About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Tee ball is over......

I have been the assistant coach for my son's tee ball team but now its over. Next season they go to what is called soft pitch so this summer I am going to have to work on helping him with hitting the ball with out the tee. He has a lot of work to do with his catching and throwing but that is what practise is for.

Last weekend we had our last game and all the kids go trophies. They where all so cutie and excited about their little achievement. It might have been made out of plastic but it was gold in his eyes!
Look mom eyes gots me a toofie!


...and look over here....no over here...here....here here here HERE!


That is the head coach, one sucky part of being the only one there is I never get in the pictures.


The whole team.....each one was awarded different things. Like the most boogers picked in a single game, the biggest pitchers mound sand castle built in one inning and for one of the kids from the other team....the most miles run in one game. I swear the whole time they had the field that kid ran and ran and ran. From one end of the field to the next, around the bases and back. I wish I had that energy! And just in case you didnt figure it out, I was just kidding.


One part of the coaching experience I will miss will be the hot teeball moms. And since many of the people here were of the stock that loves to show....even the ones no one realllly wanted to see ...there was never a dull moment. Nothing wrong with a little eye candy as we try to mold the body and minds of a future leaders; and the people that will be deciding on which nursing home to stick your broke ass in! So remember that before you go all ape shit on your kid because they didnt make that catch or got struck out. Those are the memories that will fuel that fire!

Happy last day of June people, the summer is coming fast and furious get outside and play. Keep the blogs short of word and plentiful of pictures!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Sunny day.....

Well its Monday again and time to do a little weekend recap. I forget my camera at work so no pictures, bummer. But I will have one to share so hold on.....

Friday:
Picked up the Devon from the ex-inlaws house. He was in his uncles room playing some video game so I went up to see. The room he was in was the ex's old bedroom, the room that I sent countless number of hours in during my high school years, and the same room I spent many nights in hiding from her parents. It was in a sad state, the uncle is....well putting it nicely a slob. It was not the room my memories held in fond reverence. The blue ceiling that had hand painted clouds on it was busted with poorly make-shift repairs on it. The carpet that was once blue and shag was now.....I have no idea but I would not have sat on it now. The walls had, again, poorly done patch work repairs on them, the smell of cigarettes was almost palatable and the over all feel of the room was that of a crack house. The bed, wait scratch that....the mattress was just sitting on the floor, there was a huge dead tv in the corner and one of the windows had a garbage bag taped to it. And now as I reflect on this I see this is almost poetic, the room that I once went to to pine for a love that was to never be has been reduced to something I do not want to go back to. To the same effect that the person that once dwelled there is someone I will not ever go back to. She is still a friend but what I had once hoped for just was a pipe dream of boy hood fantasy. I do not regret the relationship I took a shot at because it helped me get me to the place I am at now. But as I looked around that room I was reminded of what I once thought was going to last a life time. And it only last about 2 years......but life is all about living and learning and I am a better person now because of it.

Saturday: I had to work which wasnt a big deal but what sucked was that they had FOOD! BAD FOOD! I was all set with my apple, banana and tea but the moment I walked in they where trying to give me donuts and pastries! And then around 12 came the fried chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, spanish rice and macaroni salad!!!!! I had to hang my head in shame because I ate like a wild boar! The gloves came off and went old school bare knuckled fist fight with those trays of food. I put the fear of the fork into those chickens! I wasnt stuff when I left but I did eat more than I should have.
Later we took the kids to the park so I hope I worked some of that off there. We are all still getting over that cold so working out is a bit out of the question. After the park we went to the backyard and hung out, and the I got accidentally drunk. What I mean is that when I get drunk I usually plan on it and set it up. But this is what happened: I had one Miller light, then a went in and go a Mike's Hard Lemonade, then I made a vodka and pink grapefruit juice shot....which mean I took a swig of the pink and then a huge swig of the vodka swished it about then swallowed. I did that about 3 more times. By the time I got home all I wanted was to sleep, mind you the house was a mess and Sunday was going to be really busy so I did not see it getting done anytime soon.

