About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Wow I am late!

This week has been a bit hectic for me so I have not been able to bullshit on the computer for too much. Most of my free time has been taken up with playing zoo keeper to my drunken midgets, working out, playing Call of Doodie 4 and the usual dad/husband stuff.
But last weekend we did manage to get out of the house and do a little adult parting. It was family night at the club. It was my wife, her sister and her brother; and in 4 more years her other brother will be joining the QXT's tradition! So yeah, we went to our usual place we go when ever get to go out:





Here we have the family: Lilian, Doug and Sharon. I am not sure but I think he is drunk at this point, what do you think?




At some point in the night a red strain of hair started growing out of the top of my head! Red Bull and Vodka anyone....oh I was play the Douche Bag all night long.



This has got to be the best "Why does my butt hurt?" face I have seen in a while



This is what happens when you leave your camera on the bar for a second.





I dont know so dont ask but I love it when people come dressed up! Love the thigh highs :-D



I always wondered what I would do if I ever had to take a shit in this place. So far I that problem has never been an issue.



The parking here used to be run by the local crack heads. Now, I know that sounds bad but the reality of it is you could not have had a better person watching your car. The smucks they have here now, never come out of their booths and if any shit goes down they wont move from that booth. But the crack heads were all scurring about and you mess with a crack heads parking lot and you are going to have one hell of a fight on your hands!


One of them is mine woohoooo...hey Doug I slept with your sister, and I liked it I liked it!



Here we have Dave probing Doug in a way only a navy man could understand and love.





Do you know Luna? You should, with a name like that you know he is cool!


Funny thing about this picture, is that it was one of the first ones I took that night and that was his first beer!




The Bouncers thought I was hidding contraban in my pants so they frisked me; then did a full body cavity search. They were suprising gentle with the rubber glove.



Well into the night we have Raymond, Jenn, Doug and Dave. Now what is going on in the background I have no idea, but I am sure curious how clean Dave's fingers are.




This was also the night I broke my dry spell. I was on the wagon for a time just because getting drunk was becoming almost a daily thing and I did not like where that was going. Sooooo I went all dry for a while but that night the gloves were off and I took to the water like a baby duck! But I was not happy with the 1-51, it was a free shot but next time I am going to pass on drinking lighter fluid!

I am back on the wagon just because booze does not do well with ones attempts at working out too well.
And I also wanted to share what happens when a child that is usually screeching and screaming suddenly become quiet for a long period of time. I got a little worried when I did not heard him bitching up a storm about nothing at all for about 4 minutes. So I got up to go and take a look and this is what I found:



It must be a right of passage or something, his brother did this very thing twice with baby powder and once with some diaper rash cream.
2005 Ass Cream incident:

Monday, August 18, 2008

Moday all ready!?!

Well its monday again and work is off with a bag! I just got wind that one of my bosses has left and that they are now in the process of finding his replacement. Which I fear will not be good, there are a lot of new upper managment people in here and that is usually a bad sign for the little guy. They always try to stake out there territory by injecting in their own people, who mind you have no idea how the office works and will dump all of their work on others to do. But what is funny about all of this is that the people you viewed as your enemy are now your commrades in the battle off the office. Amazing how one common enemy can bring two sides together.

Oh well, such is life and work; and since I do not define myself by my job let me tell you about my weekend. This weekend was a nice with the exception I cracked a tooth on Saturday, not sure how but it sucks non the less.
Then Saturday night me and the missus went out to our old watering hole with a friend. And everytime I go I realize that I really wished I knew how to dance or that I could just let go and not be so stiff. I am whiter than sour cream and do not have a rythmical bone in me but I like dance/techno/electronica music. I see some people that dont seem to have a clue either but I was not drinking so I did not get the courage up to step out on the dance floor. I know no one cares what I look like and hell I know I can do better than some of those flailing retards but I just cannt seem to get into it. Anyone know how to get over the white man dance stage fright let me know.

Here is the front door to QXT's in Newark New Jersey. Good times have been had here many times over.


