About Me

My photo
I live in the state of constant confusion. Its the state colored blue on the map. And yes I can find any place on the globe, its all color cordinated! (duh)Asia is pink, England is green and France ....well France felt they were soo much better than everone else they have become their own planet.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Just another day closer to something in the future.

I really do not have anything to blog about today so I had to turn on the creative juices today. I was not sure what was going to come out, so lets open my little box and see what we have today.

The World That is Honkeie:

Today I think I will go into what I have been through in a Cliff Notes kinda way. As with anybody I have had quiet a bit of stuff happen to me through out my life(I am 29 for the record until July 9th). Enough to make a coming of age book, and I have even enterain the idea of putting it down in a book. But I have never got up the courage to even show anyone what I have down so far. I have some of it put to paper, I like the old fashion pen and paper way of writting, and have yet to go back to it. Its been about 2 months since I even looked at what I wrote but maybe after today I will go back and continue.
-Time lasps of about 7 hours since I started this post-
And the funny thing I wrote 4 pages today alone in the saga that is honkeie. Here is the first part of my story that I have started. And hope to continue:

--I was born July 9th 1976 in San Antonio Texas. The story as to why I ended up being born there has been in a cloud of mystery. No body in my family has told me much of what happened to me as a child, hell my wife has gotten more out of them in the short 4 years we have been married than I have in my whole life. From what I have learned via the wife unit my mom went to TX to be with the baby daddy. But when she got there she found out that he was playing hide the bologna pony with another woman and she left his ass. Now all I know of him was that his name is Eddie Coffia and that he has long since married and had more kids. My mom moved back to Alabama to where she was originally from and most of our family lives. I have not had any contact with this man since the day of my birth. To my knowledge he did sign my birth certificate and knows I am alive. But again to my knowledge he has never made any real attempt to see me or know me. I have asked my mom a few times since I found out I was the ‘opps’ child about him but knows little to nothing about him.
--Now from here I have yet to learn much of anything that happened to me. I know that she had to have met the man I thought was my dad while I was 10. My earliest memories always had Gary, my brother’s father, in them. She married him somewhere in the time of my birth and my 3rd birthday. My brother and I are 4 years apart and I remember her being pregnant with him. We lived in the mountains of AL at this time and I even saw snow for the first time in my life. It would be the last time I saw snow until we moved to NJ in 1985. This was the house I had my first falling dream, and yes I hit the ground and lived. It is also the place I started playing with mommies make up, I am surprised I did not become the next Dee Snyder. I got an ass whooping for taking my mom’s make up and putting on my Little People, I loved those toys. During this time was about the time I got one of my first booners, all I knew was that something on me was growing so I figured that I was growing up. It was one of those cutie but uncomfortable moment for parents. I wish I could have seen it from their point of view; I would have probably died laughing.--

This is how I started my memiors of a lost redneck. I have a life time of stories and hope to get them all down before I can no longer remember them. They are all still fresh in my mind and can go over most of the good times over and over. The bad ones dont seem to be so close to the surface as I would have thought. Your mind has a funny way of white washing the past, I think that is why some ppl go back with thier ex's. They forgot all the bad stuff and all they can remember are the good times. It has gotten me a few times but I aways came to my senses before it was too late. Muahahahahhahahahahahahah*evil laugh*

Moment of Zen :

I'll Be BAck....









I will be back later today to do a real post. I have a story working in my brain but work is getting in the way. So until later tonight you can have this Moment of Zen to get by with. And I promise to give something better later :-*

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Lets do a little recap of the event that led up to this Monday morning.

-Friday I was planning on going out with some friends to da club. I went to the gym and did the usual and on the way home I saw a glimpse into the future. A Corona beach buggy is such a sight to see when its 35 degrees outside and all you can think about is the up coming summer. I can't wait until the summer is here. I plan on being in shape, on my way as it is :-D, and we will have season passes for Hurricane Harbor water park from six flags. We had both parks last year but we went to the water park more times and it really wasn't worth having both passes.