Sunday:
We went to my moms house, but on the way we had to stop at the CareStation to see if they had Sunday hours. The wife had just about lost her voice and was now getting an ear infections. So after we found out there were open until 6pm we drove over the my moms for breakfast. Then we had to drop off Devon to his mother. Then it was off to the Carestation, she went in and I took the kids to her mothers; whom we where going to next anyway and then drove back to get her.
At her moms I spent most of the day taking out all of the our camping gear and checking it out to see what we have and what we need. I put up the two tents we have, one that fits about 2 people and another that could fit about 6. Both of them in where in perfect condition, in all the only thing we need are new sleeping bags, a new air mattress, some D batteries and a new camp solar shower. Which is nothing more that a large black bag with a hook on top and a nozzle attachment. I think I might get a new axe as well, the old one has not been taken care of while at the inlaws house and is all rusted....I take care of all things that knife related!

Now, I am out of time and will now share that one picture that has some people wondering about me:


It is sandal time and since I have been taking care of my feet I no longer have cracked ashy heals so I had to do the old black nail polish to cover up my nasty toe nails. Now that you cannt see my yellowish nails my feet arent as nasty, still ugly man feet but a lot less harder on the eyes lol.

pssss.....if you look really closely on the right foot, below the pinkie toe, you will see something odd. It is a sliver of skin hanging off, while i was getting my camping gear out the the death trap of a garage at the inlaws, a crow bar that was hanging on a nail fell off and landed on my foot. Well just the very tip of the side of my foot. It took off some skin and left a nasty bo-bo. No big deal if all you wear is sandals, but today I had to put on my work shoes so I had to get out the Neosporine and a band aide....I hate band aides!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

HNT again.....

This little addition to the HNT come from one of the less attractive parts of the male anatomy: The Foot. Yes I am sorry men have ugly feet, for the most part. What I have here is a little insight to parts of me that make me ...well me.
I have matching, well I dont know what to call them but they look like creases in my skin. On each of my heals I have a fold that mirrors the other. My mom told me that they where there when I was born so I guess it happened while I was in the Easy Bake Oven lol. If I were to die in a plane crash and all that was left were my feet my family could easily identify my remains....how heart warning is that?!?



I take care of my feet unlike most men, I care about ashy cracked skin....mainly because its just nasty! I use a corse foot scrubber during every shower and I lotion them before bed. I dont always remember but I do get it done for the most part. I dont know about other people out there but if I go for to long without doing this my feet crack to the point of bleeding. But when I take care of them they are as smooth as, ass skin! I have to put a lot of effort into my scrubbing, I mean I scrub so hard that once I slipped and hit my ankle and tore off the skin. That hurt like a mother!
My feet are ugly like most mens feet but I will be damned if mine are all cracked and nasty to boot. I also have that yellow toe nail thing going. That started when I was about 20, right after my first time in the gym shower at Bally's. And yes I blame them for this, but it was my fault for not wearing shower shoes. So shame on me and shame on the scumbag that gave it to me. So this is why I put black nail polish on them....which reminds me I have to do that soon.....its sandle weather!
I hope others will play along with HNT ,its a fun way to let everyone out there know a little bit more about you. Have a fun Thursday people....work is crazy today so I might not make it back here until tommorow......

Monday, June 22, 2009

As promised......

