About Me

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I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Friday, June 30, 2006

Friday, what a good feeling.

It is Friday and boy oh boy am I glad. It has been a very buisy week, and to make it a bit tuffer we are having out bathroom redone. As of now the bathroom is nooo more. They said it will take about a week but as they started they have found a few little problems. One the bathroom has not been updated since it was put in the house about 70 years ago. Which makes the demolition a little harder, back in the day they used fucking cement for the tiles and plaster for the walls. Which means it took them longer to gut it, and then they found that the floor has rotted. Which I knew and saw that one coming. They had to rip out all the floor out and put a new one down. They were at that point yesterday, lets see how much they can get done today. Here are some before and after pics, but they are more like before and 'in working process' pictures now.

As I was taking these it became clear to me just how small this bathroom is/was. I coud not get any angle to work with so I took a few from a distance. The previous owner was the anti-handyman, he did things to this house that no one should ever be allowed to do. He had this ugly ass wall paper in here, and anyone with a half of a brain would know what would happen when you add a steamy bathroom with no exhaust fan with wall paper. Well he tried to fix that by using this heavy duty glue on the walls, but all it did was leave these clumps of dried residue on the walls. The wall paper still fell off.



About 2 years ago we took all the wall paper off and painted the walls, it made a huge difference but the bathroom still need allot of help.



Day one:



Day one: No more toliet!!!



Now as one can see this will be a post full of pictures. I even have my HNT pic, I know I am late but I got lazy yesterday and just did not get around to putting it up. This is an imagination pic......to any men or relatives looking at this please do not go any farther, it isnt anything to nasty but I am sure you can live with out this image in your mind. And for the record I am about to shave all this crap off....its summer time damn it:

HNT 6/29/2006-



PEEK A BOO!

I really dont have much planned for this weekend, I paid my bills so I am kinda broke. But that is ok, I will just play in the pool and fun with the family. Nothing is more exciting than chasing after a 3 year old with the energy of a meth freak on a full teak. Mr. Electric is hyper as ever and all we can do is watch and play referre, sometimes I wish I could tap that energy and shoot it right into my arm. I would make a fortune of this stuff, I would call it "KiddieHgh". It would be better than sugar, cocaine, meth, crack or ephdrine because it has no down time and no side effects. I often wonder how kids get fat when they have all this energy, hell when I was a kid I eat everything in site and energy up the yingyang. I often wonder what these little fatties are eating, must be straight Crysco or something. But oh well.........


Its Friday so I want to share some of the funnies I have found today. I went on a hunting safari well actually just goggled the word 'Fugly' and found all kinds of examples of god and his sense of humor. Let me share a few I found and you to can laugh secretly at all the ugly ppl of the world. Just remeber no matter how bad you think you have it, there is always someone out there who has it much much worse than you.

1) To bad we cannt photoshop reality.......



2) And dont let celeberties have off spring.



3) Ummmmm I am a bit lost for words here. It looks like Ozzy and Kurt Korbain had sex with a bull dog and their DNA popped out this~>



4) Now, why am I the only person that sees this isnt a woman? Comb over = man in my book.



5) I bet they thought they were hot shit too hahahahahaah, I would want to see what their kids look like.



6) I dont want to be to mean to this poor soul.......but my god did you have to show us your teeth. She would be perfect for the show Swan.




I hope someone got a giggle out of that and if not ....fuck off....I am here to amuse myself and I am laughing so hard I peed on myslef a little.
Have a good and nonsober holiday weekend. I hope to see some drunk picture taking come Tuesday hahahahaahah.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Nuffin much

Now I promised pics from my fall from the wagon with the bro in law and as promised here they are. I have more but I am waiting for the sister in law to send them to me. The ones she has are alot funnier but I was sober enuff to get my camera out for a few snaps......evidence that I am going to hell and loving it.

1) Now before you get all nervous about what we were doing, the pills were of a narcatic type but no one was taking any with booze. I am a little smarter than most hardcore junkies. He got some fun pills because of his back and I wanted to see what they were, not to sample them with beer chasr. And yes that is a 30 pack and yes we finished it off on Saturday night.



