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About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Mr. Handy

That is right! I am the two left handed handy man! I can break anything on this planet then call the professionals in to fix what I tried to fix. But this weekend my wrecking skills were well placed when I set my sights on fixing an old computer of ours. It was an old Gateway computer that has been dead for sometime. I got out the best tools that any pc repair man will ever need:

1) A pair of sheet metal sheer

2) A hammer


3) A star head thingie screw driver!

After several attempts at trying to inter-face with the unit I found that all components were not compatible with my hard or soft ware so I tried a different approach. I was going to just install a few new up grades but after seeing what a nightmare of a chore that would have been I opted for some rage and bang.

I had no real delusions of breathing life back into this bitch, all I was out to do was to kick the shit of it; and make sure no one could ever read the hard drive.

So, here I am doing what I do best:
Phil Mad, Phil Smash!

After finding out that I did not posses the right tool to get to the actual hard drive I went for the pull, pry and cut method. And I think I made it mad because it bit me!

But in the end I was successful in making sure that no one would ever be able to retrieve any info off of this thing. I dont think even the government computer gods could get anything off this one!

Then yesterday we I set my Phil Smash ways on my son's new curtains. But with this one I had to use a little more love. Tools used:

1) Drill

2) Leveler

3) Rubber mallet

4) Razor Knife, for opening the packages

5) Screw driver

6) Wife units eyes and mouth.....for telling me it was crooked and that I was doing it wrong. Nothing motivates a man like a good woman behind him calling him stoopid and useless. Well at least it helps me stay focused.....oh look something shinny!

Just kidding folks, the wife did not do any of that, well except for one 'Its crooked' but one little nudge in the right direction is ok in my book. Also take note of the caged monkey on the bottom. He was laughing at me every time I cursed about banging my finger, getting my pants caught in the drill bit and hitting myself in the face with the curtain rod. Nothing says 'I love you daddy' like a well placed laugh at his pain.

Here we have the caged monkey showing off the hat that will be part of his navy man Halloween costume. Funny thing is, that hat is an actual Navy hat. Thanks Doug, when are you going to blog again you lazy bitch!

But he did send us a photo that I had a little fun with. He called it 'Wheres Waldo?' I found him without any real problem, you might have to enlarge it to see my hot photoshop skillz.

Also over the weekend we had our caged monkey take his 2 year old picture and our yearly family picture. I know that my Zoolander hottness just about knocks everyone else out of the picture but if you look closely you can see the rest of the Insanity Phil Klan. And yes that is a skull rock shirt he is wearing.

I am pretty sure I have posted this before but I am going to show all what I am going to be for Halloween. I am going to alter my final project a little but this tutorial is a great place to start when making you very own Guido and/or Douche Bag. I am going for the double popped collar with a pink under shirt, the Phallic bottle of grey goose vodka and sweat bands; all the rest will be as the guide suggest.

So what are you going to dress up as? And i swear if anyone wears that teehirt 'This is my Halloween Costume' I am going to hold you down and crap in your mouth!


Nikky said...

You and my hubby should start a blog about men who try to fix shit and the women who laugh at them... kids, too!

I cannot tell you what I'm wearing for Halloween, because I do not know yet... if anything! (and NO, that doesn't mean neekid!)

Martini said...

*sniff* I'm so proud of you, your tools, and your smashyness. I'd give you a hearty pat on the back if I were standing beside you.

Carie said...

lol Ken is a better smasher then fixer to lol :)

I am going as a mommy for halloween lol...nah just gonna hand out candy to allt he retarded wanna be thugs that will come to the door...we never get any sweet kids (well maybe 3 or 4) we always get 16 year old gang bangers trying to look hard while holding out a pillowcase for candy lol