It pays to be handy with dut tape.....

I am doing a drive by today, i thought I had more time but just as I sat down to do this my email in box exsploded! So I will only do half of what I originally wanted to do. Maybe when I get home tonight I will actually use the home pc for something more than internet porn.....but we will see!
-I finished with my last class in the community college version of online skool. I am now waiting for my grades, I turned it in on time why cannt she grade it and post it in less than 24 hours....what a lazy twat!
-I have a whole week to myself with no skool! I am so excited I think I will take a nap!
-Last friday I got fucking ripped like an 2 beer queer. I promise a post on that with pictures.
-My 5 year old has a firm grasp on when to use the word 'Fuck' over the word 'Stupid', more to come on that one as well.
But here is the reason for the title of this post.
-2 weeks ago we went to my moms house for breakfast and at some point smelled something god awful! And of course it was the smiling drunkin midget jumping up and down on his ass, doing his best to make sure his entire bottom parts were coated in his own filth. So we argued on who's turn it was but that soon became a mute point when we realized we had forgtten the diaper bag. We had no idea what to do with Captian Shitty-Draws! But being the resourceful person my mom is; she gave us one of my brothers adult diapers, a pair of siccorrs and some black duct tape. And you know what? I worked like a charm!

I am not sure what he thought of this redneck diaper but you have to do what you have to do sometimes.


Here we can see the end result with the tools of the trade proudly displayed.


He wasnt really upset as he looks here, he is just pissed off because we denied him his beer. After all, every redneck accomplishment desirves a cold one.


I am now off to tackle the emails everyone sent me in the few mintutes it took me to do this, man sometimes (wh)oring for my pay sucks.
And yes I know there are tons of misspelled words and typos, if i can I will cum back and fix them, god damnit get off my back unless you intend on fucking me and then buying me diner!

100 things about me......

I tried doing this a long time ago but I never seem to get it finished....like most things I do. I am just glad having kids was an automatic thing, because if I had to do more than stick it in and then go to sleep they would still probably be in the box half put together collecting dust waiting for daddy to get off his ass and finish the job. But then again you show me someone that is a real go getter and job finisher and I will show you someone who has some serious problems in the closet.

And I know this is corny as hell and a typical thing bloggers do when they run out of steam for a real post; but then again this is my little place in the internet and its all about me anyway! So there :-P

1. I was born in Texas in 1976 and hope to go back someday.


2. I will be taking the test to see if I got what it takes to be a cop.


3. I never really thought about being a cop, I am no fan of them but the benifits are fucking great.


4. I am vulgar, foul minded, perverted, and usually disrespectful to others feelings.....fuck you!


5. I keep a journal and have since I was 8, but lost almost all of those journals. My last one I did was taken when my car got stolen, it was the only thing I really wanted back.


6. I have 3 sons, aged: 12, 5 and 2.


7. I am married, second and final time.


8. I spent my whole adult life married or engaged to someone.


9. I detest all forms of religon, there is a god, heaven and hell was invented by man in order to make him behave, enough said.


10. I am awful at spelling, and rarely use spell check.


11. I view peeing in public as a sport and I have marked almost every place I have been.


12. I go to skool on line-UOP- but I dont trust them to stand and deliver on graduation day.


13. I have 3 tattoos with more to come


14. I like my job


15. I am a fitness nut but dont look like it


16. I love going to the gym


17. I hope to own one someday


18. I have kill things with my car: 2 Squierrls, 3 birds and I am pretty sure I ran over a chimpmuck once.


19. I was diagnosed with ADD but have never been medicated for it.....oh look dust particles dancing in a sun beem from my office window.....