Here is our friend Raymond and the wife unit. If you inlarge the picture look to your left and you will see something that commanded the attention of most of the drunken men in the club. And yes she only looked good from ah-far.....far far away.


I was able to snap a closer one......I told Raymond that her outfit distracted from the fact that her face was not the prettiest, and he said, 'Face...she has a face!?!'


Here we have one of the few people on the dace floor that really seemed to know how to dance. For women it is easy to dance, do a two step and bounce your boobies and all the men will swear you are the best dancer out there. But this tattoed princes really had some rythem. I was so jealous. Also take note of the Living Dead Doll girl in the back, very nice; and the belly button ring of the club attention whore. She was not bad but she thought she was smoking aces or something hahahaha! I was going to take a picture of her but I did not want to give her more attention than she was already getting.


It turned out it was some kind of video game theme night and they had a game system set up down stairs. As you can see Raymond is consintrating on what he is doing!


This is the only picture I got of the two of us, it is a crappy picture which did not show my awesome shit kicker army boots I had on. My wife said I was only one goose-step away from a white supremisit and the chick Ray was with said I looked like an angry skin head. I am not angry and not a skin head, I beleive in egauality for all and hey we are all pink in the middle right?


This is a painting that was done my the imfomous 'Vamp' he is a ledgend here who disappeared a few years back. He is this old guy that always had the best outfits on, I mean he looked like an extra right out of 'An Interview With A Vampire'! The funny thing no one really knows what happened to him, he was a regular fixture in this place back in my eye-liner days and now he is just a memory.


Ray and .......damn I can not remember her name......fishnests will do that to many men. But the funny thing is I did not notice them until i took this picture, she was rather short ha!


Here they are again down in the Dungeon with Luna in the DJ booth.


Random crowd shot, see that blode in the back? She had no rythem but she did have a really short skirt on.


Here we have one of the many Cougars one can find in a poorly lit place full of drunk young men. I go nothing agaist them and hell she had on one hell of an outfit, but she was a bit older than what I would want to bring home to mom. But hey if I did they probably would have a lot in common, with being the same age and all.


Here is a little spray paint with some of the history of the club. My wife has been coming here for almost 14 years, it was called The Edge back then but same club. I would have loved to have seen this place back in the 80's!


Outside in the smoking area, NJ has a no smoking rule so all self lung mutilation has to be done out doors.


More outside pictures....


The guy in the chicken suit had a batman style utility belt on with the orginal Nintendo game system. The system was the main housing and the controlers and gun where accessories, I gave him 2 thumbs up for creativity. But I have no idea what chickens have to do with video games.....other than they are the things most video games geeks choke on a regular basis.


I was trying to get a better picture of the dj but his chicken wire provided to be a pain for the flash.


Basement bar with candles, crappy picture but still worth the upload.


In all we had a blast and even though I did not carry on the tradition of getting wasted, vomiting on the couch, getting up on the speakers and dancing, dry humping my wife, dry heaving the toliet and let us not forget the "I love you man" banter. But we did stay to 0200hrs and did go to the diner afterwards. I was freaking starving but the time we got there.
We plan on going again next weekend with the Brother-In-Law, so Doug if you are reading this give me a call you are coming out to get Tow Up Till You Frow Up with us next weekend!

Oh, and Sunday we stayed in and did laundry and cleaned.....man we are too cool for this blog even! We live the rock star life to the the max!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Did I ever mention.....