On Thursday I went in the the ink shop for more time in the chair of pain/happiness. I was set for 3 hours but came out to almost 4, which I am setting as my pain threshold! To date this has been the most painful of all tattoos. Mainly because when it comes to shading and coloring the same area will be hit over and over again. And as I look back the pain itself was not that big of a deal, pain comes and pain goes. And by the time it is all over you wont even remember the pain...only the fact you have some awesome cool ink on you!
But I do want to note 2 things I witnessed while I was there:
One:
Two older women came in wanting to get some ink done....TODAY! But they were not really sure what they wanted, only that they wanted something today. They had all kinds of time restrictions on when they wanted it done. I mean, I know you have kids and that we all work on tight time schedules....but when dealing with tattoo artist they work on in whole different world. Yes Tattoville might be a bit expensive and work on their own time but....a good tattoo is never cheap and a cheap tattoo is never good. Well, in the end they left without getting anything done because they did not want to wait. The guy that was going to work on them was getting his shit together but again, they work at their own pace...don't rush someone who is about to spend the next few hours drilling you with needles over and over again.

Two:
While I was in the chair the guy that greets you and gets all your info comes over to my guy, who's name is Reverend James....but Reverend will do..., and asked him in a hushed voice how much he would charge and if he was will to tattoo some guys......junk. I was trying not to laugh in fear of moving my arm but I did anyway.....This guy was serious, he wanted a star tattooed on his PENIS! The Reverend did not even bat an eye, and said:
'$750, 350 for the 'handling' charge and the rest for the actual work. If I am going to spend that much time holding some dudes shit I am getting paid.'
And with that the would be Johnson ink man left. I asked him if he had ever done one before he said no but he had pierced about a half a dozen wieners in the past. I almost lost my mind....he shoved giant needles through someones cyclopes and then had them pay him for it! I swear there are some sick people out there....and I want to meet them!

And 4 hours later we have me:


It does not seem like a lot for 4 hours but believe the only breaks he took where 2 smoke breaks and that was it. I needed no breaks, my job was to sit still, any breaks that where needed were for him alone.


After that I went home, washed it and started on the after care of my new ink. It has been sore as shit these past few days. Of which I will be posting pictures of our trip to Lancaster PA, to see Thomas the Engine and to watch in amazement that at the Amish lifestyle!
I seemed to have misplaced the cord for the camera to the pc but I know it is some where in the mess of a house we have at the moment. We will be digging ourselves out of it tonight so I hope it turns up.....until then...who is next to get some ink?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Happy HNT...

Ah its Thursday again and here I am with my contribution to the greatest game in bloggersphere...HNT, aka...Half Naked Thursday. The rules you can see by going to the side bar and clicking on the HNT icon. But in all fairness it is whatever you want it to be, just take pictures of yourself and post them. I love it when the women show the fun parts and when people post stories about the part they are showing. We all have scars and stories that go along with them.
I am working on a HNT roundup project, I am trying to put all of the HNT post I have done since I started in 2005. I have a lot to go through, I have been meaning to do some clean up on my 500+ post I have in here. Need to get rid of some of the shit post I have or ones that have errors on them. I am not getting rid of post that are bad in the sense of poor quality, because I am all about poor quality. Just that there are some I have found that wont open, the pictures have been removed or the font has gone weird on me. Those post will be removed, just because they are annoying.
I am heading back to the ink shop today to get more work done, I just wanted to post a pre-color picture of some of his handy work:



As an added bonus I took this video at the mall with the cell phone, i hope it works. The wife wanted to kill me for teaching him this:

video

Just in case you cannt make it out, his new word is: Mudd Butt! I had him saying that all over the mall, you got to love kids!
Its raining again here in Dirty Jersey, but at least it isnt snow. Have a great week people, I am now off until Monday!!!!!!!!!!! I hope to have plenty photos on my next post.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Food Porn



As I have mentioned I have cut my food intake way way down. I do eat, just no where near as much as I used to. The winter has spoiled me and made me soft. So now I am cutting back, not starving myself in the sense of not getting proper nutrition. But, there is a difference between surviving and living.....Here let me tell you how it is for me. I get up (around 0530 hrs) and usually will have something small like a cup of cottage cheese or a piece of fruit. Then I will have my morning (2X) coffee and then i wont eat again until almost 1000 hrs. That can be anything from a sandwich or left overs from last nights dinner. Then, if I remember to bring $1.50 with me I will have a cup of soup from the work cafeteria; and if not I dont eat until dinner time. After dinner, usually around 1700hrs, is where I stop eating. The only time I vary from that is if I go to the gym, and then its a post workout shake and that is it.