2) Here we have Doug exsplaining that in the Navy all the women on the base have some of the biggest asses you have ever seen. Here he is giving us the dementions of his latest catch and how he had to perch her on his bed to hit so it would not hurt his back. Either his bed was really high or she was really tall. I just hope she did not have a pretty adams apple.



Here is a blast from the past, I have posted this pic several times but pics I like will get numerous postings. And hell it goes along with the theme so far:




And since we all need a laugh I found this somewhere and had to share:



Future porn star talent agent.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Monday again...and it just started raining ...

I was going to do this post last Firday but shit happens and I did not get the time. I have some pics from this weekend but I left the camera in the wives car so they will have to wait until tommorrow. I also have a pic for HNT this week. I was drunk and had the camera with me haha. Yes, I broke my dry spell on Saturday. Me and the bro in law sat at home and polished off beer and taquila. It was fun to just sit back and relax at home lit like a firecracker. Besides that the weekend was rather quiet, took a dip in the pool, went shopping, put some new scratchs on the credit card, and (for the first time) watch a soccer match. I must say it was rather interesting, and sorry but I was rooting for the Neatherlands to win. They were doing a very good job controling the ball most of the game but the Portugesse(sp) team had thier defense tight as a nuns twat. I might become a soccer fan, nothing crazy like the rest of the world but I will watch it :-P.

Lets see, its sumer time and what says summer more than that one peice of mystry meat that all red blooded Americans love: Hot Dogs! On Firday I went around looking for pictures of the wonderous meat that has sodium nitarte.....TNT! And here is what I found......

1) I love how the truck says "actual size" on it lol. I will take one please.....



2) Perfection found in a weiner.....could not have said it better my self.



3) How is it that the ppl that win these things are the skinniest asians you have ever seen? Damn I want a hot dog now.....and I wonder how man hot dogs she can fit in her.......(fill in the blank)



4) That is one statue I would love to have in my front lawn.....to hell with them flammingos!



5) I found this photo on the BSA web site, does anyone else find something wrong here? Well if you name is PeeWee Herman then I gues this would be a normal childhood drawing hahaha




And guess what.....I sold my first thing on Ebay last week. I am sooo hard up lol. I have several other things I am trying to unload I just have to get some photos of them and put them on. Lets see how well this works, if it is this easy i might have a new part time job haha.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Yeah blog

It has taken me a while to get this post out but better late than never.
On Saturday me and 3 other of my coworkers had to work at a company picnic. It was hot as hell but we got all we could eat and drink. And boyyyyy did I ever take them for their word! We were out in the sun for 8 hours and boy oh boy was I sweating my balls off. But even though we were at work we all had some fun and it was pretty easy money. All over time ....go me lol.



Now on Fathers Day we went to 6 Flags; Me, the baby, the oldest and the little woman with our little bun in the oven.
The pic below is of the largest slide at the park. It looks scary as hell but to be honest the scariest part is the climb up, the ride itself is sooo fast you never even notice the drop. I must say if you like roller coaster and water rides this is a great slide. And if I can do it, vertigo and all, anyone can. But I must say the worst part of this slide is the bottom. Once you hit the part that stops you, your baithing suit shoots right up your ass. And it has to be one of the worst weddgies I have ever gotten lol.



The wave pool was one of the biggest attractions. Everytime the bell rang signaling that the waves were about to start all the people (kids mainly) would start squielling and screaming.



Now being the man that I am I was looking around at all the MILF's and the booties in thier summers best. I had some better pics but I know the wife would have beat the crap out of me if she saw the photos I had in the camera. This one was not ass bad ass some of the other tiny thongs and see through materials I saw.
She was a mom of at least 2 but not bad, just bad taste in suits.



Now I dont know about the rest of you but when I was a kid there was always one or two fat kids in the class. But as I walked around I saw tons of little fatties, mostly boys. This tubby one I have here is actually not so bad. The one kid I couldnt get had fucking tits man....TITS. This kid needs a BRO...or better known as a man bra.