Here is the birthday boy Rayman and his friends. I can't remember their names to save my live but I do remember this- Chick in the middle just past the bar, you that test that says you can be a lawyer or not......and chick on the left is into some hardcore punk and kept forgetting my name. So I don't feel so bad now about not remebering theirs lol.
And as you can see this is the beginning of the end for my friend Rayman. We all bought him drinks the whole night through.















Here is another friend of ours Dave. Behind him is his girlfriend, whose name I have forgotten as well, and the lawyer chick. All these ppl I met have myspace and were taking pictures for their site. I tried to put them up on myspace but once again I have been proven right, myspace is gay. It kept saying server is busy every time I tried to put them up on mine. So I got pissed off and flipped of my computer and went to blogspot. :-D















Rayman and lawyer chick ever so quickly slipping into oblivion.















Now Rayman knew almost every other person in the club and was the little social butterfly. Here he is doing his usual and molesting ppl as they come by him, Ray told me this guys name but again I have no idea what it is now.















Here is punker chick showing her drunken side. No I didn't give the camera to a midget and no I wasn't crawling on the floor. I was the resonsible person here, I was driving Ray home later. Got to love the pigtails hehehehehe.















The dance floor was jammed packed, now since I was rather sober I never worked up the courage to strut my white man stuff. Now don't feel bad if you are unsure of the sex of some of them ppl in the picture here, I was standing right next to some of these ppl and I still had no idea which team they were on. Especially when I saw them in both bathrooms with both teams.















I don't have any pictures of me right now but I hope to get a few from lawyer chick. That green hat is mine, David(who at this point was beyond help) took it and then some chick whose name I do not think I was ever made aware of, took it from him. I got it back not long after this picture, I think they saw how bad my hair look and felt bad for me lol. That is one reason I hate wearing hats, you can't it off after it has been on for more than 10 minutes.















Here is punker chick and her friend Jay Jay, and dont ask me why I remember his name but I liked his hat. He kinda reminded me of a younger and better looking Mic Jagger. This was his first time here I never got to ask him what he thought of the place but he seemed like he was having fun















Ray is very drunk by this time and was showing his gang blood by through up his signs. But he was trying to hide it from the rest of us, but we know all about his ties with the Latinos.















A very candid moment that can lead to a little blackmail for lawyer and punker chick. It was just that kinda night haha.















Now here we have more possible blackmail material haha. Both Ray and Dave are totally wasted here. It was really fun to sit back and watch the drunks and not actually be one of them.















I love drunks, they do the funniest things. I really don't think Ray needed that drink there but it was his birthday and he could blow out all his brain cells if he wanted to.

















Now the night wore on and this was the first time in a long time that they had to turn the lights on to get me to leave. As we walked out Ray asked if he did anything to embarrassing and I told him that all was good, he still had his pants on. And a few seconds after I said that I turn around and found him pulling his pants off. Now I am not sure what he thought he was doing but Dave thought I would be a good idea to join him. Keep in mind it was windy and about 10 degrees out here. I was able to get Ray in the car with his pants still up and get him home safe and sound. It was a funny ride home, he babbled at me the whole way back, most of it made no sense but he would come out of it to give me directions to his house. His moments of coherent speech only lasted about 5 seconds at a time but it was enough to get us home.
To continue the funny Rayman, he had to work the next day from 10am to 9pm. I have no idea how he pulled this off but he did, he even called me Saturday morning with an interesting question. " Phil....um how did I get home?" and to this I gave him a little narrative of what went on. He wasn't to surprised by it and looks forward to doing again when Doug is back home. Myself as well but this time I want someone else to drive. I want to be the drunken fool at the club too!
-Saturday and Sunday went by rather uneventful and relaxing. Went food shopping and made a run to Target. What kinda weekend would be complete without a Target run? 10 more days until our trip to Virginia to pick Doug.....................

Friday, February 24, 2006

Guess what........



