huge fest with food and booze as far as the eye can see. And yes I have been rather unsober for the past few days. Also with the intent of staying that course. We are off for Virgina tommorrow to send New Years with the navyman. Anyone who has sent anytime with a seaman knows what happens in times like this. I plan on buying firewoks and fire water to bring the New Year in with a big old bang!

But I have to get going here, I am in the proccess of packing and wrestling with children in sugar overlaod. But I do have a few pics for the masses and my amusement:

The turkey is ready for his final humiliation:



We bought the kids one of those do it yourself ginger bread house kits. It wasnt as easy as the box leads you to beileve. Some adult supervison was need to get the end result.



End result, before it end up in kiddie tummies then as pooh.



Christmass morning before the assult!



The look on the baby's face apon seeing what the great god in the red suit had left us using baby Jesus's credit card.



This is what one can do to try and fight off a hang over from too much sugar and spice.



We bought navyman one of these shirts and I had to have one as well. If you cannt read it beacuse my sexiness is too blinding I will spell it out for u: 'The reason the cops keep pulling me over is because of these guns' And in the bottom corner you can see the top of weemans head looking up at the person he looks to as a god :-D



Here we have me and the wife unit. This picture is very G rated, but I do promise more PG13 ones in the future. But I might have to alter them a bit.....she is gettting a little paranoid about who might see her here.
And just in case you are wondering what my teeshirt say: 'I am not drunk, I am just wicked tired from being up all night drinking'



We bought ourselves a capuchinno machine and tried it out tonight. It came out fucking great! We will be using this all the time!



But I am now off and running, all the grammar mistakes will have to wait for another time...remeber send me you addresses and I will get them out....but I woont be back untilo after tyhe new year....HAVE A HAPPPY DRUNK NEW YEArs
and if you dont drink....start it makes the pain of being an adult less pain full!

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Contest HNT.....

Last night the wife unit asked me to try and fix a toy.......I added fresh batteries and turned it on. Nothing happened, took it appart and could not find anything wrong. But as I looked at this thing I had in my hand I could not help but laugh. This thing did not look like it just came out of a childs toy, it looked more like some sicko sex toy.
If anyone can guess what toy it came out of you will win a greeting card form me....I will sign it and make it personalized so when I become famous you can sell it on ebay and make a fortune. But you might not want to show anyone else....it most likely will be a dirty and very adult card haha.
Well here is the HNT contest pic:



But I do want to get him a new toy just like it, he loves toys that make noise and light up (hint hint). He is such a happy baby, all you have to do is smile at him and he does this:



I need to get a video of him so I can share the extactic shrill that comes out of him at the same time this smile pops up. Cheese has to be the happiest baby I have ever seen.

I was looking through some old pics and thought I would do what I usually do: RePost pictures I have already put up. I have some new Fwends and they have not seen them and since I am as vain as they cum.....I couldnt help myself from posting pics of ...well....myself:

1) In Virgina picking up Bro-in-Law from his trip in the big metal boat. Who knew metal could float?



2) Me last summer gettting free water....doesnt it feel good!



3) Me last winter @ Kean University NJ.....I am not a student I had to bring the wife unit a book she forgot.



And as anyone can see this next one isnt me, its the wife unit....well a part of her that gives me a stiffy just thinking about them:



She is probably going to slap me in the back of the head for posting this but that part of my head has become rather immune to slaps. And besides she is the object of my affection and I love showing her off to the world!

4 More days left people, I hope yall gots yo shoppin done! Tits almost here.....On the fourth day of Christmass my true love gave to me:

4 midget ah humping.......

Remeber to share some skin on HNT and that if you can guess what I was trying to fix I will send you a nice greeting card. But poor Winnie the Pooh will be put in a sallow grabage grave very soon(hint Hint)

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Still sleepy

I got about 4 hours of sleep so lets see how this 16 hour day works out. I am not worried, I have done worse and besides I will be off next week.....whhhooooohooooo
This post will have more pics than words, have to make up for the lack of pictures on the last one. I love the kinda books with lots of pictures.......titty mags just wouldnt be the same with too many words. Then it would be boring and called Playboy, instead of rancy smut....which is my favorite!

