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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Back to the Gym Rat....

I have finally got the wife bitten by the gym rat life! We have been going now for almost 3 weeks and she has even been hitting the weights! I am so happy I could almost grunt and do a squat thrust! I love going to the gym, for many reasons....let me count them:

  1. I work out harder and push myself farther when I am at the gym. Dont know why, just a guy thing I guess. And the fact there are mirrors everywhere!

  2. They have a much bigger variety of machines than I do at home. I mean who has the room for all the crap a gym can offer?

  3. The feel and sound of the a gym is such a motivator for me. There is just something about a good gym that gets me PUMPED!!!!!

  4. And last but not least: The People Factor!

The people factor is my favorite thing, I love watching people and commenting about them. Not all of it is negative......but a lot of it could be seen that way. Its constructive criticism, honestly! Here lets take this guy here:




He was working out with a buddy, no big deal...until I saw his ink! I had to get a picture of this hot mess. It is hard to see and a bit fuzzy, that is because it was! It is a racing logo of some kind of a company that makes after market ricer toys. MaxedOut, at least I think that is what it read. It was a bad tattoo, I dont begrudge him for that but what was the thinking here?!?! I might get a Taco Bell tattoo someday....I fucking love Taco Bell! So in his defense maybe he has some real connection with the brand of fart pipes and poorly designed air intakes....who knows.

But he wasnt the only one worthy of a picture, but he was the only one I could get a picture of without getting my ass kicked. So let me paint the picture of my gym.

The Cougars: There have been a large number of older ladies with killer bodies in this gym than I remember. This used to be the Gym of Douche, you could at any given moment find throngs of douche-bagery in this place. But it seems they no longer find this gym to be hip or cool. I think they all went to the NYC Sports Club. But anyway, each time I have come in I have seen at least 2 or 3 women who from the neck down are smokin! But their heads and hands are a dead give away. I give them credit, lots of credit! They are in better shape than I am in and hell, give me 6 beers on an empty stomach and who knows I could be your pool boy Mrs. Robinson!

The Warriors: These are the people that really seem to be there to work out and not bullshit. And not just the roided up monsters I am talking about. There seems to be a lot more people here that are there to get to business and get out. The last time we came here it was like going to Six Flags, there was a line for everything! Now, it is still a bit crowded but no more waiting for some asshat to get off a machine he has been on for the past 20 minutes! I have also seen a large influx of heavier people trying their hardest and sweating their hearts out. I congratulate them for taking that step to coming in. Gyms can be very intimidating to some, I cannot count the number of times I have heard form guys saying, " I cannot go to the gym I am too out of shape." WHAT!!!! That is the whole point you cock monger!

The Beast: This one is rather obvious, the guys lifting weights that would scare off a mule! There are always 3 or 4 of them there, and last night there was one that I could not take my eyes off. And not in the gay sort of way but in the way one might stare at a god....He was freaking HUGE! On the juice or not this guy was impressive to behold!

and let us not forger The Douche: Again these guys are easy to pick out. Popped collars, often sporting the Staten Island Orange tan, talk lots of shit but cannt lift half their body weight, usually seen on the phone or texting instead of working out....working out at a gym....no way! Like I said there are not as many but there are always some. Last night we had 2 sets of them, the first set consisted of about 4 guys that would go to one machine and buzz around it stroking each others ego. I was too funny, ginni tees and hair gel as far as the eye could see ha! And the other set was 2 guys.....who's tee shirts really made me think twice. One had on a tank top that read 'Porn King' he was skinny and rather cut up and his buddy had on a black shirt with a smiley face that read "Smile I swallow'. Ok, I was wrong about my first impression....it actually said 'Smile IF you swallow' he was a little rounder that his friend and his moobies pinched his shirt to make it appear to read something else. But regardless, poor choice of a shirt when grunting, bending and sweating with another dude.

I am going to try and get pictures now and again of these things I see there but they might be rare. Taking pictures is frowned upon in the gym community, even though you will see some of the funniest shit at a gym.

