About Me

My photo
I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I ended up in the back of a cop car Saturday....

(not really me just some pic I stole from photobucket and did a really bad job of photoshopping)

And boy was that an uncomfortable ride!

But let me start from the beginning of that story.......

It was Saturday night and me and the wife unit were watching Doomsday, which by the way is an awesome movie, and heard people outside making all kinds of noise. Now, in the past we have had some problems with these kids that we call 'The Delinquents' that live down the street. Riding gas powered mini bikes on the sidewalk, which in this part of Jersey is illegal, and just causing constant problems up and down the street. And on the note of their bike riding, we think the cops took them because we have not heard or seem them riding them in a while.


So, now whenever we hear noise late at night we run to see if anyone is fucking with our cars or doing anything else they are not supposed to be doing. We walked out side, mag light in hand and we see the Delinquents horsing around on the street, no big deal but we sit outside just to see what they are up to. Then all of a sudden they duck down by a car and pop some guys tire. I turn on my mag and scream out 'Hey! I see you!' and the wife unit adds 'And we know where you live retard!' Four of the highly intellegent kids run right past me and my flashlight, down the street and into their shitty little house. So, being the all American family we call the cops and then call the neighbors out for a little neighboor hood watch meeting.....well more like a point and curse session than anything.


The cops show up and take our info. Then an unmarked shows up, dives over to the house and has them all out on the steps. But the only one left is this head douche bag, the only white kid of the group who seems very confused about the fact he is white. For anyone who is going to do something stupid like this you might want to take away anything that might single you out from the group....like being the only honkeie with waist long hair. The other retards I honestly could not have picked out of a line up but the confused white boy was a real no brainer. But the cops wanted to make sure they had the right wonder-bread poster boy for prison sex before they started the beat down. So they asked if anyone would want to go on record for this and I gave them my name. Then they asked me to hop in the back of the car to drive a half a block down to finger Translucent Boy. So I jumped in and found several things enteraining about the back of the cop car:

A) The whole back seat was one solid peice of plastic, no place to hide anything.

B) There was no room for a normal sized person to put their legs.

C) If I am ever arrested dont wear Hommer Simpson PJ bottoms, you will slide all over the place.

D) Apparently people can not see into the back of a cop car when a giat light is in their eyes.


So, I pointed out the guy and off we went back to the front of my house, I sure hope they are as stupid as they seem lol. I was going to get my camera but cops get a bit jumpy with things that flash at them so I let it at home.


The cops later told us that these kids have been causing problems for sometime and the parents do not seem to care. So he told us that he was going to make it a point to deal with them. They also told us they can get them on breaking curfew, I never knew that there was a law on that! It would seem that anyone under the age of 18 is not allowed to be out after 10pm without an adult present. I learned something new everyday, like yesterday I learned that a shirt made of 60% cotton and 40% polyester feels like a rough ponco (my work uniform).


After all that was said and done the guy whose tire got slashed had no idea who these people were or why they picked his car, lodging a formal complaint will help if any form of retaliation happens and you can bet your ass I will be calling them again if I see these shit birds outside after 10! I think I will now keep my video camera charged and go and buy that really big Mag light. The cop said 'jokingly' that if you have to beat their asses make sure you drag them into your house after wards. Hey, they came at me in my house and I defended myself! Ha I love cop humor!


Does anyone know where to get some brass knuckels? I had 2 pair in high school, never used them and never had any intent to use them. I just like having them, and it seems I can get a cross bow, a hand tazer, and broad sword and an gun that shots riot rubber bullets but I cannt seem to find any place that sells brass knuckes. The place I bought mine in NY has long since gone to being a corny tee shirt shop that no longer sells kinves, brass knuckels, I love NY bongs or fake I.D.'s.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

My new hair cut.....

Over the weekend I descided to give myself a hair cut. Not like this clip from youtube, but close~~> My New Haircut. I was going for the white Mr.T and I almost got it, but since I was doing it by myself it was not as even as I would have liked. And it wasnt like the wife would have let me go out of the house like that, she ended up shaving it all off. I am now back to being high and tight!

I am XTATIC!


Last night the wife had school so I was playing Mr. Mom again. She told me what to do via telephone and I did it. I added a little something of my own, barbq sauce, to add something fun. But I only did it to one of the back parts because I know I would be the only one eating that part. And after about 45 minutes at 375 degrees it came out FUCKING-AWESOME! I had to refrain from eating the whole damn thing, when I am good I am damn good!



Now most people love getting stuff for free, and I am no exception. One of our neighbors got himself a new tool box and wanted to know if I wanted his old one. I have been wanting to get one of these for a while; I just have not gotten out to get one, and now my laziness paid off. I can now get rid of that damn bucket I have been using all these years! I hated that thing but it was all I had, everytime I wanted something like a hammer I would end up dumping everything out just to get to it! And now as you can see I am in the process of taking all my tools and organizing them shape, color, size and names. And since I really dont know the real names to most of them, some have funny labels like:
Whappy Smacky Thing
Star Twister Screwer
Straight Line Screwer
Sharp things That Cut
Shinny Silver Bolt Thingie
Pipe Twister
and my Favorite: The Really Big Whappy Thing, aka the Sledge!


