Back to our normal ways

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Me and the bruise.....

Last Thursday I was at my wife's job with the kids saying hello. I played the 'I got your nose' game with my son, a game that I have played a million times. But this time it left a small dime sized bruise. He did not cry or even take note it was even there. The only reason I knew of it was because the wife pointed it out. And that was the last time it came to mind.

Then around 3:30 on Friday I get a call from the wife that DYFS wanted to speak to us about the bruise on our son. I thought she was full of shit, there was no way child services was called on this. It wasn't even that noticeable! But sure enough the school did, the DYFS worker was at our house in less than an hour after we were notified of this. Some children go years without so much of a visit after 15 reports, my little bruised up monkey got the red carpet treatment with just one call;he must be special!

I could not leave work because of the nature of what I do so the wife was the only one available to go home. Now, we are normal people who do not keep their home in spic and span shape so we employed the help of her mother and her brother to run over and do a frantic clean job. Which entailed taking all the laundry that was on the dinning room table to the basement, flash washing the few dishes that were in the sink and shoving everything else under the couch. I never new a couch/sofa could hold so many video games and Elmo dolls!

Now after all is said and done and the social worker is happily satisfied we have beds for our children, that we don't feed them Alpo and that all the S&M toys were out of sight we had time to digest all that had happened. We are not upset with DYFS, they did what they had to do and went away nicely. But I am upset with the school and how they handled their end.

Let me count the ways that the Elizabeth School system shows their fake concern for the children:

1) They felt that a child was being abused so they made a police report and even had the nurse make note that the injury required medical attention. This happened around noon, keep that in mind

2) Child services was called and he was sent back to his class. A child in need of medical attention was sent back to his classroom with no call to a real medical professional that could administer it or a phone call to his parents to state he needed it.

3) At the end of the day he was picked up by our neighbor and he was never informed of a medical condition. Now this point has 2 areas of concern for me. One: A child that has been abused is now being released to someone that might be doing the abuse.....and Two: If he did really need medical attention he was now 3 hours or so with out it.

3) We were not made aware of him needing this medical attention until the social worker told my wife we had to take our son to a doctor because the school nurse made note about it. She took him and got a written confirmation that it was just a minor bruise and nothing more.

4) It is now Tuesday and from what I can tell no one from his school has called to make sure he is doing ok or anything.

From all of this what I got is fake concern and adults coaxing a child into saying something that did not happen. Because according to the police report we got, the teacher said that our son told her that I was mad at him and pinched his nose out of anger. Hmmmmmm in a court room I think this might have gone down as leading a witness, because the moment his nose was bruised it was in the presents of about 5 adults one being an Elizabeth police officer that was at my wife's job working security detail.

The report also went on to say that my son then told the nurse that I pinched his nose because he, my son, was hugging his mommy and that made me mad. Notice how the story keeps getting worse. I am no shrink but I know bullshit when I see it. Part of my rant covers the artificial feelings of concern mainly because all the school did was call a government agency and then wash their hands of it. If there was a true concern here, my son would not have gone back to a home where this alleged abuse took place and a doctor would have been brought in ASAP. But what they did was hand off everything to a third party on a Friday afternoon knowing that they had done there 1% and they were covered. Not that the child was safe or that the medical condition the child was suffering from was treated.

I am tempted to send a letter much like this one to everyone on the school board and even any local paper that is looking for a fun story of neglect, professional misconduct and maybe even endangering the welfare of a child. I know there are many cases where children are in need of help and I do hope that someone spots it before it is to late; but this is not even a case of spanking. And yes I do spank my kids, not like the way I got beat but punishment never the less.

I dont think anyone from my area reads my blog but my son goes to Madison Monroe school 16 in Elizabeth, NJ. I have just left the principal a voice-mail, lets see how long it takes for him to get back to me.....Time and date of first call 12:40pm 10/28/2008.

And just in case you were wondering this is what the bruise looked like on Friday:

No Obama No McCain......

I am soooo sick of this shit that both sides have been slinging that I have finally made up my mind that I am not voting for either of them. But since I am all American and would never not vote I am announcing who I am voting for.

