Be My Anti-Valentine

With the enpending doom of Valentines Day coming I came across this site that I am sure all men and women alike will find humorous and full of the god awful truth. We all feel it and we all fear it....Valentines Day. We can deal with birthdays the way we deal with colds, we can handle Xmass the way chemist handle a tray full of the balck death plauge viruses, and we survive anniversaries the way a double amputie survived the chain saw accident that gave him the nick name 'Stump'.....But the one day all men and some women dred is Valentines day. I am going to steal the opening line from the site I am about to show u..........

"Valentine's Day is like herpes: just when you think its gone for good, it rears its ugly head once more. No wonder some people prefer to call it VD"

I hope the owners of this site doesnt bring down the rath of lawyers apon my big old head for that but I had to share it. That is some wisdom that speaks volumes to me and I had to share it. Like that time I shared mono with the whole cheerleading team at my friends school.......What???!! They were our rivals, the cheerleading finals were cuming and I thought I would show a little school spirit and slap down some biological warfare on them. Go Cougars!

Now I am not agaist showing love to the one that is the love of your life but putting all the pressure on the whole world to do it all in one day puts some many ppl in straight jackets. I love my wife with all my being and I would go to Africa and fight off all thos wild bush men for all the blod diamons in the world if that was what she wished. But the pressure to perfrom always makes me feel a little inadiquate. I try I do, but I am not as romantic as she wishes I was. I always fear the 'Why cannt you be more like so-and-so's husband' And my response 'Because you didnt marry a gay man pretending to be straight so his parents will leave him alone about where he puts his penis' Then hearing 'He is right behind you'

That would just kill me and I fear it like the pope fears another NAMBLA memeber becoming a priest.

I also know that if we as a collective society dont support this holiday millions of ppl will be out a job and our fragile economy could not take another low blow. The child-labor in Hersey,PA would suffer; the under paid day labor's in the rose gardens would suffer; and the flower/liqour store owners would suffer. Imagine what would happen to the beer/liquor industry if suddenly ever male in the USA went on the wagon.......No SupreBowl beers, No Mardi Gras rum, St. Patrice day whiskey, New Years Eve Champagne, no Xmass eggnog, No Boxing Day shooters(canadians know this one) , GroundHog Day chasers, Martin Luther Day Malt Liquor, no Hanukkah kosher spirits, No Ash Wednesday red wine and no Easter homemade hooch! And if I missed offending someones religion, race, or whatever let me know and I will redo this post to make sure I cover your dumb ass too. But let us not forget the St.Valentines EverClear......or anything with the highest level of alcohol that will help numb the pain to the face you are alone this year and under normal day to day you are happy with this face. Because since you became single you have never been happier. You are now at peace with the world because you no longer have to put up with.....................

-Someone leaving the toliet seat up

-Leaving crumbs in the bed

-Never changing the toliet paper

-Bitching at you to finish the honey-do-list

-Playing therapist because daddy/mommy didnt love them enough

-Getting into fights with her stalker exboyfriend

-The inlaws

-Having to be friendly with people you would much rather drown in a shallow bucket of vomit by holding their head in it

-The never ending pretending-this applys to something sooooo deep I would need to do a whole new post to cover this one-

-The never ending fighting over everything-again a whole post could be dedicated to this topic alone-

-The cold feet on your back in the middle of the night-guys why do all women have such cold feet?-

-Sharing the covers

-Coming home to find nothing at all was done

-and lastly .....all the bullshit you had to deal with that casue to swear of relationships forever and in the end you were perfectly happy

Now one day of the year.......VD, Valentines Day, you feel lonely and shitty. Fuck that, lets keep the industry going but take off the pressure. Buy the candy, flowers and whatever but for a new reason. Lets put the pressure on the reciever of this holiday. If you are big on Valentines day it should be the day you give up something you wouldnt normally........you get flowers and candy, I want butt sex. And the kind where I am the pitcher not the catcher. And dont give me the old 'If it goes in my pooper it goes in yours next' line. I didnt want to save for a month to get you that necklace and some dead flowers just so you could give me a peck on the cheek and you to say "thank you"! And then hand me a card with a gift certificate to 'Bath and Bodiy Works' in it!

So ladies....and some men, if you lay a guilt trip on the one you say you love because they did not live up to the exspectaions that has been drilled into us while we sleep by Hallmark over the years, Just remeber you did not........

1) give up the brown eye

2) clean the gutters

3) stay down at the Y until the command to stop was given

4) remeber to squeeze the tooth paste from the bottom of the tube

5) put the seat down

6) close the bread up when you were done

7) pick up your dirty spotted undies

8) take off your shoes before getting into the car

9) clean your own damn needles after a night of meth fun

10) give that birthday BJ that was promised

11) cook

12) mow the lawn

13) wash your car

14) get that wax job because hardwood floors are better anyway

15) use mouthwash before giving the morning kiss

16) put the remote back in its place

17) use a napkin to blow thier nose and the old 'snot rocket'

18) offer to clean up after the horizontal mombo was over

19) Sleep in the wet spot

20) keep your promise not to get drunk at the company picnic and end up again naked in the pool playing 'periscope up and down' with the bearly legal life guards.

This list could go on and on and on but I will end it with a few cards you might want to send to that person on VD.

(click on pic to see the site I was talking about)

And my fav.......

Have a Happy Hump day everyone. And remeber if you lay on the pressure be ready to recieve some.........prison shower sex style!

The word of the day....and I shit you not, I found this word in Webster's ll New College Dictionary!

Nuyorican: (n) A person of Puerto Rican birth living in NYC.

I missed a day!?!?!?!