20. I love being drunk but dont drink as much as I used to.


21. My favorite beer is COORS!


22. I hate Buttwiser


23. I like rum, its faster than beer and doesnt make you bloated.


24. I used to skate and hope to get back into it.....at 31


25. I will be forever 21


26. I look younger than almost everyone I went to skool with


27. I use moisterized, exfoliats, face masks and sunscreen


28. I am not gay


29. I drink about a gallon of water everyday


30. I like to read but dont have the time


31. I have poor grammar skills, I tend to make many run on sentences when I type I just can not see to help myself and I often find that I pass out from reading my own work because there are no commas or periods to give myself or anyone else a breather when they read what I wrote so if you pass out from reading my shit you can not say I never warned you.


32. I got 100% on guitar hero last night, on easy haha!


33. I have lived in AL, LA, TX and NJ


34. Since moving to in 1988 NJ I have moved 9 times.


35. I took the ASVAB test and got a 79, the airforce then told me I was to old. I was 28


36. My biggest regret in life was that i did not join the military.


37. I love the beach


38. I have been to south america


39. I want to go to europe


40. I love history


41. I hate being broke


42. I hate knowing I make a shit load more now than 10 years ago but I am still as broke as I was back then.


43. I think they should legalize drugs and outlaw politicians.


44. I think they should tax luxury items like they tax smokes and booze.


45. I think pharmacutical companies will help kill of the human race.


46. I hate celeberties, they are nothing more than pretenders that are given way too much attiention.


47. I think fire men, police men and the military should get paid what actors get paid to play them in movies.


48. I scratch my balls every chance I get


49. I hate body hair, its nasty.


50. I am hairy


51. I trim back my body hair every summer.


52. I have shaved every part of my body at least twice.


53. I have ugly feet


54. I can't talk to someone with facial impercetions without staring at it.


55. I drink lots of coffee


56. I procastinate so much it makes me retarded.


57. I will never tell anyone EXACTLY what I have in my Ipod.


58. I have stolen music, it's called making a copy of a friends cd lol


59. I have bought bootleg movies


60. I want a Monte Blanc pen but to cheap to buy one


61. I like absinthe but to cheap to buy more


62. I have vomited in a goth club, on more than one occasion


63. I can put on eye liner, and still think i look good


64. I think I am a sex addict but only buy from one dealer-the wife unit


65. I like Family Guy more than the Simpsons


66. I like Japanese anime


67. I google ex girlfiends name and have found a few but will never call them, they are ex's for a reason ha!


68. I get along with women better than I do with men.


69. I love this number


70. I always giggle to myself when I see a business or house with the number '666' on it.


71. I want that to be my address


72. I use 666 0r 69 in many of the passwords I use.


73. If I were a Jedi I would have gone to the dark side, they have cookies.


74. I find humor in bodily functions, I laugh at my own farts.


75. I am very vain


76. I stop at every mirror I come across


77. I know I am not the best looking man in the world but to me I am Captian SEXYPANTS!


78. I love making people laugh, expecally women. Their boobs bounce when they laugh.


79. I like round women, skinny bitchs are not to be trusted, if I dont see you eat anything all day and then I take you out to eat and you say " Oh I'm not hungry" you are a liar and a fake!


80. I love to eat and eat alot!


81. My favorite food is texmex, and yes I know that TacoBell isnt real texmex but I dont care I still like it!


82. I find real joy in scaring people. I almost piss myself everytime I watch those shows where they scare people.


83. I like raw carrots


84. I graduated high school in 1994


85. I did not know the first girl I had sex with, all I knew and still know is that her name was Amy.


86. I love pirate movies but did not like the last Piarates of the Carrabien movie. I could have been directed better. I think I was one in another life.


87. I believe in reincarnation and past lives.


88. I belong to the Spark People website.


89. I am trying to loose weight for the summer beach season....I am soooo fucking hungry right now!


90. I once drank a case of beer with my brother in law sitting on his car in the Ironbound section of Newark NJ because we could not find anyone to party with.(And yes there was alot of peeing in public that night)


91. I let my ex wife burn her name in my back, it is now covered with my new wives tattoo.


92. I never do things unless they are due that day.


93. I was an AOL chat room junkie


94. I love traveling for business


95. I plan on drinking this weekend


96. I love taking pictures because I want to remeber things.


97. I feel my that I have finally found my other half with my wife. Its been almost 10 years, thats a record for me!


98. I missed out on my first sons life because I worked 90 hours a week and then missed out on more because I divorced his mom, but he still looks up to me like I am a superhero.