That I love my job? There are times it sucks and is just a down right pain but for the most part I do like my job. The pay is decent and the over time gives me time to catch up on my PSP and reading.
Well yesterday I got some over time that consisted of sitting in a van for 4.5 hours. Now, for most people this sounds like torture but if you know how to play with yourself effectively this can be some of the best spent alone time.
I bought the book 'Fight Club' and had my PSP with my new game 'Ghost Recon 2 Advanced Warfighter'. The book is so much more fucked up than the movie and how can getting paid to play violent war video games be bad?
The only draw back to this site is that it is a bit of a drive from my house, but other than that it is pretty sweet. And just in case you are wondering why I am getting paid to sit in a van and do much of nothing well you see :
There is this fair they are having to raise money to cure death. Or to put it in nicer terms, Breast Cancer. And I know it is a serious illness and millions of people die from it but lets be honest. After all the walks, fund raisers and tax right offs how much closer are we to curing anything but some pharmacies lack of funds? There is more money in easing the symptoms than removing the cause. I am sorry for all those who have lost someone dear to them because of any illness that was not of their doing.......you get lung cancer from smoking you brought that on yourself.
And maybe there will be a cure someday but in all honesty I do not think that is in the cards for any of us. Maybe prevention has some hope but a cure.....nope cancer is cancer. If you get it in you nut sack or if you get it in your gums it is all just cancer and it will kill you. We are all dieing the moment we are born, some of us just have a better out look on our timeline than others.

My job -which will remain nameless- has this dogfundraiserthing they do every year and it brings in buckets of money for their cause. It is cool and dog lovers have a blast, so in the name of fun I guess its cool. I am not much for charity events and i see dogs as nothing more than a possible meal with times get tough. I mean hell, the pounds give away free meat all the time; all you have to do is go down and 'adopt' your barbq!
That is just how I see it, and I know someday I will be a proud dog owner as well. I have boys and they want one, but to me they will just be expensive names for General Chews Chicken and KungPoo with hot sauce. Speaking of that I wonder if the people on the Olympic teams can have dog brought up for room service?

Ok Ok I will stop.....here are some quick pictures I took while in a van down by the river......

1) How nice they gave the giant gay dogs instructions on where to go.


2) Directions for all but no parking as far as the eye can see left or right.


3) Signs that make me go soft and limp.



But in the same breath I am all for saving the tatas.....there is nothing more beautiful that a nice rack! And what red blooded man would ever want them to go away?
And since I have not done a TiTs FrIdAy in a while I will shoot some quickies in before I run to the gym to oggle women in tight spandex doing jumping jacks and pouring bottles of Poland Spring on themselves.

1) I goggled top heavy and this is what I found!



2) I found her on photobucket while looking up pictures titled 'revenge' Not really sure what that has to do with revenge but I will take a guess she isnt a virgin!


3) Here is another picture I found while looking up 'top heavy' on photobucket. This one could have also been named......'Helpless and about to be violated'


I am now off, my office chair has 2 functions. One: my office chair and Two: a laxative. I dont know about you but every time I sit down to type I have to run after a few minutes to violate the tiddy bowl man!
Have a great weekend, I hope more people in blogsphere post pictures on Monday!

Monday, August 11, 2008

My Manly weekend!

Well manly in the sense I went out to do manly things but the acutall event never happened. I went fishing! Two days of fishing and did not bring home anything worth eating......again. It seems this is the norm for me, everytime I go fishing I return home with nothing more than stinky fingers and even stinker bait.

I went on a party boat Saturday with a co-worker, my oldest and my brother in law. It was a half tour for flounder. We went on the BlueStar that sailed out of Alantic Highlands NJ. I forget the exact price for kids and adults but it came down to 45$ per person, and that included bait, poles and a spot in the biggest fish pool. The winner got like 130$, not bad.



We sailed out around 0800hrs and had our pools geared up and on the bottom by 0830. Then the waitiing game began. I have never been big on the fishing but I think I will start, it is boring but so relaxing......if you like sitting for long periods of time with the hope of the actual act of catching a fish never coming to pass!



As time passed I was beginning to think there was something wrong with my man karma because I was not even getting a nibble. But then I looked around and saw that everyone was in the same boat........wow that sounded a bit punny!



It was a nice and sunny day with great weather so it wasnt all bad, and to top it off no one got sick. Inculding my oldest that gets motion sickness from a rocking horse.



Meet Mr. I Vomit From Kiddie Rides @ BowCraft.



