As you can see I shaved my head this weekend. And no I was sober when it happened, cannt i stayed that way but it was something done with a clear head.
The weekend was busy as usual, we had a baseball game on Saturday. The kids are all doing so much better, I really need to get someone to video tape it. It is just too funny for words.
Then we had a little barbq and liquid adult refreshments. Orange vodka and red bull to be precise. And lets just say I enjoyed it to the max. Nothing bad happened but I did wake up at 0500hrs on Sunday morning on the couch feeling a little confused. I thought, 'oh shit what did I do that landed me here!'
But to my relieve, it was just the last place I landed when my lights went out lol.
And that is also the time I decided my drinking needs to take a break. It used to be what I did when I was stressed but it does not seem to be helping me much. It was a relief to let go of it but it is still there. And will probably be there for sometime. I do have a confession about another vice I have started back up. Smoking, I know I know I will stop soon but for the time it is all I can think of doing when I feel the vibe crawling up my back.
I will say that it is a relationship issue that I am working on and it isnt earth shattering but it is still something that is being worked on. I just think I need to get away, I dont know where but just somewhere. And I know the problem wont go away when I come back I just want to go some place quiet to be alone for a while. I used to think if I had the chance I would have list of places to go, and now that I actually have the chance to go anywhere, there is no place I want to go. I started looking up places like Amstradamn (I know I butched that spelling) or some place closer. But all I keep coming back to is I really do not want to go anywhere where there at tons of tourist. I feel if I had to put up with that nonsense I would probably kill someone. Camping is starting to look pretty good right about now but even that I dont know if I want to. I am on a quest to reconnect with me, it is the only thing I have at the moment to go on. I have been thinking of taking up rock climbing again, but that will have to wait a few weeks until i am done with this smoking issue I have gotten back into and school.
I am putting the smokes down soon they are not helping me in the long run either but they are like an old friend and right now that is probably what I need above all. That is probably also why I come here, I have some of the coolest friends here too bad you are all so far away.
I am lost and really need to find my way again. I know everything will be cool in the end; the kids are healthy and happy, school sucks but it will always suck, I am still married with no intent of ever changing that, but it is time I take a step back from what has been going on. I can feel it pushing me farther and farther to a place I do not want to go to. Idile hands, are the devils workshop......these are words that ring true over and over again. A wondering mind can be a dangerous place. That is why I am putting on the breaks on a lot of things. And taking control over all that I have posted about in these past few weeks.
Today is a new day with new hope, lets see how it pans out.