My biggest problem has always been the midnight munchies. And as of the past 3 weeks I have been successful at keeping it at bay. I do not bring unnecessary food to work, I do not keep spare change at my desk (fear of the vending machine) and I drink water.....lots of water. Not much to eat at work if I dont bring anything, most of the office left overs are found on the second shift so I am safe there. I currently weigh in at 212, which is great I want to do better bit this is a good start. The summer is here and I am ALMOST where I want to be, now if I could just get my ass to do more cadio I would probably be doing better lol.

But enough of my food drama, I will be going to my artist on Thursday to get some more ink done. I have a lot more to go but it wont get done if I am not getting my but in the chair. If I had a money tree I would be there all freakin day. But I dont have one so i will just have to deal with 2 hours here and 2 hours there.

And I am happy to say that my Asshole-itish is almost gone. The wife gave up some maritals last night so I think I have discovered a cure. I am not sure if it works for women as well but it sure helped to get me out of my little slump. I even have a slogan for it.....Got the slump, slap on some old Bump and grind and pump away those blues....now in cherry and blueberry flavors....warning some side effects maybe but not limited to joint ackes, sore muscles, temporary shrinkage of the nut sack, sweating lots of sweating and the urge to eat everything in the fridge.
And since I am on a random tear here some more random thought straight from the brain:

Monday, June 15, 2009

Can I go back to bed?

I could not fall asleep last night...not at all. I finally feel asleep an hour before the alarm clock went off so that meant I slept right through it! I was about 30 minutes late to work, man what a sucky way to start the week. But I am taking off Friday so that is a plus. I am so tired right now that not even my usual 2 cups of coffee has done much. So this post might be a bit shorter and poorer in quality than originally hoped.

Saturday:
This was a shitty weekend in the sense that I got the asshole bug. I think we all get it from time to time but this weekend I had a full blown case of it. And what is sad is I can see myself being like this and I was almost helpless to stop. Saturday was the worst, the wife worked that morning and I cleaned all morning. And boy oh boy was I in a shitty mood by the time she got home. I mean it was just to the point I took a nap and she did not bother me. We did go over to the neighbors house for Sangria night and I did get a bit drunk but nothing alone the lines of my usual. I am not a mean drunk but I was in a foul mood before and the booze just made me not care. We ended up going to bed on a rather sour note.

Sunday:
Was the day of running to my moms house, then to her moms house and getting some shopping in for our trip on Friday. The asshole bug had given way to an overall feeling of shittiness. I cannt even begin to describe what I felt, this was not normal for me. I just did not feel like me, I felt disconnected with everything, unhappy and some what pissy. I kept it in check for the most part and even talked to the wife unit about. I did apologized for my behavior and tried with all my might to keep the asshole bug locked away. For the most part I was successful and even ended the night on a good note. We watched True Blood, which was good but she kept pointing out how this or that was not in the book. And since I have no desire to ever read them, the fact this character did this or that has no meaning to me. I liked it and just left it at that.

I wish I knew what was going on with me, the wife asked all the usual questions as to why this was going on and I had no honest answer. She wanted to know if I wanted to split? And that was NOT even close to what I thought I might need, hell that would make it worse! I need something I just dont know what as of yet. It might just be from the lack of sleep, like last night. I just cannt seem to get to sleep these days, I just wont shut off at night. I am dozing off as I post this, so I am going to cut this ramble short. Let me just through in some pictures and call it a day:

1) Friday at work I was losing my mind so I thought I would document it and show all how bad I was getting.


2) On Saturday I put on Nightmare Before Christmass for Lucas and I found out that the opening song scares the piss out of him. Thank goodness for those leak guard diapers! And its just the opening song, he is fine with the rest of the movie.


3) Once that song was over he came out, with his movie snack in hand as happy as can be!


