About Me

My photo
I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

His first time....

Last night (1/27/2009)was Seth's first trip to the dentist. So I get home get him changed and brush our teeth. But then as I am getting myself changed I see him running from the kitchen, with a mouth full of cookies! So it was back to the bathroom for another brushing. But this time I instructed him not to eat, I forgot I had to add that part in on round one.

So our teeth are ready and off we go!





Now as you can see he doesnt have many teeth. He is almost 6 and many of his baby teeth have already been snatched up by the tooth fairy. But never the less we needed to go and see the doc.






Over all the doc gave him a good bill of health. He said that he had no cavities and that we need not to worry about his grown up teeth. They are on there way. Seth did a very good job at not squirming around too much .




But he was no real fan of the flouride protection jell. In his words, 'Daddy that was nasty!'




Then it was my turn for a deep cleaning and a check up.




Seth asked to have his picture taken again so the two crazed monkeys got ready to fling some pooh!




In the end the doc said my teeth and gums were healthy but i have 3 cavities and I need a crown on a cracked tooth. He went on to say the reason behind all of my cavities is because of how my teeth formed. He told me that the very surface is to blame, there are little valleys that I cannt brush that form most of my cavities. But the crown is needed because one of the back tooth that cracked! But he said it can be saved and I am in line for a gold tooth soon. Yes, i said GOLD TOOTH! He said he likes to use gold on back teeth because it is pliable and less likely to break. He said if it was a front tooth he would have used porcialian. So I am one tooth closer to my gold grill bitchs!
I started this post last week but due to my slacker ways I am just getting in out now. I will have another post very shortly about this past weeked. Highlights of my weekend....
1) Getting hammered with a bunch of cops
2) Up to 0400hrs with son frowing up....ewww
3) Ice and snow balls
4) Alan and his skyrunners
5) My weigh in....and its good!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Help is only a button away:

This is the device they have at the one of the locations we monitor to help those that are mentally challenged when it comes to first aide. But there are a few snags I see. If you find a terrorist that has a bleeding eye wound you will know just what to do. But if you find an illegal immigrant with a splinter and has explosive diarrhea you are shit out of luck. And also if you cannot read English or Spanish then the person in need will just have to suck it up and be a man about their congestive heart failure!

Who needs paramedics when you have 'The HomeLand Security 911 in a Box'?


And just in case reading isnt your thing the use of racially diverse dummies will walk you step by step in figuring out what to do if you are ever in a gang land shooting and you are the last man standing.(notice the tits on the one holding the box, too hot for me!)



Over the weekend some kids thought one of our company trucks was missing something. So they thought it would be a fun idea to lend a hand. They did, and gave him his own set of balls! There was more paint done but not wanting to blab to the world where I work I thought I would only show the funniest one. If that was me doing the paint i would have put Mr.Willie on the side of the truck 10 feet high! Nothing says, I am funny like a giant penis on the side of you company van!


And speaking of where I work, one of the perks of where I work is: Free Shit! Once in a while they will give us their extras, and I take them home and hand them out like candy on Halloween! I cannt post what company I work for, and if someone figures it out and post it I will delete their comment, so play nice and if you want to guess spell it backwards or use a code. I have no desire to have someone google my company and find themselves looking at my blog!



Now Sheila has started up her workout and post about what she is doing I thought I might us her as a motivation to put down the PSP and workout for once. I have been somewhat drawn into the COD4 world and it is eating up alot of my time. I have to put it down and only play on my off days from my workout. Everyday is a bit too much, so starting today I brought this to work:
I weighed in at 220 this morning. I just wanted to cry!


And so far I have not gone insane. One protein shake for breakfast, lots and lots of water and fruit will get me through my day. Its 1305hrs now and I swear if I see one more office doughnut I will kill someone!
But if I want this:



I had better put this away:


Hope everyone is having a great Monday! Mine has been insane so far, which i like.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Wow I missed hump day!

I must say having a day all to myself was well worth missing my Tuesday meeting. You see, I was supposed to have gone to an all day training seminar on Tuesday. But things did not work out as planned so I ended up staying home all by MYSEF! I could have shit I was so stoked! I played COD4, played with myself and cleaned. I had that house spotless by the time the wife got home. The beds were made, the living room straightened up, the kids room in order (somewhat) and even got most of the kitchen cleaned. And you know what, I loved every minute of it. Some times even things that look like they are starting off crappy can end happily lol.

