New flash...

This just handed to me....
Barney has been spoted in the New Jersey area hanging around malls and day care centers. This will bring the alert color from Big Bird Yellow to PowerRanger Red! below you will see what the police artist have released as the most acurate picture of him.



















He has taken two victims since his introduction to the Church of Satan. The first was the rape and murder of a stray dog found bleeding to death(from the ass) in a shipping yard in Virgina. And the second was of a young attractive red head that had soo much to live for. Her boyfriend was able to get a picture of the attack before he ran screaming like Michael Jackson at the sight of the newist Victoria Secrets catalog.



















We have confirmed that he is in bed with the darkside and will be out and about. We are in dire need of help in catching this menance. If you see him or have any information on his were abouts call 911 right away. Do not try to apprehend him yourself he is considered armed and dangerous.















We tried to call on some of his old friends to see if they had any insight on to what or where this rampage has come from. We were confronted with hostility and a good many middle fingers. Grover was more than animate about it having to do with the "retarded kids on his show". Grover also told us that Barney has had a long addiction to dust and used to buy from the Big Red.
















When we tried to reach the Big Red on this new turn of events we found this at his home.




















Finding Big Red in such a state we took full advantage to look through his stuff and as it turns out elmo used to turn ticks to make "ends meet". But now he runs the street the only way a street wise pimp could.





















He may not be a saint but the ppl on his street are safe from the evil Purple. Again we advise all ppl to stay away from all things purple, you never now it might just be the Evil One!

Happy HNT

I could not find anything "sexy" for this great cause but I did find a pic of my hobbit feet with black nail polish. This was taken over the summer when we took all the kids out camping. What a learning exsperience that was. I learned just how dirty the human body can get only after 10 seconds of playing in the dirt. I have my 2 year old to thank for that and the 9 year old was right behind him with a close second.
I must say the best feeling carpet ever has to be the moss I found growing next to a stream we were fishing in. I just wanted to stand there all day curling my toes in this stuff lol.

If this can get published anything can....

I have had thoughts of being a writer since I can remeber, but I have never really take any steps in becoming one. I have no desire of being the starving artist or the guy always trying to get published but after I found this book I think I will at least try. If someone can write and sell a book on man on man butt sex I sure as hell can sell a book on about anything. If you have to read a how to book about fucking someone in the ass you really should re-evaluate yourself a bit. I mean come on now....is there really that much material on the topic that could fill a book? Maybe there is I just dont know, then again I have never really given it much thought.
I would have loved to have seen this guys thought process though....
-Chapter one....hmmm....rectal entry..no no...The brown rose....yeah yeah " The way to a mans heart"
I am almost tempted to search it out to see what its all about, but my homo-phob side says no...dont touch, it might turn you gay! But those evil bible belt ignorante voices are sent smoldering back by their own burning crosses. A book wont turn me gay, I am very comfortable in my metro-sexual ways and know I am not. Even though I have been hit on by a few, thanks for asking but I dont think my wife would approve.
So I am off to write a book on the Hobo's Guide to Better Road Kill and How to Read the Graffiti Signs. Or maybe a topic I am more familiar with- The How to Guide of Man to Gland Combat, The Ins and Outs of Self Happiness.

News flash!

Word just in......
Barney the Purple Dinosaur has just converted to the Church of Satan. He has made this change over in hope it can help him regain his popularity and with hopes it will go even farther. He will be following in the foot steps of such greats as Marylin Manson, Sammy Davis Jr., and Martha Stewart.
Here is a photo that was obtained during the ceremony. We believe he had to drink the blood of a tele-tubie and have sex with Miss Piggy. He agreed to the blood but said , and I quote " I would have to be really drunk for that swine!" And form what we have learned here he was totaly crunked.















Not long after that he was seen on Seseame Street trying to get to Kurmit but he was foiled when Elmo showed him how he rolled in his hood. Nobody touchs the green unless they go through the pimp of the street, Elmo. We too have learned this from exsperience. We once wanted an interview with Bert to talk about the gay rumors but we had to have a sit down with the Big Red first.
















Anton Levay, the founder of the Church of Satan, was not available to commit due to a sudden case of death which he contracted back in October 29th 1997.




















More to come on Barnies decent into evil.............

As I sit here at work and see the weather outside my window thoughts of the summer come to me and a little tear comes up. It will be missed and I will have to be content with sitting in the bedroom clutching my swimming trunks drinking beer with the space heater at full blast. Trying to get the old summer feel back, at least there wont be any bugs bitting me and buzzing in my ears. I am already counting down the days until next spring, but lucky for me I will not have to wait until next summer to see the sun again. Next month I am going on a cruise to da Bahamas so its back on the summer diet and exsercise as of yesterday.
I work out like a maniac all summer but come September I crash, and I have crashed hard this year. Complete stop of all healthy ideals and onto the bar and pizza kick. I have not put on any weight says the scale but my pants say differently LOL. Low fat, moderate calorie intake and a shit load of reps and heavy weight. But this time I am going to work out smarter not harder. I have found the secret to weight loss, and it is called cardio. Simple and effective, so stop the bitching and go for a 45-60 minute fast walk 5 days a week and make it an active one. Pump the arms, push your body, make your legs keep up with the upper half not the other way around. With that alone for a month you will see results, but dont lie to yourself and only do it half ass and then say it doesnt work, Bullshit. The worst lies we tell we tell to ourselves.
But here is to this past summer , raise your beer mug and send her off with a heros farwell. Here are a few pics from then. May they make your day as misreable as they are making mine. But better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.
1) Six flags NJ














2) Bro in law in the bar yard puking his Night Flight all over the backyard.














3) And one more- August all tanned and ready for summer, to bad its over :-(














4) Ok I lied----one more of me in the summer sun glorious SUN!