- I could not have said it better myself haha. And the odds are that is just what I am going to be doing later tonight. I got a call from an old friend I bumped into on myspace and we are going to our old watering hole-QXT. I may ever dress up a little, and I mean a little lol. I am not going all gothed out because I dont want to be that old guy at the club haha. I will have the camera handy so if I do end up going I will have some evidence of what we did. I have yet to use the new camera in such a dark setting so lets hope I can get the pictures to come out.
-In other news I have learned something new, I learned that Elvis did not write any of his songs. All the songs we have grown up knowing as Elvis's songs were other ppls, he just re-mixed them in a since. 'Nothing but a Hound Dog' 'Love Me Tender' were all songs by other ppl, so to me that means he created a carrer off other ppls music. I am not putting the king down in any since, he was a great show man and brought a generation a kinda of music they would have never heard because of the racial gap. He took r&b, jazz and gospel and broght it to the white ppl with a new sound but kept the same feeling. In those days no white person would admit to listening to 'black music' but they would jump up and down to Elvis. He helped break down the barrier and in a since was part of the social reform movement. Music is music and knows no color or race, well at least we would like to think that.
-Now with this knowledge I have to give an appology to a few artist that I blasted in the past for making a carrer of re-mixing old 70's and 80's music. The number one person, even though I still find him rather annoying is Pee-Did-He, Poofy Combs, Shean Pee-Did-He, or what ever his name is now. He made his start by remixing other ppls songs. Now he did the reverse of what Elvis did, he took 'white pop' and put a new rap spin on it and made it new. The greatest form of flattery is imitation, and whats his name brought music from a time the younger kids probably never knew of to the present. And from what I have learned that it wasnt until the Beatles hit the sence that most artist didnt make their own music. They were probably the first band to bost they wrote and sang their own stuff. From there on out it was almost imbarassing to admit the songs you were doing werent your own.
Hell some of the highest selling songs/recoders in history were not written by the ppl that sang them. Barbra Strisan....fuck it i cannt spell big noses name lol...her biggest grossing sales from one ablum was written by the Bee-Gees. Kenny Rodgers and Dolly(huge tittied) Pardon's song 'Islands in the Stream' was written by the Bee-Gees.(I am pretty sure of that but if you feel like proving me wrong go google it haha) The Bee-Gees started writting music for others after they were labled 'Disco' and could not sell anymore because Saturday Night Fever and become an epidemic and killed all its fans off in an over night plauge. They found that being type-casted hurt their ability to make money so that did the next best thing and made a fortune from selling their stuff to others. They wrote music for others and became the unsong heros of music in the early 80's into the present day.
So to sum it up I now feel I have judge some performers a bit harshly because they used other ppl work. I am in awe to those who can write their own muisc though, I find that a great ability. Say what u will about what ever type of music u do not like-rap, rock,jazz, emo, punk, or what ever- if they wrote it themselves I will tip my hat to them everytime. Just beacuse I dont like it and think it sucks ass, if you did it all and got it published I admire your efforts.

-I am going to have to post my funnies seperate than this post because everytime I try to post them in the normal order in the 'preview' they come out all wrong. And for some reason when I check the 'html' its full of >p<>p> what the fuck it that. Whatever it is it is causes the pictures to shift over and push the text all over the place. It has happened in the past and all I had to do was erase everything and start over. But this time it seems to want to be a bitch. So for now fuck u blog, I will be back with some funnies. Until then try out a Moment of Zen to calm your nerves:


Captin Nut and General Sack with save the day! Make way for Nut&Sack!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Happy HNT!

Well I have done it, I have started Myspacing again. I have even employeed my sister in law to help me with changing my back ground and other things. It is allot more confusing than blog spot. Blog spot has to be the easiest site to use and learn html from. I use the information I have learned here at blog spot and applied it to myspace. Here take a look at my new one and let me know what u think......HonkeieOnMyspace....
Now for HNT I have the "myspace angles" that all the 'hot' ppl put on their profile. It's funny, every one of the profiles I have been to have the same kinda web cam shoots of them in the same poses. The 'hot' chicks have the push-up bra and pouty face, the 'notsohot' chics have the side of the face with the edges blurred and the hair combed over and the down right 'ugly' chicks have the out of focus faraway shots. I dont mind the ppl with tons of pictures but come on, add some variety to the places, poses, and outfits. Everyone has that one good look and that one bangin outfit but dont flood your myspcae with 50 pictures of yourself like this. Use some of those at the beach, at the club, in school, and one just one at your computer web cam pic. If you think you are hot show it and also show us you have some brains and use the 'outside' setting on your camera and go nuts in the wild blue! And sorry girls but any one can do the 'my but in panties' shot and look semi hot. As long as your butt isnt the size of a full grown watermellon, but then again I love big bottomed women and would totaly love it haha.
Here I go at getting some of my own 'myspace angles'-----

1) Side angle showing my playfull side. Repect the side burns!
















