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About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Monday is my day of rest....

As you can see I shaved my head this weekend. And no I was sober when it happened, cannt i stayed that way but it was something done with a clear head.
The weekend was busy as usual, we had a baseball game on Saturday. The kids are all doing so much better, I really need to get someone to video tape it. It is just too funny for words.
Then we had a little barbq and liquid adult refreshments. Orange vodka and red bull to be precise. And lets just say I enjoyed it to the max. Nothing bad happened but I did wake up at 0500hrs on Sunday morning on the couch feeling a little confused. I thought, 'oh shit what did I do that landed me here!'
But to my relieve, it was just the last place I landed when my lights went out lol.
And that is also the time I decided my drinking needs to take a break. It used to be what I did when I was stressed but it does not seem to be helping me much. It was a relief to let go of it but it is still there. And will probably be there for sometime. I do have a confession about another vice I have started back up. Smoking, I know I know I will stop soon but for the time it is all I can think of doing when I feel the vibe crawling up my back.
I will say that it is a relationship issue that I am working on and it isnt earth shattering but it is still something that is being worked on. I just think I need to get away, I dont know where but just somewhere. And I know the problem wont go away when I come back I just want to go some place quiet to be alone for a while. I used to think if I had the chance I would have list of places to go, and now that I actually have the chance to go anywhere, there is no place I want to go. I started looking up places like Amstradamn (I know I butched that spelling) or some place closer. But all I keep coming back to is I really do not want to go anywhere where there at tons of tourist. I feel if I had to put up with that nonsense I would probably kill someone. Camping is starting to look pretty good right about now but even that I dont know if I want to. I am on a quest to reconnect with me, it is the only thing I have at the moment to go on. I have been thinking of taking up rock climbing again, but that will have to wait a few weeks until i am done with this smoking issue I have gotten back into and school.
I am putting the smokes down soon they are not helping me in the long run either but they are like an old friend and right now that is probably what I need above all. That is probably also why I come here, I have some of the coolest friends here too bad you are all so far away.
I am lost and really need to find my way again. I know everything will be cool in the end; the kids are healthy and happy, school sucks but it will always suck, I am still married with no intent of ever changing that, but it is time I take a step back from what has been going on. I can feel it pushing me farther and farther to a place I do not want to go to. Idile hands, are the devils workshop......these are words that ring true over and over again. A wondering mind can be a dangerous place. That is why I am putting on the breaks on a lot of things. And taking control over all that I have posted about in these past few weeks.
Today is a new day with new hope, lets see how it pans out.


scargosun said...

Rock on. I need to reconnect too but life keeps getting in the way.

Hammy said...

Pic looks a little too Limp Bizkit lead singer, Fred Durst, like for comfort.