I dont know about other schools out there but here in my neck of the ghetto the schools do not have recess like we did when we where little. It was a great place to learn social skills, chase girls and just be kids. It was also a place to burn off some of that never ending supply of energy that children seem to have. But now they have done away with this tool for the sake of I dont know what, and now the teachers are faced with overly active children that wont sit still or listen. We get daily reports on our little idiot and here is what the teacher wrote on one of them:




How dare a five year old not control his activity level, I mean of all the nerve how uncouth and fatuous of this child! I mean why cannt he be more in control of himself in such an adult setting? But it isnt the teachers fault and they have to write this, I am actually thinking of writing the school board about this. Not sure what it will accomplish but sending nasty letters to non-existent department heads is what being American is all about.

Speaking of being all American my son got me the drink hat for Christmas:

And as one can see I finally took that bad boy out for a test drive this past weekend. The only real draw back is that once you start drinking you really cannt stop. They have that little clip on the tube but it doesnt really stop the flow very well. So I down 2 beers at once in less than a minute to say the least. WOOOOOOOOO BEER!
Also this weekend we used another toy that was a Xmass gift, the air soft gun. I went over to the neighbors house and he brought his out too. And while out back running amuk my son, the 13 year old, shot me right in the nose. It did not hurt that much just because it was so damn cold but it did bleed a little. This also brought to mind the need for safety glasses for next time around, I want to keep my eyes thank you.

It isnt very clear but that little red dot was bleeding in the snow on Sunday! 'And on the seventh day he bled in the name of fun!'

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

It is my duty to spank that bootie....

Being a husband, a father and an overall man we must do things that we really do not want to do. Men have been known to do some of the strangest things to get the attention or love of the one we wish to be with. I try to do my best at keeping the love of my life as happy as possible. She wanted me to stop smoking, I did; She wants me to climb on the roof to put up lights despite my horrible vertigo, I did; She asks me to go get her ice cream even though its fucking freezing outside, I did; She hates washing the dishes and doing laundry (and so do I), but I do it.

We HAD to get our house in order because the lovely people at DYFS were coming over to do their last home visit before they closed the case on the 'Nose that brought in the government'. So we took down the tree, put away all of the indoor xmass decorations and went no holds barded on the cleaning. The kitchen is my place when it comes to cleaning for the most part. I put on my head phones and go to work. Well the other night I added something to my cleaning....Wild Turkey! When I lived alone I would get hammered everytime I cleaned. I once even video taped myself doing this, but in a fit of rage I distroyed it. You see there was something else on that tape....I wont mention what but it was something I did not want out ;-)
Now for the most part I clean the same way i do my work....I let it pill up and then go crazy and get it all done in one shot.
To date the house is still clean, one laundry basket of clean cloths that has to be put away but at least its clean haha. Oh yeah here is what happens when the Turkey and the camera comes into play in the kitchen:



And while I have work on my mind I have found out that my boss has been spreading bullshit about what he does, and what I do. The most recent thing he did was he siad that I did something that I did not, I cannt go into detail about it but I called him out in a sly manner. I luckily keep all emails and as of now I have a special folder for these type of things.

He told numerous of his underlings that I went over his head on something and told them that he informed the person in question that he is not to go to me for information in the future. Which isnt a big deal because that is how it works anyway, but what got me is that it never happened that way.

So I sent him an email response to the email he sent to me ealier about the actual event and I cc'ed everyone that was told the other story. So to clarify this, the email stated what I did and that it informed everyone that my actions of that day in no way reflected what he said I did.

This is the second time he has done this, so for me the kid gloves are off. No more blogging from work, flickring or post secreting. He seems to have it in for me on some level so I am taking as many bullets out of his ammo arsonal as I can.

I also just got a new work pc so the 8 year old one is now under my desk along with all the old information on it. I have plans for that hard drive, does anyone remeber that I did to my old pc's hard drive?

Today was a world record for getting work done at work! I even started locking my desk, I have not locked my desk in almost 5 years! I do not trust him on any level so I am gathering my troops and bunkering down for the long seige. I am so excited work has finally gotten entertaining!
But enough of that bullshit, I told my son to act normal and this is what I got:

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Tuesday weekend roundup.....

This past weekend was a snowy and busy. On Saturday I took the boys out to a hunting/camping expo at the Raritan Expo Center in Edison NJ. But first we stopped by to get the brother-in-law to see his new toy that he got from the navy man.

He sent him something called 'Skyrunners' its the newest thing from over seas to break your neck with. I cannt really put into words what they are so here take a look------SkyRunners


Now that video makes it look sooooo easy, just like all videos you have ever seen of ice skating, snow boarding, in line skates and skate boards. But the reality of it is they are hard as hell, standing up right was a battle in itself. If it had not been for the ceiling I would have been on my ass. It took 2 people to get me up and just one face plant on the couch to get down.


I foresee a trip to the hospital this summer!



Now, once we got to the expo it was pretty much the run of the mill stuff. Hunting stuff, fishing stuff and other things men do to avoid going home to the wife. They also had the usual man games like shoot the terrorist. Here we have Devon and Alan waiting for there turn to get some trigger time.