2) Bottom up angle so I look like a monkey.















3) Feeling blue face......looks more like feeling like a horse.....man my face looks long as hell in this picture lol.















4) What i call the "Thinker" pose. I look deep in thought or sleeping with my eyes open again.















Just in case you are wondering I have not put these pictures on myspace because its just gay. I have some pictures on there, and will probably put more soon. Happy HNT every lets see your best myspce look!

Here is your Moment of Zen: (and why not to myspace your beach pics)


Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Wednesday smells funny

I was at the gym yesterday and I was assualted, well my nose was anyway. I was doing the leg press sled and I smell something a little funny. At first I thought I had let one go during my last set, and if you have ever done heavy weights with the leg press you will know the joy of an escaping fart. But I know it wasnt me, I had went over to the tread mills to fire one off before I started. I finished what I was doing and move to a different area of the gym, becasue that was where they had moved the machine that I needed not that I was running form someones ass gas.
I was back in the general area after I was done with outer and inner thighs and was now going to finish up with some squats when the smell hit me again. But this time it had company, the odor of really bad BO! It was so bad it was giving me a headace. I finally found the source of this smell, it was this giant power lifter I have seen many times before and boy was he ripe! I know I do not smell like fucking roses when I hit the gym but come on now, used deoderant and shower in the morning. I was not about to be the one to give Mr.NoNeck a lesson in hygien and it should be common sense here but sense aint so common . I did find a girl for him though....




















It got so bad I had to breath out of my mouth to keep from gagging. Now maybe he cannt smell, it is very common not to have the old nose not working. I have met a few ppl that cannt smell, and I guess ignorance is bliss haha. I would not give up my sense of smell for anything, even if I is under constant attack in places like the gym. The sense of smell triggers so many things, emotions, hunger and many times nostalga(sp).
What smells do you like? Here are a few of mine:
1) The perfume, Sunflower- every other girl in my high school wore this fragance. And to this day it puts me into over drive hehe.
2) Freshly made bread- It just smells good!
3) Magnolia's in bloom- I lived in Baton Rouge, LA for 2 years as a kid and the smell of these flowers make me smile.
4) Beer- need I say more lol
5) Old Spice- I had a bottle of this when I was a kid and it reminds me of simpler days :D
6) Skool- My greatgrand mother did snuff to the day she died in her early 90's. She ate fat back, drank beer and did snuff, what a woman haha!

What smells get u off or remind u of good/bad things?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Tuesday but its more like Monday

Not much going on for me but lets see what I can drum up and hope to find something interesting.

In Berlin a man was arrested after he went to the cops to try and get his money back from a dealer who burned him on 200 grams of what is called "yardie" here in Jersey. It is basiclly maryJane with more grass clipping than wacky tobaccie. Needless to say they arrested the man and sent him to stoopid prison. Man I love stoopid news lol.

Its sad that I have to go to yahoo to look for funnies. Last night I finally went to look at myspace and see if anyone sent me anything. If you want to see mygaymyspace take a look. I might try it again, I got a message from an old friend and from Jenn-naay. I added Jenn-nnay to my buddy list, I only have about 4 as of now and I might add more if myspace stays up an running this time. But I am off to bed and hope to have a better blog tommorow.

Here is another instalment of your Momment of ZEN:

Mr. Olympia 2199


Sunday, February 19, 2006

No more blogging from work......