From there we drove on over to our other favorite place....Barnes and Knoble. The wife unit wanted some book....no clue to what it was and I found that they now have a whole section dedicated to the works of Hunter Thompson! I got the one he wrote about his time with the Hell's Angles. I have yet to start it, I have 2 books that I have to finish first and then I will take that wild ride....i cannt wait. And while we where roaming about Seth handed me the strangest book he found at his eye level:



It would seem that now, not only is he a self absorbed musicians but he also a narcissist me me all about me NYC Best seller poetry writer. The title was catchy, the poetry was entertaining but it was nothing amazing. It reminded me of a few blogs I have stubbed upon; written by emo enthralled teen girls who can not understand why mommy does not get their needs. Or see why they have to go to school and be part of this conformist part of nazi propaganda! We are different, we do not conform we are all different and fit into no mold.....but yet you can pick them out of a crowd by their emo uniform they wear. Come on....tight tight pants, raccoon eyeliner, greasy hair, nose rings, fish net arm warmers and that whiter than Elmer's glue skin, that really isnt all that original. Back in the day we called it goth.....now emo is the gayed-up version of what I saw and was back in the day!

Wow that was actually fun to type....i need to rant about nothing more often!

Happy Hump Day people......by the way tomorrow the wife does her cap and gown thing at the PNC Arts Center....many pictures to cum!

11 comments:

Danielle said...

omg the " im fat fuck off picure" has me rollen. i just laughed out loud at work lol. i need to get back to he gym or ima look like her!

Martini said...

Hey, maybe the tat-boy was the CEO of the intake/exhaust company! Too bad he got his ink at Walmart's discount tattoo booth.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I haven't been to a gym in ages. My daughter and I keep thinking about joining one in town that is only $12 a month. Need to go in there and check it out first though.

~Sheila~ said...

Those Cougars are bold. I'd prefer to keep my wanna be cougar ass at home.

Have you checked out Dom's new look lately?

P.S. my verification word is....Horing.
Just thought I'd let you know.

Congrats to the wife for her achievements!!!
Next....

Breigh said...

I'm one of those who really doesn't like going to the gym, and boy does it show haha I have a lot of weight to lose but I HAVE tried going to the gym and it was a disaster. I went together with my husband and the personal trainer guy made a few comments that made me want to get up and leave, after punching him in the nut. I went once and never went back, but still had to pay for 6 months.

Now I don't want to join another gym because I'm afraid it'll be the same and I'll end up paying for something I won't use.

Prunella Jones said...

I wanna be a cougar when I grow up. Right now I'm just a slacker. I mostly watch TV while walking on the treadmill for an hour and call it a day.

Very true about the warriors though.

Prunella Jones said...

Shit, I meant to say very true about the douches. There are tons at my gym.

Ranger Tom said...

Phil, where'd you get that picture of my ex-wife?

Becky said...

I love that last picture! I need to go work out! I need to quit saying I need to go work out and just go do it! Now I'm frustrated, Wii Fit here I come!

Mimi said...

Screw the gym, I'm just going to buy that shirt. I'm off for the summer, so I'm going to try to get into shape(at least one that isn't circle). We'll see, maybe I can get rid of these useless fun-bags that hubby won't let me have reduced.

honkeie2 said...

danielle: and whats wrong with her...she is hot!

martini: i was thinking the same thing!

MomT: go check it out, I love the gym.

sheila: I love when i get funy verification words lol

breigh: I am sorry you got the gym asshole. I used to work at the gym I go to and i was never disrespectful to people or made them feel bad. The gym is a place everyone should feel comfortable and at ease. Try another gym, and dont sign anything unless you are 100% happy with the place.

pru: can I be you male escourt when you become a cougar? Hell I will be your stripper poll washer today!

rangerT: I cannt tell you she told me not to tell you!

becky: Like all home gyms, its only as good as the number of times you use it!

mimi: no not the fun bags!