4) I mean come on now, does this look scary at all?


5) Or this?


Well I guess for a 3 year old it is, and what is funny is that he will ask to watch it over and over again and hide his eyes for the first song every time. Kids are too cutie sometimes!
I am now done, put a fork in me and call me pie....hmmmm pie.....hope everyone elses weekend was better and I hope this up coming one is better.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Warning, I feel a rant coming.......

Yes today is Friday and I am going to address something I saw in someone else's blog. Cario Typo mentioned about going to a opera while out in Egypt and seeing some of the actors come out in what is known as 'Blackface'. I am not going to go into the history of this, if you want just click on the link and you can learn all about it. But her post got me thinking about how around the globe it is still used to this day, and it should. People have gotten so hung up on themselves about what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' that so many have gotten lost in the sauce.

No we should not revert back to the olden days of racial bigotry, those are the assholes who got us in this mess. And before someone starts some shit about me being a racist, just stop. I am not in any way shape or form that. I believe in true equality for all, not just some. And believe me I have met many that said the same but only believe in it for their own kind at the expense of other....and that goes for all races, religions, sexual orientations and whatever else people are hung up about.

This is a post about how somethings in this world are what they are.....face value, nothing more. Life isnt fair and at some point in your life you will be the fuckie....not the fucker. If someone offends you the best thing you can do is ignore them, you find something offensive let it go. This isnt the bad old days, people are overly saturated with pc values and FCC regulations. And if for one minute you think I dont know that you have laughed at a joke at someone else's short comings; then you are sadly mistaken. I laugh at retard, redneck, black, jewish, gay, and even dead baby jokes. And so does everyone else. You have no right to complain about the jester's finger pointing at you if you have every laughed at a joke at someone elses expense.

I hate to rant and rave about crap like this but her post got me thinking about how Americans are still hung up about race. To the point it is almost crippling. I am white and people say white people can not relate, but screw that! I have not lead a life of privilege on any level, I did not get any financial aide for school, I cannt get government aide and I dont qualify for housing assistance. So where is my George Bush tax break? I grew up poor and came out of it only because my mom worked a full time job and went to school for nursing. We moved out of the south for better jobs and better pay so by the time I was a teenager we were no longer poor. We weren't rich but we were well off. So dont go there with me on that one, I have gone without and know all about mayo lettuce sandwich's and Kmart cloths.

What also got me thinking about this was this:

My wife bought this at a local market that carries lots of south America products. And numerous product have pictures like this on them. And how could something like this fly under the UCLA's radar? Well because 90% of the people that shop here are not up to speed on what is racist in America and what isnt. Now I am sure they would be well aware of it if it was some cartoon of some little brown man swimming over the Rio Grandee jumping a fence....but it isnt. And yes I found that funny as well. It is a cartoon drawing of someone in black face. Are they trying to be mean, probably not. I hate being heavy on a day that isnt supposed to be heavy but this was on my mind and I had to get it out. If this offends you, let me know I will keep it up. And thanks for smoking.
___________________________________________________________
ps.....
To be honest I do not mean to offend here, I dont not think anyone has the right to single a person out and belittle them. But on the other hand what one person might find offensive another may not. I find it offensive that I still have to place my hand on a bible when I have to go to court. Even though it is spelled out in black and white that there is a spereation of church and state. But you know what? I swear in like everyone else and got over it. Your magical god of fire and brim stone has no bearing on me, I have my own and he doesnt judge me the way man does.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I am doing a HNT post!