CHUCK NORRIS FOR PRESIDENT 2008!




That is right bitchs I am going to put in a ballot to add the great manly god that is Norris! And we all know that if he does win what the world will look like the day he takes office...right???? Here let me give you a visual.....




I will live in the upper part of Ranger, NJ myself.

I wish I had real Photoshop skills, I soo want this bumper sticker!




But enough of that serious talk I want to get into something that made me smile, even more than watching old people fall down! As I have mentioned I am dressing up as a Douche-Bag/Guido and one of my inspirations was this book I saw at Barnes and Knoble, called 'Hot Chicks With DoucheBags' I almost bought it while at the store some time ago but I was not willing to shell out the dead presidents for this douche of a book. But I did sit down with my 6 dollar cup of coffe from Star-Fucks coffe and read while I was in the store.
Well............
It would seem the there are 3 women sueing the makers of this book for damages they have endured since their pictures appeared in it. On lady was turned down for a job because of it, another got dumped and I think the other got genital warts because of it. But what I find even funnier is that all 3 of them are from NJ! God I love this state, well I guess this should teach us all a lesson here. Careful with whom you get your picture taken with, it might come back to haunt you. Like that one I have of me ......well lets not go there I might run for president next time and I have to start up with some clean up!

If you want to take a read here is the link to where I found it, just click on the book cover below and the magic ass gobblin that rules the internet will send you on your way.



Have a great weekend to all those who come here for a laugh (all 2 of you, I love all that cum, read and comment!)
Here is a parting pic and a look into my mind.
I LOVE MYSPACE.................

Panhandlers....

I don't like to say I hate people that beg for money, hell I have give money to beggars all the time. But I will say I hate certain kinds of people that beg for money. If you want my money you had better have/be one of the following:


A) Have a great story to tell, like this one guy that flagged me down about running out of gas trying to get to the air port and his atm card wasnt work. I gave me 20$, it was all I had and the guy seemed desperate. He was either a great actor or really in a jam. He wasnt dirty, offered me his Movodo watch as collateral and was super polite. Now I know he could have been full of shit but a good sales men gets me every time!

B) Doing something that warrants payment. There is this old guy we used to see all the time in the parking lot of this little strip mall that housed a Blockbusters, Pizza Hut, Wacky Woo's Chinese and a Farmers Market produce store I used to give money to. And yes he would ask for change but he would also be out there with a broom and dust pan cleaning up the parking lot. I gave him beer money all the time.

C) Be big and scary. I used to go to this McDonald's that is right by my house but after this last panhandler I refuse to go. I have had numerous crack heads with all kinds of stories scurry out of the pj's ( that is right across the street from this place) like roaches out of a room after the lights were turned on, asking for money. But the last guy kinda spooked me a bit. He was this big, muscular black dude who said he just got out of the 'joint' and was having a hard time getting a job. And I understand where he was coming from and thanked him for asking for money instead of shanking me for it. And the funny thing is if he had of beaten me for it he would not have made off with any more than I had give him freely.

D) Look like you really need it! Some raggedy old guy with no shoes, smells like death and then some, a beard that would scare off ZZ Top and finger nails that have never seen a file will get money from me every time. Come on, a little beer money isnt going to save him but it might help through just one more night.

And I know giving money to them does not help them but I also know giving money to organizations that are supposed to help them, doesn't either. How many times have we read about the head of the Red Cross getting caught using the money for booze and hookers or the Chairman of the Salvation Army selling the cloths on the side for more money to feed his scratch off lotto habit? So what to do one might ask........well why would I begrudge a man the need for a beer when that was the very thing I was heading out of the house to buy anyway! Just be honest with me, and I know there are not alot of hobos out there that read blogs but if you are going to ask for money be honest.
Like these guys I found on the internet:

1) You had me at 'Hey you got a dollar'


2) I would have just went over and had a footeey withem!


3) I am on the look to find this man!