I did the best out of everyone. If it was cheaper I might have tried again but this time aim higher.


How politically incorrect is that!?!



We then moved onto the next shooting toy, the bow. Alan didn't do to bad, I wanted to try but this was for kids only.....I want to shot too damn it. I promise not to turn around and shot anyone!



One of the people working the archery table was this chick and her dog. She has affirmed my resolution to come back as a dog when I die. I swear I want to come back as a dog!



There were all kinds of literature about where to fish, how to conserve the wilderness, but my favorite was The Bear Fact. If you should attempt to feed a wild bear and run out of food be prepared to have the bear tear off your arms looking for more.



There were many booths set up for safaris in Africa, you to can be Hemingway and go out and blow beautiful animals brains out. I want to bag me a gazelle at 500 yards in the safety of a bomb proof bunker. Hell want I really wanted to see was an outing that let you hunt poachers, I would totally come back with me a stuffed head!
Below we have some fish they said they caught last night on one of their fishing outings. Maybe its just me but when I see my fish I dont want to see its head and gills. All I want to see is breading and french fries!



There were all kinds of all terrain vehicles but this bike too the cake. It isnt a Harley but it was still freaking awesome. You might want to make sure you are strong enough to pick it up if it should fall. This thing was a beast!



Here we have the pre-fab log cabins that they would build and locate anywhere in the USA for you. They were only $51,000 which really is not a bad price. Considering that a shit house in this part of NJ can run you almost $500,000! And that is with no yard, high property taxes, no room and more rules about what you cannt do on your own property.





One of the draw backs to this house is it only had one closet and it was just big enough for me to stand in to take this picture.


It had 3 bedrooms, a bathroom and that tiny ass closet. The main front room was the living room, dinning room and kitchen all in one. I would totally live in one of these!


With most shows like this there are few women worth eye humping, but there were a few......ass one can see below. Most of the women that did attend the show on their own free will were rather scary. I am sorry but camo, hunter orange and blue bib coveralls are not the sexiest things a woman could wear.



We spent a good bit of time going from one RV to another, wondering "Could I live here?" In this picture we see the 2 male teens wondering "How many bitchs can I fit in here?"



The only down side to most of them was that the bathrooms were designed for people with out legs. For me to pop a squat on this bowl I would have had to stand on the lid and then closed the door so that my knees did not bang into the door.


This was taken in one of the bigger crap houses! It also cost almost $100,00!


They come with everything one would ever need....even a kitchen sink!



After we were done jumping on just about everything they had to offer we ran over to see a few shows. Animal show with monkeys, exotic birds, alligators, and even a hyena! Here we have the monkey who was in love with his big-bird toy.



They even had birds of prey. This little guy was the coolest looking one. It was about the size of a softball! But as cutie and cuddly as he looked I bet he would claw out your eyes in a heartbeat!



After that we saw the last show of the day, the lumber jacks! The guy in the red flannel shirt was about as lumber jack as one could get! The flannel shirt, jeans, boots, double headed axe and a beard! The only thing that did not fit was that he looked so young, in about 20 years and 15 scars later he will look damn near Paul Bunion!


I wanted to do this on Monday but work was and still is going full tilt, I started this about 0800 this morning and it is now 1320 hrs in the after noon. And yes I know giving military time and then stating the time of day was redundant but I have been so used to dealing with retards I tend to treat everyone around me like the people in my office lol.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Ahhhhh Friday....

Well it is Friday and the end of the first full week of 2009. How are the resolutions going? I never made any really so mine are going at 100%! Why bother saying you are going to do something when you know damn well you arent going to do it anyway?!? I have been eating better and working out a bit. I am going to step up the exercising, it has been lacking a bit.

Last night we did a mad dash to clean the house top to bottom because the lovely people at DYFS are coming over to met with us one last time before they close the case that the lovely school board of Elizabeth helped open for us. I did a post on this back in,,,,I think October,,,,about how the school called the office of pretend care on us. I am not going to reopen that angry wound but lets just say that teacher did not get a nice xmass gift and on the day he leaves the class we will give her a huge 'Thanks for making our lives hell over a brusie the size of a dime'! I am not a bitter person, she is just mad that she is an obese water buffalo and is mad at the world because she cannt stop eating everything in sight. No I am not bitter at all.....fuckshitgoddamnwhorecuntIhopefallonyourass!

Ahhhh much better, but at least it helped us get off our ass about getting the house in order. No matter how bad something is there is always a silver lining.....whoever made that line up needs to get genital warts and die! I hate that saying!

Well, one of the best gifts my wife has given me has been put to good use over and over again. It is my Magellan GPS for my car. It has helped me on numerous trips and it can help you avoid traffic, unless you are at ground zero when the traffic starts!