I missed doing a post on Monday due to work issues and other problems....mainly lack of motivation to much of anything other than breath. I am still suffering from it and to make matters worse I took a double douse of some night time medication last night in some hope I could get some sleep. Well, it worked-a little to well. The moment I laid down I was out like Bill Clinton's sex drive at the thought of being the First ManBitch in the white house. That was some great sleep but in the moring I had a mad case of medicine head. And not this kind:

I didnt know this was a band but I must say I like the name!

But on to why I am laboring into this blog, I have missed the 'E' key so many times I am contiplating not even bothering to backspace it. But then the whole blog would look like this : 'on th way to th stor I bought som milk and thn had som sx'

And after rereading it I myself I am not even all that clear on what I said lol.

Last night the sister and law went to talk with someone that she met at the mall. She said this woman came up to her out of the blue talking about 'Mother of God' and some other religous stuff. She then agreed to meet with her at the mall to talk with her some more on this topic. Now, sister-in-law has all the right to go out and about to try and find where she belongs. But......there are alot of ppl that prey on these people .....does anyone remeber Jones Town???

She isnt some wandering retard that has no clue to what she believes or who she is but she is looking. As well all have done, hell I am still looking. I am not in this for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I am in for the rainbow itself. She did meet with her but she did have enough sense to take her mother with her for this meeting.

After she got home I asked her ....'What church was she affiliated with?' But she could not give me a straigh answer. At that moment I knew something was amiss. She told me that they talk about religion and the such, but the mother told me that she skirted most of the direct questions and kept going back to the bible.

Holy hell batman, this is used car salesman 101. If the car you are selling has engine problems always draw thier attention away from that area with shiney tires, leather interior or a great paint job. ( lovely plumage)

But after using some Scooby-Doo sleuthiness the wife found out that she was from The christian science church. Another wacho cult that has some warped views on an old tail. I am too loopy right now to get into a rant about religous deviant but if you have no idea who or what these ppl are go here..........WACK WORLD of GOD

I am going to run now, the fear is creeping in. I cannt continue once that settles in my person, it brings out this strange way about me that I cannt even begin to exsplain. I think I am going to go to the store and buy me some lysterin and get drunk. Nothing worse than an degenerate on a cold medicine binge and I am just that depraved at the moment hahahhaha!

Word of the day: Sitzmark....(n) A hollow made in the snow by a skier falling backward.

Now use this word at sometime in your day to day and you will have a fun day!

Happy Friday

It is that time of the week again where i do a 'Tits Friday' post but if I were to do that I would have to wait until I get home----they look down apon looking at tits on work computers lol----So I thought about doing a funny post with some things I can get around looking at during work time.


This one comes from a simple word, todays episode is brought to you by the letters 'F' and 'U' and the word 'OWNED'.


This is a word that has been used in all kinds of ways but the one that I will be showing today is the one I love. I will give several definitions of what this word has come to be known in the internet world

Owned:


To hold as property; to have a legal or rightful title to; to be the proprietor or possessor of;

Pwnd:


A corruption of the word "Owned." This originated in an online game called Warcraft, where a map designer misspelled "owned." When the computer beat a player, it was supposed to say, so-and-so "has been owned."





The last one is the one I am going to be using for todays post. If you go to any photo sharing site and type in either the word 'owned' or 'pwnd' this is what u are likely to find:





1) The facial exspresions here are golden, she totally owned this dudes nuts!









2) I always knew Tiigger was unstable.







3) I love it when asphalt owns skaters....its such a joy to watcher and not a reciever anymore lol.









4)Well lets just hope it was Paris Hilton's and that she was in it!





5) I love it when dudes do gay shit to each other when they get drunk.









6) I sure hope he got something out of this paddling......other than black and blue ass cheeks and balls.









7) These are my favorite kind of 'Owned' pics....for obvious reasons hahahahaha! I bet she tasted that one!









8) Historical versions ring true as well.......I bet Churchill would have teabagged Adolf if he had the chance.





9) Well......actually I think he got owned hahaha!







10) This one is a little nasty/funny but this one goes out to all those white and nerdy ppl. If Anime porn gets you off this will do the trick ass well.



I am now off to cough up the rest of my lungs. I hope this is the tail end of this crappy ass cold. I am getting tired of waking up at all hours of the night coughing.

pst..........dont tell any one but I had to do one quickie......Have a Happy 'TiTs' Friday!

Double shot HNT....

Its Thursday again and yes I have a pic for HNT....hell I have two! Go me! The first one comes from the most comfortable place in the whole house.....our bed. Here we have WeeMan in his new Nemo jammies, Cheese and the wife unit-and yes she is nude under her cloths, arent we all :D - Notice WeeMan has a death grip on the reomote, you have to start them early.



The second one is of me on the Gazzle. Sick or not I still get some type of workout in. I was only able to get in 5 mintues before the cough fits set in. I am always socked at how hairy I am when I see pics of me topless. And now you see why I shave every summer lol. I have also learned that there is nothing but info-mercials on at 0530 in the morning. I had to put the news on because it was the only channel that wasnt trying to sell me penis enlarging pills or some new machine that will give me flat abs in just 3 minutes a day. And you know I would love to have all of these things but you cannt bullshit a bullshitter.....putting a lab coat and a stethoscope doesnt doesnt make them a doctor nor does it mean I will believe them at face vaule.



I am still sick and much need of sleep. I took some nyquil night time stuff and boy do I feel werid today. It did help the cough, up to about 0300 in the morning. I am going to end this post now, I have dozed off about 20 times in typing this post, and backspaced so many times I have lost count. This isnt even the good medicine head feeling, this is the 'I am asleep with my eyes open' feeling......ugh i hate colds!

(Translated) Angry German Kid - Correct Translation

I saw this some time ago but thanks to youtube I can share the joy with everyone! This is why prozac does so well in the states. They show this to parents and tell them if they dont give their kids drugs this is what happens.