Its Sunday and I am doing my Monday post from home. I have yet to get in any trouble for blogging from work and I think I better keep ahead of the game here. I am going to work on my post through out the day and when I go home I will post it there. It might effect the number of blogs I read but its better than being anohter person added to the list of ppl fired for abusing company time. Hell Mayor Bloomberg fired someone on his board for palying solitare, fuck me! Remind me not to apply for a job in his office lol. I am sure he would look down on masterbating on compay time as well hehe.
But lets see what I did this weekend.....
-Friday went to the gym and drank beer, lets see how much 6 16oz cans....96oz in total.
- Saturday I picked up the oldest son from baby momma and went home. Didnt really do much it was way toooo cold to go out. So we stayed in and drank again. I had three 8oz cans (24 oz) and about 3 or 4 scotch chasers. I was very toasted this night lol.
-Sunday it was still to fucking cold to really do anything but we did have breakfast at the Tropicana diner. We took naps, ate(mom in law made a bangin stuffed chicken), napped again, did some laundry and stayed sober.
To re cap the total amout here.....120 oz of beer and I have no idea how many oz of scotch but it was enough haha. Man I love beer hmmmmm, I think I will go have one more before the night is up haha.

Here are some pictures of little man and the wife unit finger painting. It was Saturday night when the the wife unit decided to open up the finger paints we got at Target. The box said non-toxic so it was ok for him to lick the paint. Now I am curious about 2 things 1) Do the different colors have different taste? And 2) Were the finger paints I used as a kid non-toxic?

"Look dad, I am number one!"















Seems a little pointless huh lol.

















The colors man its the colors














And the finished product of a future starving artist who will not sell one painting until he has died a sad death. And then and only then will they go for millions.





I hope everyone had a good weekend and dont blog from work they might kill you. Peace!

Friday, February 17, 2006

ITSSSSS FRIDAY!

Its Firday bitchs and I am sooooo done with this week. It has been busy one with all kinds of suprises, the biggest one is that my wife is now legal. Now get your minds out of the gutter, mind you mine was there right along with u hehe, she is now an American citizen...You Go Sweet Peas!
The funny thing is if I had to take the test she took I would have failed.
Lets see how well you know your country:

1) Name all the original 13 colonies

2)Who is your senator?

3) What do the stars on the flag stand for, how many stripes are there and what do they represent?

4) What are the first 10 amendments to the constitution called?

5) Why do we celebrate the 4th of July ?

Lets see if anyone can get them, if you get stumped let me know and I will ask my wfie. There were alot more but I do not feel like getting into it, mainly becaus I myself didnt know them lol.
In other new I had to take my car to the shop on Tuesday because the "check engine" light popped on. I am a very paranoid person when it comes to cars and that light. Everytime that damn light comes on my car dies and I am left in the middle of nowheres-ville. But it turns out to be a simple problem, exspensive, but simple. Some kinda O2 sensor that went bad, the car can still run so I am driving with this ligth on until the part comes in. Oh well, shit happens.

Its Friday, as I said, so lets see what I found in the funny file for Firday Funnies:


1) Wow how did they get pictures of my childhood on line?




















2) In total agreement with this one.











3) I would give him money.


















4) Why does the truth hurt so much?

















5) Why digital cameras were invented.......




















6) I knew it, they dont even know!




















7) I want someone to come up with a good caption here, I will share mine:

-14 beers $56
-Hotel room by the beach $85(for 4 hours)
-Flowers for the hot woman u just met $10
-Having your friends take an after sex picture of you and the 'woman' u met priceless!




















Hope everyone has a fun weekend, take lots of pictures and remeber to share them on your blog----I do :-*

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Happy HNT

Another post of my scars that map out my body. This one is realllyy old, I gave myself this one to myself when I was about 9 or 10. The story behind it is rather funny and gross, you have been warned.

The location:
upper front part of my thigh, it is exactly where your palm would touch if you were standing and place your hand on the top of your leg.