I saw this on PixiPlace blog and had to share what came of my test.

I am not a drunk........I have not had a drink since Saturday. I can handle my liquor, it stays in my hand until it gets into my mouth. That is some control damn it!
Hell this was one of my books as a kid lol.



Then cums this one, I know I got my appetite from my mom. I know is sounds werid but if you look at my love life and compair it to my moms you will find one too manys similarites. Freak does run in the jeans!



And since that day is cumming up we need some holiday cards. I am going to share one I found on line an another I actually got from a fellow blogger.

1) I love funny holiday cards!



2) This is the card I got in the mail from a fellow blogger Mr. Fab I was in complete disbelief he actually sent it out. He told ppl to send in their address if they wanted an xmass card, so being the strange person I am I sent my info to a complete stranger. I was hoping for a stalker but all I got was a card, its the thought that counts haha.



It seemed like a generic season greetings card but then something fell out. I tried to get a pic of it but because of the fancy paper it kept cuming out werid so let me just high light it for you.




It was heart felt and full of well wishing, with vague masturbatory references and the word 'ass'
God I wish all of my xmass cards were like this.
I enjoy reading his blog and since he updates it often I am usually greeted everyday with at least one post from this rambling werido. Who I now know lives in Florida.....hahahhahahha I will be peeking in your windows to watching u eat bananas and singing to 70's disco music!

Well, I sent you a card back Mr.Fab keep an eye out for it.....and be thank full its the only one I sent out!

I was trying to upload this great pic of me but this is all that kept cumming out:


Oh well, I will try later I guess after all the ugly ppl are done posting pictures of themselves so I can get mine up. Ugly ppl need more bandwith than the pretty ones I guess.

Have a happy tuesday....post often and post more pics....even if u are ugly...ugly ppl need love to!

Monday, December 18, 2006

No title today

Its Monday and I am really pushing myself to post, my creative juices just arent flowing all that well today. I am not sure what it is, but I will be at work for 16 hours today and tommorrow so something might cum to mind. I usually get great ideas after I am sleep deprived for a few days. I dont need drugs to get my imagination going, all I need is about 3 days of no sleep and I will be mad as a hatter and freaked as a tweaker on a bender.

This weekend was a fun one, not much happened on Friday but the fun did start on Saturday night. I was set to clean up the kitchen, which for me isnt a bad thing. I like mindless jobs where I can listen to music, drink and smile like a retard to my own jokes. I set apon the frig to clean out some of our biological weapons we had growing in there and noticed 3 bottles that need to be taken out to make more room. One bottle of Wild Turkey, with about 2 shots worth in it-downed and bottle tossed. One bottle of carribeian rum, about 3 rum and cokes worth-mixed and downed, bottle tossed. One bottle of tequilla, 5 oz left- added ice and some strawberry mixer blended and downed. Then I made one Amaretto sour and called it a night, kitchen was clean and I was pickled.
There were some family issues going down making all kinds of bad noise during my merry-ment but I was not the center of the assualt. But I did have to do some damage control with the sister and law. Its hard to try and be the middle ground when the one who controls the bed space is involved with the family fun. I try to sit on the middle of the fence but it doesnt always work, but that night even though drunk as judge I managed to stay my ground. All was ironed out, some what, by Sunday night.
But on Saturday we went shopping and I got to laugh at all the wacky ppl out shopping. We are pretty much done so it we were just out poking about. We were also out to renew our Verizon wireless contract. I got the Chocolate phone! I am sooooo stoked I have had semi wood since I got it. It has all kinds of bells and whistles that I have no idea what they do. I like the blue tooth head set, which I am wearing at this momment. But everytime it goes off I nearly piss myself, its scary hahha. And by the way I got the red one, I will be taking pics for HNT with it. Maybe I will a post with nothing but the ear peice and the phone.......might have to play with a few angles so I dont make anyone vomit in their mouth from seeing me naked hahaha. That phone isnt quiet big enough to hide the man package, I am not saying I am packing a bazzooka but it isnt 4 inchs short either lol.