It has been a while since I have done a HNT post (Half Naked Thursday). But a long time blog friend who has finally come back said she was going to do one to.....so not to be out done I am going to do one too. Lets welcome back Danielle to blogging. She was with me back in my early days of run on sentences and poor grammar.....wait I still do that! Shit, the more things change the more they stay the same ha! She went away for a while but has come back, slowly but at least she is one of the few that did come back. If you have been blogging and commenting for any length of time you will have people just disappear on you. It might be because of lack of internet access, guilt, fear, someone finds your blog and gives you shit about it, or you just get bored of it. I almost shut down a few times just because work/life/family/school had become over whelming at some points. But I stuck it out and still posted at least one a month. I know things happen and we have to move on, but blogging is something I really plan on doing for a long long time. I have even thought about even starting my own web site with it, but sadly I have not a clue to how to do that. Does anyone know how to or know someone that can help?
Until then I will just stick with blogger, like that girlfriend you stay with just because she gives great head.....and nothing more.
Any way.....If you would like to play, and I hope you do mosey on over to the little HNT link on my side bar; but to help anyone out who is mouse defunct I will give it here as well.....


Just click on that and follow along. I think I might try to keep this going, I love games like this. Sometime ago I even tried a game of my own but it was a bit to complicated I think. To get people to play along it has to be simple and easy, and nothing is easier than HNT!

Now, I give you my first HNT in a long ass time:




I have been on my 'Soon to be Summer' diet now for almost 4 weeks. I have lost 13 pounds in all. And the secret to it.....eat less....a lot less and exercise more. I found what my weakness is and address it everyday.....FOOD! I am a food addict, I love to eat with a passion! But it does not love me back. I have given up beer, candy, soda, fast food and now I have given up eating after dinner. The only thing I will consume after dinner is a post workout shake or protein bar. And I do like the results but man does it suck passing up free cheese cake, doughnuts, chips, pizza and candy at work. There is always office food around here and I always find it! But we are going to a water park next weekend and the summer push is on! I am vain, I cannt help it. It started sometime ago when I saw someone I knew back in the day and they looked like hell! I dont want to be that guy at a reunion that everybody looks at and says, "What the hell happened to him?" I wont be that guy, not me, and not as long as I can help it.

On a different but similar note we have a new coffee machine at work! One of the perks of my job is free coffee, and I abuse....I mean use this to the max. I drink alot of coffee, I mean ALOT! And now we have a kick ass machine, the old one wasnt bad but it kept breaking and would leave those nasty grinds on the bottom on the cup. This is also the device I use to keep those hunger pains back, a nice cup of black coffee helps keep that monster at bay!

Happy HNT to one and all, I think someday soon I am going to go back through all of my 500 some odd post and find all of them and do a HNT round up......hey that might be my blogger project for next week!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Weekend round up....a bit late...

Another busy weekend gone by, so lets start with Saturday:

We stopped over to see our neighbors to see them trying to put a swing they have just bought together. And while there I caught an amazing shot.....a man using instructions! Well not really, he is only looking at them after he realizes that something was wrong. lol
But not to knock him too much, I would not have gotten that far without them hehe.



And as usual with any large item the box became an instant kids toy!



As the playing continued Seth tried to sit in a lawn chair that actually doubles as a boobie trap. Note, he was not hurt he was actually laughing about it. This picture was actually taken after about 5 minutes of him lieing there waiting for someone to help him.



And with the day comes the night, we stayed out shooting the shit well into the night. And with that comes the part of the summer I hate.....bugs. We have a bug net in on part of the yard and tiki bug torches in the other. The bugs were not too crazy so we sat out under the grape vines with these bad boys burning.



Sunday:
The following day the wife had to work at a both handing out flyer's during the Portuguese Day Parade, in Elizabeth NJ. It was an all day event, she got there at 0900 hrs to set up and was supposed to stay to almost 1800hrs. But got to leave early and spend some down time with the family.
Here we have her and the coworkers:


Now, most of the pictures I uploaded came out in some crazy ass order and I am in no mood to fix them all so here are the pictures of what went on and my 2 cents.....

1) Sweaty hot moms and smashed boobage were every where!


2) And so was the douchie bag factor. You could smell the hair gel and spray on tan hours before they got there.


3) This float was advertising some Dj of some sort and had a guy blowing a whistle and waving flags. I could swear I have seen that same guy at another parade doing the same thing but waving rainbow flags instead......one never knows.