But the people I wont give money to is people that dont even try or they used gimmicks that just are annoying. The ones in question are these two that stand at the corner by the same McDonalds I mentioned before. They try to play off they are deaf and hand you these photo copied sheet of the ASL (american sign language) alphabet cards. I see this man and woman team hand off these sheets to each other as one shift ends and the other begins. But what makes me not want to give them beer money is the fact they dont even try, they sit there talking to each other and then run over and try to get you to give sympathy money because they are deaf. Yeah ok, not today maybe later.
But they have gotten me interested in learning how to curse in sign language. And for obvious reason haha! I found many learning tools thanks to youtube, and if you want you can look them up as well. I was going to link some of them but I am not in the mood to go through all of them. I will link one though, it is this guys ASL video of a Marylin Manson song, and being a big fan of his older stuff (not this recent limp wristed emo bullshit he has been putting out) I will link it. This Is the New Shit ; go check it out; I am Fill and I endorse this video!

Wow, was that a rant or what!?! I think I need a smoke after that one! WooT! But it is now time to get back to work and go take a nap in my car, it has been a long day so far, I started this post at 10:47 am and its now almost one! So let me wrap this up with a picture I took while running out the door today. I started to collect bottle caps one night I was out back drinking with the neighbors, not sure what i am going to do with them I just like the pretty colors.

Mr. Handy

That is right! I am the two left handed handy man! I can break anything on this planet then call the professionals in to fix what I tried to fix. But this weekend my wrecking skills were well placed when I set my sights on fixing an old computer of ours. It was an old Gateway computer that has been dead for sometime. I got out the best tools that any pc repair man will ever need:


1) A pair of sheet metal sheer


2) A hammer


and


3) A star head thingie screw driver!



After several attempts at trying to inter-face with the unit I found that all components were not compatible with my hard or soft ware so I tried a different approach. I was going to just install a few new up grades but after seeing what a nightmare of a chore that would have been I opted for some rage and bang.


I had no real delusions of breathing life back into this bitch, all I was out to do was to kick the shit of it; and make sure no one could ever read the hard drive.


So, here I am doing what I do best:
Phil Mad, Phil Smash!








After finding out that I did not posses the right tool to get to the actual hard drive I went for the pull, pry and cut method. And I think I made it mad because it bit me!









But in the end I was successful in making sure that no one would ever be able to retrieve any info off of this thing. I dont think even the government computer gods could get anything off this one!






Then yesterday we I set my Phil Smash ways on my son's new curtains. But with this one I had to use a little more love. Tools used:


1) Drill


2) Leveler


3) Rubber mallet


4) Razor Knife, for opening the packages


5) Screw driver


6) Wife units eyes and mouth.....for telling me it was crooked and that I was doing it wrong. Nothing motivates a man like a good woman behind him calling him stoopid and useless. Well at least it helps me stay focused.....oh look something shinny!





Just kidding folks, the wife did not do any of that, well except for one 'Its crooked' but one little nudge in the right direction is ok in my book. Also take note of the caged monkey on the bottom. He was laughing at me every time I cursed about banging my finger, getting my pants caught in the drill bit and hitting myself in the face with the curtain rod. Nothing says 'I love you daddy' like a well placed laugh at his pain.





Here we have the caged monkey showing off the hat that will be part of his navy man Halloween costume. Funny thing is, that hat is an actual Navy hat. Thanks Doug, when are you going to blog again you lazy bitch!






But he did send us a photo that I had a little fun with. He called it 'Wheres Waldo?' I found him without any real problem, you might have to enlarge it to see my hot photoshop skillz.











Also over the weekend we had our caged monkey take his 2 year old picture and our yearly family picture. I know that my Zoolander hottness just about knocks everyone else out of the picture but if you look closely you can see the rest of the Insanity Phil Klan. And yes that is a skull rock shirt he is wearing.



I am pretty sure I have posted this before but I am going to show all what I am going to be for Halloween. I am going to alter my final project a little but this tutorial is a great place to start when making you very own Guido and/or Douche Bag. I am going for the double popped collar with a pink under shirt, the Phallic bottle of grey goose vodka and sweat bands; all the rest will be as the guide suggest.



So what are you going to dress up as? And i swear if anyone wears that teehirt 'This is my Halloween Costume' I am going to hold you down and crap in your mouth!