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About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Free Therapy.....

I would like to thank all those who sent me messages and emails about these stressful times. Things are getting better and everything will be ok, and thanks to the fact I am done with my art paper does help but I still have one more to write but it really isnt a hard one.

Much of my stress has been self induced, my emotion have taken hold and I let them get the better of me. I have come to terms with this and decided it is time to bring them back in check. I dont want to turn them off as I have in the past, and yes one can do it when so inclined. But going around void of feelings is not a way to be.

I have been thinking about that movie: 'Equilibrium' with Christian Bale. If you have not seen it go get it, if you like the 'Matrix' then you like this one. In the movie; society has found the true root to mans injustice to man, emotions. So that found a way to suppress them to the point that no one acts out or responds to emotions. It is a bit far fetched but it does make sense. Crimes of passion, hate, lust and want are no more. I dont want to go to that extreme but I do wish I could turn them down. Emotions are often irrational and lead to making rash decisions because of a feeling.

The other night I wish I could have turned mine off and let things be, I was in a situation where my emotions put me in a place I have not been in a very long while. I was mad, no I was pissed beyond understanding. I cannt even remember a time I was that mad, at anything. I wont go into what set it off, it comes from a place I dont want to go into yet. But again my emotions went off like a gas fire and I could not stop it. I could not sleep and I was so wired up I did not even know what to do with myself.

And in hind sight it really should have not gotten that bad. That was the moment I decided to put my emotions in check, meditation and breathing techniques will be my tools. Whenever I feel the rise of bad emotions or irrational thoughts I just stop and move my mind else where. So far it has helped a bit, but each time I have to get a grip on it before it runs away from me. And when it starts running it is hard to stop it.

I always thought myself to be a pretty level headed person, I never went off on someone for cutting me off in traffic, I would never said things that were on the tip of my tongue in the heat of a moment, and I used to never let my feelings get the better of me. But these past few weeks I have just about broken all of those. Everything pisses me off, there has been nothing but bile and filth in my mouth and my emotion have been my guide.

I am taking a stand against myself at the moment, I am at war with what is festering and I shall win. We are our own worst enemy, the worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves and then try to make others believe as well. I am done with the lies and done with feeling like crap.

And here is one more tool I have been using on a daily basis to calm this green headed monster I have been dealing with. I dont feel like going into what it is, I was introduced to by my wife and her Uruguaina family and man does it help. If you want more info watch this video. The guys here seem a bit limp wristed but oh well, to each his own lol:<


Steph said...

chill dude ;)

it'll pass... it'll level off :)

Now I gotta go check out this yerba shiz you speak of...

scargosun said...

Don't try to suppress your emotions too much or you forget how to use them correctly...take it from me.

Breigh said...

I have a tool too, it's called chocolate :)

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Finally I can comment! I always read blogs at work and yours brings up the "you might get in trouble for looking at crap" button! Anyhow, sounds like you are going through a time and need a vacation. I hope things calm down for you soon.