The story:
I was about 9 or 10 and staying with my little brother and his father in Alabama, I still thought he was my dad as well....long family secret that came out when I was about 11 but that is another story for another time.....We were staying in his trailer that was up a little hill from his sisters house. Now when I say they had land back then, I mean they had LAND! From the house to the street had to be at least 50 yards and the back yard was nothing but woods as far as the eye could see. I have since heard they tore it all down for condos, sad.
But any way, to get to the faux fathers trailer you had to go up a long flight of stairs made out of cinder blocks. Yes we were as redneck hillbilly as one could be and I loved it, and still do. It was myself, my brother, his aunt and a cousin; they were all younger than me so I got to pick on them all the time mauahahahahhahahaha.
One of the many crazy wild childhood things we like to do was have sword fights using those old fashion white curtain rods, the ones the slide in and out of each other. They came apart in two almost perfectly match pairs and they kinda looked like white swords. Well....one day it started raining really hard and I was still up at the trailer and everyone else was down the cider block hill in the house. I grabbed our'swords' and ran down the stairs, I had a sword in each hand and was run like the wind. I was pumping my arms so fast that I was not suprised at what I saw, I had jammed the curtain rod into my leg, I was stuck like a pig. It was raining really hard like I said and the rain was cold as a witch's vagina. That is probably the reason it did not hurt and I did not see too much blood when I finally pulled it out. It took me a few minutes to get it out, it was really stuck in dar! Once I got it out I saw this huge whole in my leg and I swear I saw the meat! Now most ppl would think to go tell a grown up to make the boo-boo better but at that moment I heard some say we were going swimmming. This confused me because we didnt have a pool and the nearest pool was milessss away. But what we had was an all natural pool, the front yard was huge and had a risen drive way and on the other side was a large hill. This made a kind of 'bowl' in the front yard. With all the rain that was falling a flash flood had hit the hillbillies and we now had a swimmin pool.
With that we all ran to the front yard and jumped in the brownest pool of water u have ever seen. The adults had enough sense to tell us to stay away any ants we see because in AL fire ants are everywhere. When it floods they make a floating ant island out of themselves and latch on to anything they come in contact with. And believe me you do not want a swarm of fire ant on you at any point of your life.
So here I am with a huge open wound swimming in a gigantic mudd puddle and have the time of my life. I never did tell anyone I had my boo-boo and this is what became of it:


Memories that will last a life time :-D

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Wednesday slump......

I am in bit of a slump today, work is busy as hell and nothing really happened in the past 24 hours. One day of bordem really kills me haha. I have to read and study for skool so this will be a crappy post, so I wont keep you waiting. Here are a few pics to keep you entertained while I learn about Elvis and the time line of the printed word in civilization.

1) One of the few celeberties I would bang lol!




















2) Is it me or does she look better fat ;-)














3) After seeing cherry's post with hot man love I might have to have a bowl ewwwwwww!
**warning** her post has man lovin in it.




















4) Really old pic of at a club in black light















5) This was some kinda teeshirt generator that makes up a jumble of words found on your blog. I have lost the link to it sorry, but this is what came out when I put my blog into the word generator. Guess what the first word is ..........hahahahahahaahahahaha.......
















Peace out MoFo's

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Dick shoots Harry

I am not one for keeps taps on Bush and what his puppet masters are up to but this story knocked my off my chair laughing.
It seems while Dick was out with Harry he did the old redneck assian trick-I thought he wuz ah dur-
Well actually the AP said:
"The department found the accident was caused by a "hunter's judgment factor" when Cheney sprayed another hunter while aiming at flying birds."
But close enuff for me hahahahha. I fore see a SNL skit here and i think I will watch this weekend to see if I am right. SNL has gotten really stoopid and I do not watch it anymore but I will be this Saturday. I think Chris Farrley would have made a great Dick lol. Damn it Chris why did u have to leave us?
I am no Bush supporter for reasons I do not want to get into, mainly because if u have to ask u are too lost for me to help. That is how I see it, and if you dont agree then thats ok we all have our own views on things. But in his defense I bet good old GW is one hell of a guy to party with.







Not much is going on in my world, I went to the gym yesterday and saw a few interesting things. They do not allow cameras in the gym and for good reason, but boy did I wish I had mine with me.
Firts off: Women with big boobies need to jump rope more often. I was in the far corner doing leg curls when out of the corner of my eye I see a set of jumpy fun bags. Her personal trainer had taken her to the far corner of the aerobics floor to do this. Now mind u there are mirrors on all sides of this room and to see this wonderous spectical all you had to do was walk by. I had front row seats for this and was frozen in time for a second. I do not like to stare or make it obvious that I am a pervert but where I was sitting I had no worries. It only lasted a few minutes but I was locked on even as I finished up what I was doing, I dont care what is going on around me I will not let anything interupt my work out! They were done before I was done so my free show was short lived lol.
Second, I saw the most homo-erotic exersice to date. There are 4 muscle heads I see at the gym working out toghter all the time. That in itself isnt a big deal, I used to go to the gym with my bro in law all the time but what these guys were doing yesterday was disturbing. I have no idea what this ab exersice is called and I am going to have a hard time discribing it but it was gay as hell!