Now I dont watch much TV but I kinda got into this show called Dexter on showtime. I watched the final show of the season and I must say I glued to the the set. The end has such an interesting twist, it left me sawing-WTF!- If you missed it I wont spoil it, and if you are interested go check it out. I wont ruin it for you, but I must warn you .....it is very graffic and bloody. Serial killers can get messy at times.

I promise to have pics as the week moves on, like I said this post is rather forced.....I am not feeling it today but I didnt want to go all moring with out goofing off on blogspot at least once hahahhha. Sticken it to da man!
(ps....on a personal note I did get me some this weekend, lets just say......Ridem cowboy!)

Friday, December 15, 2006

Tits Friday!

The end of the week has cum up again, not much of a hurray but an end never the less. The only thing I have planned for this weekend is to get all shopping done! I have never been much of a holiday person, I hate having to go out and buy things. Dont get me wrong I love giving stuff, but only when I see somthing and I get the 'oh wouldnt soandso like this'. Not the " Godfuckingdamnit I have 12 more ppl on this cocksuckingbitchslappin list and I have no idea what to get them". But I do have a solution.....gift cards. If I dont know u and I feel I have to get u something I am getting u a damn gift card. 20$, one stop and I am done. Merry Fucking Xmass now where is my gift???!!

I was reading my blogging buddies blogs through out the week and a number of yall have done this post and I thought I would do it to. Cinderella kinda tagged me but not really. I am not big on getting tagged or tagging. It sounds too much like that act of putting ones balls on someones mouth while u bust a load in their eyes. And since I am no fan of hackey sacks in my mouth or having my eyes glued shut so I dont ask it of anyone else. Unless u are into that kinda of stuff then ...that is a whole different story hahaha.

A - Available/Single? I am married and have been married or taken since 1993. I am addicted to the females.

B - Best Friend? My wife, everyone else I know sucks-and not in the good way.

C - Cake or Pie? Doesnt matter to me just as long as it is in reach.

D - Drink Of Choice? Dr Pepper and anything with booze in it.

E - Essential Item You Use Everyday? Cell Phone, its a work thing not a fun thing

F - Favorite Color? Black

G - Gummy Bears Or Worms? Neither I hate gummy candies

H - Home or Homesick? Home

I - Indulgence? Sex, masterbating, working out, eating, shopping, and sleeping

J - January Or February? Neither, to fucking cold

K - Kids & Their Names? Devon, Seth, and Lucas or better known as-MonkeyBoy, Mr.NoNo's and Cheese.

L - Life Is Incomplete Without? My family

M - Marriage date? Dec 8th

N - Number Of Siblings? 1 younger brother

O - Oranges Or Apples? Both

P - Phobias/Fears? I dont really have any fear or phobias but I hate bugs and have really bad vertigo

Q - Favorite Quote? 'But why the rum?'

R - Reason to Smile? Sunflower purfume.....hmmmm

S - Season? Not sure anymore.......but I do love summer

T - Tag 3 or 4 people? You must all do it!! (sound familiar Cinderella)

U - Unknown Fact About Me? I have taught all my sons the pull my finger joke

V - Vegetable you don’t like? lima beans

W - Worst Habit? being an asshole

X - X-rays You’ve Had? I have lost count, the last one I had was on my ankle

Y - Your Favorite Food? Pizza and anything w/o Ecoli from Taco Bell

Z - Zodiac Sign? Cancer, not that I have any idea what that is supposed to me. I dont follow that wacky peganistic mombo-jumbo. When asked what my sign I usually give them the finger and call it a day.

And today I was trolling around the internet and I goggled the word 'WOG' I am not sure what a WOG is but here are some pics I found in the search. But I think its a military term, I will have to ask the bro-in-law when he cums around.

WOG#1- I have nooooo Idea.

WOG#2- I think it was some navy initiation thing, and the other pics seem a little gay.

WOG#3-Hazing of sorts in the navy again. I think this was the stuff you find in the port-a-potties. And I think he liked it, look at them nipples! He is totally stoked!

HappY FridaY People....fell free to do the a-z thingie. Let us all know how u work lol.