4) If there was ever a Portuguese Princess she had to be it. I am not even sure it is legal to think about her in any way fun wise ;-) ;-) but if it dresses like a slut and walks like a slut....I bet she isnt a worthy of wearing white on her wedding day!


5) I love these guys, they were all over the place. I swear these guys must spend more time in the bathroom getting ready to impress each other than a drag queen does!


6) She was cutie but I was more interested in his car to be honest, a quick press of the gas would have equaled a nice panty shot though lol.


7) Here we have a line up of coworkers butt. Guess which one belongs to me?


8) Say HI to Monica, she is Portuguese but says she cannt stand Portuguese people. I dont know they are kind of growing on me. The men like to eat and drink, the women are attention whores that wear cloths 3 sizes to small and they make some awesome food. And yes not all Portuguese people are alike I am just stereotyping and trying to piss someone off.....did I piss anyone off yet?


9) Say cheese if you like the food!


10) Here we have something I have only seen at a Portuguese festival....grilled sardines. They are good....up to the heads anyway lol.


11) Here we have me sneaking a picture of a coworkers rear end....I hope she never finds my blog, I would be soooo dead lol.


12) People watching is a sport I love to participate in. To bad my batteries died right about here. And yes RangerT, I now have rechargeable. 2 in the charger 2 in the camera!


13) One more of the stand, here we have Marta, Lilian, and Rosa (Marta is the owner of the rear you saw earlier sssshhhhh)

Now I am off to finish up 6 hours worth of work in 20 minutes, I am amazed at what I can do when I HAVE TO!

Friday, June 05, 2009

Ahhh its Friday!

Yes tit is! I must say last night I went to bed early and it made all the difference in the world! I was so assed out yesterday I could hardly stand it. We went to the doc to go over the results of Seth's sleep apnea test. Well, it seems he does not have it so we are now looking to see if its allergies. The doc said it might be an allergic reaction to something in his room. He said we might want to invest in allergy slips for the bed and pillows. Oh well, at least he wont be going under the knife, but I might be going to the doc to see if I might have it next. From the stuff he went over with us about Seth I am beginning to think I might have it lol.

After that we decided to go to Fake Italian Food Garden, aka Olive Garden. We had those 2 free kids meals to use from the last time we where there. We waited over 2 hours last time, got 20% off our meal and got 2 coupons for free kids meals the next time we came in. So it was time to cash in lol. But what I saw there was well worth the trip.........

We walk in and the first person I see is this huge woman wearing a pink dress that was way too short for her. Thanks lady for the moose knuckle shot!

-Moose Knuckle (adj): It is the unattractive version of camel toe...and also used when guys have pants on soo tight you can see their balls, the left and the right.

Well we get in and wife orders a Toasted Almond drink from the bar. She said it was a little strong for her it tasted fine to me lol. I did not get one, hers cost $7.30 and I have booze at home if the need arises :-P

Well, as we sat there Moose Knuckle and her dad or whom ever was was called to go to their table. But after a few seconds they came back and sat down. I was curious as to what just happened so I put my ear to the grown to hunt this allusive moose!

As it turns out moose here was too big for even Olive Gardens chairs! And this is the very restaurant that mandated the chairs they all use made bigger because they were sued for this very reason. Some fat ass tried to sue because he was embarrassed by the fact he got stuck in one of their earlier chairs. But not wanting another law suit or lose the money from fatty here they got the chairs they have set aside for such an emergency. These were the chairs with no arm rest on them. I mean if that wasnt a wake up call there is no hope for her!

I have gained some weight as the years have come and gone but we all know I battle that war on a daily basis. To this day I keep track of my food intake and deal with hunger pains in my attempts to stay thin. And yes most of my reasons are for vanity and to say I dont look my age but the end result is always health reasons. I see people I knew 100lbs ago my own age and they look soo much older than me. I am not saying it makes me feel good that they have done this to themselves but it re-confirms why I am doing it. I have been skipping the midnight snacking and passing over the office donuts. And yes there are tons of them where I work! But dont get me wrong I do have one here and there, but the number of times I do it are far and between.