Side view and looks like the kid in red is quickly coming into his Huskie cloths too.



Here is my little man in his swimmie, this boy loves the water. He was in the lazy river in just his floaty swimming about. I have no dout that he will be one hell of a swimmer if he wants. He is a natural in the water and no matter how many times he got knocked over by the water he would run right back in.



Where's Waldo? Actually find the white guy, mr. Man Tittites, Hairy back old man and how many MILF's can u find?



Oldest and youngest enjoying water shooting up thier trunks.....It feels good, I know :-)



Another thing I saw was tons of dudes with really bad tats. This guy had some pretty good ones though. I just did not want to get too close to mr ghetto-liciuos. And besides, water and my camera dont go hand and hand. I am thinking about buying the underwater housing for my camera.



We all had a blast and I got a little burt but just a little red. No pealing and no pain. SPF30 made sure of that. But the sun was so strong and reflecting off everything the sunscreen was just enough to keep me from a 3rd degree burn.

Now a few ppl were curious to what happened to the boss man. I cannt say too much about it due to the sensitiviy of the charges but let me say this:
1) He was high up the ladder, and I mean he was second from the very top.
2) He was buddy buddy with the guy at the very top
3) He was given the option to resign.
4) We now have a void in our area, which means someone has double duty and it aint me hahaha

I feel really bad about how this went down but there was nothing anyone could do for him. If the top guy cannt help you then there really is nothing anyone can do. I will probably call him in a week or so. He was the one giving me golfing lessons and I still have his clubs. It will be werid but whatever happened on the job to get him in this spot is none of my buisness and golf heals all wounds.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Happy Farthers day----and yes I know i spelled it wrong lol.

Well well well look who decided to show his hot sexy mug in bloggerville,,,,,that is right tits me lol. And its friday so allll is good. I will be working a company picnic this weekend and on fathers day I will be taking a trip out to Hurricane Harbor water park in 6Flags. I love water parks, but I need to get out the razor and cut back my winter hair beast. I am a bit pasty so there will be much sun block used and sun block does not work so well when it is clumped in your body hair lol. I hate body hair....nasty nasty. I cannot blog about everything I wanted to because something is going down at work, it might be good it might be bad but it directly has something to do with my bosses boss. He had already cleaned out most of his office and has been running around all morning doing God knows what. So like I said I dont know if this is a good thing or bad thing so I have to stay put and have one ear to the ground. I will be back later with more info.
But stop by Monday I hope to have lots of pics from our water park fun and anything that might happen at the company picnic....and since I will be on duty during the picnic I will be totally sober. And besides, I never drink in the sun and I addvise agasit it for anyone else. The blazing hot sun and beer doesnt not mix well for me.
But Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out dar!

I dont have time for my usual funnies but I found this and thought of Blondie and could not help but post it on here. And yes only in Texas would someone see something like this. But then again Texas, Alabama, Georga or any other southern state lol. So this one is for Blondie and all my other southern brothers and sisters. I may be in Yankee country but still a good old boy at heart!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Lazy Bitch

I have been such a lazy bitch when it has come to my blog. I have to get back to blogging a bit more. I dont think I could do the everyday thing but at least every other day.
-So lets see what has been going on.......I took a test yesterday in Western Civ. and I think I did pretty good, I got an A on my first test. I love summer sessions, they go fast and the teachers do not try to kill us with bullshit. I think 3 days a week for class is better than once a week. Whenever I take the classes that are only once a week I tend not to do so well because I am allowed to be lazy. But when I have to be at class 3 times a week it kills my laziness. Which is good for me.
-This weekend they had the PR paradie......I am not a Rician so I kinda missed it but I do love the spanish women.....hell I love all women hahahahahha. But during this little march they do in NYC they get all decked out in their tightest and brightest clothing they can find. I mean TIGHT, .....esxcuse me mama, I can see your lips talkin but all you are doin is walkin! Cameltoe was going wild that day hahaha.
-I have taken up golf so I went out and bought a driving net so I can practise in the backyard and not kill anyone or loose all my balls. But I missed the net a few times and sent some of my balls flying into my Jewish neighbors yards.....I hope they find them and throw them back over and not keep them just to piss me off. (side note: I have nothing agasit jews....I dislike all religous weridos equaly)
But enuff of my drivel about me on to the reason I can here today. Last week I found a funny article in GQ magazine about dirty lyrics. We all know some dirty some we like but most of them are straight out dirty, no beating around the bush(hehe). But the funniest ones are the ones from the days of the sexual represion. They had to be a little more creative when they wanted to say something like "suck my penis" Here are some I found funny:



He's a deep sea diver with a
stroke that cannt go wrong,
He's a deep sea diver with a
stroke that cannt go wrong,
He can stay at the bottom and
his wind holds out so long...
He poured my first cabbage
and he made it awful hot,
He poured my first cabbage
and he made it awful hot,
When he put in the bacon,
it overflowed the pot.
"Bessie Smith" -Empty bed Blues-(1928)
Now does anyone not get what she is saying? and 1928!!!! Damnnnnnnnn!



Throw your leg up like
a great church steeple,
Throw your leg up like
a great church steeple,
Throw your leg up like
a great church steeple,
So I can think I'm fuckin
all the people....
"Jelly Roll Morton" -Make Me a Pallet on the Floor- (1938)
Now I am not sure if there was ever made public back in the day, that is pretty dirty even by todays standers lol. And from that pic does he look like some nasty perv??? hmmmmm



I thought about the back door
I didnt know what to say
But once I got a baby
I,I tried every way
She didnt wanna do it
But she did anyway
But baby dont refuse
you know you got nothin to lose.
"KISS" -Nothing to Lose-(1974)
You have to love a band that sings a song about trying to get your girl to give up her ballon knot.



But I'm just a virgin
And I'm on my way to be wed
But you're such a hunk
I'll give you head till
you're burning up....
"Prince" -Head-(1980)
WOW.....right to the point, now that is my kinda woman....errr man.....manwom.....I hope he was not singing to another dude....is he a dude????



And then Mama took me
to grammar school
But I stopped off in
the vestibule
But every time the bell
would ring
You'd catch me playing
with my ding-a-ling
"Chuck Berry"-My Ding-a-Ling-(1972)
If you ever get a chance look up this song it is too funny.



You get in a heat
You get in a sulk
But you still keep beating
Your meat to a pulp
"The Buzzcocks"-Orgasm Addict-(1977)
Well....duh.

There were many many more but these were some of the best dirty song lyrics in the article. April 6,2006 GQ magazine, go take a look.
-The little woman is still knocked up. We still have until September before we can see the little man. The only real complaint she has had is the constant heartburn. Man, I am soooo glad to be man. And if there is reincarnation I want to come back as a male ANYTHING. Bull, horse, dog , cat , Hell even a male humming bird. Just make it male hahahaah-well a male model next time around would be nice though

(this one is for u cherry)


Forget all the speeling and grammar.....i am blogging from work today haha

Friday, June 09, 2006

Its Friday Beeoootch!

Its Friday, big fucking deal. I have to work Saturay.....oh well. At least I wont be spending money, I will actually be making some instead. Not much is going on here, the little woman is dong good with the bun in the oven.....the evil man is just as evil. But he is doing good, the oldest is ding his thang and doing good. All I can really complain about is this fucking weather. I is summer....well it does not offically start until the 21st so we have a week or so to go.

But in Honkeie news I am now on my way to making money on Ebay. I have opened my first sellers account and will be trying to unload the crap I have in my house that I cannt bring myself to throw away. I will try not to sell garbage, unlike most ppl on ebay. It is all good stuff, I just dont want it anymore or I have no idea what to do with it. If you want go check out my two items.....HonkeieOnEbay....I have all kinds of stuff that I just not use anymore that someone somewhere might want. And now that I have figured out ebay(I think) I can now start adding stuff to my list. I have an ebay bow at home that contains all my soon to be Ebay'ed items. The next one to be added will be a box of about 15 master lock gun locks. One of my coworkers is a gun collecter and everytime he gets gun permits to buy a gun the police give him these locks. He asked if I wanted them and I thought " Hell why not maybe I can sell them on Ebay" And that is what I am about to do lol.


