feeling stoopid: Training in Florida 2008 part one.....

I went to Florida for some training, and since I have no desire to have anyone finding my blog by typing in the name of the company you can find it in the first picture.

The training itself was not hard, it was for 8 hours for two days which was not enough in my book. All I really walked away with was an over view of how the system worked, it was supposed to be a class to teach us how to do data entry and operations. The guy teaching it was not bad but he was more technical than teacher. If you knew the software before hand he would have probably made more since but going in cold he was a bit confusing. It must have been to much for the girl in the bottom right hand corner of the picture below, because half way through the first day she got up and left and never came back.

But they bought us lunch and I got to chase snakes and lizards on the breaks. It was really hard to get up close to these fuckers, they were fast as hell!

But the best part about going on training for work is that my company always goes to the nicest hotels! This time we stayed at this Marriot-resort, with a 18 hole golf course, spas, 3 pools, 7 bars (and yes I counted them), 2 in house restaurants and all kinds of other things to spend more money on. We ate at the sushi stake house the first night and unfortunately I forgot my camera that night. I love watching clowns make me my food!

I was on the 16 floor and got to ride the glass elevator to my room. It was like a ride, it went up fast and went down even faster! I loved going up to the 26th floor and then going down to the lobby, what a rush! And yes I did it over and over again!

I had to take some random touristy pictures of nothing, come one now....its Florida!

Here we are on the 8th floor looking down......

5th floor looking down on sum summer hotties, and from the looks of it they are taking pointless pictures of nothing as well!

It took a lot of restraint on my part not to throw nastiness from my balcony just to watch it splat on the glass.

There were several shops throughout the hotel where you could spend $5 on a soda or hundreds on crap dust collectors, aka-souvenirs.

Going up!

Then we have the room that I attacked on a nightly basis. It was clean, spacious and had a hidden evil within it!

May I present to you: The Hotel Mini Bar! At first I had no idea what the hell this was. I was tempted to pull the tab to see but I used my wittle brain a little and pulled the TV/dresser/mini bar away from the wall to see what was in this little area. I saw the coils of a mini fridge and new that little red tab was a trap! If you pulled that tab you now owe the hotel the price of that mini bar. The odds are even if you only wanted to look, by you pulling that tab you now were responsible for paying for it!

Now in Florida they push booze on you like an After School Special would by using peer pressure. The first thing they hand you at any restaurant was a damn drink menu! And it was not cheap, I had 2 gin and tonics one night and that came to 15$!!!! 5more bucks and I could have gone to a happy store here in Elizabeth and put my self into a coma! I find it funny that Americans view drinking and smoking as socially acceptable but they are the leading cause of death, broken families, cancer and waking up next to ugly women/men! Not only is it excepted it, it's glorified and made the norm, almost everything around us has been the cause of, the result of or the workings of some alcohol related reasoning.

Did you know that the reason there are 18 holes in golf is because back in .....1800....whatever, some duke, king or very important inbreed royalty set it up that way because that was the number holes it took for him to finish his favorite bottle or hooch? Did you know back in the early days of the American settlers people drank more beer than water because the water was not safe to drink? Or how about the fact that almost every great author, painter or genius every known to man was a alcoholic. Can you name any great writer who was a sober clean cut man?

But you know what who cares, I drink to get drunk too and dont give a fuck. One of my up coming post will show just what I mean. We took the wife out for her 30th birthday and I ended up drinking more than her, I did not get smashed but I did have a good buzz on!

Now like I said the hotel had 3 pools, very nice ones too! I was going to go swimming but I was all alone and felt weird going into a pool full of families all alone. My name isnt Micheal Jackson now! I ended up going to the gym all the days we were there. Which was nice, a little small but the equipment was new.

I do have a small concern about hotels and their picks of books to give their guest. Why do they insist on giving us the book according to man and the book according to man again, just revised a little.

"Yes I am here with my Asian trannie hooker can i get the bible free room?"

I am all for freedom of religion, I dont care which version you subscribe to, if it makes you happy then who am I to say anything. But if you are going to put books of a religious nature you had better get all areas covered. I am sure not everyone shares my view on the different areas of imaginary friend worship and would probably take offense to seeing this books.

I would just think if someone is going to be reading these type of books on vacation the odds are the brought their own. When was the last time you heard this:

"Oh hunny, we forgot to pack our bible!"

"That's ok dear they always have one in the night stand so we can bless our booze induced depravity before I administer the shocker. And then we can damn the heathens for the nastiness they do in their bedrooms."

I dont know, that is just my take on things. But after downing 4 Marker's Mark whiskeys and about 3 beers I did have a go at the Mormon book, while watching the news about those people in Texas. And I found the passage about their sacred under garments. I have known about that for years, thank you Alice Cooper and my ex from high school on that lesson. But this was the first time I actually saw where it came from. Very interesting, not my cup of tea but very interesting.