Gay ab move Step one:
Have your partner sit on the floor.

Gay ab move Step two:
Walk up to him and lock your feet under his ass and have him wrap his legs around your ankles. His face should now be only inchs from your crothch.

Gay ab move Step three:
Lay down in a bent knee sit up position, now go into a full sit up and continue up until you are back to the crotch to face position.

Gay ab move Step four: Repeat, and dont forget to do a little pelvis thrust once you reach the end of the move.

Now dont get me wrong, I tried this with my wife later on that night and was not able to even do one, its a hard exersice to do. But you will never catch me doing this in a gym full of people. Unless I was going for gay pron try outs lol.

And before I forget Happy forced romance and love Day. Its the day where men give women dead flower and sex inducing chocolate in the hopes of some poodanda play. Dont get me wrong
I am all for romance and love but dont make up a holiday and force men to do something that is completely not us. Women understand romance and most men are clueless(the ones who understand it are either gay or are good at facking it because they are still single and have to play to game to get any play) But it is a day to make your woman or man feel good about the relationship and no flowers or cards can ever exspress how lucky and happy my woman makes me. I used to have a romantic bone in me but I seemed to have lost it somewhere and now I am just the typical caveman chest beater. I love my wife and have yet to figure out how to make her know it. I try from time to time and do succed from time to time, so I dont need a day where all the love and romance has to come out in a 24 hour period. I used to think this but then again I used to think santa clause was real lol.

So happy Valentines Day!


Monday, February 13, 2006

Monday and its all normal, i Guess...












It is a middle finger Monday due to all the freakin snow we got over the weekend. It was not all that bad but I did have to work during the worst of it. We got a record amount of snow, 26 inchs in Central Park! So I spent most of the day shoveling and sleeping. I worked the midnight shift on Saturday into Sunday, I drove into work right when it started and left right in the middle of it.
Here are some pictures I took as I was driving home on Sunday morning. I slept, shovled, ate, drank a beer 2 shots of tequila, shovled, slept and ate. That was my day in a nut shell.
Monday has been really crazy, it seems people tend to think poor planning on there part constitutes an emergency on my part. Now I beg to differ on this one, and since I am in a position to tell them like it is, I let them have it. " Oh I am sorry sir, stupidity is not an excuse and neither is snow. So fuck u very much, now go sit on a broken bottle and rotate. Have a nice day!"

1) It was about 0710 on Sunday. There is a golf course on the left, somewhere.















2)Same street 0720, it took me 10 freaking minutes to go 2 blocks! I blame the white man for this, why not everyone else blames him on all their problems. Why cannt I?















3) 0800 and I am still about 10 blocks from home. Normally I would have been here in less than 10 minutes. It has taken me an hour so far, but was having a ball watching all these asshole spinning out. Four wheel drive does not mean ice and snow isnt slippery, duh!















And just for shits and giggles, here is why I dont shop at foriegn food stores:




















If I am going to get someone elses sloppy seconds it better be shrink rapped!

Friday, February 10, 2006

AAAHHHHHH Its Friday! ( Rant time hehehe)