I spent most of the day casting, reeling and watching the people about me. I did learn how to tie the best fishermans knot. One key element to fishing: Knowing How To Tie A Good KNOT! If you do not tie a knot that will keep everything in place no amount of exspensive gear will help you.



I had more fun with the people arround me than I did with the actual fishing. There were several women here that seemed a little out of place. I was either guessing they were dragged out of there cheese puff laddened arm chairs or they came just to piss their husbands off. I love my wife with all my heart but a little time away does make the heart grow fonder. On guy even commented to me about them. He said, ' See; they are perfect examples of why we dont bring ours.'




I did finally catch something but it was not what I wanted. They called it a Sea Robbin, it looked rather interesting and it made barking noises when I grabbed it to get off the hook. And yes I did get my hands dirt, a little.



See I even have proof I touched one!



My coworker caught something I cannt remember what it was called but it looked like a small sting ray. LOOK OUT STEVE, ITS COMMING RIGHT FOR YOU!



This is what we were after but never caught. Meet Mr. Flounder, the biggest one caught that day was a 10 pounder! This isnt a picture of it, I could not get to him before they turned him into fish sticks. But trust me that was a big fish!



The fish had to be at least 18 inches to keep, that was the law. They said if they got caught keeping anything smaller they would hit with a rather large fine. Many people caught 17inchers but they were all thrown back.



Like any idiot that saw the movie......(and you know which one I am talking about) I had the urge numerous time to do "I am the king of world!" but I was a bit to sober for that.



At the end of our trip I got one fillet from my coworker's friend who caught a keeper but did not like to eat fish. Funny thing about his friend, he is a huge outdoors guy that loves fishing but does not like to eat fish. Am I the only one that finds that funny?

Sunday my neighbor invited me to go fishing on Staten Island at this peir that he used to go to. He said it was a great fishing spot that had rest rooms and even tables with water spouts to clean your fisht on.
We were up at 0400hrs, like real fisherman and had our pools in the water before the sun even touched the water. Total manliness!



But as the day wore on I was faced with the same problem, different location, different pole but same out look...........NO FISH!



Butt, again I had fun with the people around me. Here we have a 40 sum year old woman out with her husban fishing. She was not dressed like someone you might find out fishing but she knew her way around a pole.....*Insert Vulgar Stripper Reference here*

Now, I am beginning to believe that I am that guy you dont want to take hunting, fishing or gambling because everytime I go all the action just dies. I am great at parties and drinking functions but I seem to be the black ball when it comes to luck. Lady Luck sees me and takes for the high road, probably because she knows I will be trying to take pictures up her dress the moment she gets a little tipsy.
Again no one on the pier caught much of anything. The lady in the white cotton see through pants caught the only flounder of the day and it was no where near 18 inches. But that did not seem to stop them from quickly sticking it in a bag and burying it in a cooler. I saw nothing, honestly I never lie.
One guy did catch a crab so I had fun poking at it and pissing it off before I sent it sailing on back home. I bet he will have the best alien probing story of all his friends. The day the giant pink aliens pulled him out of his house, poked and proded him then sent him flying through the air on an invisible ship that transported him home.

Like I said earlier I had fun with the people around me. I was watching this one group that consisted of one young guy, one young girl and one older woman. I watched them all day and I was trying to figure out what the situation: Boy/girlfriend/mom.....or Husband/Wife/Motherinlaw....or what ever but the more I watched the more I got the felling of Brother/Daughter/Mom. But right before we left I saw the girl and guy getting a little close for brother and sister. At least in my book hugging with you hands in her back pocket is not a proper way to hug ones sister.
But reguardless of their relationship the girl and older woman had matching tattoos. Which in my book is cool and got me on the track that the older woman was her mom. Most people are probably thinking a rose, unicorn, rainbow or something girlie right???? No no no check out the tat that mom and daughter of the Soprano's sounding family shared:



You might have to inlarge it to see, but trust me it isnt one you would think you would see on a pretty Italina princes and her Stauten Auland pampered mom. *and yes that is how they pronounce Staten Island*