About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Happy Vacation

I am in the home stretch for my vacation. Nothing big just some time away from it all. I hope to drink too much, try not to eat too much, take tons of pictures and just be lazy. I have not been to Wildwood beach in yearssssss. Hell the last time I just drove through, did not even stop. And the time before that was in 1994 with an ex girl friend. It was the year I wore my fav teeshirt that I am sure my mom threw out on me...it read 'Silly Faggots Dicks are For Chicks' I thought it was funny, and still do!
We went cloths shopping last night at the mall. And I now know why parents going insane by the time they become grand parents. I spent most of the trip talking like this: " No, no, no, will you stop that, come here, come here, stop touching that, get over here, get over here, get off the floor its dirty, no you cannt have any candy, no, no, no, no, I am going to beat you stupid if you dont stop that, get over here, get over here, here, here, here, here!"
At first I thought I was the only one talking like this then I saw a few other frazzeled parents. " Why cannt you stand still for 5 seconds' was another one I heard from a mother of a little girl that thought the tile patterns at OldNavy was a hop scothch game. But it was not a bad trip, the stress just makes the nerves stronger. And if you can spend time with a toddler and not kill them you really must love them. Or you are now completly bonkers and now enjoy the maddness. Which I think I am slowly slipping into that catagorey. I do lovem but my god are they driving me to drink grain alcohol!

I am always amuszed by how exspensive womens cloths are. We went to one of my stores and I bought two polos, about 4 tee shirts and a pair of short and it all came to 44$. Then we went to one of the little womans stores and she got 2 pair of half pants....or wat ever these things are called...and they cost freakin 42$. Haha, who gets the better bargin here? But to all the guys out there, half pants/shorts that are a little to long make you look like a fidget. They make even tall people look short and stumpy, some kind of illision I guess. I saw this one guy at the mall that had a pair of these things on and if he added 2 more inches to them they would have been pants. This style has to one of the worst yet, I can deal with the baggy cloths, bandanas, shoes with no shoelaces (mental patents love this style), giant bling bling, and even using things that were once looked down apon -aka Timberlands- and making them the cool thing to wear. I can deal with some of these trends but some should just stay out in the land of the mently handi crapped (LA, Cali). Men should not be fashionable, jeans and teeshirts- keep it simple. Straight men should not have to handel accessories! I have a hard enought time keeping my tee shirt from clashing with the pants I am wearing, for get about anything complicated like extras. Because guys that wear these half pants usually seem to think they know how to dress like GQ. Lets do the run down:

  1. White clean hat resting on top of the head. Notice I said resting on top of the head and actually 'on the head'. Which is also followed by a Nike sweet band.
  2. Pencil line eye brows and beard. Yes, we know you went to the 'salon' to get this done because no mainly 'barber' would ever touch another dudes eye brows.
  3. Over sized white tee shirt ( white as in freshly fallen snow white) that looks like it still has the startch in it from fruit of loom, that super startch they put in it during packaging. Or they stole it from their little sisters nighty drawer.
  4. The life size Jesus head covered in fake diamonds. It looks like the actual death mask of a savior.
  5. Plain boxes that can be seen throught the tee shirt because the waist line to the shorts are resting on penis.
  6. The shorts/half pants are being held up by sear magical force, most of these douche bags do not own belts. It seems the fashion of the day is to wear them so that the bottom of them just bearly touchs the top of the socks. Maybe they are right, there is a flood coming.
  7. White, fleshly ironed socks.
  8. White fleshly purchased Kswiss tennis shoes.

Now I think I missed the sweet bands on the wrist as well. What I find funny about the athletic wear is that I am not sure if they even have any idea to what playing the sport they seem to be sponsering is. They are somewhat dressed in a way that says, 'I am a retarded tennis player'. Sweet bands and tennnis shoes....? Because we all know if they tried to play tennis in this get up they death mask of ole holy jesus would probably knock out some teeth and those pants would trip them up the moment they lunge for a ball.

Do not get me wrong I love these douche bags, they are fun to point and laugh at. And I know there will never be a person that dresses like this reading my blog. Most of them are to cool to use the computer for anything other than myspace and free porn. Because this group of socially inept nebbish jack offs can not really read big words or use a dictionary. So I can blog without fear of being maced with cheap colonge.

But I am off to tie up a few loose ends before I hit the ground running. I have too much to get to before I take off for my vaction......I am outie peeps :-D RAMBLE ON!

8 comments:

Mimi said...

I wish I could telling you that shopping with kids gets easier, but I would rather shop with toddlers, than my 15 year old. I get so pissed by the time I'm done that I really contemplate having an abortion, but it's 15 years too late and it would be considered murder now. Have fun on vacation.

morbid misanthrope said...

"Men should not be fashionable..."

Goddamn right. Well said. Real men don't go in for that bullshit. Like some homo from Europe should be in charge of picking clothing for way-hetero American men.

Every morning, I kill a wild animal and dress in its flesh and fur. Bam. That's it. No pinstripes, no cufflinks, and no jewels. It's manly and cost effective.

Anonymous said...

I have 4 sons..no problem shopping.
I don't bring them!! levis and pocket T's are the uniform of the day. They have a choice, wear what I provide, get a job and buy your own or, go nakked. sounds harsh perhaps but, life isn't fair...they need to get used to it.

Dan said...

I am always amuszed by how exspensive womens cloths are.

Yeah, me too. I'm constantly reminded of this when the Visa bill comes at the end of the month. :)

Martini said...

I like to wear a kercheif around my delicate neck.

guttergirl said...

Sounds like you would have loved the outfit my teenage son walked out the door wearing today.
White T shirt with hole in the shoulder, jeans hanging down his ass, shoes that were once white, but now dyed blued from the jeans. I sure hope he had on clean underwear and socks. I admit I didn't want to ask. I no longer shop with him. It is just too painful.
Now my 9 year old daughter is into clothes. I need a second mortgage to pay for it. I have a problem spending $55 on a pair of jeans for a preteen.

Samantha said...

Hmmm, I want some more titty pictures :D Hehe, tis drunk time over here

K said...

Women's clothing is expensive. And I am addicted to shopping. Women's shoes are even more pricey...and let's not even go THERE!