-------I just did a search on the word 'Firday' and I have to share this:

Friday#1- She looks like someone in blogging land. If you think you know who I am talking about let me know. I will give you a hint -----'C'

Friday#2- She looks like a crack whore....love the deoderant marks hahaha. Toooo skinny for my taste.

Friday#3- I have been trying to enlarge this pic to get a better look at her cooter.....Yes I am that perverted.

Now I have no idea what these pictures have to do with Friday but who cares. And on that last pic, I think I will start in the middle and eat my way out muahahhahahaha....sorry I am in the need of a little release, but I am saving it up for later tonight....... ;)

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Happy HNT

It has been a while since I have done a proper HNT post so this morning I took a few pics to share with the world. The first one came to me while standing in the shower. I was looking down and wondering what I should take a picture that would make a 'long' lasting impression. It was 'hard' to decide on what I was going to put 'up' on the blog. But after scratching my 'head' for a few seconds I 'came' up with what I was going to 'stick in' my blog. It is something I find fascinating, and love seeing on a woman..........(hahahahaha I bet you were thinking of something else, I love ppl with filthy minds)
It is a great place of exploration and fun, everyday I come home I find a present in it. I wonder if I kept every little lint ball would I be able to make a quilt?
If you have not figured out what it is....here is a hint-My bellybutton. I even like saying it....bellybutton. Say it a few times, and keep repeating....bellybutton, it just rolls off your tongue in a funny manner. lol.....and yes I find it sexy when women show a little bellybutton. Unless she is too skinny then it looks more like an air valve than a button. My wife thinks I am weird but whenever is see a plump woman with her bellybutton poking out I will say 'Dats hot'. Which will follow with a slap to the back of the head and a 'WTF is wrong with u...thats nasty!' But I likem a little round...what can I say?
This is mine:



The second HNT pic is just me holding something the motherinlaw gave me. She knows I am nut when it comes to knives. I like them, another weird thing about me. I dont like the decorative kind, I like the ones that look like they could really hold up in a fight or have/had a purpose-other than collecting dust in a display. I have a few knives that are just to look at but I dont treasure them as much.
This blade has the look of a real hand made workmanship.....



In the handle it has a Uruguayan coin dating back to 1981. Did I mention she bought it in Uruguay??? As I look back, I didn't haha.



It has a name stamped on the blade itself, I can't for the life of me remember the name(nor can I read it on the pic here lol) But it is a famous German steel company, I am not sure if they are saying that is the type of steel they used or that it was made there. I am more inclined to believe the steel came from Germany. Like I said it was hand made.



Now onto my celebrity HNT, while I was at the wax museum I took several pics that will be used for HNT post. Here is the one of my favorite celebrity skank. Even though she has been fouled by one of the nastiest and least talented humans in Hollywood I would still hit that!
Its Britnay......on the pole! I took all of my being to to tea bag this dummy!



But if you are looking for something that has more of a pulse here a little peak a boo of the coveted jewel of the Nile. (I took this pic from someone else's post, I forget whose....if its yours let me know where credit is due)



Man oh man!!!!!! I would love to hear what her parents think about her. Because you know they are the reason she is so fuck up. If they had left her alone she probably would have ended up with that Timerlake guy and been much happier. Let this be a lesson to everyone, love and protect your children.....but dont try to run their lives as 'you' see fit. Especially if its their money that keeps you in your manson with the 20 foot high walls.

Have a great day ppl and remember to play along with HNT, I want to see more women bearing tit all......well maybe just a peek would be nice :-D

Monday, December 11, 2006

Blogger hates me.....

It has taken me 2 days to get my pics to load on blogger. I know I have alot of pictures but wht the fuck. It was loading nicely then half way through it stopped working.
But now I have them up so let me get this over with before the powers that be stop up on me again.

Last Friday, as I mentioned, was our 5 year wedding anniversary and we went to the city(NYC). Our first stop was at our local bank to take out the needed funds to get us one our way. Then it was off to Dunkin-Doughnuts to get some much needed coffe.
Here we have those in line for thier morning happiness.