Now it is Friday and it has been a while since I did a Friday Funny so I will do one today. Work has not been such a headace today so I have a few extra minutes to myself. So pay no attention to speeeling or grammar. I am typing this out fast as hell and stopping every few minutes. I sometimes lose track of what I wanted to say and have to delete whole paragraphs lol. But ahy who....what I did today was i went to a search engine and typed in the word "candy" and looked up any and all imagines they had. I found a ton of pics of ppls pets, the yummy stuff, a few porno chicks and some japanese cartoon porn. God, cartoon porn has to be the strangest thing, but I do feel a littl dirty about getting turned on by it!

1) This was just a cute pic of one of my fav holidays. I hope to go out again next Halloween. 3 boys on the prowl for candy mauahahahaahha! The little red M&M looks happpy as hell there lol. But it is also a little disturbing.....does anyone else think that Hersey Kiss costume looks a little like a KKK outfit????!!!!!



2) Meet Candy, this is her high skool year book pic...1970. God I hope I dont come off that dorky in 2050.



3) Meet another 'Candy'. I dont know but there is just something totally rancy about a chick with a name like 'candy' She is cutie but she has something in her teeth over there.....floss girl its called floss. But I would hit dat two times hahahahaha. Surfer chicks and volleyball sluts are nice :-P



4) Now as I said there were alot of pics of ppl and thier pets. No biggie, but what the hell is that guy doing with that dogs stump?



5) Meet yet another 'candy' But this is a chick that digs bald head. I think her sit was razorsedge.com I could be wrong I didnt write it down. She has this thing for bald heads, werid but we all have some werid fetish. Bald chicks scare me.......but if they keep their hair down there just as short then I think I could look past the Billy Cooriagan, from the Smashing Pumkins look.



6) This was some forgoten hero from the mid 80's band. I love the 80's but I think I missed out on this band, 4 dudes calling themselves candy......a little gay even for the 80's lol.




Like I said before there is just something kinky about a girl named 'Candy'.....brings about visions of sucking and licking something I just cannt get enough of. If I ever have a female boss named that I think I will lose it hahahaha. So remeber that when U are naming your daughters, dirty old men like the name 'Candy'

I hope everyone has a good weekend, and D all looks good. Go out and get crunked for old times sake. Guess what one of my fav skins mags was back in the day........'Plumpers' I have always has a soft spot for the chubby chicks haha

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Happy 666 Day.

Well actually it is not much different than any other day. The freedom of having no religion or superstitouns hahaha because we all know my imaginary friend can beat up yours. And because of this fact I will rape and pilage your people and lands and blame my actions on "It is HIS law " Muahahahahaha....aint ignorance great :-).
But anywho I am in no mood for preaching to the masses today about the wrongs we do to each other and then blame everyone and everything but themselves. Because we all know it is the gun that makes us kill and we are not to be blamed for it. Guns create violence like flies create garbage lol.
Yet in the honor of the day that has not come about in 100 years HAPPY 666 DAY! NOw go out and spread some evil!




Last Friday they were doing some work in our back room. Apparently there was asbestos in the floor and they finally got around to removing it. They said not to worry, that because of where it was it was not a health hazard and that they were going to remove it in the safest manner known to man. One of the units they were using needed a fresh source of air. So I let them run the line throught my office. And here is what myself and my coworker did with it:



And I have been taking golfing lesson so I am offically on my way to being whiter than ever. It must be a white thang.....3 lessons later and I can hit the the little white ball almost everytime. Maybe I will be the next what's his name of the golfing world. But I am not sure they will accept me 100% due to my sense of humor and the fact I will be the most tattoed man on the field. I will just be the only guy in 100 degree weather wearing long sleeves.

On my way home , yet another trucker thought he could fit under this brifge. It gets hit atl least one a week. And all he had to do to avoid this was go down 2 more blocks hahaha.