Not much going on other than that, I actually went for a jog last night and I have found out just how out of shape I am. I am not fat by any means but cardio wise, I was sucking wind! It took me almost 20 minutes to do one damn mile! I am sore as hell but I will do more tonight, I cannt go running because the wife unit will be in school but I will jump on our home gym machine. One of the joys of having it all in your home is that when times get tight you can alway just wander over and put in 30 minutes or sweating and exercise.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Monday, monday, *sigh* monday!

This has been a rough first week back from vacation but I think I am finally up to snuff. I have vanquished 2 weeks worth of emails and paper work and I am currently working on all current problems. And since it is Friday I wanted to do a little post about 2 things, One: My new Blend Tech Blender and Two: Something Funny. It's Friday after all!
(Take note, it is Monday now I know. I started this on Firday morning but life got in the way so it is now 3 days later)



Will it Blend, that is the question!






And the final result does look a little werid but tasted great. Over the weekend we had a little Margarita time in the back yard so we took out the blend and had fun! I mixed all kinds of stuff, the strangest was Verdi sparkling wine, Mountain Dew Code Red, some werid melon liquor, 2 orange icepops and some rum. Not bad, not bad at all!




Now, these are some funny motivational posters I was going to post on Friday but shit happens. But in reality we all need the funnies on Monday more than we do on Friday anyway!


1) The funny thing about this poster is; over the weekend I joked about Emo Kids with the ex and she had no idea what 'Emo' was. I almost fell over, it was like talking to one of those parents that have no clue to what is in the here and now. She is going to have her hands full with our son, he is 12 and knows alot more than I think she thinks he knows.......I think....lol



2) I dont even want to know where this is!


3) This one is for you Doug!


4) And put some SPANK on it!


5) I dont know, I just like it


6) Sex, it is something very few people in this group will ever have with another person.


7) I dont have a sister, so its YOUR sister I am looking at naked. And your mom, your aunt, and probably a few neices' as well. What you think all strippers are single orphans with no kids?


I am curious, does anyone else out there have anyone that is as clueless as my ex? I mean come on, I am not Mr. Kool or anything but I keep up with the times! I love my 80's and 90's but I keep up with what is going on now. Kurt is dead, Metallic lost its cool after the Black album, I cannt stand Pearl Jam anymore, Rage is gone, Axel became gay, Forrest Gump is still funny, and baggy pants are still in style.....who would have guessed that one?!?!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I am a lazy Bitch, what of it!

Well it is back to the old bump and grind, 12 days off and it seems like I never left! We all went out to Virgina to see out NavyMan off on his second deployment to the land of sand and RPG's-aka:Iraq. That's right I rack and you Rock!
We got to stay at his house that he is renting with some of his buddies
so we did not have to spend money on a hotel, which was cool. It was nice of his roomies to put up with us and all of our nonsense. Two kids, one teen, two adults and one child/adult (me).
The house was a nice, I loved the lay and everything about it. But 2 things I would change if it were mine, one: hardwood floors, I am not a carpet fan-in any shape of the word of carpet lover ;) and two I would need a bigger bathtub! Other than that I would be cool with it!
Here we have one of the adults sitting on the steps of said house.



And here we have one of the many strange things I found in the Virgina great out doors. I also found a frog that I chased the wife unit around the house with. She said if I dont put it away I would get warts......funny thing is not only did it piss in my hands I have yet to get any warts! I let him go before I could get a picture of him, we dont get many reptiles in the part of NJ I live in so I was a bit miffed about missing Kermit.



NavyMan wanted to show off his cooking skills by making......some pastry meat and cheese filled thingie that I have no idea how to spell or even pronounce properly. I speak 2 languages english and bad english; spanish rolls of my tonuge like a mouth full of sand and used cat litter.
By the way, the few I got to eat were good.....being in a house full of food mongers you have to be quick or be hungry!


One of the most fasinating parts of going south is being able to buy beer just about anywhere. The Super Wal-Mart had a booze isle! You cannt buy any form of alcohol anywhere but a liquor store in Jersey, so I spaz like a retard when i see beer at a 7-11! But the down side is they have this rule about no booze being sold after 11pm or was it midnight......well whatever the rule you had better make sure you bought enough the day before!


And with consuming large amouts of beer comes the need to relieve ones self, and what better place than the right off the porch? I have a few other pictures from a few different angles but I am not about to post those nasty lawn sprinklers on here!


This is the computer room, each roomie had their own PC, here we have The NavyMan watching and laughing his ass off to this~~~~~~~>SLAP
And if you dont watch this at least 20 times you suck!


Boy does he love him some tunes!


While we were down there Cheese celebrated his 2nd birthday. We bought him a ColdStone birthday cake, I really dont get what the big deal is. It's just ice cream that cost more to turn into poop.


Now I am not sure if anyone noticed the bandages that NamyMan had on him but if you did he got a really bad case of poison ivy just a few days ago. He was putting all kinds of things on it because he thought it was ring worm. After one trip to the medic he found out it was nothing more than a really bad reaction to some poison ivy.
And from what I have heard it spread when he got on the boat. I sure hope it has gotten better, no Boat Whoes for you my friend until it clears up. Hey Doug how long until them boat-goggles start to work?