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About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Credit card love

Yesterday I was in need of a water bottle. I had left mine at home and I had to get my daily intake for my weight managment program. I went over to the vending machine but they wanted 1.25$ for a small bottle. No freakin way, and besides they dont take credit cards. So I got off my lazy butt and drove over to the store. I was going to bring some change but I forgot so I ended up spending .69cent on my credit card.

So I whipped out my plastic money that I always have with me to buy this 1.5 liter bottle of water. Not only am I a fruggal bastard but I am also evil. I know that the smaller stores make you spend at least 10$ if you want to use credit. But the larger stores dont care about the fees because they know at the end of the day they will make more than enough to cover charges that jackasses like me run up.

I then took a run over to the local goo-goo bar for their lunch buffet deal, and to my delight they installed the new card swipes. I think all the strip joins will be soon following this trend, but they might also want to have some anti-bacterial cards wipes. That stripper smell might be a dead give away to the little woman where I spend my luch hour.

After that I took a run to another store in the hopes that the cuite sales girl in the Hello-Kitty department was still there. She said she was going to hold somethings for me. My collection is almost complete, all I am missing in the CumDrop Kid doll and the Hello Pootang plush Kitty. But to my disamy she came down with a case of the clap and had to take the day off to go to the clinic. What I came face to face with cured me of my love of all that is Hello-Kitty. And to make matters worse she touched my credit card and has forever tainted it.

To try and cheer myself up a little I strolled on over the MILF's to buy the little woman a large beaded necklace that has a dual purpose. Lets just say when its all said and done you might not want these things around your neck. The ladies at the counter are always happy to see me and were over joyed to show me thier new card swipe. It was not as intertaining as the goo-goo bars but it still got me to smile. And from the looks I got from the sales lady they too loved tit.

After that I took a stiffed leg walk over to the internet cafe to try and buy something for the brother in law. He has another 3 years in the navy so I was looking for something to 'raise' his spirits. So, I bought him an internet date. More like call girls for the 21ft century. You give them what you want, a credit card number and you pick from a list of women. I looked under girls named 'Kim' he seems to have a thing for 'Kim's'. The first one they spit back was a real nice girl with real good heart. She registered a '10' on the personality scale and said she was will to try anything once, maybe twice if the price was right. But I dont think he would have gone for her.

I fine tuned my search a little and found another one that I think could wash out all that built up testosterone. She loved walks on the beach, taco bell, and mentioned something about being able to suck the chrome of a trainer hitch. I am not sure what she was getting at but I think he could find out for me and tell me later. So I bought this little hottie from

I then took a drive over to my local ink spot to see about get some ink. I did not have the time to get it done but I gave them my credit card, and hoped this fat hairy dude did not have the new card swipe machines, and left a deposit on my future tattoo. Luckily for me he did not violate my card and I head off to work.

I love credit cards, there is very little you can not buy with it these days. About the only thing I can not buy with this wonderous plastic magic wond is street drugs. But I do not think it will be long before the every day street peddler get his hands on a verson of the 'Stripper-Swipe' and yes I now have the copy rights to that name so fuck off....its mine!


Cinderella said...

Your days are very interesting. The things money can buy...

Nikky said...

That's great, sounds like you had fun! I use my debit card for EVERYTHING anymore, I just don't carry cash. Just don't need to, everyone takes cards (as you just proved!)

Evil Pru said...

Dude, no problem just email me your credit card number and I will mail you some drugs. Really good weed(s) from Northern California(my backyard) and a brand new tube of glue, never been sniffed! But wait! There's more! Email me within the next twenty minutes and I'll throw in a bedazzler, absolutely free! What are you waiting for?

morbid misanthrope said...

My favorite Hello Kitty character is Keroppi. He's a happy little froggy.

My favorite episode of Hello Kitty is the one where Keroppi finds out all of his woodland friends have been dissecting his cousins in biology class at the Hello Kitty Town School. He invites all of them to his pond for a tea party and poisons them. They all wake up tied to chairs, and Keroppi tortures them for three days before drowning them, one by one, in their own waste. What a great show.

Miss 1999 said...

*LOL* Once again, you've given me the best laugh of the day! I think you can get pretty much whatever you want, or don't for that matter-- with the precious plastic!

honkeie2 said...

Cinderella: you should see my nights.

nikky: cash, whats dat?

evil: sure and i will give the times and days I will be on vacation and where I had my jewels.

morbid: asian cartoons have the funniest plot twist dont they?

miss: just about, how much would playboy have to fork over for you to pose for them? I would take about 100 for me from playgirl lol

Martini said...

Totally sweet post.

Plus, if you use plastic, you can always tell those little pukes selling chocolate covered nuts for $16.00 per box that you don't have cash. "You don't take Visa? Oh, I'm sorry little 4 year old girl."

Carie said...

lol you live one wierd life lol ;) nah just kidding...looks like you had alot of your post shows lol

Becky said...

You goofy bastard! I use my debit card everywhere, and I usually get out 20 each time... That way hubby doesn't know... I'm so sneaky!

'ka said...

it's priceless... :D