This is me in my car with my Magellan on Rt. 22 East in Hillside NJ, trying to get home. The traffic just came to a hault about 200 yards from my exit, and in this area there are only car dealerships and warehouses to pull into. No side streets, if this cluster fuck had started about 100 feet back I could have made a turn and went through Hillside. But my GPS isnt that fast and I did not notice the red lights of traffic death until it was too late. So I just waited it out and dealt with the fact a 20 minute ride turned into a 45 minute ride....oh well. At least I wasnt tied naked to a bed at a gay pride walk.

And I was given an award! I was wondering; If I could start my own chapter and become the head of the board, what do you say Savanna?



I was given the male version of J.U.G.S. (Just Us Girls) but in all honesty that name really only works on a womans group. But then again it is the one thing that can get most straight men to do the most retarded of things, like:
Clean the bathroom, stand outside of a dressing room holding a purse, and wearing cloths that we hate just because the owner of the Jugs said it looked good on us.

If you have big jugs and you ask a guy what was the first thing he noticed about you, and he says anthing other than JUGS, run away. He is a liar!

So, thanks Sananna now show your JUGS!
( And I swear if you post a picture of you holding milk jugs I will fly to Japan and bitch slap you :D )
This one is for you Savanna!



And this one is for me.....because irish chix are hot....well some of them are anyway ;-)



Happy Firday people.....I have kept up my blogging a bit, now to really bring out the blogging freak in 2009!

Monday, January 05, 2009

At Least I am consistantly lazy....

I know I have been away from one of my favorite addictions for about a week or so but with all the holiday cheer and food I just did not have the energy to type. I mean I have been eating and drinking myself into a food coma for the past 2 weeks and I just cant find the energy to do much more than put it one end and watch it come out the other. As of today I am offically on the wagon again. Eating right and exercising, the summer is coming damn it and I am not going to keep this winter weight on into the beach weather!
But I dont have a lot of time here so let me just post a few pictures of the fun that has helped shaped my new shape. If round was sexy I would be rolling down the cat walk!

1) Xmass day we went to my mom's to visit and eat! My Grandmother was up from AL visiting, its always fun to have someone from the southern world up to visit.


2) Xmass morning at our house. I know the pictures are a little out of order but that is just how my life is so why not my blog as well. Notice the baby and his breathing treatment, he has gotten much better at this than he used to be!


3) We were up to almost 3 in the morning trying to wrap this stuff, at it only took 20 minutes to undo it. Its all for the kids anyway so whats missing a little sleep?

4) The calm before the storm!


5) I got the wife Guitar Hero World Tour, we are the next Partdrige (sp) Family I swear!


6) All those toys and all he wants is the damn boxes!

7) This was actually taken Xmass morning at the inlaws. He had been up all night with his new XBOX. I swear I could have probably written on his face in marker.....to bad I didnt have one hahah!
New Years Eve we went to a friends house, I did have some pictures but I am not sure where that camera went to. As soon as I find it I will post them. Nothing to interesting, Seth found him a girl, Lucas busted his lip open and the teen age girls there got a lesson in music. They were hyped about ....I forget her name.....but they were all shocked when they found out the song she was singing wasnt her's. Newsflash....a trainned monkey can do what most of these performers do. If you are looking for real talent dont turn on MTV.
8) These pictures where taken this weekend, this is Lucas and his new toddler bed. Well its his crib without the bars. We spent most of the night yelling at him to go back to bed. Thank gwad for baby gates!
9) I told him to show me his game face. And this is what I got! I am not sure but if you look closely you can see what I wrote on his board:
Seth likes to hang with his gnomes.
10) There are two gifts I got that I love. One: my Magellin GPS, Fucking LOVE THAT THING! And two: Our Krups single serving coffee maker. I use both of these things on a daily basis, the coffee machine gets 3-4 runs a day from me alone. I am a huge coffee freak!
11) The inlaws got the baby a flat screen tv for his room and this weekend we mounted it on the wall. In hopes it survives his sticky little fingers, so far so good. But we cannt seem to get him to watch anything other than Toy Story I and II. He is a Buzz and Woodie maniac!
12) In conjunction with my resolve to lose weight I am now switching to Wild Turkey over beer. 4 drinks and I am done, less calories but same effect lol! Bottoms up bitchs, this ones for you Hunter!!!!!!!!!
13) We have the worst lighting in out kitchen for marco settings lol. But it does hide the grim and grease splatters well hahahahaha
14) I was feeling a little hungry until I saw how fat my face has gotten! Today I have had a protein shake and a cup of beef and barley soup. Now all I have to do is control that beast when I go home!
Well happy Monday to all of those still out there that read my blog. And even if you dont visit me often I hope you resolutions last longer than mine have lol!