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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Help is only a button away:

This is the device they have at the one of the locations we monitor to help those that are mentally challenged when it comes to first aide. But there are a few snags I see. If you find a terrorist that has a bleeding eye wound you will know just what to do. But if you find an illegal immigrant with a splinter and has explosive diarrhea you are shit out of luck. And also if you cannot read English or Spanish then the person in need will just have to suck it up and be a man about their congestive heart failure!

Who needs paramedics when you have 'The HomeLand Security 911 in a Box'?

And just in case reading isnt your thing the use of racially diverse dummies will walk you step by step in figuring out what to do if you are ever in a gang land shooting and you are the last man standing.(notice the tits on the one holding the box, too hot for me!)

Over the weekend some kids thought one of our company trucks was missing something. So they thought it would be a fun idea to lend a hand. They did, and gave him his own set of balls! There was more paint done but not wanting to blab to the world where I work I thought I would only show the funniest one. If that was me doing the paint i would have put Mr.Willie on the side of the truck 10 feet high! Nothing says, I am funny like a giant penis on the side of you company van!

And speaking of where I work, one of the perks of where I work is: Free Shit! Once in a while they will give us their extras, and I take them home and hand them out like candy on Halloween! I cannt post what company I work for, and if someone figures it out and post it I will delete their comment, so play nice and if you want to guess spell it backwards or use a code. I have no desire to have someone google my company and find themselves looking at my blog!

Now Sheila has started up her workout and post about what she is doing I thought I might us her as a motivation to put down the PSP and workout for once. I have been somewhat drawn into the COD4 world and it is eating up alot of my time. I have to put it down and only play on my off days from my workout. Everyday is a bit too much, so starting today I brought this to work:
I weighed in at 220 this morning. I just wanted to cry!

And so far I have not gone insane. One protein shake for breakfast, lots and lots of water and fruit will get me through my day. Its 1305hrs now and I swear if I see one more office doughnut I will kill someone!
But if I want this:

I had better put this away:

Hope everyone is having a great Monday! Mine has been insane so far, which i like.


delizcious said...

yup yup. I know where you work.

~Sheila~ said...


Alright, I'm going to go and weigh myself and post a new blog about my "progress".
I think we could use each other as a motivating tool..or...a competition starting TODAY.

Whoever loses the most weight in 2 months...wins.


Becky said...

That is freaking hilarious! I can't think of a more ironic person to have pulled that prank on. You had to have thought when you walked out there and saw that, "looks like something I'd have done." Too funny! You have some crazy stuff happen to you!

Prunella Jones said...

Who can resist a guy driving a penis van? I know I can't.

Martini said...

The artistic talent of America is suffering if that's what some teenaged punks think a wang looks like. Graffiti-kids around my city are getting the book big time. City's totally cracking down and wiping them out. It's in the papers almost daily. I'd prefer they crack down on crack houses, but who am I to complain?

Ranger Tom said...

Wow! Free stuff from work!

I work for the second largest sugar manufacturing and refining company in the US, and do you think we could get some for our coffee service in our break room?


We have to go to the local supermarket to get sugar...

Homo Escapeons said...

I love that monitor..good ole American ingenuity! Thanks to Homeland Security we Canadians now require a passport to fly OVER the US of eh? Seriously.

There is no tagging in any countries that enforce sharia law..apparently snipping off peter pointer is quite the deterrent.

Steph said...


My dad once drove a big passenger van of 15 of my girl-friends around all night- for a bachelorette party.

We drew penises ALLLLLLL over the van.