Then it was off to the train station to hop on the next train in. We have driven into the city but it is too much of a pain in the ass and forget about trying to park. NYC is fun but the meter maids they have walking the streets are lieing bastards. If you have not see the coverage on it, they keep catching them handing out bogus tickets for anything and everything. I contested the one I got last winter and won. Fuck You very much NYC, this is why I keep my reciepts. Proof!
So my advise is to take the train at all cost.
Here we have a view point from my crotch, best seat on the whole train.



It was to be one of the coldest days of the year, so me being an ex-boyscout(got kicked out for eating a Brownie) I was prepaired. Long Johns(top and bottom), jeans, boots, long sleeve shirt, hoodie, hat scarf, face mask , leather gloves and long jacket. Lets just say I did not notice how cold it was. But I did get quiet a good number of funny looks. What would you think about someone walking towards you looking like this?



We stopped by Macy's to see the window displays and get the little woman some ear muffs. I love saying that...muff!
Here we are doing the tourist thing in full force.



And what visit to NYC would be complete without the typical 'looking up shot' at the Empire State building?



We did not have all the time in the world so we decided to go to Madame Tussaud's wax museum. Here is where most of my pictures were taken. Just a warning, it's freakin 30$ a person to get in. It was fun but not 30$ fun, hell a few more bucks and you would have an all day adult pass for 6Flags.......but oh well.

Our first faux celeberty was the one the only Benny Hill. Doing what he did best....looking creepy.



The only thing I think that was wrong here was the lack of body hair. Robin Williams is one hairy Mo-Fo!



Meet the Osbournes, I wanted to name my son Ozzy but the wife was having none of that. But she did let me put it in his middle name :-D



I wanted to take a bite out of her butt to see how real it felt but the wife might have gotten a little jealous. And yes this thing stuck wayyyyy out!



Viva Revolutin! And what the hell is that table cloth wearing werido doing behind me?



Madona, not a very good likeness but close enough for me. It even smelled ranchy, man Madame Tussaud is good!



I always thought he would have been shorter.



If you can guess who this is I will give you a cookie.....here is a hint ......'He was kicked out of art school for being too eccentric.'



He wasnt called 'Tricky Dick' for nothing!



Even standing near a wax dummy my unborn son's were nervous.



Bill Gates wont miss it, hell I only took the American Express Black card and gave him back the rest. Sheesh, I am not that evil lol.



He was taller than I imagined. And never did I imagine the men of men wearing a pink shirt, WTF is up with that!?!



Richard Simmons would have been jealous hahahahaha. And the lady holding the giant serving platter was some lesbian tennis player I think. I was tempted to look up her skirt but I was affraid of what I might have found......scarry!



I have a few more but I think I will save them for another time. Never blow your entire wad all in the same shot. Advise given to me from Ron Jeremey, great great man.

We then walked over the another serious tourist spot...The Hard Rock Cafe. Now I thought it was 'Hard Rock' not 'The Limp Wristed Moopy Emo Cafeteria'. We were there for almost an hour waiting and had to put up with nothing but old crappy top 40 songs and videos. It wasnt until we sat down did we actually hear a rock song, and it was Korn, Follow the Leader. Not bad but damn......



The food was good, greasy and not to badly priced. The wife unit could not eat much of her food, she said it was too greasy for her. So I ate almsot all of hers pluse mine. That is what men are good for, garbage disposal units. This is the kind of food that sends you into a stupor the momment you stop eating with a big old gravey smile.



I recomend the Big Combo and nothing else. I was ordering with my eyes and ordered too much. But by no means did that mean I was leaving anthing un touched! My god I am getting hunger pains just looking at this!



After that we had to head back to get our little bundles of squishy happines from the baby squasher.......I mean sitter. Baby sitter, there was no squashing done to said babies :-D
But before we left I got a pic of one of the worst radio stations here in the Tri-State area....Z100. Since I got Sirius I only have to put up with 'free radio' at work. And it is never ever z100! I would rather listen to country at that point!



I have a few more pics of NYC but I think I will wait to drop them off here to play. And hell it isnt the last time I will be going in to the city. I hope to go again to see the other sights. The tree, Rockerfeller Center, RunWay69----oh wait the doesnt exist anymore.......damn Disney, Damn them to hell for cleaning up 42st!