99. Those last two almost made me cry at work


100. I blog from work ALL THE TIME!


101. I am the biggest slacker that became the boss because I was the last man standing.


102. I dont like telling people what to do.


103. I love garage sales


104. I fear nothing but old age

I thing I went past 100 but oh well, I wasnt really counting anyway. I have more but I have to get back to work now. I have to finish my work so I can go and do my skool work while at work. I am almost done with my associates, I will be onto my bacholers in 2 weeks.....then its another 2 years of hell! Oh yeah here is one more thing about me:

105. I hate everything about college. It is not about learning anymore it is about money, the bookstore is run by Barnes and Knobel, and half the time the $100 book you HAD to buy was never used and when you try to return it you get maybe $10 back (But they will resell it as USED for $85). The coffee shops are now all Starbucks, the little student run coffee shop is gone. The tuition goes up every year but you never get anything extra out of it except maybe a new parking lot that only the staff can park in. And on the same idea of college and work:

I can not go any farther in my job until I have a degree. It will not mean I can do my job better or be a better person but they will not promot me until I have it. And they even said it does not matter what the degeee is in just as long as it is at least a B.S. and yes that stands for BULLSHIT!

I did not want to end this Friday post sooooo serious, cum on now its me Captain SexyPants!

On again....

I actually have a moment to myself and look what I am doing...I am blogging haha.

By now I think most people know about Spitzer and how he just go fucked by a prostitute. I am not big on posting the news but I had to post that joke somewhere, come on its funny. And I love it when someone from the morality police gets nailed by their own axe, poetic justice at its best.

I am just going to post pics, as I usually do, and leave little comments about them. But all of these pictures come from my camera and are real. I hope to someday get this blog printed as a timeline to my life in pictures. Does anyone know how to go about printing this stuff?

Its cold and rainy, what do parents do to help out the winter blues? We take the kids to Chucky CHeese! Someone told me that some of these places serve beer, does anyone know which one does?!?! Here we have my oldest, Devon, and the other bro-in-law, Alan, showing what Americans are all about. Shooting, killing, blowing stuff up and random acts of violence. Killem all and let God sort them out!

I went to visit my mom and she shaved her dogs, (please no dirty jokes here) she always leaves the tails poofy. If I ever get a shit machine I might want one of these.

Me at AppleBees with the family, I look wierd here. I never noticed I had a butt chin before.....

Here we have Cheese showing us how to properly administer visual and audibale birth control for any single people in the resturant with you.

And here we see the father showing how to properly handle the situation without breaking out the kung fu grip of ass whoopin in public. Long Island ice tea has no tea in it by the way.....

The original Mr. NoNo's turned 5 on the 7th and here we have the cake, the candles and all kinds of food I should not be eating....but I did! Notice the difference in hair cuts with Devon from the first picture above!

And here we have them doing things that just make you want to have more..............Notice more of the same hair style going around....

I have been hitting the gym, running and using Chuck Norris's muscle making factory to get ready for the up coming summer. I am going to FL on a work related trip next month so I really have to get things in gear now! Cant go to FL all fat and hairy now!

During my last hair cut I decided it was time to remove this mole that has been on my head as far back as I can remember. Everytime I get a hair cut it gets wacked and it hurts like hell, it doesnt always bleed but it sure hurts. And since I got all my hair shaved off and the mole became veryyyy visible; I decided to get it lobbed off. I wish I did a before pic to show that this thing looked like a large white tick on the back of my head, but oh well. I even asked the doc if I could keep it but he said they had to send it out to make sure it wasnt cancerous.....what the hell, you cut it off, its gone who gives a shit if it WAS canerous. I was mine and I want it back, I sent 30 years growing that thing damn it!