I want to eat until I cannt stand, but I dont. I want to eat bacon egg and cheese for breakfast everyday, but I wont. I want to drink beer until it's coming out of my nose.....but I cannt. I have passed up the beer for now, it isnt my friend for the time being. And even as we speak I am calling the gym to see if the day care is open to go tonight with the wife. We have been going now almost every other day now. It has become rather regular and I have even got her doing my circuit training routine. We are on again for tonight, I love the gym lol.

Anything worth having is worth suffering for and I suffer on a regular basis for what I have. I currently weight in at 213lbs. I want to get down to 200 at some point in my life lol. I have been trying for so long to see that number, it has been alluding me. I swear i will have it! Pardon me while I go and get some more water to drown out the growing sounds of my growling stomache!

And what Firday would be complete with out some funnies!?!

1) What I like boobies!


2) I totally spit up on myself when i saw this one!


3) I bet she's Japanese!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Shut up!

Nothing has been going on so I thought I might share something I did to the wife some time ago that still makes me smile:

-I am going to relate a story of something that happened to me that I still to this day laugh about. You see, very few people can say they know me as well as my wife does. But every so often I like to through a huge monkey wrench in there just to keep her on her toes......

We were in the car driving, I have no idea where we were going, and we were talking. It was more of a discussion with a little bit of heat added to it. And just as she was about to say something I put on my serious face and shouted , "Shut Up!"

Now I did not mean it nor did I really throw that in there with the hopes of shutting her pie whole but I knew what it would do to her. You see, I am not at all a confrontational person. I do not like arguing or fighting so for me to blast out with this, was way off key for me. I did it just to see her reaction.

Well.....she turned all shades of purple, her knuckles turned white with female rage as she gripped the steering wheel, and I swear I heard a blood vessel pop. She looked at me and the skin from around her eyes peeled away to revile burning orbs of fire. Her tongue lashed out, barbed and forked. And a voice bellowed out from the cavernous area that used the be her beautiful mouth that screeched...."What the fuck did you just say!"

Up to this point I had my serious face on but once I saw Beelzebub I could not hold it, I started laughing at her. And boy did that piss gas on her fire. She began to pound me with one hand and drive with the other. Man she sure has some skill, she was swinging away while the whole time keeping the minivan on the road. I took the beating with a smile because I knew it was coming and it was worth it. She will never forget this day, I would sure love to get her like that again but it will have to be a while. This one is probably still fresh in her mind and would catch on real fast. I love scaring people and this ranks up there with one of my better pranks. I have never caught them on tape but someday I might, and even though I did not catch this one on tape I tell all that will listen about the day I saw the face of Satan and lived.
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And since I really do not have much; you know what I have .....that's right de-motivational posters! I did not do a Monday post due to work getting in the way then family, then the gym, then sleep....I will just do some crappy post today so no one can say I have not been posting!
1) I never understood the ass slap thing, and this new tred has me truly lost for words.
2) I still dont see what is wrong here.
3) How many asses does it take to get an ass in the river to do lay out on this months issue of 'Man on Donkey'?
4) Virgins of the world unite!
5) I still can not wrap my mind around half of the crap I have seen in the form of anime, and this is just another example of it....this might mentally scar you.....
I hope everyone is having a great hump day. I really do not have any plans for this weekend. The wife has to work saturday, the ex has the teenager, and my need to get more ink is nawing at me. But I have to wait and save up a little, the 15th isnt that far......really it isnt...is it.....? We are going the 19th to see Thomas the Engine in PA and also to see what I am calling Cracker Land or aka: Dutch WonderLand. The neighbors have invited us to go so we will be on our way in about 2 weeks. Never been there and I am always up to new and exciting places!