Well its Firday and that is about all I can say about it.
I had skool last night and we got to watch a movie, I used to love when the teacher showed us movies in class and I still do! It was a documentry on the Swing culture for the 1940's. What really got me was that this wild Hep-Cats would later become the old fuddie-duddies that could not understand this new wild crazy- hippies. They all looked like wild fun kids that were doing things that the older generation did not get and their respones to them was "Dont be a square daddy-o" and later there own kids would say things to them like " Oh wow man, pops you are such a square, wow man" and now those unwashed rebels of the free love generation are getting lip from thier kids" Dad, dont be a douche".
It seems to come full circle, and no matter how wild or outragous the new generation seems, its all been done before its just done with different cloths and new music styles. I hear my self even saying it and then I think,"Is it really all that different?" And the answer is no, it isnt; its just different. My generation had the rap exsplotion(NWA & The Beastie Boys), baggy cloths, tattoos and wild pericings. To the older generation this was unacceptable, but back in their day they compaired swing dancing to a mental disorder and animal like behavior. In the video we watched they even had a psychologist(sp) saying that this music was not healthy, because G for bid that the young ppl had their own music and stuck out their asses at them.
Those kids back in the 40's had Beeny Goodman(Goodfather of swing), baggy suites-Zute suite(sp), tattoos and wild dances. Same shit different times. So next time you say something along the lines of " These kids these days" just remeber when you were young teasing your hair, wearing hoop earing big enuff to fit a full sized pariot in, white tights with cowboy boots, 100 braclets on on arm, fish net shirts, parachute pants, and wearing any other thing you might have worn that was "In" at the time. They said the same thing about you then, and they thought you were weak, had no direction or focus, did not play outside enuff, were lazy, disrespectfull, and would most likely amout to nothing but the next batch of prostitues and jail house inmates.

But enough of that, here is a funny but you have to read it. I have had alot of the pictures I have posted disappear on me. I have yet to go to all of them and fix the post, what can I say I am lazy.

I wrote this post for Mikes blog, he asked for volunteers to write stories for something he was going to work on as collection post. I am not sure if he is going to do it ar not but I thought I would share the story I sent to him. I have revised it a bit and I think I will resend it, this one is a little better.

The Spoon

Jeff had just received his soup and he reached over to pick up his spoon, of which he was unsure which one to take. So he took the one closest to the soup bowl. Jeff does not usually eat out at fancy restaurants but he is on his first date with a woman he met online. He usually prefers a sports bar but he does not want her to think he is a class-less broke yahoo. As he picks up his spoon he looks over at the table next to him and finds out he has picked the correct spoon.

"Score one for me." Jeff thinks to himself

As he lowers his spoon to the bowl the takes his eyes off his date for a second and sees something that does no belong. Not wanting to look like an uncultured baboon, which he was, he just played it off and stirred the soup. Unable to look away from his soup his date's curiosity grew.

"What's wrong with your soup?" His date replied.

Just as the last word escaped her lips he lift his spoon and cradled in it was something very strange. This object was rather foreign and did not belong where it was found. They both looked at this thing and then looked up at each other and started laughing. What was going to be a rather dull dinner turned into a comedy at the expense of this restaurant, that only the upper crust of society dined at. The noise they were making caused some alarm with the waiters and the headwaiter came over to their table.
"Excuse me, is there a problem sir?" He said in their patronizing way of speaking in places like this.

"Um, yes there is. As you can see there is something in my soup and it isn't a fly." Jeff said.

As he told the waiter this he held it high up over the table so everyone else could see. Jeff was even able to contain his mirth enough to keep it balanced on his spoon but his date was not so composed. She was laughing so hard she had started snorting. Much to the dismay of the headwaiter everyone's eyes were fixated on this object.

The headwaiter took the spoon and soup to the back with such a quickness that Jeff did not even notice he was left holding nothing but air until he saw the waiter go through the white kitchen doors.

Jeff leans over the table and says," Want to leave and go bowling? I think the food and beer there is free of dirty toys."

With that she nearly fell out of her chair laughing. There was such a buzz about the restaurant that it was impossible to filter out a single voice.
They left and headed to the bowling alley in the part of the town called "Red Street" and had a blast.
To this day Jeff and his date, which later became his full time wife unit, cannot imagine how a set of the largest string of anal beads ended up in his soup.-PJL 2/10/2006-


Now as I have said in the past this is an original and not to be used unless you ask. I do not mind ppl using my stories but if you make any money off of it you had better share. And if you dont I will hunt you down and rape your nostrils with my throbbing man meat and eat all of you pets in a pita wrap with extra mayo.

And before I forget here is your Moment of Zen:




If women were this straight forward with what they wanted the world would be that much less confusing place for us clueless men.


I just found this and thought I had to share....carefull who u party with *wink wink*